Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Seeing everyone with their blog and telling their story as it happened and reading questions here and elsewhere made me realize just how much of a cycle this is. So I guess it would be good to share some fun stories about when I was transitioning and bring it up to the present and just continue on.

I was working for a University in Washington D.C. when I was transitioning. Flash back to 2009. I saw a video on YouTube. This one:
I don't even know how I found the video and I broke down crying. Up until this point I had no idea that this was possible. Not just the voice but the face and everything. Kids today are so blessed to have all this information at their finger tips. For me it was like Papillon. escaping the prison island.

I found the site Laura's Playground. They had resources and I found a therapist Dr. Eleanor Criswell, PhD. I scheduled a appointment for after work. I was too scared to walk through the door. I was afraid. She found me out in the hall and got me inside and I started the process. I'm not sure exactly what month this was. The was probably around September or October. At December I worked up the courage to tell her I wanted to start HRT and move onto the next step. So gave me a recommendation for an endocrinologist in D.C. who was walking distance from where I worked.

I was able to slip out for a late lunch and do my appointment and then head back into work. Anyways before then my parents where visiting me for Christmas. My Mom somehow (hardcore snooping :icon_raving:) found my therapists letter of recommendation to start HRT. She took it and then when it was just her and I in the car she tried to talk me out of it. She was worried I would regret transitioning, that I would end up a guy in a woman's body. I couldn't help but laugh exclaiming that it is exactly the opposite way right now and if that is such a concern then she should be supportive. That fell on deaf ears. She must have thought that was the end of it because when she wa s gone I realized she kept the letter.

I had to go back to my therapist afraid that I wouldn't be able to get another one and explain what happened. Thank God my therapist didn't see it as me having cold feet and being indecisive. I was able to get another letter and get started on HRT about a month later after the wait for the appointment date.

Right around May 2010 I was four months in. It was a strange in between time for me. My Mom didn't say anything about it but we all went to Italy for two weeks. It was an amazing trip. The entire time though I had my Estradiol pills on my person though deathly afraid that she would try to find them in my things and steal them like the letter. Picture me sleeping in bed with a death grip on them under the covers.

This is one of the photos of me standing in front of one of the victory arches near Rome.
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Thanks for sharing!
I vaguely remember Laura's Playground.  ;D

The next four months blew by like a blur.

I started voice feminization training at George Washington University. I was able to take a hour from work and then work late and walk to my sessions.

I also found the MAGIC support group and a support group in Baltimore but I don't remember the name of that group. That was a great group of people and the first time I went out of the house in a female role even though at this point I was not passable.

This was around July 2010 in my make shift office from a recording booth where I worked.
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This picture I snapped while out at lunch. This was the first day I got ma'am'ed at lunch. I accidentally slid into the female voice training because it was starting to get to be habit and I guess my face was borderline. I didn't see it at the time and obviously my boss and coworker didn't either because they laughed and said, "no he's just a rocker". It was a mix of euphoria that I unintentionally passed and fear of oh no what do I do now. Incidentally at this point I was a 36B and I had to wear a sports bra to keep from having an obvious chest. I was also starting to have effects on the hips and waist so I had to wear looser fitting clothes to conceal it. To my eyes at the time I didn't think I was ready to go full time.

(Edit: if anyone is wondering that is a mind the gap hat from England.)
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This is a closer photo from the same month probably a few days or a week later at the most. Looking at it you can see the sports bra is having a hard time. This was right before I went down to Jeckle Island for the Fourth of July and visited with my sisters and parents. It was at this point that my Mom actually reached over and physically checked and exclaimed "you're wearing a bra and omg are you doing that HRT thing?!" She asked me not to tell my sisters or dad and wanted to join me for a therapy session. I don't remember exactly how it was handled but recall a phone call with her while I was in session or my therapist and my Mom was in denial. It was probably the most trying time. My therapist asked me if I was thinking about stopping because my Mom didn't approve while my Mom was on the phone and I flat out told my mom if I have to choose between transitioning or maintaining a relationship with my parents it would be transitioning but please don't make me choose.

All the junk in this photo was my Mom's cousin that I was close to storing things in my basement. I needed money for voice training and therapy so it enabled me to make a few extra bucks.
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This next photo is 8 months in. I just got back from a laser session and one of my friends I met from Magic was over. I don't remember what she said but it was one of those moments where you look at them and cannot keep a straight face before bursting out laughing. I needed a laugh at that point though because it was hard. Sitting at the hair removal place with other woman and not being brave enough to go out in fem so I'm trying to figure out a preset to be there until I can slink into the room to have the laser done. Thankfully the people there where great.
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Quote from: Lori Dee on December 07, 2024, 11:22:38 PMThanks for sharing!
I vaguely remember Laura's Playground.  ;D

Yeah I spent a lot of time on there. There where people I used to Skype with and practice my female voice with from other parts of the country. They where older and a little further ahead of me so I would pick their brains on how to manage. Then there where other people younger then me on the site that just looked amazing. I remember hoping I would end up lucky like them.

Heck I remember all the way back in Middle school in gym sitting in the class group and seeing how the guys where starting to develop chins, giant shoulders and hands and praying to god not to do that to me. I avoided weight training and got into track and field. Anything to keep me as slim as possible and avoid bulking up. So I guess it wasn't anything new. But seeing others on the site already living it and getting to be a fly on the wall and read about how they transitioned really helped. It made it more real and helped me keep from giving up in the first few months.

October 2010 month 9

I wasn't sure if I passed completely so I had this hair brained idea to post a profile up on a dating site and see what responses I got. I was prepared for nasty hate messages but instead I got flooded with a bunch of interested men. Some really cute ones too. It was a major confidence booster. I told my therapist about it and she asked me if I thought I was ready to go full time.

I was nervous and excited and blurted out yes. I was still nervous stepping out into the unknown. I contacted HR and they had someone for me to talk to and she arranged the meeting for me. I had my notes typed up and in one of the classrooms we had in the MPR building I squeaked through my announcement. After it was done though what a weight off my shoulders.

I was still taking my voice training classes twice a week but now I didn't have to go in there in mens clothes and feel like I was being stared at.

I took this picture at my place right after starting my full time 1 year trial and coming out at work. This was right around the time I had my first therapy session after going full time and my therapist said, "I'm interested to know how your first week of full time went but you're absolutely glowing today."
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My endocrinologist bumped my estrogen levels up another notch.

November 2010 Month 10
First month of full time completed. I went down to visit my parents for Thanksgiving. My grandparents on my Dad's side visited too along with my sisters.

This trip climaxed with after lunch getting shanghaied to go to a group therapy session with my Parents and sisters. (This was in Fulton County Georgia) The therapist was one of those quacks who thinks being trans is a choice and a sin and I was going to go to hell. I asked him what made him so confident to proclaim judgment as a sinner himself and flat out told him that I am not concerned about what he thinks. It ended with my middle sister telling me it isn't fair to her because now she thinks she wouldn't be able to get a husband because of me. My voice was passable at this point and the therapist's assistant didn't even think I was the trans sister in the group. That honor went to my youngest sister who got upset when she realized that balling about it being me not her.

So my youngest sister who is a sweet heart is in the room crying because now she feels inadequate. I'm trying to reassure her. My middle sister is being a see you next Tuesday and I'm fuming at my parents and ready to just hop in my car and leave the moment we get back to my parents place and I can grab my things. I called my therapist in tears and she said stay there for the night, get calm and then leave in the morning so the trip home can be safe. I ended up leaving at 5am before my parents woke up and just rolled out.

My mom called my therapist that day when she found I had left and told her that when I visited I had presented as a guy trying to have my full time 1 year trial (I really hate the gate keeping but at least my therapist was fair and saw through this) end in a failure. She thought by doing this I would stop being trans if I couldn't get SRS. Thankfully my therapist had already gotten the notes from the other therapist which clearly stated the events. From what I understand my therapist talked with my Mom during that call and explained to her more about gender dysphoria and because she had permission at that time and I had not revoked it yet she shared how I was doing with my Mom. As horrible as the call started out I think this was the turning point for her.

When I got home I called my Mom and told her how much she embarrassed me and if she wanted to have anything to do with me going forward she would have to stop this behavior or I would never speak to any of them ever again. I guess my Mom was too afraid to mention that to me that she had tried to sabotage my full time trial to qualify for SRS but she did apologize and admit that she had called my therapist and said she was setting up another appoint to talk with her more and she had called my therapist to discuss "things". She actually started reading up on the condition around this point.

When I saw my therapist she mentioned to me my Mom calling and that was when I found out she tried to sabotage it. That would have been it, the line had my therapist not mentioned also that she spoke with her and that my Mom was coming around. I guess it took the prospect of losing me to get her to really try to understand. Incidentally I inherited my stubbornness from her so yeah.
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Great pics, Nat! You are beautiful.

With me, my parents never came around, except that after two years they finally called me by my legal name "LORI". My brother told me that I was "an abomination in the eyes of God." I told him that I understood his feelings, but he had no authority to speak on behalf of God, and the reason he was upset was that he knows nothing about the subject. We haven't spoken since.

I hope your Mom continues to learn and become supportive. That would be awesome.

Thank you for sharing your journey—it's truly inspiring to see the confidence and joy you're expressing. Your photos show such a vibrant and authentic version of yourself. You look amazing!

Quote(This was in Fulton County Georgia) The therapist was one of those quacks who thinks being trans is a choice and a sin and I was going to go to hell. I asked him what made him so confident to proclaim judgment as a sinner himself and flat out told him that I am not concerned about what he thinks.

These people error because they don't know how to interpret scriptures. My understanding of Christianity, and my duty as a Christian is to confess the resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ, have faith that he will resurrect me from physical death in the last day, and to spread the gospel.

I am of the opinion that concerning salvation and damnation, only the Father knows anyone's fate, because he knows everyone's heart.

Quote from: Lori Dee on December 08, 2024, 04:13:46 PMGreat pics, Nat! You are beautiful.

With me, my parents never came around, except that after two years they finally called me by my legal name "LORI". My brother told me that I was "an abomination in the eyes of God." I told him that I understood his feelings, but he had no authority to speak on behalf of God, and the reason he was upset was that he knows nothing about the subject. We haven't spoken since.

I hope your Mom continues to learn and become supportive. That would be awesome.

Thanks. I'm older now but I'm doing ok. I look younger than both of my sisters. Not sure how that happened but not going to argue.

She really only came around until after the SRS procedure. For years she dead named and misgendered me but she was trying. She's pretty good about it now. I'll get more of typed up later this evening to get caught up on events.

I'm sorry you're not on speaking terms with your brother. I'm barely on speaking terms with my middle sister but my youngest sister who has been through the most is a great person and we are close.

I don't generally bother to listen to people that would judge me. They are small minded and don't have a clue. Not worth the energy.

@NatalieRene
Dear NatalieRene:
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Your presence and your recent login is very nice for me see as I am always glad when I see returning members.
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Quote from: Lilis on December 08, 2024, 04:30:20 PMThank you for sharing your journey—it's truly inspiring to see the confidence and joy you're expressing. Your photos show such a vibrant and authentic version of yourself. You look amazing!
These people error because they don't know how to interpret scriptures. My understanding of Christianity, and my duty as a Christian is to confess the resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ, have faith that he will resurrect me from physical death in the last day, and to spread the gospel.

I am of the opinion that concerning salvation and damnation, only the Father knows anyone's fate, because he knows everyone's heart.

It looks like based on your signature you have been on HRT for about six months? How are things going for you?

I feel like I got lucky. My endocrinologist said I was responding really well to the hormones. I never even needed a testosterone blocker the estrogen was enough to suppress it.

December 2010 Month 11

Month 3 of full time

I stayed home for Christmas this year. Around this time I met a guy he was so cute and he liked me a lot. I was too scared to fess up to him that I was trans though it took three dates and then I let him know. He didn't flip out and we made it to second base before his phone rang and he was trying to hide who it was. When he went to the bath room to get freshened up I went through his jacket pockets and found a note from his wife! I used a small screw driver to open the bathroom door and found him texting on his phone and threw him out.

It was validating that he accepted me but I'll be darned if I am going to be the other woman. I felt very naive for not realizing he was a cheater sooner.
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January 2011 1 year on hormones 4 months full time

I was settled into a routine at this point. Going to support groups. Friends in the evenings to go hang out with. I was actually starting to feel normal.

I got passed up for a promotion at work and I was feeling rejected so I started looking for a new job. I was the head programmer there and knew more of the process then anyone so why was I passed over for the literal new guy.

A friend of mine was working in the State Department down the street and I was telling her about a interview I had coming up and that I was nervous about it. She said just go to the interview. Don't worry about if you get the job or not. Just go and consider the interview practice.

I wish I got a photo but I had this great heather grey pencil skirt and woman blazer with a white and black blouse to wear under it and a matching grey 1" pump and my hair in a French twist. I wore it to my interview and got a new job.

I was living in a town house and my neighbor friends who knew me saw me walking into my place after I got back from the interview. The next day they where asking about my visitor and that they never saw her leave overnight. So I'm thinking woah, they are keeping tabs on me that much. That's a little strange. But then they where like I guess you are interested in guys and ladies so we think it's fine but just wanted to say she was very pretty.

I was confused and said I didn't have anyone over yesterday. I got back from my interview yesterday, came home relaxed and then went to sleep.

They where like, that was you in the grey outfit yesterday?

So I passed even to people that saw me every day coming and going and they thought I was some cis woman that came over. That really made my day. It's funny because during the interview the interviewer was going over the benefits package and she mentioned the benefits for maternity leave which was never discussed with me in either of my previous jobs interview process. So I passed with flying colors on both counts. I was literally over the moon.

I was talking to my therapist about this and she commented to me that I was looking very natural. We talked about how I was doing.

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Quote from: NatalieRene on December 08, 2024, 06:51:47 PMIt looks like based on your signature you have been on HRT for about six months? How are things going for you?

Yeah, in two more days, it'll be exactly six months on HRT—oh God, time flies! I feel like the only obstacles in my journey have been the ones I've placed on myself.

My parents are older, still happily together after 50+ years, retired, and enjoying their lives traveling around the world. I separated from my ex, the mother of my son, in 2017. Since then, I've been focusing on work, building a healthy relationship with my son, and prioritizing my own well-being.

Overall, I'm really happy with the progress I've seen so far. I've noticed softer skin, better fat distribution, a curvier body, healthier nails and hair, and some breast growth. On top of that, I've been meeting new people—back in September, I joined my local LGBTQA+ center, and it's been wonderful connecting with others.

When I read about your fear when going to see your therapist, I couldn't help but laugh a little—not in a bad way, but because it resonated with me. For me, that moment of fear came when I went to see the doctor for my first HRT prescription. I almost turned back and left the area entirely! Somehow, though, I found the courage to walk into her office, and I've been so grateful ever since.

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 08, 2024, 06:51:47 PMI feel like I got lucky. My endocrinologist said I was responding really well to the hormones. I never even needed a testosterone blocker the estrogen was enough to suppress it.

I can totally see it in your pictures—you're doing amazing! Oh, I envy you—in the best way possible! Those darn Spiro tablets, I hate them, and I am taking them, two times (2X) a day.

Quote from: Lilis on December 08, 2024, 10:25:04 PMYeah, in two more days, it'll be exactly six months on HRT—oh God, time flies! I feel like the only obstacles in my journey have been the ones I've placed on myself.

My parents are older, still happily together after 50+ years, retired, and enjoying their lives traveling around the world. I separated from my ex, the mother of my son, in 2017. Since then, I've been focusing on work, building a healthy relationship with my son, and prioritizing my own well-being.

Overall, I'm really happy with the progress I've seen so far. I've noticed softer skin, better fat distribution, a curvier body, healthier nails and hair, and some breast growth. On top of that, I've been meeting new people—back in September, I joined my local LGBTQA+ center, and it's been wonderful connecting with others.

When I read about your fear when going to see your therapist, I couldn't help but laugh a little—not in a bad way, but because it resonated with me. For me, that moment of fear came when I went to see the doctor for my first HRT prescription. I almost turned back and left the area entirely! Somehow, though, I found the courage to walk into her office, and I've been so grateful ever since.
I can totally see it in your pictures—you're doing amazing! Oh, I envy you—in the best way possible! Those darn Spiro tablets, I hate them, and I am taking them, two times (2X) a day.

You are so lucky to have kids. I wish I could have. I went to have my sperm frozen before I started HRT. I found out that I was shooting blanks. So even if I had not transitioned or found a surrogate I would never have been able to have a kid of my own. It was a massive blow to me.

My parents still work although my dad has slowed down a bit.

Unfortunately most trans people seem to get separated and divorced when transitioning. I guess I was spared that pain because I just don't function well enough as a guy to put myself out there. One of my friends I knew while transitioning though ended up getting divorced and having to fight to maintain joint custody because her wife didn't approve. On top of that she lost her long time job that she had been highly successful at. It was really eye opening to see just how bad people treat trans people that cannot pass. I felt guilty because I was doing so well while her life was crumbling. Thankfully though she found new work, a place to stay, more friends and was able to keep joint custody. But still in my eyes she was super brave and courageous.

It's funny the doctor for hrt was easy. No one in the waiting room knew and heck with it I was already in for a penny in for a pound. He told me don't expect much from the breast department. Then by December I outgrew my 36B cups and had to buy 36C bras because I was spilling out and the sports bras were crushing me. He told me my development was beyond expectations in that department.

I don't know much about spiro. Are there issues with taking it that makes it bad?

Quote from: Lilis on December 08, 2024, 10:25:04 PMThose darn Spiro tablets, I hate them, and I am taking them, two times (2X) a day.

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 08, 2024, 11:07:18 PMI don't know much about spiro. Are there issues with taking it that makes it bad?

I was on Spiro for years but it didn't help. It is designed to be a diuretic (makes you pee a lot). The side effect is that it counteracts testosterone. My doctors switched me to leuprolide (Eligard) injections every 3 months. BIG difference.

Spiro and its slightly stronger counterpart, Finasteride, affect the 5a-reductase enzyme which affects all hormones, including estradiol, progesterone, T, and E. The leuprolide only targets testosterone production. Your body still will convert estrogen to testosterone because it uses it for other things like making cholesterol. Then they added Bicalutamide (Casodex) which has no hormonal activity. It only blocks the androgen receptors. So even though your body is converting E to T, the T has no effect while it is waiting to get converted to something else.

This combination of drugs is a form of chemical castration used for some types of cancer. They work in shutting down the effects of testosterone. Testosterone is much more powerful than estrogen, so a little can counteract what E you are getting. The problem is that these drugs are expensive, so many providers don't prescribe them.

If you can afford it, ask for Eligard (leuprolide) injections and Casodex (Bicalutamide) tablets instead of Spiro. I get my meds through the VA, and as a disabled veteran, my copay is low. So totally worth it to get the stuff that is designed for the purpose versus using a water pill off-label.

Just my two cents worth.

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 08, 2024, 11:07:18 PMYou are so lucky to have kids. I wish I could have. I went to have my sperm frozen before I started HRT. I found out that I was shooting blanks. So even if I had not transitioned or found a surrogate I would never have been able to have a kid of my own. It was a massive blow to me.

I understand that feeling all too well. I was told I was shooting blanks for years, and then, against all odds, my son came along. He's our only child, and he's brought indescribable joy to both our lives. I'm truly sorry to hear about your experience, it's such a difficult thing to go through. I hope you find comfort in knowing there are so many wonderful ways to create a family these days.

QuoteMy parents still work although my dad has slowed down a bit.

Unfortunately most trans people seem to get separated and divorced when transitioning. I guess I was spared that pain because I just don't function well enough as a guy to put myself out there. One of my friends I knew while transitioning though ended up getting divorced and having to fight to maintain joint custody because her wife didn't approve. On top of that she lost her long time job that she had been highly successful at. It was really eye opening to see just how bad people treat trans people that cannot pass. I felt guilty because I was doing so well while her life was crumbling. Thankfully though she found new work, a place to stay, more friends and was able to keep joint custody. But still in my eyes she was super brave and courageous.

It's funny the doctor for her was easy. No one in the waiting room knew and heck with it I was already in for a penny in for a pound. He told me don't expect much from the breast department. Then by December I outgrew my 36B cups and had to buy 36C bras because I was spilling out and the sports bras were crushing me. He told me my development was beyond expectations in that department.

It's heartbreaking to hear what your friend went through, but it sounds that she is like a resilient and determined person.

Nice, yeah I hear it every time around in forums like these that everyone experience is different, and some are better than others. Good for you.

QuoteI don't know much about spiro. Are there issues with taking it that makes it bad?

@Lori Dee  thanks, yeah what Lori wrote. But on a more personal level, I have to watch my potassium intake. I am perfectly healthy but my doctor said to try to keep my daily potassium intake under RDA for potassium for adults, which is 2,600-3,400 mg per day. So dietary adjustments basically, and peeing excessively.

But enough about me, this is your 'about you' new lovely blog, thanks for having me on these pages, and I wholeheartedly apologize for high jacking your thread. ❤️❣️

Hi Natalie

I have a similar story to yours as you mentioned:

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 07, 2024, 10:04:56 PMI don't even know how I found the video and I broke down crying. Up until this point I had no idea that this was possible. Not just the voice but the face and everything. Kids today are so blessed to have all this information at their finger tips. For me it was like Papillon. escaping the prison island.

Like you I did not know that it was possible to live my life as a female.  During my twenties, I was constantly wanting or longing to be a female and to make the situation even worse, there was no internet around at the time, like they do today. 

With luck or fate I came across a men's magazine, I say it was a playboy issue, I'm not sure, anyway in the magazine was an article about 'transsexuals'.  This was just one point that finally led me to changing my life around when I was 30.

When I left my family, friends, and former way of life, I broke down and cried, alone in a motel.  I cried for leaving those I cared for behind, for the profound meaning of the journey ahead, from sheer happiness of what I was going to do.  Maybe I cried because I was a female!  Or the weight that had been lifted of my shoulders.  At that moment, I didn't fully realize I would never return to my old life.  Even my uncle and aunt, who knew about me, didn't know that I was not coming back, well for a couple of years at least.

As for Laura's Playground it was one of the sites I happened to visit when I became aware of the resources available on the web.  This was something like 20 odd years after having surgery.

As for your mum interferring:

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 07, 2024, 11:45:28 PMMy therapist asked me if I was thinking about stopping because my Mom didn't approve while my Mom was on the phone and I flat out told my mom if I have to choose between transitioning or maintaining a relationship with my parents it would be transitioning but please don't make me choose.

I never had that problem, when I left my previous life behind I travelled over 4,000km to a city called Sydney where the resources that I needed were there.  My family eventually found out about me when my uncle who knew what I was doing told my mum.  So interference was not possible and when my surgery day approached my uncle who knew wanted to be with me, when it happened.

However, due circumstances and I did not want him or anyone to interfere with what I was going to do, was at the back of my mind.  None of my family was present when I had my surgery.  My family loves me and accepts me unconditionally.

As for being younger:

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 08, 2024, 04:53:33 PMThanks. I'm older now but I'm doing ok. I look younger than both of my sisters. Not sure how that happened but not going to argue.

I was in my early forties and still at university, I was talking to a female colleague and age came up.  She thought I was in my late twenties or early thirties.  I said no, I was in my forties, she did not believe it and I had to show her my driving license.  People tend to peg me as being 10 years younger.  I thought it was down to genetics, as my grandmother had a beautiful skin.  However, I think it is down to the hormones that we take that certainly makes us look younger than we are.

I have certainly enjoyed reading your past and present posts and as I say when I welcome new members; "I like reading members stories as I'm sure I will learn something new".

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

Quote from: Lilis on December 09, 2024, 01:09:30 AMI understand that feeling all too well. I was told I was shooting blanks for years, and then, against all odds, my son came along. He's our only child, and he's brought indescribable joy to both our lives. I'm truly sorry to hear about your experience, it's such a difficult thing to go through. I hope you find comfort in knowing there are so many wonderful ways to create a family these days.
It's heartbreaking to hear what your friend went through, but it sounds that she is like a resilient and determined person.

I have been thinking about it. Thankfully I'm back in Virginia where it's not quite so transphobic as Texas. I'm wondering if I could qualify to adopt a child from a foster home.

Quote from: Lilis on December 09, 2024, 01:09:30 AM@Lori Dee  thanks, yeah what Lori wrote. But on a more personal level, I have to watch my potassium intake. I am perfectly healthy but my doctor said to try to keep my daily potassium intake under RDA for potassium for adults, which is 2,600-3,400 mg per day. So dietary adjustments basically, and peeing excessively.

But enough about me, this is your 'about you' new lovely blog, thanks for having me on these pages, and I wholeheartedly apologize for high jacking your thread. ❤️❣️

I guess I lucked out not having to take it.

Quote from: Sarah B on December 09, 2024, 02:06:17 AMHi NatalieI never had that problem, when I left my previous life behind I travelled over 4,000km to a city called Sydney where the resources that I needed were there.  My family eventually found out about me when my uncle who knew what I was doing told my mum.  So interference was not possible and when my surgery day approached my uncle who knew wanted to be with me, when it happened.

However, due circumstances and I did not want him or anyone to interfere with what I was going to do, was at the back of my mind.  None of my family was present when I had my surgery.  My family loves me and accepts me unconditionally.

I really didn't have a life to leave. I lived in Virginia at the time and my parents and sisters where all down in Georgia. I had no significant other and no friends. Nothing was going to get in my way but I didn't want to cut ties if I didn't have to. Although I was very temped more then a few times.

Quote from: Sarah B on December 09, 2024, 02:06:17 AMAs for being younger:

I was in my early forties and still at university, I was talking to a female colleague and age came up.  She thought I was in my late twenties or early thirties.  I said no, I was in my forties, she did not believe it and I had to show her my driving license.  People tend to peg me as being 10 years younger.  I thought it was down to genetics, as my grandmother had a beautiful skin.  However, I think it is down to the hormones that we take that certainly makes us look younger than we are.

I have certainly enjoyed reading your past and present posts and as I say when I welcome new members; "I like reading members stories as I'm sure I will learn something new".

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

I couldn't get into a rated R movie without being carded and at the time I was just under 29 years old.The biggest tell for my age now is my hair if I go too long between colorings.

Hi Natalie

You said:

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 09, 2024, 02:29:32 PMI really didn't have a life to leave. I lived in Virginia at the time and my parents and sisters where all down in Georgia. I had no significant other and no friends. Nothing was going to get in my way but I didn't want to cut ties if I didn't have to. Although I was very temped more then a few times.

I did not have a significant other, and although I led a fulfilling life with friends, I often felt alone. Despite being quiet, reserved, and shy, there was always something missing.  Eventually, I decided to leave because I was well known in my town, largely due to my swimming achievements and my mother was also well known.  I left mainly because I cared deeply for my family and friends and didn't want them to face any consequences from the decisions I was about to make.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@NatalieRene

Quote from: Sarah B on December 09, 2024, 04:08:11 PMHi Natalie

You said:

I did not have a significant other, and although I led a fulfilling life with friends, I often felt alone. Despite being quiet, reserved, and shy, there was always something missing.  Eventually, I decided to leave because I was well known in my town, largely due to my swimming achievements and my mother was also well known.  I left mainly because I cared deeply for my family and friends and didn't want them to face any consequences from the decisions I was about to make."

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@NatalieRene

Oh yeah I get that. I got a taste of that the few times I went to church with my parents on Sundays while visiting. Everyone I knew through high school and TEC were there. Everyone was polite and everyone was quick to keep their distance. Although it has been easier after the first few years as people move on and I simply blend into the crowd more.

Flashing back to August 2010. I was at Leesburg shopping at an Eddie Bower outlet with a friend. This was before going full time. I was starting to feel a little more comfortable going out presenting as female.
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I was trying on some clothes I picked up at the local good will.
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I show these because between August 2010 and January 2010 I went from that to this. No padding no augmentation, not tissue paper, just a basic under wire bra. It was around this point that I really started to notice that guys where openly looking at my breasts. They would crane their necks to get a look. It took getting used to. At first I felt like they where looking because I wasn't passing. But standing in line listening to the guys at the back of the line by the door talking about the rack on the hottie up at the front and I realized they where talking about me eased my fears.
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A little celebration. I went to the salon and got my nails done. This was the first time ever getting my nails done and I loved them. My Mom absolutely lost her mind when she saw them months later. More on that in a bit.
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Out in the wild a party at friends from the MAGIC group after New Years. I was looking and sounding well enough that some of the people. I'm to the left of the right column with my black sweater dress on. The lady I was talking with thought I was cis until the moderator came up and talked. I just bought this dress so I was very excited to wear it out and about. You can see that guy in the center looking over at me while talking with the fiancé of the person taking the photograph. I didn't know it at the time but he was talking to her asking about me trying to figure out f I was single so he could ask me out. Fun times :)
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February 2011 1 Year and 1 Month of HRT 5th month of full time

I went up to Maryland with a friend to visit another friend. We stopped over at a Microcenter and my friend browsed for drives. Then we stopped over at REI and I bought a sun dress.

When I got home later that evening I tried it on once more before getting ready for bed.
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May 2011 1 Year 4 Months HRT and 8 months of full time

I went down to visit my parents for my birthday. I had my purple dress and had my manicure. I was feeling good. My Mom was trying this time but still deadnaming and misgendering me about half the time. We went to church while I was down there. One of the people from Bible school came up to us after the service and was trying to figure out who I was. Before I could say anything my middle sister dead named me on purpose. Everyone around us heard it so I just smiled and left and headed back to the car to wait to leave and head back. He came out of the church a few minutes later and headed over to me and told me he couldn't believe it was me. He was still as cool as I remember and we caught up. It ended up being a good conversation.

It was also around this time after getting back home I had my consultation for SRS.
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Such a wonderful journey and great pics. Thanks for sharing!

I don't remember the exact date but towards the end of my 1 year of full time I had to get a second therapist in addition to my primary therapist. I got a reference from my therapist. I had to do this because to get SRS the surgeon required required from two therapists recommending the procedure. I also went up to Philadelphia to get my consultation with Dr. Sharman Leis. It was over $20,000. I remember wondering how the heck I would ever manage to save up that much money after checking and finding out my insurance covered none of the expense.

Coming home there was a blizzard. Thundergedden and a group of 18 wheelers crashed on 495. My friend drove us in her Ford f-350 and distinctly remember the drive home being white knuckled because of the weather. I glad she drove us because my 2010 Honda Fit Sport probably would not have done as well.

A contract gig with my former employer popped up. I worked on their projects at night and through the weekends  and stacked up the cash over the course of 3.5 months.

I was so excited and booked my SRS procedure. Then I got laid off two weeks before the procedure. My Mom said I should cancel the SRS until I had another job. I just couldn't though. I told my Mom I would rather lose my town house and end up back at home if I couldn't find another job and get the surgery completed then have the ability to get it and watch it all slip away.

I interviewed while doing my contract work full time the next two weeks and then went up to Philadelphia with no job and had the surgery. Dr. Leis rented rooms in a apartment building of his for recovering patients at a very reasonable rate. Two of my closet friends watched me for the first week and then my Mom was up taking care of me during my second week.

I got an email from one of the companies I interviewed at while I was recovering and lucked into another job that I started three weeks after my SRS surgery. It honestly felt like one last test to see how much I really wanted the surgery. This was the first time my Mom used female pronouns and my name. This was also the first time she heard my female voice I had been trying hard on. We had lunch at Red Lobster and she commented how well I was doing. It felt good to get her support.

Hi Everyone

Natalie you said:

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 14, 2024, 09:54:30 PMI don't remember the exact date but towards the end of my 1 year of full time I had to get a second therapist in addition to my primary therapist.  I got a reference from my therapist.  I had to do this because to get SRS the surgeon required required from two therapists recommending the procedure.  I also went up to Philadelphia to get my consultation with Dr.  Sharman Leis.  It was over $20,000.  I remember wondering how the heck I would ever manage to save up that much money after checking and finding out my insurance covered none of the expense.

From the beginning, I was determined to have surgery and prepared to do whatever it took to make it happen. I approached my first psychiatrist with purpose, presenting myself as female to demonstrate my seriousness. After over a year of consultations, I raised the need for a second psychiatrist, knowing that two letters of recommendation were required.

My primary psychiatrist referred me to a second and within a few visits, I secured my first surgery letter in May 1990 from my second psychiatrist.  Around the same time, my endocrinologist unexpectedly provided a second letter.  I then asked my first psychiatrist to write his letter, feeling anxious about whether he might refuse.  To my relief, he agreed, confirming to my surgeon that I was a suitable candidate for SRS.  Surgery cost $10,000 then.

With both letters in hand, I eagerly asked if surgery could proceed immediately, but I was told I needed to complete the required two years of living as female.  While this waiting period was frustrating, my desire for surgery kept me focused  and knowing the date was set made it more bearable.  As the surgery date approached, my determination only intensified, but I faced one final hurdle: securing the funds.

In a moment of desperation, I called my psychiatrist in tears, fearing I might not be able to pay. Thankfully, a last minute loan saved the day.  Looking back, my journey was far more about than meeting requirements or overcoming logistical challenges.  It was about affirming the life I had always longed for, even though I had always been female. Every step, from changing my clothes, medication and documents to overcoming emotional and financial obstacles, reflected just how much I wanted this surgery and how determined I was to achieve it.

I wrote a much longer story about this in Sarah's Story. (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247190.msg2288130.html#msg2288130)

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@NatalieRene

Quote from: Sarah B on December 15, 2024, 12:04:15 PMHi Everyone

Natalie you said:

From the beginning, I was determined to have surgery and prepared to do whatever it took to make it happen. I approached my first psychiatrist with purpose, presenting myself as female to demonstrate my seriousness. After over a year of consultations, I raised the need for a second psychiatrist, knowing that two letters of recommendation were required.

My primary psychiatrist referred me to a second and within a few visits, I secured my first surgery letter in May 1990 from my second psychiatrist.  Around the same time, my endocrinologist unexpectedly provided a second letter.  I then asked my first psychiatrist to write his letter, feeling anxious about whether he might refuse.  To my relief, he agreed, confirming to my surgeon that I was a suitable candidate for SRS.  Surgery cost $10,000 then.

With both letters in hand, I eagerly asked if surgery could proceed immediately, but I was told I needed to complete the required two years of living as female.  While this waiting period was frustrating, my desire for surgery kept me focused  and knowing the date was set made it more bearable.  As the surgery date approached, my determination only intensified, but I faced one final hurdle: securing the funds.

In a moment of desperation, I called my psychiatrist in tears, fearing I might not be able to pay. Thankfully, a last minute loan saved the day.  Looking back, my journey was far more about than meeting requirements or overcoming logistical challenges.  It was about affirming the life I had always longed for, even though I had always been female. Every step, from changing my clothes, medication and documents to overcoming emotional and financial obstacles, reflected just how much I wanted this surgery and how determined I was to achieve it.

I wrote a much longer story about this in Sarah's Story. (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247190.msg2288130.html#msg2288130)

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@NatalieRene

That was my experience too. I got so lucky in so many ways. I had heard it could take years and I was passable in months. I had dates with several men where they didn't have a clue on the first date. It got to the point where it hurt having to have the talk and dealing with some really painful rejections.

I was stealth the moment I left the University. I never had to worry about being able to use a restroom. No one ever complained. At the mall while waiting to use the rest room I could engage in conversation with the other woman waiting. More then a few times I was at coffee shops and people would buy my drinks to get to talk to me and try to get my number.

The ultimate ego boost though was going to dinner with my other trans friends I meet at support groups and having the server think I was cis and there to support the other members of our party.

Transitioning for me was more a matter of taking the little bit of money I had each month and paying for therapy to keep pushing the standards of care progress needle as fast as I could. Then whatever else I had paid for facial hair removal, endocrinologist appointments, hrt, and voice training.

Hi Natalie

There are so many similarities in our stories.

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 15, 2024, 10:10:18 PMThat was my experience too.  I got so lucky in so many ways.  I had heard it could take years and I was passable in months.  I had dates with several men where they didn't have a clue on the first date.  It got to the point where it hurt having to have the talk and dealing with some really painful rejections.

Lucky?  No, I wasn't just lucky I was extremely lucky.  Two Christmases before I changed my life around, I went on a holiday as Sarah.  I never hesitated about doing it.  I changed my clothes, put on some makeup and styled my hair in a plait or a French braid.  My new avatar shows how long my hair was and that was barely three months in.  I believe my long hair was key to how I was received.  I got into my car and traveled across Australia like I had been doing it forever.  At the time, I had no idea about "passing" or even what stealth was.  Even still to this day I just cannot understand how I did it.

I never struggled to get a date and though I never went beyond a couple, it was because my safety was always paramount.  Yes, it was painful letting some of them go.  I kept my personal life very private and that is what hurt me the most.  Although I wanted to continue some relationships, I wasn't able to because I hadn't yet had surgery.  That didn't happen until one year after my surgery.

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 15, 2024, 10:10:18 PMI was stealth the moment I left the University.  I never had to worry about being able to use a restroom.  No one ever complained.  At the mall while waiting to use the rest room I could engage in conversation with the other woman waiting.  More then a few times I was at coffee shops and people would buy my drinks to get to talk to me and try to get my number.

Before I changed my life, I wanted to go to university, but that wasn't possible where I lived.  When I left my family and friends behind that was in Feb 1989, my plan was to attend university.  However, I wanted to do it as me, but the paperwork at the time didn't allow it.  It wasn't until 1994 that I finally went.  As for restrooms, they were never an issue for me.  Since I was female, I used the female facilities without hesitation.  It felt natural and right.

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 15, 2024, 10:10:18 PMThe ultimate ego boost though was going to dinner with my other trans friends I meet at support groups and having the server think I was cis and there to support the other members of our party

I never associated with any groups because I wondered, "What could they help me with?" Some individuals caused me trouble.  I never considered myself "trans" anything back then, those words weren't really around at the time.  I didn't even think of myself as female, even though I lived as one.  I guess I was so naïve about myself.

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 15, 2024, 10:10:18 PMTransitioning for me was more a matter of taking the little bit of money I had each month and paying for therapy to keep pushing the standards of care progress needle as fast as I could.  Then whatever else I had paid for facial hair removal, endocrinologist appointments, hrt and voice training.

When I changed my life, I had a technical trade known as a draftsperson and held a certificate in Civil Engineering, which allowed me to design roads and draw roads and bridges.  Within three months, I was working full-time as a contract draftsperson.  I went from a government job paying about $20 an hour to contract work that paid around $30.

This gave me enough money for everything I needed therapy, medicines and electrolysis for hair removal along with my day-to-day living expenses.  The money for surgery was basically already there.  I had a $5,000 savings investment and bought a property for $5,000.  It was getting the loan against my property that nearly derailed me.

Yeah, those were fun times and I was care free.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@NatalieRene

Quote from: Sarah B on December 16, 2024, 12:21:10 AMI never struggled to get a date and though I never went beyond a couple, it was because my safety was always paramount.  Yes, it was painful letting some of them go.  I kept my personal life very private and that is what hurt me the most.  Although I wanted to continue some relationships, I wasn't able to because I hadn't yet had surgery.  That didn't happen until one year after my surgery.

It was the same for me. I was preop. He was so cute. I was two months from having SRS. I had the money and the procedure booked. On our second date we went to dinner and then a movie. He walked me back to my car after the movie and we kissed before I got into the car. It was amazing. I just about melted as the tingling ran down my back.

We had another date and I asked him what he was looking for long term and where he thought it was going. He wanted to start a family but wasn't open to the idea of adapting when I told him I couldn't have children of my own. It was like a mental switch went off in his his head. I didn't even bother to tell him I was trans since what did it matter at that point. I remember being really depressed about that. It was the one thing HRT couldn't make possible.

Quote from: Sarah B on December 16, 2024, 12:21:10 AMBefore I changed my life, I wanted to go to university, but that wasn't possible where I lived.  When I left my family and friends behind that was in Feb 1989, my plan was to attend university.  However, I wanted to do it as me, but the paperwork at the time didn't allow it.  It wasn't until 1994 that I finally went.  As for restrooms, they were never an issue for me.  Since I was female, I used the female facilities without hesitation.  It felt natural and right.

When I went to college I had no idea transitioning was even possible. There was a short story someone gave me called Remixed around this time. It was a story about a guy that was going to commit suicide and some kind of spirit asked him if he wanted a do over but with all that he had learned from this time through. The catch was one letter being changed which of course was his gender marker. I remember reading and rereading the story and thinking that would be amazing and then finally just getting depressed with the reality of being stuck. If I had known then I would have started right then and there.

Merry Christmas Natalie Rene!

I am so glad you have come back here to post.


Take care.


Chrissy

I went down to visit my parents for Christmas this year. It was a long trip. I had my hair done and decided to try red. My mom has suggested the color for years and I thought this year what the heck. I got this portrait made to finally get my Mom to agree to take down the old photo of me in my Naval uniform while in school.

What a major milestone to have that reminder removed finally.IMG_3523.png

While I was down there I spent time with my youngest sister. She is struggling after her bought with cancer. It's hard to watch her grow weaker. She has United Healthcare and they have been nothing but a detriment delaying treatment. Now she has major migraines that are debilitating and United Healthcare is denying on the guise of second guessing the doctors. She has been supportive of me and it's been hard watching her struggling and not being able to help more.

Hi Natalie

Absolutely Stunning

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
@NatalieRene

Radiant my dear XXX

Quote from: Sarah B on January 10, 2025, 01:25:50 AMHi Natalie

Absolutely Stunning

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
@NatalieRene

14 years of hrt. Interestingly enough just the estradiol pills and nothing else.

The cherry on top was this was the first year that my sisters in laws didn't try to make a huge deal about making me feel better and just talked to me.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 10, 2025, 06:58:25 AM14 years of hrt. Interestingly enough just the estradiol pills and nothing else.

The cherry on top was this was the first year that my sisters in laws didn't try to make a huge deal about making me feel better and just talked to me.

That is a gorgeous portrait, Nat.

I went red this winter too, but an unintentionally darker shade. You look great!

Sorry to hear about your youngest sister. I know what it is like to watch as a loved one fades away.

This is the other photo I picked from the portrait session. I ended up going with the first photo because I was worried this photo made my shoulders look too wide.

IMG_3477.JPG

Natalie,


You are beautiful, and I have enjoyed your postings here over the years.


Christine

Natalie, I'm honestly at a loss for words, just wow. I agree with your mom, Sarah and Lori Red fits you well.

So, it is true how unpredictable and transformative starting HRT can be, and it's good to see photos of your progress and how it  have come naturally to you. Thank you for sharing.

Belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your loved ones. I hope this year brings you continued growth and joy.

I'm deeply sorry to hear about your sister. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you and your family. Please know you're in my thoughts, and I'm wishing her comfort and peace during this time.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 10, 2025, 12:27:08 PMThis is the other photo I picked from the portrait session. I ended up going with the first photo because I was worried this photo made my shoulders look too wide.

I don't think it makes your shoulders look wide. It is a beautiful portrait.
I like the other one more because this one has your face partially hidden in shadow. But it is still a beautiful portrait.

Quote from: Lilis on January 10, 2025, 12:46:02 PMNatalie, I'm honestly at a loss for words, just wow. I agree with your mom, Sarah and Lori Red fits you well.

So, it is true how unpredictable and transformative starting HRT can be, and it's good to see photos of your progress and how it  have come naturally to you. Thank you for sharing.

You sound like my Mom. She was like I didn't realize how much muscle on your upper body is gone. That my neck is so thin now. Of course since I last posted in the weight loss topic I'm holding at 135 pounds and have been running and swimming heavily to maintain my figure.

My endocrinologist said I responded to the hrt much faster than he expected and had far greater results too. The original spiel was along the lines of this isn't a magic pill. You have to be prepared for minimal results. The results for me have far exceeded anything I could have asked for.

Before I moved to Texas. I think it was around 2014 my middle sister was getting married. My youngest sister was invited to the bridal party. My sister sent me a regular invitation that extended family got. So everyone else was literally in a place of honor and there would be me off in the corner. I didn't go to the wedding.

My sister and I had our spat and I think her husband try's to put on a good persona but when he first met me before introductions he was all, oh let me open the door, would you like a drink, miss this and miss that can I get your coat. As soon as he realized who I was when everyone else got in the room he backed up and didn't say anything to me the rest of the time I was there. It was like, yeah right back at you buddy.

It's why I have always been more than a little disdainful of my sisters in laws.

This trip was different though. I don't know if it was because of my younger sister or if they actually have stopped thinking of me as that trans person. But it was actually just small talk oh I like your blouse, who did your hair.

It was also the first time going out where no one on their side of the family never made a "mistake" to out me where we are at and draw attention to me. Although I did hear a hushed mumble from my sister's husband asking her "they don't realize that he's a guy." I was about to say something but before I could my Mom spoke up and rebuked him for being hurtful of me and that if he cannot speak well of her daughter then he could leave and wasn't welcome for dinner.

Quote from: Lilis on January 10, 2025, 12:46:02 PMBelated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your loved ones. I hope this year brings you continued growth and joy.

Thank you. I hope this year is good for you all too.

Quote from: Lilis on January 10, 2025, 12:46:02 PMI'm deeply sorry to hear about your sister. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you and your family. Please know you're in my thoughts, and I'm wishing her comfort and peace during this time.

Thank you. She has been my biggest supporter. I'm so happy that she is in remission. She's always had migraines but these are bad and she just lays in bed. United Healthcare says that the pills the doctor want to give her might cause seizures so they won't pay. I got mad because that sounds an awful lot like the health insurance company is practicing medicine instead of paying the doctors that practice medicine. The actual doctors think she needs the medication.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 10, 2025, 03:06:22 PMI got mad because that sounds an awful lot like the health insurance company is practicing medicine instead of paying the doctors that practice medicine. The actual doctors think she needs the medication.

That seems to be the way health insurance works now.

Doctor to Pharmacy: "She needs this medicine."
Pharmacy to Insurance: "She needs this medicine."
Insurance Company: "Does she really? Let's ask her doctor."

 ???

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 10, 2025, 02:36:09 PMI don't think it makes your shoulders look wide. It is a beautiful portrait.
I like the other one more because this one has your face partially hidden in shadow. But it is still a beautiful portrait.

Really you don't think my shoulders are too wide? I'm still nervous about leaving too much shoulder visible because I've always felt my shoulders were too wide. I guess it's just the ever present dysphoria mind worms.

I don't even notice my face was partially in shadow in this one. I guess it worked out that I picked the other one to get a large copy of and framed.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 10, 2025, 03:06:22 PMYou sound like my Mom. She was like I didn't realize how much muscle on your upper body is gone. That my neck is so thin now. Of course since I last posted in the weight loss topic I'm holding at 135 pounds and have been running and swimming heavily to maintain my figure.

Haha, I'm happy to sound like your mom. But honestly, I'm not sure where all this wisdom is coming from. But I have to agree with her here again, your neck, shoulders, and every other feature, like your jaw, lips, cheeks, brows, eyes, lashes, and nose, all align perfectly. You look amazing!

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 10, 2025, 03:06:22 PMOf course since I last posted in the weight loss topic I'm holding at 135 pounds and have been running and swimming heavily to maintain my figure.

Nice, I can't imagine getting to 135 pounds myself. But since starting HRT, I've lost 20 pounds and am currently at 190. At 5'9", my goal is to reach a healthy weight for a woman of my height, which is max of 160 pounds based on my personal research.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 10, 2025, 03:06:22 PMMy endocrinologist said I responded to the hrt much faster than he expected and had far greater results too. The original spiel was along the lines of this isn't a magic pill. You have to be prepared for minimal results. The results for me have far exceeded anything I could have asked for.

That's amazing, a true blessing, whether you call it fortune, luck, or something else. So much for 'doctors know best, right? I find your journey incredibly inspirational, especially for those who value passing. There's so much they can learn from your experience.

I also admire your humility, especially when you mentioned that passing doesn't fix everything. As just a suggestion, and only if you feel comfortable, maybe consider using one of your portraits as a profile picture. The reason I say this is that, they may eventually get buried in the thread over time. A profile picture would act as a beacon, letting your light shine visibly for others to see and appreciate. But, of course, only do it if it feels right to you.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 10, 2025, 03:06:22 PMBefore I moved to Texas. I think it was around 2014 my middle sister was getting married. My youngest sister was invited to the bridal party. My sister sent me a regular invitation that extended family got. So everyone else was literally in a place of honor and there would be me off in the corner. I didn't go to the wedding.

My sister and I had our spat and I think her husband try's to put on a good persona but when he first met me before introductions he was all, oh let me open the door, would you like a drink, miss this and miss that can I get your coat. As soon as he realized who I was when everyone else got in the room he backed up and didn't say anything to me the rest of the time I was there. It was like, yeah right back at you buddy.

It's why I have always been more than a little disdainful of my sisters in laws.

Sorry you had to go through this, Natalie. It's always painful to feel undervalued by people who should celebrated you as family. Your decision not to attend the wedding makes complete sense, I would have done the same. Honestly, good for you for standing your ground and not letting your sister's in-laws or your sister husband behavior define your worth, I love it.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 10, 2025, 03:06:22 PMThis trip was different though. I don't know if it was because of my younger sister or if they actually have stopped thinking of me as that trans person. But it was actually just small talk oh I like your blouse, who did your hair.

It was also the first time going out where no one on their side of the family never made a "mistake" to out me where we are at and draw attention to me. Although I did hear a hushed mumble from my sister's husband asking her "they don't realize that he's a guy." I was about to say something but before I could my Mom spoke up and rebuked him for being hurtful of me and that if he cannot speak well of her daughter then he could leave and wasn't welcome for dinner.

You look absolutely amazing and have been blessed with the gift of passing. I don't know what your sister-in-laws look like, and why they want to out you, but I can't help to sense there might be some envy or jealousy directed toward your appearance. I think it would be wise to be cautious around them. I love your mom, I'm so glad she stood up for you and put your sister's husband in his place, what a jerk.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 10, 2025, 03:06:22 PMThank you. I hope this year is good for you all too.

You're welcome, and thank so much.

~ Lilis

You are VERY pretty.  Both portraits are terrific.  I probably would have picked the first one also.


Chrissy

A while back, Susan did a Progression Photo Album. It inspired me to do one too.

If you have enough old photos that you don't mind sharing, you could do one too. You had posted some earlier photos pre-transition and to see the progress that you have made is inspiring. Not only for others but for you to look back on and sing, "You've Come A Long Way, Baby!"

Here is mine if you want to see what we did.
https://imgur.com/a/progression-story-of-lori-photo-journey-AEZXBWe

From left to right my middle sister, my youngest sister, my Dad, me just started hrt. This was an awesome province we were at called Montenerodomo. My Gradfather was born there.IMG_3532.JPG
My dad, middle sister, youngest sister, me and my Mom.
IMG_3533.png

From left to right me, my youngest sister and my middle sister.
image.jpg.0acd240933d751460336eb77295ff372.jpg

Basically I'm pretty much the same build as my Mom. Shorter than my youngest sister and taller than my middle sister.

My sister will not do anything to me. She is snippy but not physical. As kids she used to make fun of me for not having friends.

Her husband I'm not so sure about but I wouldn't go anywhere alone with him anyways. I think he is a bigot. I think he is also upset that he thought I was attractive. I'm sure it bruised his ego good.

My sister has had two kids. She has put on weight. I look younger than both my sisters and am in the best shape of all of us. Part of it might be that she doesn't like that I fit better into her old clothes now then she ever did and oh yes I have raided her closet.  :icon_suspicious:

My figure is as best I figure a half answered prayer.

Quote from: Lilis on January 10, 2025, 07:55:34 PMNice, I can't imagine getting to 135 pounds myself.
~ Lilis

Believe it or not but 135 was my natural weight all through high school. I never actually bulked up in terms of muscle. In the photos in Italy I was maybe with the clothes and shoes on tipping the scale at 140 to 145. My body mass was mostly my stomach and legs.

One of your fine family pictures reminds me of a half scale replica of the famous Leaning Tower of Pisa.  This replica is at 6300 W. Touhy in Niles, Illinois, a Chicago suburb.  Information can be found online about it.  I think it is free to visit the outside of it from ground level.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 10, 2025, 10:36:01 PMOne of your fine family pictures reminds me of a half scale replica of the famous Leaning Tower of Pisa.  This replica is at 6300 W. Touhy in Niles, Illinois, a Chicago suburb.  Information can be found online about it.  I think it is free to visit the outside of it from ground level.

Oh cool I didn't know we have a replica over here. This was the actual one though. Of course the tower wasn't the only thing leaning there. Literally everything is leaning to some extent. It's crazy to think the tower is still even standing.

I'm reposting this from another thread because it touches on events I was talking about yesterday in more detail.

For context on why I did what I did with my sisters husband. No I wasn't trying to seduce him although I made an impact because I heard him tell my sister that he never would have known and no I'm not gay while I was in the room next to theirs unpacking my stuff. I was mad and utterly intent in humiliating him so I hit him in the bigotry.

Ok on with the repost

The toughest on going thing? Acceptance from one of my sisters.

This is the sister that when I was down there one time I got dragged into a therapy session with the whole family and she told me I was ruining her life because she didn't think anyone would marry her if she had a trans person as a brother.

When she was getting married she invited my youngest sister into the bridal party but she didn't invite me. I got the regular invitation. I asked her why and she said very hurtful things so I refused to go.

When I was visiting my parents for Christmas I remember meeting her husband for the first time.

My mom asked me not to wear a dress before I got there so I wouldn't upset my sister. So what did I do? I showed up in my Victoria Secret purple strapless dress a matching heels to accent my ankles with my hair in a French Twist. I figured screw my sister. This dress has always been a favorite of mine because it gives a nice view of cleavage and with the right pushed bra looks amazing.

I got her husbands attention right away and was as girly as possible before my sister was in the house. He didn't even know who I was but he was and assumed I was a friend of the family visiting. I was still mad about being snubbed by them. When my Mom introduced him to me formally and he realized who I was he looked at my high school photo of me in my uniform from NJROTC and the switch flipped. It didn't matter that I pass visually and have a feminine voice. I hate that damn photo! But at least there it was no hiding it and acting all polite while making snide comments behind my back anymore.

Thankfully I don't  live in Georgia and I am stealth so I mostly just deal with glass ceiling and mansplaining issues but it sucks going down to visit my parents and having to act like I don't hate my sisters guts around my parents.

My sisters in laws are more accepting although the probing questions for a few hours when we first met. Did you have surgery on the face? No. How is that possible you look like a girl? How are you speaking like a girl? Don't still have your ... well you know?

It really made me feel like a lab rat but it ended with one of them saying you're not at all what I expected. When I asked what she expected she said a guy in a dress with a 5 o'clock shadow strutting around. Clearly my sister had done nothing to actually help me before hand.

Natalie,

Probably one of the highest recognitions that one is taken for granted to be a woman is when she is routinely thought of as a CIS female.  It is like "if you look like a duck, sound like a duck, walk like a duck, you are a duck, what else could you possibly be?"

It is a shame that even in these total male fail situations, after some people find out the "backstory" of her being MTF, they keep their distance, withdraw, even are unfriendly, or worse.

I do not understand why your sister thought no one would marry her if they knew she has a sister who used to be her brother.  That seems extreme.   

Keep on sharing, you are a special person who has endured enough already. 

Separately though, we do remember all of our MTF "sisters" in the world who are going through a lot of pain, snubbing, hurtful comments, and non-acceptance.  Such happiness occurs when some or most of that goes away for us. We simply want to live our lives as the women we are.

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 11, 2025, 10:39:22 AMNatalie,

Probably one of the highest recognitions that one is taken for granted to be a woman is when she is routinely thought of as a CIS female.  It is like "if you look like a duck, sound like a duck, walk like a duck, you are a duck, what else could you possibly be?"

It is a shame that even in these total male fail situations, after some people find out the "backstory" of her being MTF, they keep their distance, withdraw, even are unfriendly, or worse.

I do not understand why your sister thought no one would marry her if they knew she has a sister who used to be her brother.  That seems extreme. 

Keep on sharing, you are a special person who has endured enough already. 

Separately though, we do remember all of our MTF "sisters" in the world who are going through a lot of pain, snubbing, hurtful comments, and non-acceptance.  Such happiness occurs when some or most of that goes away for us. We simply want to live our lives as the women we are.

Chrissy

She probably will never accept me. The irony that I have come to realize is the situation is a sisters spat. So I guess that in itself is validation.

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 08, 2024, 10:14:02 PM. . .

January 2011 1 year on hormones 4 months full time

I was settled into a routine at this point. Going to support groups. Friends in the evenings to go hang out with. I was actually starting to feel normal.

I got passed up for a promotion at work and I was feeling rejected so I started looking for a new job. I was the head programmer there and knew more of the process then anyone so why was I passed over for the literal new guy.

. . .

I believe I lost out too.  I do not want to take up much space here in your blog so let me just say that I can relate.  I do not have that issue now, that is a blessing.

Chrissy

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 11, 2025, 09:54:46 AMI'm reposting this from another thread because it touches on events I was talking about yesterday in more detail.

For context on why I did what I did with my sisters husband. No I wasn't trying to seduce him although I made an impact because I heard him tell my sister that he never would have known and no I'm not gay while I was in the room next to theirs unpacking my stuff. I was mad and utterly intent in humiliating him so I hit him in the bigotry.

Thank you for clarifying, Natalie. It sounds like you handled the situation well. However, from what you've shared, it seems he still hasn't recognized how harmful his biases are. Nonetheless, it was brave of you to stand up for yourself. Did taking that stand help you feel better?

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 11, 2025, 09:54:46 AMOk on with the repost

The toughest on going thing? Acceptance from one of my sisters.

This is the sister that when I was down there one time I got dragged into a therapy session with the whole family and she told me I was ruining her life because she didn't think anyone would marry her if she had a trans person as a brother.

When she was getting married she invited my youngest sister into the bridal party but she didn't invite me. I got the regular invitation. I asked her why and she said very hurtful things so I refused to go.

I think I understand now, and I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's your middle sister and her husband, not your younger sister, who are causing you this distress, right? Either way, it's painful and heartbreaking. Hopefully, someday she will realize how wrong she is and how much she's missing out by not fully embracing you.

I can relate to what you're going through. My older brother and his family have similar biases due to their religious and other beliefs. God is no respecter of persons, yet he has a daughter, one of his three, who is a lesbian and married to another cisgender woman. My brother never told anyone about this, I only found out through family gossip on social media about my niece. I love my niece, but my brother continues to cling to his bigotry. Honestly, he seems like he was born to be a conservative Republican, he's always been this way.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 11, 2025, 09:54:46 AMWhen I was visiting my parents for Christmas I remember meeting her husband for the first time.

My mom asked me not to wear a dress before I got there so I wouldn't upset my sister. So what did I do? I showed up in my Victoria Secret purple strapless dress a matching heels to accent my ankles with my hair in a French Twist. I figured screw my sister. This dress has always been a favorite of mine because it gives a nice view of cleavage and with the right pushed bra looks amazing.

Oh my god. Did you secretly snapped some pictures of his reaction when he saw you? 😄

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 11, 2025, 09:54:46 AMI got her husbands attention right away and was as girly as possible before my sister was in the house. He didn't even know who I was but he was and assumed I was a friend of the family visiting. I was still mad about being snubbed by them. When my Mom introduced him to me formally and he realized who I was he looked at my high school photo of me in my uniform from NJROTC and the switch flipped. It didn't matter that I pass visually and have a feminine voice. I hate that damn photo! But at least there it was no hiding it and acting all polite while making snide comments behind my back anymore.

Thankfully I don't  live in Georgia and I am stealth so I mostly just deal with glass ceiling and mansplaining issues but it sucks going down to visit my parents and having to act like I don't hate my sisters guts around my parents.

My sisters in laws are more accepting although the probing questions for a few hours when we first met. Did you have surgery on the face? No. How is that possible you look like a girl? How are you speaking like a girl? Don't still have your ... well you know?

It really made me feel like a lab rat but it ended with one of them saying you're not at all what I expected. When I asked what she expected she said a guy in a dress with a 5 o'clock shadow strutting around. Clearly my sister had done nothing to actually help me before hand.

It's unfortunate that your sister and her husband couldn't rise above their prejudices to support you. The way you described your sister's in-laws questioning also stood out to me. You don't have to endure being treated like a 'lab rat', don't label yourself like that. You are stronger than they, or even what you realize. I've read your other posts. You mention your are doing this for 14 years, that's a long time. Their inability to appreciate you speaks volumes about them, not you.

Keep shining, Natalie. ❤️

Quote from: Lilis on January 11, 2025, 04:22:39 PMThank you for clarifying, Natalie. It sounds like you handled the situation well. However, from what you've shared, it seems he still hasn't recognized how harmful his biases are. Nonetheless, it was brave of you to stand up for yourself. Did taking that stand help you feel better?

It increased my confidence. Up until he realized who I was he had this stupid grin on his face and a twinkle in his eye. I also noticed that he did take a long look at my breasts and I'm sure he wasn't sitting there thinking oh that's a nice necklace. In a stupid way it just confirmed for me that his only objection was that I was born male. Once I knew that his opinion meant exactly nothing to me.

Quote from: Lilis on January 11, 2025, 04:22:39 PMI think I understand now, and I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's your middle sister and her husband, not your younger sister, who are causing you this distress, right? Either way, it's painful and heartbreaking. Hopefully, someday she will realize how wrong she is and how much she's missing out by not fully embracing you.

My middle sister is the one that is married and is the only one in my family that has not accepted me. My showing up in the dress was as much to ruffle her feathers as it was to mess with her husband. I refuse to walk on egg shells for her sake. If she doesn't like it she can leave.

Quote from: Lilis on January 11, 2025, 04:22:39 PMI can relate to what you're going through. My older brother and his family have similar biases due to their religious and other beliefs. God is no respecter of persons, yet he has a daughter, one of his three, who is a lesbian and married to another cisgender woman. My brother never told anyone about this, I only found out through family gossip on social media about my niece. I love my niece, but my brother continues to cling to his bigotry. Honestly, he seems like he was born to be a conservative Republican, he's always been this way.

Probably the same as my sister. She and her husband will have to sort out their beliefs on their own. I don't understand how they can understand ADD but not this medical condition. It's not any different. The brain is wired wrong. The brain and the soul are one thing and the body is something else. Obviously you cannot change the brain or the person but you can do what you can with the body. They being so hell bent on hating trans people because to them the body is the person flys in the face of Jesus' teachings. The body is nothing. It's shadows and dust.

So instead of being happy for me that I basically won the genetic lottery and lucked out to be able to pass as well as I do they just cling to but your XY. But frankly how do they know what I am? I haven't had a genetic test. For all I know I'm XXY but quite frankly what does it matter?

At least I think I got through to the in laws. Who knows maybe over time my sister and her husband might realize how ->-bleeped-<-ty they have been for the last ten years because I feel real sorry for my niece and nephew if god forbid one of them is trans.

Quote from: Lilis on January 11, 2025, 04:22:39 PMOh my god. Did you secretly snapped some pictures of his reaction when he saw you? 😄

Oh I wish I did but my purse was on the end table and he put up my jacket for me. My dress had exactly zero pockets. I can give you the mental image though. South Park the episode when Stan has the treehouse and plays truth or dare. The very end when Stan said dare that was him before and then the exclamation when he realized I was the oldest the what look when the dare was to put the stick up his dick pretty much summed his next look up.

Quote from: Lilis on January 11, 2025, 04:22:39 PMIt's unfortunate that your sister and her husband couldn't rise above their prejudices to support you. The way you described your sister's in-laws questioning also stood out to me. You don't have to endure being treated like a 'lab rat', don't label yourself like that. You are stronger than they, or even what you realize. I've read your other posts. You mention your are doing this for 14 years, that's a long time. Their inability to appreciate you speaks volumes about them, not you.

Keep shining, Natalie. ❤️

Thankfully that was only the first time I saw them. They all live down in Georgia so they really hadn't been exposed to a trans person before. I think some were in shock.

I hope they all come around and fully appreciate you.

Chrissy

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 11, 2025, 06:06:48 PMIt increased my confidence.

Awesome, you got this.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 11, 2025, 06:06:48 PMMy middle sister is the one that is married and is the only one in my family that has not accepted me. My showing up in the dress was as much to ruffle her feathers as it was to mess with her husband. I refuse to walk on egg shells for her sake. If she doesn't like it she can leave.

Got, it makes sense now.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 11, 2025, 06:06:48 PMProbably the same as my sister. She and her husband will have to sort out their beliefs on their own. I don't understand how they can understand ADD but not this medical condition. It's not any different. The brain is wired wrong. The brain and the soul are one thing and the body is something else. Obviously you cannot change the brain or the person but you can do what you can with the body. They being so hell bent on hating trans people because to them the body is the person flys in the face of Jesus' teachings. The body is nothing. It's shadows and dust.

So instead of being happy for me that I basically won the genetic lottery and lucked out to be able to pass as well as I do they just cling to but your XY. But frankly how do they know what I am? I haven't had a genetic test. For all I know I'm XXY but quite frankly what does it matter?

Yeah, it doesn't matter. I thought about getting that test for myself at one point, but now I don't really care. I agree the mindset in red states often seems different from that in blue states. That said, not everyone fits the mold. My younger brother is a Republican living in Ohio, like my older brother, but he's always been an ally. Interestingly, he doesn't have any LGBTQ+ kids, unlike my older brother. Meanwhile, my two sisters and I are in New York State, and life does seem a little better here compared to Ohio. I don't know some people seem unshakable in their beliefs, no matter how many facts or opposing viewpoints they're presented with.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 11, 2025, 06:06:48 PMThey being so hell bent on hating trans people because to them the body is the person flys in the face of Jesus' teachings. The body is nothing. It's shadows and dust.

These are my beliefs as well. The Bible is clear in many places, teaching that God does not focus on outward appearance and encourages us to do the same for others. Instead, we are called to make righteous judgments and judge according to the deeds of the heart, for the flesh profits nothing.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 11, 2025, 06:06:48 PMOh I wish I did but my purse was on the end table and he put up my jacket for me. My dress had exactly zero pockets. I can give you the mental image though. South Park the episode when Stan has the treehouse and plays truth or dare. The very end when Stan said dare that was him before and then the exclamation when he realized I was the oldest the what look when the dare was to put the stick up his dick pretty much summed his next look up.

Awesome 😄

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 11, 2025, 07:14:05 PMI hope they all come around and fully appreciate you.

Chrissy

Yeah exactly this, me too Chrissy. ❤️

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 11, 2025, 07:14:05 PMI hope they all come around and fully appreciate you.

Chrissy

Thank you Chrissy. I hope so. I'll be down there in May for my birthday. I'll extend the olive branch and make sure they know that they are welcome. If anything it will help their children to see I'm normal and not the boogy man I'm sure they have made me out to be to them.

Quote from: Lilis on January 11, 2025, 08:44:56 PMAwesome, you got this.
Got, it makes sense now.
Yeah, it doesn't matter. I thought about getting that test for myself at one point, but now I don't really care. I agree the mindset in red states often seems different from that in blue states. That said, not everyone fits the mold. My younger brother is a Republican living in Ohio, like my older brother, but he's always been an ally. Interestingly, he doesn't have any LGBTQ+ kids, unlike my older brother. Meanwhile, my two sisters and I are in New York State, and life does seem a little better here compared to Ohio. I don't know some people seem unshakable in their beliefs, no matter how many facts or opposing viewpoints they're presented with.
These are my beliefs as well. The Bible is clear in many places, teaching that God does not focus on outward appearance and encourages us to do the same for others. Instead, we are called to make righteous judgments and judge according to the deeds of the heart, for the flesh profits nothing.
Awesome 😄
Yeah exactly this, me too Chrissy. ❤️

I thought about getting the test too. But I realized it doesn't matter. Maybe I would have if it was a factor to get my birth certificate updated but thankfully I was born in California. If only I could afford to live there but my adopted state of Virginia has been good to me too.

You said how my facial structure is so perfect. I have a 34 inch chest, d cup, 18" shoulders (width not wrapped around), 41" hips, 30 inch waist. My arms from my elbows down palm forward don't go straight down, they angle away from me. My ring finger and index fingers are the same length. I had almost zero body hair. It's not the typical build for a guy.

Technically speaking I really should not have developed that way so the only thing I can conclude is maybe in this life God answered my constant prayers as much as possible

I didn't start hrt until just before my 29th birthday so I was well past the point where hrt would impact my skeletal structure. I just developed the way I developed.

I have often wondered if I'm intersex. It would explain that bizarre argument my mom made when she tried to talk me out of hrt. I haven't heard in anyone else's accounts of their parents response their parent saying to a mtf that they are worried they would be a man in a woman's body.

I always felt like if I took the test would it matter? It's not going to change who I am. It won't magically make things better. So why bother try to validate myself for anyone else.

Yes exactly. My sister keeps quoting the men should not lay down with men. But I'm not a man mentally. Physically it's a tough argument to call me a man either. I mean seriously oh let's check your chromosomes. Not the least of which some woman forced into the same test could find out oh shoot they are by that metric men also because people are analog. We are not digital. Yes predominantly people gravitate towards one or the other but it's not as simple as a binary switch dictating everything.

Wow, your measurements are truly noteworthy. I'm at a loss for words once again. Yeah, there's a lot going on there with your family. Hopefully, some day it's all figured out.

Please know that you're in my thoughts, and I'm praying for nothing but the best for you and your loved ones. Thank you, Natalie, for taking the time to answer all my questions.

@NatalieRene

Natalie,

You stated, "You said how my facial structure is so perfect. I have a 34 inch chest, d cup, 18" shoulders (width not wrapped around), 41" hips, 30 inch waist. My arms from my elbows down palm forward don't go straight down, they angle away from me. My ring finger and index fingers are the same length. I had almost zero body hair. It's not the typical build for a guy."


Wow I am momentarily so jelly.  I should not be jealous, as it not good to covet anything.

Your proportions are nice for sure.  How tall are you? 


Chrissy

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 11, 2025, 10:45:54 PMMy sister keeps quoting the men should not lay down with men.

I have two brothers who use this line too. It only proves they know nothing about gender or sexual preference. In my experience, those who rely on quoting scriptures do so because they are too mentally lazy to have an original thought. Minds are like parachutes; they only work when they are open.

I leave them with Galatians 3:28 to ponder.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 12, 2025, 09:11:31 AMNatalie,

You stated, "You said how my facial structure is so perfect. I have a 34 inch chest, d cup, 18" shoulders (width not wrapped around), 41" hips, 30 inch waist. My arms from my elbows down palm forward don't go straight down, they angle away from me. My ring finger and index fingers are the same length. I had almost zero body hair. It's not the typical build for a guy."


Wow I am momentarily so jelly.  I should not be jealous, as it not good to covet anything.

Your proportions are nice for sure.  How tall are you? 


Chrissy

Closer to 5'10" then 5'9" but somewhere in between.

The boys locker room was hell in high school. One time I was told I had bigger breasts then their girlfriend.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 12, 2025, 11:13:15 AMCloser to 5'10" then 5'9" but somewhere in between.

The boys locker room was hell in high school. One time I was told I had bigger breasts then their girlfriend.

I can imagine how this could have been a problem in high school. 

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 12, 2025, 11:13:15 AMThe boys locker room was hell in high school. One time I was told I had bigger breasts then their girlfriend.

I had similar issues. Not with breast size but my nipples always stuck out more than others. My brothers found it amusing as well as high school sports teammates and in the military. Now I am proud of them.  ;D

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 12, 2025, 11:38:15 AMI had similar issues. Not with breast size but my nipples always stuck out more than others. My brothers found it amusing as well as high school sports teammates and in the military. Now I am proud of them.  ;D

My nipples were the size of quarters and AA size with like three chest hairs total.

So obviously in 9th grade most of the girls where already further along but for a 14 year old it got me teased a lot and started a lot of fights.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 12, 2025, 11:13:15 AMCloser to 5'10" then 5'9" but somewhere in between.

The boys locker room was hell in high school. One time I was told I had bigger breasts then their girlfriend.

The swimming pool parties, the beach, volleyball games with the shirtless team, the gym, those hot, muggy summer days when all the boys strolled around in tank tops. Even at home, Dad would ask Mom what on earth she was feeding me. Sometimes it felt like life in general was a whirlwind, but then I met a young girl who found my breasts cute. She always claimed I had bigger breasts than hers. I always denied it, and to prove me wrong, she wanted me to try on her bra. But I was too shy back then and never did. We dated for a while, but nothing came of the relationship.

Quote from: Lilis on January 12, 2025, 12:26:06 PMThe swimming pool parties, the beach, volleyball games with the shirtless team, the gym, those hot, muggy summer days when all the boys strolled around in tank tops. Even at home, Dad would ask Mom what on earth she was feeding me. Sometimes it felt like life in general was a whirlwind, but then I met a young girl who found my breasts cute. She always claimed I had bigger breasts than hers. I always denied it, and to prove me wrong, she wanted me to try on her bra. But I was too shy back then and never did. We dated for a while, but nothing came of the relationship.

I never took my shirt off for anything if I wasn't forced to. My mom signed me up for the swim team. Nothing I hated more then wearing that damn speedo and being remind yup there those bleeping things are on display for everyone.

My Mom asked me once why I hated the speedo but have no problem wearing a bikini and I explained it was never about the speedo itself.

I found a photo of my Mom when she first met my adopted father. I never met my biological father. My Mom left him when I was two. Then my portrait again for side by side
IMG_0689.JPG
IMG_3523.png

My Mom says I look a lot more like her when she was younger than both of my other sisters.

So back around 2018 I got a job with Crestron. I went to Texas. My original boss and the team I worked with were amazing. We wrote drivers to control the equipment on site. Our intern that got offered a position moved onto another job. They hired some new people and the person that pointed me in the direction there retired shortly after I left. There was another trans person there.

I was in the worst shape of my life depressed and now in a miserably hot environment. This is around the time I started my weight loss regimen. My apartment had a pool that was reasonably clean and I would swim laps and take long walks around the area. It took me a while but I got down from around 230 pounds to I think 165 pounds over the course of nine months. I moved out of the apartment and into a rental house in that fall when the lease on the apartment was over.

Things were going great. At the time I didn't have my birth certificate updated. They went from miss sit down at such and such window. Looked at my paper work and said sir we cannot give you a female marker on your license. That was the moment I decided I needed to get my birth certificate updated. It's not for me but to shut up the bigoted ->-bleeped-<-s who delight is misgendering even while staring at my breasts.

This was around the time when I had lost weight but was still working on it and tried to get my license updated. It really hurt having them call me sir and just not even care. I'm so glad I don't live there anymore.IMG_3414.JPG

Anyways my boss left and we got this new guy. He was always going on and on about how he did the kids swim team coaching and just had this overly close way about him the few times I was in the office. It was uncomfortable.

I was in the gym on the ground floor of the building running on the treadmill and he came up from behind me asking if I swam and telling me the up tenth million time about how he is a coach for a swimming league and then says how he thought I'd do well and leans on the treadmill's handles. I was in a sports bra and running shorts. I felt cold and naked. I skipped the shower there left and took a shower back at my apartment. I felt like if I had stayed who knows what would have happened. He creeped me out.

I complained to hr so he retaliated and put me on a pip. It didn't matter I had the second most drivers certified with the least amount of bugs and I isolated and helped resolve other developers drivers in the same period of time as everyone else making less drivers. I ended up finding another job and leaving for less pay just to get away.

Natalie,

You seem like such a nice person.  Beautiful at whatever weight. 

Sorry you had to experience that on that job.  The stress and tension and that retaliation had to be very hard to endure.

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 12, 2025, 03:28:24 PMNatalie,

You seem like such a nice person.  Beautiful at whatever weight. 

Sorry you had to experience that on that job.  The stress and tension and that retaliation had to be very hard to endure.

Chrissy

Thanks I appreciate it.

He was a horrible person and one day he will answer for it but I'm not going to let him change who I am.

Yeah I took a lower paying job to get out but I found an even better paying job since then and found a company that values me and demonstrated a code of ethics. I firmly believe that when a door is closed a window opens.

He hurt me mentally more than anything. Made me feel more vulnerable than I have ever felt before. But thankfully I made it through and it's better now.

I have my own place again and my health so I'll try to focus on counting my blessings. Among them thank you everyone for your support.

@NatalieRene
Dear Natalie:
I have dearly missed reading your updates on your Blog Thread here on the Forum.
It has been almost FOUR months since your last BLOG update on January 12th.

I fondly recall our many exchanges of conversation when you first arrived on
the Susan's Place Forum back in November of 2018.

I hope and trust that you are staying healthy and safe and that you are
finding happiness and success in your transition endeavors.

Please if you feel comfortable doing, share your latest happenings in your life.

HUGS, Danielle Northern Star Girl]

@NatalieRene
Dear Natalie:
Your "special day" ... your BIRTHDAY is tomorrow Thursday on May 01, 2025

              H A P P Y  B I T H D A Y
                      :icon_flower:  :icon_birthday:  :icon_birthday:  :icon_birthday:  :icon_flower:

I hope and trust you have a wonderful day of celebration with Friends and Family
    .... and CAKE, Candles, Ice Cream ... and pleasant conversations.

Wishing you many blessings and happiness as you continue on.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
                             (https://i.imgur.com/sldYiP9m.jpg)