It's now March and still having no luck finding somewhere safe to get away to from my parents (mainly my mom) who continue to be abusive. I've tried basically every resource in the Nashville/Franklin/Spring Hill/Columbia, Tennessee area. Even tried reaching out on Facebook groups and nothing. My co-worker who's been helping is having the same trouble. So yeah I no longer have any idea what to do at this point ??? ??? ???
Sorry to hear this; don't give up. Have you tried this site? https://m.spareroom.com/ it's particularly food because you have the option of only choosing lgbt households. Or there's the new fb group 'Mtf, ftm, Non-binary and others Transgender support group' which I've found is very friendly and supportive. Worth a shot putting a post on there
After searching spareroom.com I found nothing in my area :(
Quote from: EmilyRyan on March 08, 2018, 02:39:54 AM
After searching spareroom.com I found nothing in my area :(
Forgot to mention; you can also put an ad up for free saying you're searching for a room.
Are you a minor. If so seeking refuge would classify you as a runaway. When found local authorities would be obligated to return you to your home. If your a minor in school inform a teacher you are being abused. Teachers are required to report abuse to the state child protective agency, you'll be placed in a foster home pending a hearing to determine your best alternative.
If you're not a minor, move out and be done with it.
Option A or Option B. There's no option C that includes plush accommodations.
Quote from: fairview on March 08, 2018, 09:49:14 AM
Are you a minor. If so seeking refuge would classify you as a runaway. When found local authorities would be obligated to return you to your home. If your a minor in school inform a teacher you are being abused. Teachers are required to report abuse to the state child protective agency, you'll be placed in a foster home pending a hearing to determine your best alternative.
If you're not a minor, move out and be done with it.
Option A or Option B. There's no option C that includes plush accommodations.
Minors can emancipate themselves.
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Quote from: fairview on March 08, 2018, 09:49:14 AM
If you're not a minor, move out and be done with it.
She's in her twenties.
Emily,
Pack a bag. Take all you money. Get on a bus and go to a friendlier part of the country. Don't look back and don't believe your parents for a second time when they tell you to come home and things will be different this time.
Quote from: KarynMcD on March 08, 2018, 03:01:02 PM
She's in her twenties.
Emily,
Pack a bag. Take all you money. Get on a bus and go to a friendlier part of the country. Don't look back and don't believe your parents for a second time when they tell you to come home and things will be different this time.
This.
Quote from: KarynMcD on March 08, 2018, 03:01:02 PM
She's in her twenties.
Emily,
Pack a bag. Take all you money. Get on a bus and go to a friendlier part of the country. Don't look back and don't believe your parents for a second time when they tell you to come home and things will be different this time.
Agreed just do it. I lost my mom when I was 15 and was alone. I had to do a lot of hard jobs growing up.
Love
Bobbie LeAnn
Quote from: KarynMcD on March 08, 2018, 03:01:02 PM
Emily,
Pack a bag. Take all you money. Get on a bus and go to a friendlier part of the country. Don't look back and don't believe your parents for a second time when they tell you to come home and things will be different this time.
This is what I'd like to do more than anything but if I did this I'll more than likely end up homeless the rest of my life. Even job transferring wouldn't help cause my job doesn't exactly pay that much to afford rent (even with multiple roommates). The lack of resources doesn't help matters along with having a disability and there's no resources to help in that regard either. Thank you for responding though along with everyone else it's that I just don't see a way out unless someone with money is willing to help and that's a pipe dream just like my transition.
p.s. I'm 26 to be exact
Quote from: EmilyRyan on March 09, 2018, 01:38:51 AM
This is what I'd like to do more than anything but if I did this I'll more than likely end up homeless the rest of my life. Even job transferring wouldn't help cause my job doesn't exactly pay that much to afford rent (even with multiple roommates). The lack of resources doesn't help matters along with having a disability and there's no resources to help in that regard either. Thank you for responding though along with everyone else it's that I just don't see a way out unless someone with money is willing to help and that's a pipe dream just like my transition.
p.s. I'm 26 to be exact
All I can say, and I'm paraphrasing James Allen, as a person believes in their heart, so they are. Until you believe differently, think differently, nothing will change. You make the choices that dictate your outcomes. Choose well.
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Quote from: EmilyRyan on March 09, 2018, 01:38:51 AM
This is what I'd like to do more than anything but if I did this I'll more than likely end up homeless the rest of my life. Even job transferring wouldn't help cause my job doesn't exactly pay that much to afford rent (even with multiple roommates). The lack of resources doesn't help matters along with having a disability and there's no resources to help in that regard either. Thank you for responding though along with everyone else it's that I just don't see a way out unless someone with money is willing to help and that's a pipe dream just like my transition.
p.s. I'm 26 to be exact
It's a pipe dream that someone will come along and pay your way through life as well as your transition costs, no doubt about that. But you working hard and getting the things you want isn't. When I was 26 I was working 60 -70 hours a week tossing metal castings in bins. No skill or training required. You have to be willing to put the effort in.
Quote from: Gertrude on March 09, 2018, 07:41:31 AM
All I can say, and I'm paraphrasing James Allen, as a person believes in their heart, so they are. Until you believe differently, think differently, nothing will change. You make the choices that dictate your outcomes. Choose well.
No clue what you're meaning
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 09, 2018, 02:16:22 PM
It's a pipe dream that someone will come along and pay your way through life as well as your transition costs, no doubt about that. But you working hard and getting the things you want isn't. When I was 26 I was working 60 -70 hours a week tossing metal castings in bins. No skill or training required. You have to be willing to put the effort in.
I am already working hard is simply having a job not good enough?? Plus things are more different now than even 20 years ago most places that used to required no skills now want years of experience plus a degree. Remember it took me two years and god only knows how many applications to finally land a job. I just don't see what's wrong asking for help especially when I'm already putting effort in and that's also dealing with having a disability which when I mention goes ignored and I wonder why.
Anyway I gotta get ready for work
Quote from: EmilyRyan on March 09, 2018, 03:10:40 PM
No clue what you're meaning
I am already working hard is simply having a job not good enough?? Plus things are more different now than even 20 years ago most places that used to required no skills now want years of experience plus a degree. Remember it took me two years and god only knows how many applications to finally land a job. I just don't see what's wrong asking for help especially when I'm already putting effort in and that's also dealing with having a disability which when I mention goes ignored and I wonder why.
Anyway I gotta get ready for work
It is true, times are far far far different now then when the previous generations had to look for work no doubt. I am a cook aspiring to be a chef, however until I have a paper stating my worth (degree, deploma, apprentice) no one is going to care or be willing to lay me a decent wage. it is true if you can't go to college you can try to find a trade and get an apprenticeship. Yes, getting a good job and raising a family in a nice house with a nice car fresh out of high school (or even in your early 20s) is not the reality anymore unless you're super lucky and already well off. But as I said look for an apprenticeship , it will take time but at this point you, and me have no other real options in this regard. Hugs <3
And maybe some people don't want to work mindless jobs? It is hard out there. Especially jobs interviewing people with no intention of hiring thus wasting other people's time. No way really to get around that usually but I think it's really messed up.
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Quote from: Allison S on March 09, 2018, 05:20:29 PM
And maybe some people don't want to work mindless jobs? It is hard out there. Especially jobs interviewing people with no intention of hiring thus wasting other people's time. No way really to get around that usually but I think it's really messed up.
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Sadly life isn't what you want it to be, it just is. As I said unless you have a degree or something you're gonna be working "mindless" jobs. I would say take it and run and be greatful for it and use it for a launching pad for something better. Work for your goals, it's the only way you can expect better
Quote from: SailorMars1994 on March 09, 2018, 05:46:54 PM
Sadly life isn't what you want it to be, it just is. As I said unless you have a degree or something you're gonna be working "mindless" jobs. I would say take it and run and be greatful for it and use it for a launching pad for something better. Work for your goals, it's the only way you can expect better
I did get my college degree and I have a job lol I know that type of work wouldn't be for me. I didn't mean anything is wrong with working those jobs or any job. But also not the only option and like you said it's good to set goals
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Well congrats on your life :), ugh I really need to go to collegexD
Quote from: SailorMars1994 on March 09, 2018, 04:03:25 PM
It is true, times are far far far different now then when the previous generations had to look for work no doubt. I am a cook aspiring to be a chef, however until I have a paper stating my worth (degree, deploma, apprentice) no one is going to care or be willing to lay me a decent wage. it is true if you can't go to college you can try to find a trade and get an apprenticeship. Yes, getting a good job and raising a family in a nice house with a nice car fresh out of high school (or even in your early 20s) is not the reality anymore unless you're super lucky and already well off. But as I said look for an apprenticeship , it will take time but at this point you, and me have no other real options in this regard. Hugs <3
What are the options for those not cut out for both college and apprenticeships/trades?? That's what I like to know more than anything.
Quote from: EmilyRyan on March 09, 2018, 03:10:40 PM
No clue what you're meaning
I am already working hard is simply having a job not good enough?? Plus things are more different now than even 20 years ago most places that used to required no skills now want years of experience plus a degree. Remember it took me two years and god only knows how many applications to finally land a job. I just don't see what's wrong asking for help especially when I'm already putting effort in and that's also dealing with having a disability which when I mention goes ignored and I wonder why.
Anyway I gotta get ready for work
As I see it you are just looking for a handout and using said "Disability" as an excuse. Like I said when my mother died when I was 15 and I was left alone. I had to work to survive. I took any job I could find. I even lived under a bridge for over a year. Back then you couldn't get a drivers licence until you were 18 yrs old.
I had a learning disability too but I never used it as an excuse and I have a degenerative nerve disease that mimics parkinson's disease. I saved every penny I could and learned the true value of money. If I sat around worrying about being homeless or other useless things I would have never made it.
That's part of growing up. Don't worry about it just set a goal and go for it. If you can't seem to reach your goal in life then find a different way to reach it. Only you are the master of your life. If you don't take control of your life you will find yourself sitting around years from now wondering what went wrong.
I am not picking on you. I am trying to help by giving advice. I have a stepson that I took in to help because his sorry mother never sent him to school (not one day of school) and now he is 23 and has no education and can't read or speak clearly and is very hard to understand.
I was never married to his mom but he is like a son to me and he truly needs help. He moved in with me because his mother is a drunk and sleeps with anything she can. I helped him get a job washing dishes in a restaurant. He has been working there for 2 yrs now and he saves his money. He does help with rent but I only let him help so it will give him a sense of contribution and this place being his home.
Like I said I am not picking on you. If anything I'm trying to show you a little needed "Tough Love".
Please don't think too badly of me because I do care about you and what happens to you. It's just I can't be there to help you and it breaks my heart. Again you have to stand up and take control of your life.
With Love
Bobbie LeAnn
Quote from: EmilyRyan on March 09, 2018, 03:10:40 PM
No clue what you're meaning
I am already working hard is simply having a job not good enough?? Plus things are more different now than even 20 years ago most places that used to required no skills now want years of experience plus a degree. Remember it took me two years and god only knows how many applications to finally land a job. I just don't see what's wrong asking for help especially when I'm already putting effort in and that's also dealing with having a disability which when I mention goes ignored and I wonder why.
Anyway I gotta get ready for work
If you want your situation to change , you'll have to change how you think.
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Don't be too quick to dismiss trades they are not just menial back breaking work these skills are extremely varied from carpenter to hairdresser to mechanics to computer trades graphics and most are in high demand and pay well don't look at what you can't do but rather look at what you can do if you are interested in an area but lack the skills that is exactly what apprenticeship is all about yes it takes 4 years to get your certification you are paid while you learn take a look at your interests and abilities not what you can do now but what you can do with training talk to a career counselor finding your best options is their job every tech academy has them they will look at you disabilities and most importantly your abilities and show you options you may not know even exist
bobbisue :)
Quote from: bobbisue on March 10, 2018, 09:22:43 AM
Don't be too quick to dismiss trades they are not just menial back breaking work these skills are extremely varied from carpenter to hairdresser to mechanics to computer trades graphics and most are in high demand and pay well
About a year ago my son got a job as a carpenters apprentice and joined the union there. He makes around $25 an hour to start, gets benefits, free training, and unending work as long as he wants it.
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Quote from: bobbisue on March 10, 2018, 09:22:43 AM
Don't be too quick to dismiss trades they are not just menial back breaking work these skills are extremely varied from carpenter to hairdresser to mechanics to computer trades graphics and most are in high demand and pay well don't look at what you can't do but rather look at what you can do if you are interested in an area but lack the skills that is exactly what apprenticeship is all about yes it takes 4 years to get your certification you are paid while you learn take a look at your interests and abilities not what you can do now but what you can do with training talk to a career counselor finding your best options is their job every tech academy has them they will look at you disabilities and most importantly your abilities and show you options you may not know even exist
bobbisue :)
Sometimes I wonder if I should have gone trades instead of college. Electrician or plumber. Either way, there's always work and in NY if you're union, it's very good pay. At 56, it doesn't matter anymore to me, but I would tell anyone not to overlook it.
I totally agree with all that is said here. And yes, you can start with a low paying job and end up much better in life. My first job, I sold jeans at Dillard's. I knew what I wanted to do, which was vfx for film and TV. I took a community college class so I could get the student discount on software. It was $2500 at the time (personal learning Edition is free now). Anyway, I trained myself on how to use the software over many many years while doing terrible jobs each one slightly better than the last before finally landing a job in the film business doing what I wanted. From there I kept learning, applying what I learned and moved up. The point is, it can be done. Find what you want to do, make a plan and work at it. It'll take lots of sacrifice, plus long hours sometimes. In my first vfx job, I had a few 110 hour weeks. If you think you can't do something you won't do it. My mindset is if I can't currently do something I will learn how to do it.
You can do this.
Bari Jo
Can I ask why you feel that you are not cut out for college?
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Quote from: EmilyRyan on March 09, 2018, 03:10:40 PM
No clue what you're meaning
I am already working hard is simply having a job not good enough?? Plus things are more different now than even 20 years ago most places that used to required no skills now want years of experience plus a degree. Remember it took me two years and god only knows how many applications to finally land a job. I just don't see what's wrong asking for help especially when I'm already putting effort in and that's also dealing with having a disability which when I mention goes ignored and I wonder why.
Anyway I gotta get ready for work
You've had that job for quite awhile now. That will make landing the next job easier. I do agree you may have to try another area. Getting out of the Southeast helped me out quite a lot, though I was in a different situation than you and I was hesitant to do it when I did.
Quote from: Danielle79 on March 10, 2018, 10:52:04 PM
Can I ask why you feel that you are not cut out for college?
I've been down the college route and yes I did manage to earn an A.S. degree in General Studies but at the cost of flunking out at a four year college and after I got my A.S. I tried getting a Bachelors yet again and failed out.
As for trades I just don't know like I mentioned before I deal with having a learning disability that makes learning and grasping things more difficult and learn and process information much slower as a result and difficulty with information retention meaning I have difficult remembering information. Right now I work at a drugstore and my disability makes a job like that more difficult than it should be. Who's gonna want someone that takes longer to catch on and is gonna need help remembering steps when doing certain tasks I'm not trying to dismiss trades by any means I'm just stating concerns.
Quote from: EmilyRyan on March 10, 2018, 11:46:35 PM
I've been down the college route and yes I did manage to earn an A.S. degree in General Studies but at the cost of flunking out at a four year college and after I got my A.S. I tried getting a Bachelors yet again and failed out.
As for trades I just don't know like I mentioned before I deal with having a learning disability that makes learning and grasping things more difficult and learn and process information much slower as a result and difficulty with information retention meaning I have difficult remembering information. Right now I work at a drugstore and my disability makes a job like that more difficult than it should be. Who's gonna want someone that takes longer to catch on and is gonna need help remembering steps when doing certain tasks I'm not trying to dismiss trades by any means I'm just stating concerns.
Learning disabilities are tough. Because they are not visible, many people doubt their existence, and attribute the difficulties associated with those disabilities to lack of aptitude, or lack of effort. I teach at the college level, and I've seen my share of students who worked slowly and had processing issues, but, when given proper support and testing accommodations, end up being A students.
You did make it through an associate's degree, so you have demonstrated that you have the ability to do college-level work. I don't know what happened at the two four-year colleges you attended, but I wouldn't necessarily attribute your difficulties at those schools to lack of aptitude on your part. Some colleges are not supportive environments, and, to be blunt, some professors are bigoted jerks.
You are dealing with two different major issues in your life: you are trans in an unsupportive environment, and you are disabled. Either one of those alone would be difficult to overcome, and you're dealing with both. This is just my opinion, but I think that you should cut yourself some slack, and take inventory of what you have been able to accomplish despite those challenges.
Can I ask you another two questions? If being trans in an unsupportive environment and having a learning disability were no longer issues, what would you want to study, and what sorts of careers appeal to you?
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Quote from: Danielle79 on March 11, 2018, 10:45:15 AM
and, to be blunt, some professors are bigoted jerks.
So true! I had this issue a few times where I'd do the same work and get a A in one class and a B in another...
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Quote from: Allison S on March 11, 2018, 10:52:14 AM
So true! I had this issue a few times where I'd do the same work and get a A in one class and a B in another...
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Now imagine what it's like to work with them.
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Quote from: Danielle79 on March 11, 2018, 10:45:15 AM
Learning disabilities are tough. Because they are not visible, many people doubt their existence, and attribute the difficulties associated with those disabilities to lack of aptitude, or lack of effort. I teach at the college level, and I've seen my share of students who worked slowly and had processing issues, but, when given proper support and testing accommodations, end up being A students.
You did make it through an associate's degree, so you have demonstrated that you have the ability to do college-level work. I don't know what happened at the two four-year colleges you attended, but I wouldn't necessarily attribute your difficulties at those schools to lack of aptitude on your part. Some colleges are not supportive environments, and, to be blunt, some professors are bigoted jerks.
You are dealing with two different major issues in your life: you are trans in an unsupportive environment, and you are disabled. Either one of those alone would be difficult to overcome, and you're dealing with both. This is just my opinion, but I think that you should cut yourself some slack, and take inventory of what you have been able to accomplish despite those challenges.
Can I ask you another two questions? If being trans in an unsupportive environment and having a learning disability were no longer issues, what would you want to study, and what sorts of careers appeal to you?
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Sorry for taking this long to answer your two questions it literally took me this long to think about it. Really don't have much of an answer that actually answers your questions to be honest I mean if I were in a supportive environment where my parents let me transition under their roof in peace I'd probably just settle down and do photography and maybe take online classes at Tennessee Tech and try to get a bachelors degree in an easy major like Interdisciplinary Studies and I'd also most likely stick to low wage jobs to help support all of that since that all that's available.
The second question this one took the longest to think about. I don't have a good answer either if it even answers the question. I really wouldn't know what kind of career I'd go in if having a learning disability wasn't an issue probably because I don't know what it's like not having one and everything seems to either require having critical thinking, processing, and inclination that I lack or the ability to work in a fast pace which too I don't have and it currently shows in my job which is why I think my hours are being cut. This is one those where I wish it was possible to try out career fields without having to take classes or get hired on only to find it isn't suitable.
Even if my response doesn't quite answer the questions I do hope it gives some insight and like you said it is hard having a leaning disability especially when there's a lack of understanding and unwillingness to help.
I got some bad news. No one is going to rescue you. You have to be your own super hero. It sounds impossible, but it can be done.
Make a plan, then move forward. Even if all you see is darkness. Eventually you will find light.
You can get a new job, and new place and live in a supportive environment. I believe you can do it. You have to believe in yourself.
I moved over 1,000 miles away. With no job lined up and about $3,000. We wound homeless after the apartment we lived in was sold. Then we ( my partner and I )slept in my van or a tent for 3 months. We survived.
Whatever worst case scenario you think might happen to you, is better than staying with abusive , invalidating family. My mom can't stand the sight of me sometimes since I started transitioning. (All she saw was pictures, and even that was distressing to her. We don't talk much and we aren't even friends on Facebook. She doesn't even know my legal name anymore). I would have never started under her roof. And my pattern of self harm would have continued.
Side note. Move to or near and LGBT friendly city. It will make your life easier in the long run.
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