As the headline states:
Were you made to conform as a child? To what extent? Or were you allowed to freely express yourself through clothing & toy choices?
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Personally, I have a pretty horrible experience that not many ftms can relate to, I guess... I was NEVER allowed to have anything "boyish", not boy clothes, any accessories, hats, caps, toys.... Dinosaurs, toy cars, radio-controlled vehicles, even "boy legos" were off the list :-\! I did gravitate towards male things... only was never allowed to have any :'(. I was mainly given dolls... I was alright playing with "girl toys" and I didn't hate them or anything... But this traumatized me a bit because I always had to hide a part of my true personality :(. Whenever I got something that in my mind read even remotely "boyish" I felt ecstatic. Once I was allowed to pick the color for my new pants to go with a new jacket - they were unisex I guess. The options were: red, yellow, green and dark blue. Since I was (for once!) given a choice, I immediately picked the blue ones though I've never liked the color blue particularly. But I chose them because I knew that would be the "boy choice" of them! And my mom plus the store clerk (also a woman) tried their absolute everything to make me change my mind and choose another color :o! Can you believe that...? But I kept my mind because they told me I could choose the color...
At one Christmas I wished for a walking & roaring T-Rex I admired at a store. I talked about it all the time. I was so excited when finally Christmas came. Guess what I got? A Baby Born... That broke my heart :'(. Instead of crying or acting out I just felt numb and didn't pay any attention to the doll. I wasn't giving them that satisfaction! But the point was made clear. I wasn't allowed to have anything so-called "boyish". After that I didn't even ask for any, I think... I just admired the (boy) toy commercials and felt bitter and angry inside that I couldn't get any of them >:(... (I had a very strict upbringing & was shamed if I ever expressed a desire to get something from the other department...)
So, I've always compared my experience to that of mtfs!
I even struggled with this childhood history as I transitioned at the age of 13. (As soon as I started buying my own clothes, I soon started to wear more masculine things... and pretty soon after that transitioned.) I felt "I wasn't really trans" because I never had that "typical tomboy childhood" ???. It really, really bothered me. But in retrospect I would have liked to wear boy clothes and also play with boy toys, had I been given the opportunity.
I never hated playing with dolls, either, so even if I had been born biologically male, there's a chance I might have played with girl things too. If that had been the case, you can only imagine what my childhood would have been like then ::)! As a boy I certainly would have not gotten a single girl toy either because even as a girl I wasn't allowed any boy things!
But now I'll never know. There's a chance that if I had been given free hands, I might have been the so-called "tomboy" after all!
Btw, I don't think there are any "girl toys" or "boy toys" - just toys! But this experience surely was traumatic... If you ever have children, please let them have whatever they like :)!
My childhood was exactly the same in reverse. Even any hint of any feminine inclination was openly ridiculed and absolutely no girls' toys were even in the house. I was not even allowed to have a GI Joe because, "dolls are for girls." I remember that quote explicitly. I became very adept at hiding my feelings and being what everyone else wanted. Even now I find that ingrained part of my persona very hard to get away from.
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Gender norms weren't really strictly enforced for me as a child. I was given Barbies and my brother an Action man but we both showed no interest in dolls. I was allowed to play with boys and toy guns. I remember when I was around 6 or 7 my brother was given a battery powered toy quad bike for xmas while I was given a pink barbie scooter even though my parents knew I hated barbies and never showed an interest. That shocked me a bit and made me upset and angry. It also gave me the first inkling that boys and girls were different somehow and had different expectations. I never liked going near that scooter unless I had too. My brother had more use out of it than me
Quote from: Deborah on November 19, 2017, 09:26:28 AM
My childhood was exactly the same in reverse. Even any hint of any feminine inclination was openly ridiculed and absolutely no girls' toys were even in the house. I was not even allowed to have a GI Joe because, "dolls are for girls." I remember that quote explicitly. I became very adept at hiding my feelings and being what everyone else wanted. Even now I find that ingrained part of my persona very hard to get away from.
I can so relate to this! I grew up with the feeling that that part of my personality is somehow "wrong". Something I struggle with even to this day. Somehow I feel it would be "better" if I just was a girl. Or accepted myself as a girl/woman or whatever... That "being a boy" or "wanting to be a boy" is somehow wrong or worse than being a girl... That being a woman is somehow "better" than being a man :-\. That being a guy (and dressing up as one) is something inherently "bad"... though all the men around me are allowed to be that way just fine. Even when it comes to clothing... I sometimes have this peculiar inadequate feeling that dressing up in women's clothes/dresses/skirts/shoes etc. would be somehow "better" than dressing up in guy clothes, like suits, pants etc...
Like, if women and women's clothing was somehow superior to men's... :-\? And being "just" a man somehow inferior...
Interesting topic! I was born in 1953, so I grew up in the 1950s and 1960s. Conformity was EVERYTHING!
My parents were doing shift work when I was 5-6 years old, and one of the neighbors would watch me. They had two daughters a few years older than me, 9 and 12 if I recall correctly. Mom was parked in front of the TV, and the daughters actually took care of me. They actually treated me like a life-size doll, dressing me and applying makeup. I didn't mind at all (big surprise, huh?). Their mom finally caught on, talked to my parents, and that ended. I was moved from public school to parochial school to provide a better influence.
I caught on about conformity pretty quickly there. Hanging out with the girls on the playground resulted in my being taught a 'lesson', where I had to spend recess for a week sitting on the 'punishment bench' near the school doors to the playground, wearing a uniform skirt. I didn't mind that, but the abuse from other students was fierce. Other incidents and a few broken yardsticks brought me 'in line'.
High school was worse. I was sent to an all-male school, which unfortunately had two pedophiles on staff. That was highly unpleasant. Locker room was the worst, as I was very slight in build, and had not started puberty at age 14-15. (DES son...).
I found out that for 25 cents the bus would take me into San Francisco. I made some new friends there in 1968 in the Tenderloin and Haight-Ashbury, dressing fairly androgynous leaving home, and changing tops in a restroom as soon as I got to SF. (My hair then looks like my avatar, sort of a light brown/honey, down to almost my shoulders. Quite femme in the current vernacular!) I eventually got caught and had the experience of a sort of conversion therapy to 'fix' me. That included testosterone injections so I'd 'grow up right', as my Dad told me. Counseling from the parish priest for a few years, too. [emoji849]
Folks really prized conformity over anything else in that period.
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pink barbie scooter ?!?! Christ >:-)!
Talking of gender norms.....!
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 19, 2017, 09:55:48 AM
Interesting topic! I was born in 1953, so I grew up in the 1950s and 1960s. Conformity was EVERYTHING!
My parents were doing shift work when I was 5-6 years old, and one of the neighbors would watch me. They had two daughters a few years older than me, 9 and 12 if I recall correctly. Mom was parked in front of the TV, and the daughters actually took care of me. They actually treated me like a life-size doll, dressing me and applying makeup. I didn't mind at all (big surprise, huh?). Their mom finally caught on, talked to my parents, and that ended. I was moved from public school to parochial school to provide a better influence.
I caught on about conformity pretty quickly there. Hanging out with the girls on the playground resulted in my being taught a 'lesson', where I had to spend recess for a week sitting on the 'punishment bench' near the school doors to the playground, wearing a uniform skirt. I didn't mind that, but the abuse from other students was fierce. Other incidents and a few broken yardsticks brought me 'in line'.
High school was worse. I was sent to an all-male school, which unfortunately had two pedophiles on staff. That was highly unpleasant. Locker room was the worst, as I was very slight in build, and had not started puberty at age 14-15. (DES son...).
I found out that for 25 cents the bus would take me into San Francisco. I made some new friends there in 1968 in the Tenderloin and Haight-Ashbury, dressing fairly androgynous leaving home, and changing tops in a restroom as soon as I got to SF. (My hair then looks like my avatar, sort of a light brown/honey, down to almost my shoulders. Quite femme in the current vernacular!) I eventually got caught and had the experience of a sort of conversion therapy to 'fix' me. That included testosterone injections so I'd 'grow up right', as my Dad told me. Counseling from the parish priest for a few years, too. [emoji849]
Folks really prized conformity over anything else in that period.
Michelle_P, that sounds absolutely HORRIBLE :o!!!!! What can I say?!
Well, I guess I now understand where my upbringing stems....... I have really old parents, they are older than you...
I feel so, so sorry for you :'(! Hope you somehow got through all that? A lot of counseling??
Quote from: PurpleWolf on November 19, 2017, 09:59:31 AM
pink barbie scooter ?!?! Christ >:-)!
Talking of gender norms.....!
Yep it looked as horrific as it sounds :D
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 19, 2017, 09:55:48 AM
Interesting topic! I was born in 1953, so I grew up in the 1950s and 1960s. Conformity was EVERYTHING!
My parents were doing shift work when I was 5-6 years old, and one of the neighbors would watch me. They had two daughters a few years older than me, 9 and 12 if I recall correctly. Mom was parked in front of the TV, and the daughters actually took care of me. They actually treated me like a life-size doll, dressing me and applying makeup. I didn't mind at all (big surprise, huh?). Their mom finally caught on, talked to my parents, and that ended. I was moved from public school to parochial school to provide a better influence.
I caught on about conformity pretty quickly there. Hanging out with the girls on the playground resulted in my being taught a 'lesson', where I had to spend recess for a week sitting on the 'punishment bench' near the school doors to the playground, wearing a uniform skirt. I didn't mind that, but the abuse from other students was fierce. Other incidents and a few broken yardsticks brought me 'in line'.
High school was worse. I was sent to an all-male school, which unfortunately had two pedophiles on staff. That was highly unpleasant. Locker room was the worst, as I was very slight in build, and had not started puberty at age 14-15. (DES son...).
I found out that for 25 cents the bus would take me into San Francisco. I made some new friends there in 1968 in the Tenderloin and Haight-Ashbury, dressing fairly androgynous leaving home, and changing tops in a restroom as soon as I got to SF. (My hair then looks like my avatar, sort of a light brown/honey, down to almost my shoulders. Quite femme in the current vernacular!) I eventually got caught and had the experience of a sort of conversion therapy to 'fix' me. That included testosterone injections so I'd 'grow up right', as my Dad told me. Counseling from the parish priest for a few years, too. [emoji849]
Folks really prized conformity over anything else in that period.
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OMG Michelle that sounds eerily familiar. Early on I was cared for by my older sister and named Tessa by her as we played together. I recall asking my mom if they had sown my genitals on for some reason and quickly found out how forbidden such topics were. Parochial schools, broken yardsticks, longing to be with the other girls at recess and constant punishment for being that sissy. Then the boys military school to straighten me out and seminaries so that i would become a priest. Mom knew me and I theorize that she considered the priesthood a safe place. Ha ha that's where i noticed other sissy boys. But we all know the rest too well. A girls line, a girls place, boys clothes and strict segregation or we might engage in what? Having fun was rather suspect. I was so happy to meet other queer people as a 17 soldier.
People here often speculate about how our life might have been as our identified gender. I had five sisters and seven brothers. My sister's lives were far more circumscribed with multiple restrictions while the "boys" could run around and even encouraged to just get out of the house. I had the benign neglect that allowed for more freedom to develop on my own. All part of what gives us some depth of character and coping skills for today?
I'm suddenly so happy I didn't grow up in that time period.....! At least I didn't have to endure that ->-bleeped-<-! Must've been horrid...
Quote from: PurpleWolf on November 19, 2017, 10:42:46 AM
I'm suddenly so happy I didn't grow up in that time period.....! At least I didn't have to endure that ->-bleeped-<-! Must've been horrid...
Plus there were only three TV channels and they all went off air at 10:00 pm every night.
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Quote from: Deborah on November 19, 2017, 11:23:33 AM
Plus there were only three TV channels and they all went off air at 10:00 pm every night.
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Ha ha ha, :D ;D :D!
I was not *forced* to conform. I did so because l believed it was best to wait until I could actually DO something about what really mattered, my body. Clothes, toys, friends, gender roles, (if l knew what those were), had little relevance to my needs. What mattered to me was having the right body. I knew that would take time. Throwing tantrums or hating my parents was counterproductive. That was how l saw things then.
I was bullied in school for being a "sissy". And I remember my mom scolding a couple of times for wanting to play with dolls, or putting a shirt on my head and pretending it was long hair. Little by little I realized being myself and openly sharing what I liked wasn't accepted. I knew I was different but didn't know what it was. And kinds would call me sissy, f**got and all sort of names for being who I was. It was traumatic and I felt very lonely. So I conformed as a survival strategy, my parents didn't really "push" me to do anything masculine besides my mom being upset a couple of times because I always wanted to be the girl in every game. So I learnt to be embarrassed about my femininity. Now that I think about it, I probably still have some of that embarrassment deep down.
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My dad caught me and my sis playing dress up. I was about 6. One of the worst spankings I ever got. I didn't dress up again until about 13.
Quote from: amandam on November 19, 2017, 12:30:02 PM
My dad caught me and my sis playing dress up. I was about 6. One of the worst spankings I ever got. I didn't dress up again until about 13.
There's something seriously wrong with some people! Makes me angry... Let the kids play, for god's sake!
Several of these posts hit a nerve. I grew up in the 1960's and 1970's. Conformity was the only acceptable behavior and I hated it.
The beatings by parents and teachers, the ridicule and bullying by the other kids, that all happened to me too. I was not even allowed to participate in art or theater in school because my dad felt it was too effeminate. Even though we were Protestant in my family, I was sent to a Catholic high school because, "those Jesuits will know how to make a man out of you."
It was all so much a part of my life that I believed there was something really wrong and perverted with me. It took me a long time to come around and accept myself as I am. I'm much happier now.
Quote from: Thea on November 19, 2017, 01:28:08 PM
I was not even allowed to participate in art or theater in school because my dad felt it was too effeminate.
I can't believe this :o :o :o! As if many artists and dancers etc. weren't male... In my school was a boy who gave a solo dance performance in front of the school. The whole school laughed at him though he danced pretty well! Made me so angry >:(!!!
I personally can't get it why this is such an issue to all people! After all, every human has different likes and dislikes and a personality. Has nothing to do with your genitals. So, why is it SUCH a big deal to everyone if a kid wants to play with a doll or a car? Why? To me there has never been a problem. Toys are just toys. I once read that playing with plastic animals was considered inappropriate for a girl in Tanzania - because, after all, herding is a "boy's job"! So there. It has nothing to do with gender. And everything to do with cultural baggage. And plain stupidity.
When my nephew was 1-year-old her mom bought him a plastic shovel. He was allowed to pick the color and he picked a bright red one. My sister wondered it was weird he didn't automatically pick the blue one. Retarded!!!
Let's just say I was hoping this subject would gather more those happy-go-lucky gender-non-conforming childhood experiences... I'm shocked at what I hear!
When i was about 2 my mom dressed me in an orange floral outfit. My sisters keep telling her "why would you dress a boy in orange floral?". Little do they know the boy is actually a girl. I really dont get why they're so bothered i looked cute either way!
And yeah ive always been feminine.. I only ever played with barbies with my sister. I always wanted to do everything my sisters did growing up even though i had a brother too.
I even liked belly dancing when i was 5 and my mom would want me to show her friends but i was too shy. And of course now i still love to dance lol
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Child of the 70's reporting in, with more horror stories of conform or face the wrath. At home, it was/is a background of persistent homo/trans phobia, complete with the usual disgusting commentary that goes along with it.
Thankfully my primary had no uniform at that time, so lots of floral shirts were worn, as were other colours, outside of blue/black/grey of drab. I was a member of the local theatre group, but knew that I would be judged on appearance (I was 7 for crying out loud), and had (what I believe to be my first), panic attack when preparing for a fancy dress carnival float. Couldn't do it, had a complete meltdown, and vowed never to do 'fancy' dress again.
We moved shortly after to a small conservative village, where my shirts were wrong (childhood taunts) the school was rigid about uniform, I was a foreigner, had a different accent, and was shunned -especially after I'd completed all of the extension materials the school had with nearly 2 years left to go. As a consequence I was the target for the bullies, and ridicule. Secondary was worse, communal showers, enforced by PE teachers, yard sticks broken, and a handy plimsole in every classroom for the unruly, when a board rubber wouldn't do.
Rigid enforcement.
I sat alone for 7 years. I secretly dressed with borrowed clothes I opportunity presented, was borderline eating disorder, and took every opportunity to escape.
The story at home was equally challenging. Achieve or be damned. Conform or face the 'consequences', of anger, and a very real threat (sometimes followed through) of physical violence.
Do as I tell you, do as your told, don't do that, were mantras of the day.
To the extent that I didn't choose my subjects at school, and wasn't allowed to choose my career (in one job, my father resigned on my behalf, because no son of his was going to spend his life doing that) - was packed off to university, and promptly had a breakdown, but I had to finish my studies of course.
I've been trying to work out what I am ever since. I'm currently in therapy to try to deal with the mess - it was literally conform or be outcast. You choose.
Secretly I'd love pushing my brother in the pushchair (big age gap), but nothing that could even be vaguely considered feminine was brought into the house, let alone as a gift. Ever.
All aspects were gendered, and actively policed.
And yes, I still love the theatre and Ballet - I'd love to get back out riding again
Rowan
Quote from: PurpleWolf on November 19, 2017, 10:42:46 AM
I'm suddenly so happy I didn't grow up in that time period.....! At least I didn't have to endure that ->-bleeped-<-! Must've been horrid...
Sometimes folks here wonder why older transitioners didn't come out and transition at a young age. This stuff is why. Back in 1968-9, Dr Harry Benjamin was applying the early versions of his treatment protocols successfully, with HRT, affirmative therapy, and surgeries. This was NOT the standard of care yet, and most therapists and medical facilities cling to the old ways, trying to "cure" us when we came out or were caught.
The cure basically scared me into the closet for a long time. With lots of therapy I am better now. The assistance in processing this, and my determination to be brutally honest with myself has been very helpful.
Now back to the stories, please. This is an interesting topic, comparing changes over the years!
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I guess I must have been lucky. When l presented for care, l was offered a full medical transition program on my first visit. I started hormones that day, had srs roughly one year later and took almost a year to recover. Never looked back.😃😆
I wanted to take dance lessons and piano lessons and I bugged my mom for weeks till she let me take piano lessons, I did not take dance as my dad said he would never let one of his sons take dance lessons. I was so happy to be able to have the piano lessons, then after about a month my dad put a stop to them because he said they were making me into sissy.
I went to a friends birthday party when I was about 8 years old, I was the only boy she invited. It was so much fun none of the girls treated me different and I could just be myself. Afterwards when I got home I was physically and verbally assaulted by my older brothers. When I went back to school the next week kids started teasing me and following me around calling me names what made it more painful was that some of them were girls that were at the party, I started crying and it got worse and some of the boys punched me. Once kids know they can make you cry you are going to be harassed all the time. I tried to avoid being around the other kids after that and pretty much just shut down socially.
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 19, 2017, 03:30:50 PM
The cure basically scared me into the closet for a long time.
I can believe that!
Quote from: Michelle_P on November 19, 2017, 03:30:50 PM
With lots of therapy I am better now.
I'm so glad to hear that! Keep your head high :D!
I had one encounter with medical professionals at the tender age of 14... (Like I said - I came out as trans at 13) And they basically made me believe all this was crazy (that I said I was a boy). It was a very brief thing - BUT it almost did make me go crazy because only after that encounter I started to question my sanity... Like "if those professionals think I'm deluded, then what if I am???" This bothered me for a very long time in the back of my mind - though the feeling of being a boy never left me. My family did manage to force me to present as a girl for a short time after that incident... But I only felt like I was a guy in drag, wanted to die, and never did that since. But the idea that "maybe I am crazy after all" is a scary one.....! Considering when I first realized I was trans and came out it was a very natural thing for me and felt like nothing. Only after that medical incident I started to question whether there was something "wrong" with it! The whole thing also made me hate mental health professionals in general...
This is just to say that if such a brief incident as that made me question my sanity for years after - I can only imagine what kind of harm a real "conversion therapy" can make!
That is also why I severely hate the gatekeeping model... Where I live it's well in place... and one of the reasons I haven't transitioned medically yet...... I understand that some type of counseling may be beneficial to figure out your gender and everything - but gatekeeping is NOT that. Gatekeeping is NOT a form of counseling - it's an outdated transphobic procedure where you have to *prove* you are something. In my mind I compare it to having to "prove" you are gay - if you imagine you needed some treatment or medication for that. How can you prove someone of your personality etc.?!?!? To me it's abhorrent - and I wouldn't like to submit myself to some SCID-tests etc. some inhumane treatment. Just my personal opinion. I just don't like the idea.
*Oh, caught myself ranting again >:-)*
I'm glad I signed in here after all, :)!
Comfron? I can't even spell it. :laugh:
These stories are so sad. I can't even imagine going through those things. When I first joined this site I had read a couple peoples stories about being forced to conform, being physically assaulted by parents and even being mistreated by siblings. I thought those were just isolated incidents. After being here a little while I realized that was pretty much common among trans people and that my experience was unusual. It amazes and totally saddens me that being trans can generate such hate. Even from someone's own family.
I was never forced to conform. My dad was always extremely tolerant of my very feminine behavior. I was allowed to wear gender neutral clothes in the colors I wanted. About age 7 my dad just stopped trying to take me for haircuts because I had such awful fits over it. I was never into dolls. For me it was teddy bears. I got many of them over the years. I now have about 150 teddy bears. My uncle and grandpa gave me boy stuff for Christmas and birthdays though. I would throw them in the trash. I got in trouble a few times for that. I was never whipped as a child. Neither was my brother. My dad doesn't believe in hitting children. I think maybe because my grandpa whipped my dad so much growing up. When I was 14 I started wearing mascara and eyebrow pencil. I talked my dad into letting me wear it by telling him it made me look more normal to color my snow white eyelashes and brows. Around that time I also started wearing black or blue nail polish.
After I started wearing the eyemakeup my grandpa and uncle started telling my dad he needed to do something to try and "fix" me. Lovely suggestions such as having a Dr put me on testosterone and growth hormones so I wouldn't be " scrawny and small". It amazes me how so many people think testosterone will "cure" a MtF. That is just totally stupid. My uncle also suggested sending me to military school. Though my family isn't religious conversion camp was also suggested. Thank god for me my dad wouldn't listen to any of that crap. My older brother has also always been accepting of me.
I now realize my experience is not common among trans people. I got extremely lucky with my dad. Seeing how my grandpa is , my dad could easily have gone the other way. I think because his dad is so totally intolerant of anyone he considers "deviant" or a minority, that made my dad tolerant instead. There's really no way to say it nicely, my grandpa is a mean, nasty racist. My dad said one of the most severe whippings he ever got was for having one of his friends in the house. The friend was African American. After the guy left my grandpa told my dad he never wanted to see a ## in his house again and whipped my dad with a belt. It's really miraculous my dad is the way he is having had such an ignorant, small minded father. I do realize how extremely lucky I have been. If my dad was like my uncle and grandpa my life would have been a living hell. I probably would have ended up with severe psychological problems.
I was born in 1957, all kids conformed, I wouldn't have known how not to. By the late 70s I'd long hair & ear rings but being a biker in a fisherman's town no one took any notice.
Quote from: Julia1996 on November 19, 2017, 05:05:54 PM
These stories are so sad. I can't even imagine going through those things. When I first joined this site I had read a couple peoples stories about being forced to conform, being physically assaulted by parents and even being mistreated by siblings. I thought those were just isolated incidents. After being here a little while I realized that was pretty much common among trans people and that my experience was unusual. It amazes and totally saddens me that being trans can generate such hate. Even from someone's own family.
I was never forced to conform. My dad was always extremely tolerant of my very feminine behavior. I was allowed to wear gender neutral clothes in the colors I wanted. About age 7 my dad just stopped trying to take me for haircuts because I had such awful fits over it. I was never into dolls. For me it was teddy bears. I got many of them over the years. I now have about 150 teddy bears. My uncle and grandpa gave me boy stuff for Christmas and birthdays though. I would throw them in the trash. I got in trouble a few times for that. I was never whipped as a child. Neither was my brother. My dad doesn't believe in hitting children. I think maybe because my grandpa whipped my dad so much growing up. When I was 14 I started wearing mascara and eyebrow pencil. I talked my dad into letting me wear it by telling him it made me look more normal to color my snow white eyelashes and brows. Around that time I also started wearing black or blue nail polish.
After I started wearing the eyemakeup my grandpa and uncle started telling my dad he needed to do something to try and "fix" me. Lovely suggestions such as having a Dr put me on testosterone and growth hormones so I wouldn't be " scrawny and small". It amazes me how so many people think testosterone will "cure" a MtF. That is just totally stupid. My uncle also suggested sending me to military school. Though my family isn't religious conversion camp was also suggested. Thank god for me my dad wouldn't listen to any of that crap. My older brother has also always been accepting of me.
I now realize my experience is not common among trans people. I got extremely lucky with my dad. Seeing how my grandpa is , my dad could easily have gone the other way. I think because his dad is so totally intolerant of anyone he considers "deviant" or a minority, that made my dad tolerant instead. There's really no way to say it nicely, my grandpa is a mean, nasty racist. My dad said one of the most severe whippings he ever got was for having one of his friends in the house. The friend was African American. After the guy left my grandpa told my dad he never wanted to see a ## in his house again and whipped my dad with a belt. It's really miraculous my dad is the way he is having had such an ignorant, small minded father. I do realize how extremely lucky I have been. If my dad was like my uncle and grandpa my life would have been a living hell. I probably would have ended up with severe psychological problems.
Yeah, sometimes mistreated children grow up to be very tolerant adults, :D! I'd like to include myself in that group, :D! Though I wasn't that mistreated. Anyway, you can always decide for yourself what kind of person you are going to be! Glad to hear your dad has been so awesome! Sorry, but your other relatives don't sound that awesome then...!
My stepfather caught me making a cup motion on my chest ...he then proceeded to do the worst makeup job on me and parade me around as his daughter .....it was the bad makeup job that gave me the most humiliation. I was 6... when I was seven he caught me stuffing my shirt....He held a knife to my " shenis "and asked me if i really wanted to be a girl he could do that for me right then. So ya I guess I was made to conform... the human garbage is dead now ...
Quote from: Laurie K on November 19, 2017, 06:07:29 PM
My stepfather caught me making a cup motion on my chest ...he then proceeded to do the worst makeup job on me and parade me around as his daughter .....it was the bad makeup job that gave me the most humiliation. I was 6... when I was seven he caught me stuffing my shirt....He held a knife to my " shenis "and asked me if i really wanted to be a girl he could do that for me right then. So ya I guess I was made to conform... the human garbage is dead now ...
I'm SO sorry to hear that :o!!!!!! Man, each story is more horrible than the previous one...! We could put up a competition of the worst childhood experiences...!!! I guess I opened a pandora's box with this one... If trans people weren't so depressed & isolated & lonely contemplating suicide - we might be the most compassionate people in the world with those experiences! Hope everyone can get rid of the bitterness and everything and have an access to good counseling! You guys really need it!!!
This is a bit like a trans "metoo" campaign :D!
In the earlier generations here, it was normal to be spanked. It was also normal to make fun of and be disgusted by those "perverted ->-bleeped-<-s". They were freaks, perverts, dirty, immoral, ->-bleeped-<-s, queers, and etc. No normal parent would want their kid to be one of those. Since this was the de facto societal belief, you can see why they went to extremes. That's not excusing them, but it was their reality.
I'm going to have to chime in here with a little mythbusting and an alternate tale from the dark ages. I've come to realize my childhood experiences were pretty unique or otherwise, I wouldn't be taking the time to share them here.
I missed being born in 1954 by two days. I was raised in Ohio and Arizona, neither of which was a bastion of liberalism or progressiveness. I was forced to conform as in doing what I was told, not talking back and having to eat yucky vegetables and foods I hated but what was not policed was my personality, manner, behavior or interests which were 100% atypical for boys of the day.
Certainly I was encouraged toward masculinity and given every opportunity to express myself in that fashion but it just wasn't in my nature which was recognized early on and nothing was ever forced on me at least after my parents separated when I was five and a half. Prior to that, my dad was a Marine that fought in the Korean war that just couldn't handle having a sissyboy son that only wanted to play with dolls and have tea parties and failing to make me into the little man he wanted, he took off instead.
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As an only child that spent much of my early childhood on a farm, I was well aware of the physical differences between males and females but I didn't really understand my place in all of this until I started kindergarten where being male or female translated into being either a boy or a girl. Finding out I wasn't the girl I'd always thought I was did not make me very happy to say the least. Right out of the gate, I was teased and bullied and didn't really understand why or what for nor did I know what to do about it. I just was who I was. Who else could I have been? I didn't know why I had to dress in boy's clothes or why I couldn't have long hair and pigtails too. I was a very serious and sullen child.
At home with my mother and grandparents, things were as they should have been. I was not teased for my femininity but it was frequently pointed out that some of the things I did or the way I was would be by others but I simply didn't care because I knew no other way to be. I had a lot of nurture catered to my nature. I helped out in the kitchen more than in the barn and my grandmother taught me to do needlepoint and cross-stitch. After the 2nd grade, I was allowed to start growing out my hair and by the 3rd grade, was breaking every rule in the book. As I got a little older, I graduated from baby dolls to Barbies, EZ-Bake ovens and drawing and painting. Other than the dumb clothes I had to wear that I always felt uncomfortable and awkward in, my home life, hobbies and interests were pretty much like any other girls.
Naturally, none of this did much to help my social standing. In fact, school was quite the disaster. By the time I was 10 years old (1965) my parents, now mother and step-father put me in therapy. None of this was to change me or make me into something I wasn't. It was more to deal with the way I was treated and ostracized for being different.
By the time I was in the 7th grade (1967), I had been to 12 or 13 different schools trying to find one where I didn't come home bloody or crying or where I wasn't the one asked to leave because my presence was deemed to be disruptive. This was kind of ironic considering I was shy, quiet, introspective, kept to myself and never bothered anyone.
7th grade though is when things really started taking off. When the new school in a new state wouldn't let me attend because my hair was well below my shoulders, my folks got a lawyer and threatened to sue. Then like my 2nd day of class, I was expelled for fighting a PE coach that tried to make me go into the boy's locker room. My parents took me to a psychologist and a psychiatrist and got me out of that too and I really became the ultimate social pariah.
We didn't know anything about being trans. Who did in the 1960's and certainly none of the many doctors I had been taken to had a clue either other than to tell my parents I was "probably gay". All I knew and had ever known that I was a girl and that was why things has always been so difficult for me. It didn't really make any sense.
When I was 15 during my sophomore year in high school (1970), an act of extreme, life-threatening homophobic violence proved to the turning point. None of this would have happened if I had been able to live my life as a girl rather than some queer androgynous freak of nature and I let it be known to my parents that I was going to become a girl and that there was no way in hell that I was ever going to grow up to be a man. To them, this was more or less old news and came as no surprise but in 1970, there wasn't a whole heck of a lot that could be done about it. I was able to get my ears pierced, my brows shaped and shave my legs and already with long pretty blonde hair, by the time I was 16 outside of school I was regularly and consistently getting gendered as a girl which made going to school where I was known by a boy's name all that much more worse. We still didn't have words for all of this or a name for it. It was just the way I grew up to be.
By the time I was 17, I was really in distress, hated life, hated my body that had begun to turn against me, wanted to quit school and never leave my room and became deeply depressed and suicidal. My folks had found a doctor 150 miles away in another city they wanted to take me to but I resisted. I'd been seeing damn talk doctors since I was 10 years old and they were all stupid and the whole thing was a waste of my time not to mention embarrassing. Sensing though that I was really in trouble, I agreed to go.
After talking to this guy for about 15 minutes, he told me I was clearly and obviously transsexual. A what? I had heard the word but didn't really think it applied to me. I was nothing like Christine Jorgensen. He sent me off to be evaluated by a psychologist (that I hated) and a psychiatrist and on my next visit with him, in 1972 before my senior year of high school, I was put on HRT. Finally I knew what was wrong that had explained where I'd been and gave me direction to where I was going.
I finished out my senior year of high school... somehow? By the time I graduated in 1973, my hair was almost to my waist and my breasts were impossible to not notice. The week after I got my diploma, my mom and I went to the DMV to get my ID changed and that was pretty much it. I had found a normalcy in my life previously unknown. As icing on the cake as they used to say, I had SRS several years later and have had just an average but pretty great life in spite of it all getting off to a bit of a rocky start.
So, I did conform as a child but not to the expectations of society or my peers but only to myself and what I knew myself to be. I even learned to like (most) vegetables! :)
Like many others in this thread I grew up in the 60' and 70's. I was born and raised in Michigan, a bastion of liberal thought, not!
I can't actually say whether I was forced to conform or not because I remember very little of my childhood. Because I don't remember, I suspect that I was.
I was the same type of quiet, withdrawn child that many of the rest of you report being.
I truly wish I knew.
:
April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!
Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.
They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!
Think outside the voice box!
I'm not sure. As a kid I played mostly with gender neutral toys, like legos. And swords. That was definitely not gender neutral, but I still like them. I was a fan of star wars and loved my lightsabers. My parents didn't care that I was't fond of cars and played mostly with the girls at school.
At secondary school for some reason I'm not sure of I tried to comform. I got a group of male friends and would go out with them. Still, my closest friends were all female. They sometimes forgot I was a guy and talked about things like menstruation when I was around. I rememer them saying "you're already another girl in the group".
Purple Wolf you are the catalyst to a pretty heavy thread. Thank you!
Since the Transgender Day of Remembrance is tomorrow we can also put our personal stories in context. We are the living and, for the most part, successful people who made it for another day and another life. Another perspective is from our ability to see progressive change over time in action.
Your commentary about better times now is spot on. Things are changing for the better. I meet newly out people who identify as transgender every week at our Q Center. I hear from friends, family, coworkers and allies during presentations about people who identify as transgender. We have had 8-16 yo people come in with their parents and once with their entire family as their supporters. It often blows me away to hear stories here and in real life from very young people who have had that support and who have the ability and determination to claim their identity so clearly. I hope you are proud of yourselves too.
And those of us who waited or coped as best we could so very long? Well I don't know about you but, I love every little change and the feeling my dreams and shadow girl are now real. We set ourselves free!
It feels we have entered a time when use of social platforms and knowledge of us, this tiny minority, are now household information. Hardly any brave souls came out in the 50's. Now we are gaining that critical mass of awareness that can lead to learning and self acceptance.
We can hope fewer of us will experience the hatred and harm that can too often result in internalized phobias, fear and self loathing. History has lessons for us and I greatly appreciate the sharing that can help us all be more empathetic and compassionate about different times and lives.
Listening music here and this just started:
Mikey Dread - Break Down The Walls
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxlSQRbYobA
lyrics here:
https://www.jah-lyrics.com/song/mikey-dread-break-down-the-walls
Dunno if you like reggae but this is pretty appropriate here xDDD! Check if you like!
And here is a great insprirational video:
What's your excuse? by Nick Vujicic (The guy who was born without arms or legs!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nknzSWDcUgA&t=326s
Highly recommend!
Quote from: Lady Lisandra on November 19, 2017, 08:34:04 PM
I rememer them saying "you're already another girl in the group".
That must have felt great ;D!
Quote from: Tessa James on November 19, 2017, 08:35:25 PM
We can hope fewer of us will experience the hatred and harm that can too often result in internalized phobias, fear and self loathing. History has lessons for us and I greatly appreciate the sharing that helps us all be more empathetic and compassionate about different times and lives.
I feel it's really great children are allowed to transition! To all those haters who say the parents are "pushing" them (btw they should really read this thread about "pushing"...!), what can I say...! Obviously outsiders have a problem if some family just decides to accept their child as is and lets that kid dress and play the way she/he likes. How bad must that be for the said child's psyche...! What we've experienced is so much better - right?
I don't accept any kind of violence towards a child. Really no age or era is an excuse for abusing your child. All violence towards adults is criminilized - so why do people think it's ok to abuse the imbalance of power and beat a helpless child?! Some people promote it as healthy or normal - usually they say it's appropriate at least towards smaller children! WTF?! The smaller the child - the greater the power imbalance - shame on you battering parents!
Wtf is wrong with the world when people deny a child some stupid toy but think physical violence is ok?! Don't get it, just don't....
Quote from: Deborah on November 19, 2017, 11:23:33 AM
Plus there were only three TV channels and they all went off air at 10:00 pm every night.
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Only three TV channels? We had seven when I was a kid. But I remember the test patterns if you switched the TV on too early in the morning.
I grew up in the sixties and seventies while I wasn't abused the expectation was boys do boys things no girl things at school we had the boys door and the girls door the playground was split as well the first time I even heard of transgender was on Jerry Springer In the back of my mind I was a little envious but kept it buried for another 20+ years
Deborah you must have grown up in the city we had 2 choices until I was 10 on or off
bobbisue :)
Reading through everyone's story of growing up in the 50's, 60's and early 70's and how conformity was the do-or-die law of the land really gives me a weird feeling and a lot to think about. Were any of you aware of or know what happened to the kids that didn't conform? If you were able to play the game to fit in at school and such, how were the different kids treated or were any even visible?
The closest I ever came to knowing anyone at all remotely like me was in the 4th grade. The family that lived next door to us had a son my age that could only be described as stereotypically, flamingly and outrageously effeminate down to an exaggerated "swishy" walk, limp-wristed mannerisms and gestures and the archetypal gay lisp. I guess you could say he was faaabulous, if you catch my drift? I was not like that at all but yet still obvious in my own ways but I played Barbies with him because neither of us had any friends.
I don't know what his deal was but he did not go to my school even though we both lived directly across the street from it. This would have been like 1964-ish and I don't think the concept of homeschooling had even been thought of let alone possible or legal back then? Did his folks just hide him away so he didn't have to go through the same crap I did in public school? Where were the kids that didn't conform and what happened to them? It is simply wrong to say they didn't exist because I and my neighbor friend certainly did even though not quite in the same way.
I was involved in an "incident" shortly before the end of 4th grade and my family packed up and moved to a different state and I never saw him again. I never knew anybody else gender atypical (I don't like to use the phrase gender non-conforming because it implies there are standards to conform to) and I never met anyone else that was considered as such until I was in high school and they were just gay boys that I had nothing in common with and they didn't like me because I was just girl-like rather than queer so I was pretty much reviled and hated all around.
School and doctors and such was rather nightmare inducing for me and it's a wonder I did survive it without being completely screwed up but I just didn't know how to boy or to be different or how to hide and thank Dog my parents recognized this during a time they probably took more crap letting me just be me than I did? My point in following up with was for those close to my generation that didn't break the mold and conformed. Those like me may have been rare, few and far between but we were there and I can't help but think we always had been even if nobody knew about it.
Incidentally, I never met another "trans" person until I was 22 and checked into the hospital to have SRS. I'd never encountered anyone that outwardly dealt with being trans as a child and adolescent like I did until about two years ago and it was eye-opening. Like our sweet Julia here, whose life and timeline parallels my own, she is very young. I've never met anyone from my generation that shares my experience because like many have said, everyone conformed. Why I didn't or how I didn't escapes me? According to some, I am impossible. That IS weird.
Lisa, somehow you were just honestly you. I could not have been so openly me. My school age was the 80's.
Finding a way to copy conforming behavior was the only way I knew how to survive. I was always the weak kid, the glasses in 1st grade kid. Terrible in PE. Laughed at by the PE teacher on the field playing softball. I searched for social protection.
I found a way to be just guy enough. Not enough not to be made fun of for pretty much anything they could make fun of me for, but enough to not be called a girl or ->-bleeped-<-. I learned in first grade that you don't play with the girls and you copy, copy, copy boys.
We had a long rock driveway from the bus drop off at the main road. I remember sometime in grade school realizing I didn't walk like boys do. I'm not sure how this was brought to my attention. Anyway, every day walking home I practiced walking more toe out to force my gait to be more manly. Turns out this worked. At least until I had to run. Appearently you can't force a unnatural gait when running. When I tried I would trip every time. So running my feet have to fall much more in the same line.
In Jr high I found a group who were a bit rough. I became friends with one of them and so were accepted into the group as a whole. These were the kind to constantly punch each other in the shoulder to see who could take the pain. I learned to take a shoulder punch like any of them but my attempts to give them one never had any result. Again I was the weak kid. This social group protected me from being picked on and they never meant anything negative toward me. I was able to exist between them and the outer circle of the more popular (wealthy family) kids who I had a lot of classes with. The weird thing was, none of the safety circle searching was conscious. I just settled to where I felt less in harms way.
This was a small town so in high school it didn't change much. I did find a different social group to find safety in. Again they were rough around the edges but afforded social protection.
So weird thinking about things more "observational" today as opposed to living it back then.
Lisa to your question, there were no openly "different" kids in my school life back then. This was small town Midwest. Religion wise it was mostly German decent so Lutheran, Catholic, along with Methodist, Prespeterian, and one Baptist church in town. My older brother is gay, but he didn't come out openly until after college. I would say some would have suspected him back in school but he was in social groups of the "nerds" and was friends with a lot of the girls in his class. For me I think it was easier to hide amount the guys trying to be all manly because I wasn't attracted to guys. In the midst of puberty being friends with girls was hard for me as my attraction to them was really confusing. From my high school years, I know of a couple of girls who later came out as gay and my older brother. If there are any others I just don't know where their adult life took them. But nobody was out or very open with themselves in those years for certain.
Quote from: CarlyMcx on November 19, 2017, 10:50:43 PM
Only three TV channels? We had seven when I was a kid. But I remember the test patterns if you switched the TV on too early in the morning.
Only three channels? Why didn't you switch providers? That's ridiculous.
Quote from: Julia1996 on November 20, 2017, 06:38:49 AM
Only three channels? Why didn't you switch providers? That's ridiculous.
LOL. ABC, NBC, & CBS were all there were and the only way to get them was by antenna. Cable wasn't invented yet nor was satellite TV. The only option that existed was on or off.
We didn't even have a color TV until I was around 10. I still remember seeing my first one in wonderment at someone else's house.
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Quote from: Julia1996 on November 20, 2017, 06:38:49 AM
Only three channels? Why didn't you switch providers? That's ridiculous.
Oh gosh. Julia, I know you're a practical joker. Are you messing with us? 🤣
Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 20, 2017, 07:13:42 AM
Oh gosh. Julia, I know you're a practical joker. Are you messing with us? 🤣
Yes actually I was. Lol. I know there was no cable back then. My grandpa told me all about the dark ages of TV. When you had to keep getting up to change channels. What a pain that would be.
Quote from: Deborah on November 20, 2017, 07:02:48 AM
LOL. ABC, NBC, & CBS were all there were and the only way to get them was by antenna. Cable wasn't invented yet nor was satellite TV. The only option that existed was on or off.
We didn't even have a color TV until I was around 10. I still remember seeing my first one in wonderment at someone else's house.
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I heard what a big deal color TV was back then. And I heard a color TV was very expensive.
Ok, I'll come clean. When I first wrote that I did mean it. But after I posted it I realized there was no cable providers back then. I had a blonde moment. Lol
Quote from: Julia1996 on November 20, 2017, 07:56:39 AM
Yes actually I was. Lol. I know there was no cable back then. My grandpa told me all about the dark ages of TV. When you had to keep getting up to change channels. What a pain that would be.
We really didn't watch TV much anyway. Sat morning cartoons were the week's highlight and then maybe an hour or so each weeknight (Batman is what I remember). Most of the rest of the time we had to entertain ourselves so I was usually either reading books or outside running around.
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Quote from: Lisa_K on November 20, 2017, 03:53:18 AM
Why I didn't or how I didn't escapes me? According to some, I am impossible. That IS weird.
Hi Lisa,
I believe you said in a previous thread that your father, who was very negative towards your femininity, left when you were 5 and that your mother and step-father were very supporting. This was truly weird back then. I have no doubt you suffered severe harassment outside of the home, like many others, but you had one thing 99.9999% of transgender people of that time didn't have, family support. Now try to imagine your life growing up being raised by your father and you might understand others.
Have a nice day,
Paige :)
I guess I was kinda made to conform. As a kid, I really preferred the company of other girls, and in kindergarten people took notice of it. The other girls made me a kind of "honorary girl", welcome to the "secret" girls-only place and to play with them. We mostly played board games, since the other girls weren't super into the stereotypical girly stuff. Sure, all of them had their dolls and princess stuff and the rest, but only a couple of them actually had any interest in playing with those. Now that I've come to think about it, it seems like they only owned all the super-girly stuff because they were expected to. And I remember never really joining in on playing house. In part because of shyness as well as because I never could decide what role I would play.
With the boys, the ones who cared at all about my existence....didn't really think much of me. I wasn't interested in the mainstream boys' toys and cartoons (at the time, they were Pokemon, Bionicle and the 2002 He-Man reboot) and I spent all my time in the girls' company. To them, I might as well have been a girl myself.
But the teachers were an entirely different matter. They weren't exactly aggressive about it, but I do remember that some of them often tried to get me to go play with the boys. "I'd bet the other boys would be really happy if you joined in", indeed. When they inevitably managed to convince me into talking to the boys, they were definitely not happy. It took most of them a while to get used to me, but it was kindergarten. No such thing as enemies or grudges. Bullying, yes, but the teachers didn't tolerate that in the slightest. I made a couple friends among the boys, but also had many more friends among the girls.
Then school became a thing, and I ended up in a class that was nothing but boys all the way to the fifth grade. Then a girl transferred in, and becoming friends with her was pretty much the catalyst for discovering that I was trans.
Of course, I ended up denying it at first, but after a couple years of trying to convince myself that being a boy would be OK (it obviously wasn't). Then I had a massive dysphoria meltdown and ended up digging up information about being transgender.
It was 1973 before we got a colour TV, there were 3 channels til 1982 then we got channel 4!
Quote from: Paige on November 20, 2017, 08:24:14 AM
Hi Lisa,
I believe you said in a previous thread that your father, who was very negative towards your femininity, left when you were 5 and that your mother and step-father were very supporting. This was truly weird back then.
Yeah, I don't get it either. All I can think of was my mother was an artist and free spirit and my (2nd) step-dad was a retired Lutheran pastor working as a psychologist but in a totally different field (occupational rehabilitation). Probably of greater influence, at least for my mom was my first step-dad that she was only married to for a few years that I never got to know that well. He was in the theater. She told me before she died when I was 25 he was bi and the reason they broke up was that he left her for another man so she had obviously always been pretty open-minded about things.
Before anyone tries to make connections, no, my mother did not make me trans. She just didn't stand in my way.
QuoteI have no doubt you suffered severe harassment outside of the home, like many others, but you had one thing 99.9999% of transgender people of that time didn't have, family support.
I realize this but you and others have to realize that even without family support, I would have not been any different because I did not know how to be. Being and acting like a boy wasn't something that could be punished or beaten into me and no amount of any kind of external pressure or coaching would have or did make any difference in who I was. I could have easily been abandoned or put in a home or foster care or become completely emotionally shut down or dissociative. It still wouldn't have changed me.
QuoteNow try to imagine your life growing up being raised by your father and you might understand others.
I simply would not have survived in that environment. Of that, I have no question. It's not that I don't understand others and have great sympathy for those that were suppressed, repressed and made to conform but all I'm saying is that was impossible for me and it wouldn't have mattered who my parents were. Why I was so stubborn or strong willed, I honestly don't know?
Just to close the chapter on my biological father, it's not like I never saw him after my folks divorced but he couldn't hide his disappointment I wasn't a rough and tumble little boy. His nickname for me was "sugar tits" if that tells you anything and he did his best to tease and embarrass me at every chance. It was him buzzing off all my hair after the 2nd grade and the emotional trauma it caused was why I was able to start growing it out afterwards in the first place. Around the 5th or 6th grade, with a promise to my mother he wouldn't cut my hair again, I was supposed to spend my whole summer vacation with him. I lasted less than a week. The last time I saw him as a kid was when I was 14. By then I had long hair and was completely androgynous and he was a total mean a-hole jerk I never wanted to be around again.
I did see him again though when I was 24. This was my mom's great doing before she died and not a contact I would have initiated otherwise. By then it had been six years since I finished social transition and two years after having SRS. His mind was pretty blown but he treated me with respect and dignity and we stayed in touch for several years. He even met and got along well with my husband. We eventually lost touch again and last I heard about 15 years ago was that he had died. Pretty cold and heartless of me but I didn't really care.
Quote from: Julia1996 on November 20, 2017, 07:56:39 AM
Yes actually I was. Lol. I know there was no cable back then. My grandpa told me all about the dark ages of TV. When you had to keep getting up to change channels. What a pain that would be.
I remember there being cable in the late 60's. It was in a very rural northern Michigan area. Still just the same there or four channels, though.
:
April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!
Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.
They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!
Think outside the voice box!
So where does/did l, Complete, fit into all this. As l said earlier, l pretty much chose, (if you can call it that), to conform order to avoid all the harassment and abuse that appeared to be the obvious result of being openly trans or gay or just generally non-conforming in my younger years when I had no control over my life.
I did not see myself as a victim and the one time that there was an attempt to bully and beat me, 5th grade, l put my attackers and myself in the hospital with an assortment of broken bones, shredded ears, black eyes and broken noses. We were all expelled and when the other parents sued my parents for emergency room costs, the judge laughed them out of court. I guess surviving 3 against one, says something.
Despite our great differences, LisaK and l ended up in essentially the same place, getting our lives in good order by our mid-twenties.
Did I have "parental support"? Only to the extent that they provided me with the best education available. It was up to me to figure things out after that l paid for and I did what l needed to finish college, got a good job and proceeded to pay for my own immediate needs which included primarily SRS.Once I recovered from that, (not easy ), life became a relatively normal struggle to find love, security and happiness.
When I was a kid, being a "tomboy" was acceptable. So I ran around in t-shirts, jeans and tennis shoes, even if I had to wear low top tennis shoes, which were considered "girl shoes" back then. I also remember arguing with my Mom over having to wear dresses. Sometimes she won, and sometimes I did.
I played baseball, kickball, had a pair of those old metal street roller skates that fit onto your shoes and jumped ramps on my bike. Most of my friends were boys as well. Man, the '70s were a great time to be a kid! Maybe my experiences were different, being African-American in Ohio and not forced to conform. Idunno.
My Mom still tried to buy me dolls, but I usually asked for plushies instead. I had a bit of a zoo growing up, the dolls mostly went to my younger sister or were ignored.
When I hit 12, my moobs started growing. I went for as long as I could without wearing a bra, but when I was accosted in the 9th grade by other girls for "bouncing and being distracting to their boyfriends," I aquiesed and wore them for a few years.
So I suppose you can say I was able to be my true self for the most part while growing up.
I haven't read anyone else's posts yet since I wanted to post my memories first. I hope others were as lucky as me growing up.
Ryuichi
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No, I was never made to conform. I also doubt, given my personality as a young child, it would have been possible to force me to conform without literal force.
My parents were the intellectual but distant sort. I think they figured they were doing the right thing by impressing nothing regards gender roles on me and allowing me to choose the sort of things I wanted to wear, play with and aspire to. I had a neutral upbringing. Even at a young age though, and in this environment, the problems were apparent to all. I was born in 1979 so I suppose it wasn't a big deal for a female child to behave boyishly during the early 80s-90s.
My biological father I didn't see all that often, but to his credit he also never impressed any sort of role or expectation on me gender-wise. His mother was a different matter. Although I enjoyed spending time with my grandparents, especially my grandfather, my grandmother had always wanted a daughter instead of a son, and I think she expected me to fill the void. She wanted to dress me up in dresses and teach me to be lady-like. You can imagine her horror when I turned out to be not only a mischief-maker but to have almost no regard for my appearance, to spend all my time digging holes in the garden, reading comics and teaching myself to whistle and spit. Yeah, safe to say she was disappointed and would probably be even more so if I actually told her I was a guy now.
I wouldn't have conformed as a child. It wasn't in my nature to pay attention to other people or respect authority "just because". In that sense I'm grateful I had the parents I did. Perhaps they shaped me into that or perhaps I was more that way and they were just rolling with it. I don't know.
When puberty hit I still didn't conform and went my own way and dressed and acted the way I wanted to. It seemed I was aware of my awkwardness everyone's perceptions of me as the odd one out, but I was practically incapable of joining them even if I wanted to. I felt more awkward pretending to be one of them as I did just being myself, so I continued to be myself.