Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Non-binary talk => Topic started by: Jaimey on April 10, 2009, 01:06:22 AM

Title: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on April 10, 2009, 01:06:22 AM
I'm half tempted to never leave the unicorn forest again...somebody say something funny...make a bad pun...anything!!  :'( 
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Cindy on April 10, 2009, 02:56:34 AM
I went for a drive last week with my Hindu friend Hita and my other friend Julie , who is an Israeli.
The car broke down. We manged to get to a farm and knocked on the door. The guy said no problems staying the night but I've only two beds. One of you has to sleep in the barn. Julie said no problem and headed of. We went to bed,. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was Julie. Sorry my friends but there is a pig in the barn and I cannot sleep there. No problems says Hita and goes off. We settle. Another knock on the door. Hita is there. I'm soo sorry there is a cow in the barn  and I cannot sleep ther. OK I say and go to the barn. Lie down and fall asleep. There is a knock on the farmers door. They open it. And there staning is a pig and a cow. :D

Probably managed to offend everyone :D

LoL
Cindy James
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: heatherrose on April 10, 2009, 03:43:30 AM
Quote from: CindyJames on April 10, 2009, 02:56:34 AMProbably managed to offend everyone :D


Good Job! Your work here is through.



Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Kaelin on April 10, 2009, 03:49:34 AM
That's more of an eye-roller.

I'm not good at funny (at least in text), but I will try offering amusement.  Anyway, there are legions of traditionalists who wax poetic about how women act or present differently from men because those are choices they make.  Let's test this theory with a timely example: go to eBay and do a search for "easter dress."

Look at the "Women's Clothing" category to see how many dresses adults voluntarily buy for themselves.

Then look at the "Infants & Toddlers" and the "Girls" categories to see how many dresses adults will buy for someone who cannot provide informed consent.

To be fair, the "Christmas dress" search only gives about a three to one ratio.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: KYLYKaHYT on April 10, 2009, 07:23:59 AM
Q: What do androgynes grow in their gardens?

A:
Eunuch Corn. :icon_dance:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  :eusa_clap: 
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Sophie90 on April 10, 2009, 08:04:55 AM
^ Lulz.


Pierres Morgan: "Is the answer jam?"

*Unamused silence*

Pierres Moron: "Oh well, I just thought that would be funny because Eddie Izzard says it."

Ian Hislop: "Yes, but people like him."



Probably not as funny written down, but eh, gold to me nonetheless. :D
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Pica Pica on April 10, 2009, 03:40:45 PM
I liked that one, it was good.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on April 10, 2009, 03:58:43 PM
Quote from: KYLYKaHYT on April 10, 2009, 07:23:59 AM
Q: What do androgynes grow in their gardens?

A:
Eunuch Corn. :icon_dance:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  :eusa_clap:

WOW.  Had I been drinking, my computer would be soaked.  :laugh:


You all are awesome!  You've made me quite happy.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: RebeccaFog on April 10, 2009, 04:10:35 PM

If you want to laugh then you should watch CSI:Miami

Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on April 10, 2009, 04:19:11 PM
Quote from: Rebis on April 10, 2009, 04:10:35 PM
If you want to laugh then you should watch CSI:Miami

...that makes me curious...
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: RebeccaFog on April 10, 2009, 04:25:21 PM
Quote from: Jaimey on April 10, 2009, 04:19:11 PM
...that makes me curious...

CSI:Miami is written by mindless fools and mostly acted by psychotics.  I laugh at it all the time.

They accuse everyone they run into. They make judgemental comments to innocent people. They have some kind of standard that makes them infallable and better than everyone else. And a drunken coma victim could have all of their cases thrown out.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Saraloop on April 10, 2009, 05:33:31 PM
My post got deleted.

I guess Susan's isn't very tolerant of controversial jokes.
Personally, I don't think a joke can be racist or offensive, since that's up to the interpretation. Oh well. Guess this is one place I won't be able to exploit my odd humour.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: V M on April 10, 2009, 10:54:02 PM
OK, Something Funny  :laugh:
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Janet_Girl on April 10, 2009, 10:57:47 PM
Limerick
There was an Old Man of Columbia,
Who was thirsty, and called out for some beer;
But they brought it quite hot,
In a small copper pot,
Which disgusted that man of Columbia.

Just so you can laugh

Janet
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: tekla on April 10, 2009, 11:17:34 PM
There once was a man from Nantucket....
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Janet_Girl on April 10, 2009, 11:20:40 PM
Try to fine that one.....  :laugh:

Janet
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: tekla on April 10, 2009, 11:23:47 PM
This is funny, well, it didn't seem so at the time but....

My younger kid, largely due to the efforts of his older brother was a most excellent reader.  Somewhere around fifth grade he found my wife's treasured book of dirty limericks, and not only read it, but memorized huge sections of it.  My phone rang off the hook for a week.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: heatherrose on April 10, 2009, 11:24:49 PM


Who's plum was so ripe, He did pluck it.  >:-)


Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: V M on April 10, 2009, 11:31:48 PM
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who carried some stuff in a bucket
One day he said I'd rather be dead
Than carry this stuff
Then chucked it
He then came across
A golden field of Unicorns
Dancing about
Said this is for me
No doubt
Began to dance about too
And said oh screw
Anyone that does not like it
Just then remembered the beer
And ran off to hide
And go Pee
And said Oh F*** it
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: FairyGirl on April 10, 2009, 11:38:36 PM
How to catch a polar bear:

First, you get a hand saw and a can of peas. Then, you walk out onto the ice and saw a big hole in it. Next, you set the can of peas beside the hole and wait. Finally, when the polar bear comes out to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

(hope that doesn't offend anyone  :embarrassed: )
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: V M on April 10, 2009, 11:49:12 PM
The Polar Bears may be offended, But I'm sure they'll get over it  :laugh:
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: RebeccaFog on April 11, 2009, 12:13:55 AM
Quote from: tekla on April 10, 2009, 11:23:47 PM
This is funny, well, it didn't seem so at the time but....

My younger kid, largely due to the efforts of his older brother was a most excellent reader.  Somewhere around fifth grade he found my wife's treasured book of dirty limericks, and not only read it, but memorized huge sections of it.  My phone rang off the hook for a week.

You should go to the readers digest site rd.com and submit that one.  If they print it, they give you $300.00.  They probably wouldn't even reword much (maybe they'd change 'kid' to 'child' or something).

Then you can send me $300.00 for the idea.


Post Merge: April 11, 2009, 12:16:38 AM

Quote from: FairyGirl on April 10, 2009, 11:38:36 PM
How to catch a polar bear:

First, you get a hand saw and a can of peas. Then, you walk out onto the ice and saw a big hole in it. Next, you set the can of peas beside the hole and wait. Finally, when the polar bear comes out to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

(hope that doesn't offend anyone  :embarrassed: )

You did alright.  We'd have to turn you in, though, if you used the word 'carrot' instead of 'pea'.  Cause we don't like carrots and I, personally, am offended by their presence.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on April 11, 2009, 01:06:06 AM
heh.  This thread is turning out well. 

Quote from: Rebis on April 11, 2009, 12:13:55 AM
we don't like carrots and I, personally, am offended by their presence.

Heh.  Speak for yourself.  There's nothing better than a big orange carrot.  >:-) 
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: V M on April 11, 2009, 01:31:06 AM
Three Bunnies...
The first Bunny hops into the garden noticing the farmer is not about.
Nibbles on a carrot and says "This carrot tastes pithy."
The second bunny does the same "This carrot tastes pithy"
The third bunny hops over and says..."Don't eat the carrots...I pithed on them."  :laugh: >:-) :laugh:
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: ZaidaZadkiel on April 11, 2009, 01:44:01 AM
Once upon a time, Buddah was taking hostages in a building.
Later the SWAT team arrived and asked to Buddha, "What do you want to let the hostages go?", to which Buddah answered, "I desire nothing!". Nobody was enlightened.

...

So there was the apostle Paul doing his thing with some fishes, and then there was an Unicorn passing by. Paul says to the unicorn, "Have you heard the good news?" and the unicorn said "I cannot speak."

...

So there was a dog who was known for a strong jaw and had a problem of hearing. When the dog became old, had a bark-mitzva.

...

A Muslim was working his field, then one day Allah appeared in front of him, and said "I am Allah, I have come to tell you my message", the Muslim died of a heart stroke at that moment.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on April 11, 2009, 02:24:16 AM
bark-mitzvah... :laugh:
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: KYLYKaHYT on April 11, 2009, 09:08:19 AM
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.

Surprised, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading those two books?"

"Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: RebeccaFog on April 11, 2009, 11:15:40 AM
Quote from: Jaimey on April 11, 2009, 01:06:06 AM
heh.  This thread is turning out well. 

Heh.  Speak for yourself.  There's nothing better than a big orange carrot.  >:-)

Carrot lover! 
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Saraloop on April 11, 2009, 11:36:19 AM
Quote from: Rebis on April 11, 2009, 11:15:40 AM
Carrot lover!

Horses like carrots too.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: KYLYKaHYT on April 11, 2009, 11:47:33 AM
Carrot lovers  ::)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.srchild.com%2Ftypo3temp%2Fpics%2F5ef1873bec.jpg&hash=70ad5d31bd3ef7af8a4e729bfb74c383790af76d)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm2.static.flickr.com%2F1312%2F602641795_dc08eedb42.jpg&hash=fa3331ed827d5db1ad9c7251b74087c46ce717c7)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.srchild.com%2Ftypo3temp%2Fpics%2F847fe87a3b.jpg&hash=cbceebb2a8b439110cdb54e1406e1460e523a946)
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Ellieka on April 11, 2009, 12:18:21 PM
A bear and a bunny are walking through the forest and the bear ask "Hey bunny, do you ever have a problem of poop sticking to your fur?" the bunny says "no" so the bear picks up the bunny and wipes his butt with him!
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on April 12, 2009, 12:20:58 AM
Quote from: Cami on April 11, 2009, 12:18:21 PM
A bear and a bunny are walking through the forest and the bear ask "Hey bunny, do you ever have a problem of poop sticking to your fur?" the bunny says "no" so the bear picks up the bunny and wipes his butt with him!

HAH! 

@KYLYKaHYT: :o  Scandalous carrots!

Quote from: Rebis on April 11, 2009, 11:15:40 AM
Carrot lover! 

Better than a pea lover! :P
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Michelle. on April 12, 2009, 03:26:09 AM
ANNOUNCEMENT:

The sexual position known as 69, is now to be referred to as 96. Due to the current economic conditions the cost of eating out has risen.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Cindy on April 12, 2009, 03:37:40 AM
This is a good thread :D

Two Aussies in Rome went to the Vatican and saw the Pope being carried in his chair blessing the faithful. They were impressed. That night at the bar they asked the barman what was the Pope's favoutite drink, Creme de Menthe he replied. We'll have two pints of Creme de menthe. After four rounds they were feeling seedy. Walking back to the hotel they passed out in an alley. Next day woke up feeling rat s**t. They lookat each other ans say, No wonder they carry him around in a chair.

Cindy James
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Sophie90 on April 12, 2009, 10:33:59 AM
What is the Russian National Dish?






Empty.


Yes, I do know that this will be deleted. XD
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Pica Pica on April 12, 2009, 02:28:52 PM
never before did I see a carrot threesome
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Shana A on April 12, 2009, 02:34:54 PM
I can't think of anything funny on demand :P

Z
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: KYLYKaHYT on April 12, 2009, 03:13:32 PM
Quote from: Pica Pica on April 12, 2009, 02:28:52 PM
never before did I see a carrot threesome

Those carrots are pretty straitlaced compared to the randy radishes I grew last year.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: heatherrose on April 12, 2009, 03:48:17 PM
Quote from: Jaimey on April 10, 2009, 01:06:22 AM
Sweet Jesus, somebody say,.....something funny!!!

Only for you Doll,

Something funny!!!


Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on April 13, 2009, 01:57:42 PM
Quote from: michellesofl on April 12, 2009, 03:26:09 AM
ANNOUNCEMENT:
The sexual position known as 69, is now to be referred to as 96. Due to the current economic conditions the cost of eating out has risen.

WOW.

...you all are outdoing yourselves! 

@Z...and I was expecting such grating :P things from you.  :laugh:
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: RebeccaFog on April 13, 2009, 06:25:23 PM
Quote from: KYLYKaHYT on April 12, 2009, 03:13:32 PM
Those carrots are pretty straitlaced compared to the randy radishes I grew last year.

I'm ascared to sleep with the light off since I saw the pictures of those creepy carrots.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on April 13, 2009, 10:01:44 PM
Quote from: Rebis on April 13, 2009, 06:25:23 PM
I'm ascared to sleep with the light off since I saw the pictures of those creepy carrots.

Attack of the killer carrots! 
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: V M on April 13, 2009, 10:17:14 PM
I've always known them carrots is up to something  :laugh:
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Pica Pica on April 14, 2009, 05:08:06 PM
For some reason, Amazon.com decided to sell gallons of milk from it's website.
Here is a wonderful customer review

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00032G1S0/ref=cm_cr_pr_pb_item (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00032G1S0/ref=cm_cr_pr_pb_item)

Post Merge: April 14, 2009, 05:51:33 PM


or if you want a Plastic Irrigation Riser Nipple Extractor Tool, this is the place

http://www.amazon.com/Plastic-Irrigation-Riser-Nipple-Extractor/dp/B0002XH4KE/ref=pd_sbs_misc_4 (http://www.amazon.com/Plastic-Irrigation-Riser-Nipple-Extractor/dp/B0002XH4KE/ref=pd_sbs_misc_4)
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on April 14, 2009, 09:01:18 PM
Pica, I don't even want to know why you were looking at nipple extractors... >:-)
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: V M on April 14, 2009, 09:07:31 PM
Quote from: Jaimey on April 14, 2009, 09:01:18 PM
Pica, I don't even want to know why you were looking at nipple extractors... >:-)
Funny as the name of the thing is, I actually used them when I worked in landscaping  :laugh: Very handy when a sprinkler gets busted off down in the connector. Saves allot of digging and repair time
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on April 14, 2009, 09:41:09 PM
Pica...are you landscaping?  :P
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Eva Marie on April 14, 2009, 09:48:05 PM
A politician was campaigning on an Indian Reservation and was elated when every time he made a promise to the tribe, it was answered by the Elders and men standing and chanting "Ruk Ruk" while thumping their left chest with their left arm.

When the women joined in, he was en rapture.

After the speach, he headed for his limo to hit the campaign trail anew.

He spotted his ride across a rail fenced field.

Asking a local if he could cut across the field instead of walking around, he was told; sure,
but you might want a flash light so you don't step in the "Ruk".

Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: V M on April 14, 2009, 09:51:17 PM
Quote from: Jaimey on April 14, 2009, 09:41:09 PM
Pica...are you landscaping?  :P
Pica and I are secretly building milk sprinklers  >:-)
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Lutin on April 14, 2009, 09:54:19 PM
Not growing carrots? >:-)

...

Poetry is bad, but puns are verse. ;D

My parents have a book of poetry, and there's a chapter on epitaphs...

Here lies the body of Elizabeth Charlotte,
Born a virgin, died a harlot.
She was aye a virgin at 17,
A remarkable thing in Aberdeen.

Ouch... >:-)



Post Merge: April 14, 2009, 09:57:33 PM

A blonde, a brunette, a red-head, a Jew, a Christian, a Muslim, an Irishman, an Australian and an Englishman all walk into a pub. The barman looks up -"What's this, some kind of joke?!".
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on April 14, 2009, 10:39:40 PM
Quote from: William on April 14, 2009, 09:54:19 PM
Poetry is bad, but puns are verse. ;D

Oy...:D  I like that epitaph. 

Quote from: Virginia Marie on April 14, 2009, 09:51:17 PM
Pica and I are secretly building milk sprinklers  >:-)

...wow.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: V M on April 14, 2009, 10:47:15 PM
They are for people who like to run through sprinklers and take milk bathes  :laugh:
We're working on a milk slip and slid as well
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on April 14, 2009, 10:52:28 PM
That would be nasty on a hot day...ew.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: V M on April 14, 2009, 10:55:35 PM
Quote from: Jaimey on April 14, 2009, 10:52:28 PM
That would be nasty on a hot day...ew.
Adding honey to it seems to be the challenge at hand
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on April 14, 2009, 10:57:52 PM
Quote from: Virginia Marie on April 14, 2009, 10:55:35 PM
Adding honey to it seems to be the challenge at hand

I can see how it would be.  And how would you keep the bears away?
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: V M on April 14, 2009, 11:02:00 PM
Plus we keep using up the supplies for our tea  :laugh:

I mostly like wearing the nurses outfit that I got from Frederick's of Hollywood. But I never knew you were supposed to wear the bra on your head  >:-)
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Pica Pica on April 15, 2009, 04:38:05 AM
dunno about milk sprinklers, i just like to occasionally extract nipples.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Cindy on April 15, 2009, 04:56:12 AM
Found this on philosophy site, hopefully the http is added

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?


Plato:                For the greater good.

Karl Marx:            It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli:          So that its subjects will view it with admiration,
                      as a chicken which has the daring and courage to
                      boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom
                      among them has the strength to contend with such a
                      paragon of avian virtue?  In such a manner is the
                      princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates:          Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
                      pancreas.

Jacques Derrida:      Any number of contending discourses may be discovered
                      within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and
                      each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial
                      intent can never be discerned, because structuralism
                      is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary:        Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
                      would let it take.

Douglas Adams:        Forty-two.

Nietzsche:            Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
                      gazes also across you.

Oliver North:         National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner:         Because the external influences which had pervaded its
                      sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a
                      fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while
                      believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung:            The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
                      necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at
                      this historical juncture, and therefore
                      synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre:     In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
                      the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein:  The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the
                      objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came
                      into being which caused the actualization of this
                      potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein:      Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
                      the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle:            To actualize its potential.

Buddha:               If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-
                      nature.

Howard Cosell:        It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
                      events to grace the annals of history.  An historic,
                      unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt
                      such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to
                      homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

Salvador Dali:        The Fish.

Darwin:               It was the logical next step after coming down from
                      the trees.

Emily Dickinson:      Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus:             For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:  It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann von Goethe:    The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway:     To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg:    We are not sure which side of the road the chicken
                      was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume:           Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson:      'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)
                      reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic:   What road?

Ronald Reagan:        I forget.

John Sununu:          The Air Force was only too happy to provide the
                      transportation, so quite understandably the chicken
                      availed himself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx:           You tell me.

Mr. T:                If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Henry David Thoreau:  To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow
                      out of life.

Mark Twain:           The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Molly Yard:           It was a hen!

Zeno of Elea:         To prove it could never reach the other side.

Chaucer:              So priketh hem nature in hir corages.

Wordsworth:           To wander lonely as a cloud.

The Godfather:        I didn't want its mother to see it like that.

Keats:                Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.

Blake:                To see heaven in a wild fowl.

Othello:              Jealousy.

Dr Johnson:           Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have,
                      you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the
                      Need to resist such a public Display of your own
                      lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Mrs Thatcher:         This chicken's not for turning.

Supreme Soviet:       There has never been a chicken in this photograph.

Oscar Wilde:          Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in
                      town ought never expose one to such barbarous
                      inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a
                      road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the
                      chicken in question.

Kafka:                Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade
                      insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Swift:                It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome,
                      filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume
                      to question the actions of one in all respects his
                      superior.

Macbeth:              To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.

Whitehead:            Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of
                      misplaced concreteness.

Freud:                An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter)

Hamlet:               That is not the question.

Donne:                It crosseth for thee.

Pope:                 It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.

Constable:            To get a better view.

Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Lokaeign on April 15, 2009, 07:17:05 AM
I'm actually really annoyed that this thread even exists.  I'm sick of the whole unicorn, playing dress-up, eternal child thing that's been randomly attached to the androgynes here.  We're mature, sensible, responsible people who just _happen_ to occupy a non-binary gender role.  We're not just happy little sprites, here to skip around and provide amusement for the "real grown-ups.  I for one have had enough of being stereotyped as capricious, juvenile, irresponsible, easily-distracted OH HOLY CATS LEGO STAR WARS FOR THE XBOX IS HERE!!!
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: heatherrose on April 15, 2009, 07:34:44 AM
Quote from: Lokaeign on April 15, 2009, 07:17:05 AM...OH HOLY CATS LEGO STAR WARS FOR THE XBOX IS HERE!!!

ROTFLMAO...

I was about to peel your wig back
and set your scalp on fire

...ROTFLMAO


Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Sophie90 on April 15, 2009, 11:18:04 AM
Quote from: Lokaeign on April 15, 2009, 07:17:05 AM
I'm actually really annoyed that this thread even exists.  I'm sick of the whole unicorn, playing dress-up, eternal child thing that's been randomly attached to the androgynes here.  We're mature, sensible, responsible people who just _happen_ to occupy a non-binary gender role.  We're not just happy little sprites, here to skip around and provide amusement for the "real grown-ups.  I for one have had enough of being stereotyped as capricious, juvenile, irresponsible, easily-distracted OH HOLY CATS LEGO STAR WARS FOR THE XBOX IS HERE!!!

But Lego is the best thing ever! I've probably played with Lego for a larger proportion of my life than anything else, including sleep.

Anyway, you can still be mature and kick back and be silly on occassion.
I appreciate a serious and mature discussion as much as the next man (er, depending on who he is...) but not everything has to be serious!
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: heatherrose on April 15, 2009, 12:39:33 PM
Quote from: Blueflare on April 15, 2009, 11:18:04 AM
But Lego is the best thing ever!

"Legos" were alright but they'll never hold a candle
to an "Erector Set". So cool was it, to build a crane
with your erector set, to build a "Lincoln Log" cabin,
after hauling the logs to the building site with the
truck you built with your "Erector Set"


Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on April 15, 2009, 05:01:55 PM
Quote from: CindyJames on April 15, 2009, 04:56:12 AM
Jacques Derrida:      Any number of contending discourses may be discovered
                      within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and
                      each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial
                      intent can never be discerned, because structuralism
                      is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

HAH!  My favorite...although they're all great.  Post modern chicken...

Lego Star Wars...I couldn't even take out Bowser in Super Mario Bros. on my SuperNintendo.  :D
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Kinkly on April 15, 2009, 07:21:27 PM
what is an "Erector Set" sounds like something advertised on late night TV  ;D :P
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: heatherrose on April 15, 2009, 08:03:19 PM
Quote from: Kinkly on April 15, 2009, 07:21:27 PMwhat is an "Erector Set"?

:icon_suspicious: Appears I have already said to much... :icon_hover-alien:


Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: KYLYKaHYT on April 16, 2009, 06:46:11 AM
Quote from: Pica Pica on April 14, 2009, 05:08:06 PM
...if you want a Plastic Irrigation Riser Nipple Extractor Tool, this is the place

http://www.amazon.com/Plastic-Irrigation-Riser-Nipple-Extractor/dp/B0002XH4KE/ref=pd_sbs_misc_4 (http://www.amazon.com/Plastic-Irrigation-Riser-Nipple-Extractor/dp/B0002XH4KE/ref=pd_sbs_misc_4)

A nipple extractor tool sounds like it could be a handy device. Do they by chance sell penis retractor tools too?

I think they should sell both of them together in a nice, velvet-lined boxed set.  ::)
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Sophie90 on April 16, 2009, 09:20:14 AM
Dear lord, what has happened here? :o

I made no mention of such things!

I liked the pirate ships and the tanks and other violent things I used to build.

Good, clean fun for all the family.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Pica Pica on April 16, 2009, 04:33:12 PM
it's a silly world, silly is the perfect response.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on April 16, 2009, 11:37:13 PM
Quote from: Blueflare on April 16, 2009, 09:20:14 AM
Good, clean fun for all the family.

That never lasts long here.  >:-)
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: ZaidaZadkiel on April 17, 2009, 01:02:04 AM
Agree with pica on the world being silly. Not on nipple extracting, that sounds painful.

Also, legos are awesome.

Quote from: Lokaeign on April 15, 2009, 07:17:05 AMWe're mature, sensible, responsible people who just _happen_ to occupy a non-binary gender role

I'm not.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: V M on April 17, 2009, 01:15:45 AM
My nephew was playing with fire crackers with a friend. I asked if it was OK for me to blow up his Legos race car. I didn't mention my experience with explosives. The car sped out on the driveway, then blew sky high.
My nephew and his friend ran out to the driveway just about the time the parts came raining down. I felt kinda bad. My nephew didn't understand that I would actually blow the race car up. For years Ive wanted to find a replacement for it. But I'll be happy to blow up anyone's legos that would like me to  >:-)
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: heatherrose on April 17, 2009, 02:22:05 AM


Quote from: Kinkly on April 15, 2009, 07:21:27 PMwhat is an "Erector Set" sounds like something advertised on late night TV  ;D :P

;D http://www.erectorusa.com/ (http://www.erectorusa.com/) :P



Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Lokaeign on April 17, 2009, 05:22:15 AM
Ah!  So it's like Mecchano?
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: KYLYKaHYT on April 17, 2009, 05:30:49 AM
Quote from: Lokaeign on April 17, 2009, 05:22:15 AM
Ah!  So it's like Mecchano?

Yes. They are both the same thing, just marketed under different names.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: heatherrose on April 17, 2009, 06:12:55 AM


Actually, I had never heard of Meccano
before looking up the link that I posted.
I have to admit Meccano looks WAY cooler.


Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: KYLYKaHYT on April 17, 2009, 07:29:44 AM
Quote from: Virginia Marie on April 17, 2009, 01:15:45 AM
My nephew was playing with fire crackers with a friend. I asked if it was OK for me to blow up his Legos race car. I didn't mention my experience with explosives. The car sped out on the driveway, then blew sky high.
My nephew and his friend ran out to the driveway just about the time the parts came raining down. I felt kinda bad. My nephew didn't understand that I would actually blow the race car up. For years Ive wanted to find a replacement for it. But I'll be happy to blow up anyone's legos that would like me to  >:-)

You mean it never occurred to him to blow up his own toys...? :rolleyes:

What an odd kid. ;D

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.guvnr.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2009%2F20090220_fun%2F1.jpg&hash=6225939293913e1ac558e4d3b8385af371f788fe)
      "Why do I smell burning sulfur?"


Post Merge: April 17, 2009, 04:34:32 PM

Quote from: heatherrose on April 17, 2009, 06:12:55 AM

I have to admit Meccano looks WAY cooler.

Of course. "Meccano" sounds like something you use to make cool killer robots. "Erector Set," on the other hand, sounds too much like a dead-end construction job you might grow up to toil at until you either retire or die.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: tekla on April 17, 2009, 11:37:31 AM
a dead-end construction job

I'm sure many are.  I'm just as sure that my working for a construction company sent me all over the world, and the people who worked there made very good money.  On the occasion of the 50th anniversary of the opening of the Golden Gate Bridge I interviewed a bunch of guys (and they were all guys) about working on that thing and to a man, every man-jack one of them told me it was the greatest thing they ever did in their life, and each and every time over those 50 years they looked up at that bridge they had a feeling of great satisfaction.

Myself, most of what I do is construction by a different name.  We take an empty stage - a black box - and build within it a show, and put that show on, and when its done we take it all back to that empty stage, that black box.  And a thousand, or two thousand, or like Outside Lands, 10 thousand people have a good time, are entertained, perhaps even enlightened a bit.

As for a dead end, perhaps moving bricks from point A to point B might be that, but anyone with real construction skills can make very, very good money.

And, its honest work.  And, at the end of the day you've done more than push a pile of papers from one side of the desk to the other.  I look at some of the shows I've helped put on and know exactly how those guys who built that bridge felt.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: heatherrose on April 17, 2009, 12:38:13 PM
Quote from: tekla on April 17, 2009, 11:37:31 AM...over those 50 years they looked up at that bridge they had a feeling of great satisfaction...
...(I) know exactly how those guys who built that bridge felt.


Someone, PLEASE, get me cool cloth for my forehead,
I'm feeling faint. Am I about to agree with Tekla? :icon_blink:

There is no greater feeling in the world than the satisfaction
in a job well done. Not so much in any recognition of your
accompishments, which is your due, but the KNOWING within
yourself that, with yours hands, you made the world a slight
more beautiful, awe inspiring or simply a more accessible
place for someone you'll never meet.



Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: KYLYKaHYT on April 17, 2009, 01:28:03 PM
Forgive me for lapsing into a moment of tongue-in-cheek cynicism, but after 30 years of literally wearing my body out - and still earning the same wage that I made in the early 80s, when I was still a kid (except now I don't get any retirement or medical benefits) - I guess I was somehow looking forward to just a wee bit more reward than the satisfaction of a job well done. :P
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: V M on April 17, 2009, 03:14:23 PM
Quote from: KYLYKaHYT on April 17, 2009, 07:29:44 AM
You mean it never occurred to him to blow up his own toys...? :rolleyes:

What an odd kid. ;D
They were trying to blow the toys up but didn't really know how  :laugh:
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: stephanie_eve on May 12, 2009, 06:31:05 PM
what's the difference between a musician and a 401k plan? Eventually a 401k matures and makes money...


... and as for Legos... they is awesome. I still allow myself a bot of guilty pleasure every once in a while... and I'm -totally- mature and well-balanced :D (so says the Libra...)
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Vexing on May 12, 2009, 06:37:18 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.icanhascheezburger.com%2Fcompletestore%2F2009%2F1%2F4%2F128755988923378602.jpg&hash=3be3af925bd4e8eb7ef8a1936f611e0421ced984)
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: stephanie_eve on May 12, 2009, 06:56:37 PM
ROFL

I love kitty pics...
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: V M on May 12, 2009, 06:59:08 PM
Quote from: Gypsy on May 12, 2009, 06:56:37 PM
ROFL

I love kitty pics...
Me too...That is a cute one  :laugh:
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: tekla on May 12, 2009, 07:00:04 PM
Me too, I love it when people repost pix I can find in any number of thousands and thousands of other sites.  Makes me feel all warm inside that they know how to use the 'save image as' feature.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Vexing on May 12, 2009, 07:06:25 PM
Quote from: tekla on May 12, 2009, 07:00:04 PM
Me too, I love it when people repost pix I can find in any number of thousands and thousands of other sites.  Makes me feel all warm inside that they know how to use the 'save image as' feature.
THAY DO?
Ushally wez google 4 a pic and linkz it, askshully :D

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.funnyforumpics.com%2Fforums%2FGTFO%2F3%2Fgtfo15ht0.jpg&hash=86c6869bc5ab601125e2d16d87362a0d10922c23)
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on May 12, 2009, 10:10:25 PM
oh my god...those dogs look so evil...hehe...love your sig, vexing!  :D

Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the manager three nails, and says, "can you put me up for the night?"  >:-)

I watched The Crow the other day...I'd forgotten that was in there...
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Vexing on May 12, 2009, 10:19:51 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.motifake.com%2Fdemotivational-poster%2F0712%2Fchristianity-explained-god-demotivational-poster-1198455582.jpg&hash=7aa9662dbbbb5f2e364f3fcca8ea55506d5a04ab)

ZOMBIES?
COUNT ME IN!
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Ellieka on May 12, 2009, 10:41:15 PM
OMG Vexing... The sacrilege!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fihasahotdog.files.wordpress.com%2F2009%2F05%2Ffunny-dog-pictures-not-laugh.jpg&hash=b621e14d01ce7a9df032294760a2b15bba7d79aa)
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Eva Marie on May 12, 2009, 11:17:47 PM
Someone mention zombies?  :D

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ficanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com%2F2009%2F01%2Ffunny-pictures-these-cats-are-zombies.jpg&hash=1958ab70bb3f23e4d129868f9a1571f52479a75c)
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Vexing on May 12, 2009, 11:22:16 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm4.static.flickr.com%2F3111%2F2770731107_90f7aaab38.jpg&hash=87dc65f1594cf2076e574b5efa377882daa418a7)
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: stephanie_eve on May 13, 2009, 04:24:54 PM
Quote from: Vexing on May 12, 2009, 11:22:16 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm4.static.flickr.com%2F3111%2F2770731107_90f7aaab38.jpg&hash=87dc65f1594cf2076e574b5efa377882daa418a7)

oh I heart Zombies
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: tekla on May 13, 2009, 05:02:22 PM
oh I heart Zombies

Most likely because you don't have the one thing they desire.


(and that's funny)
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Vexing on May 13, 2009, 05:17:07 PM
Quote from: tekla on May 13, 2009, 05:02:22 PM
Most likely because you don't have the one thing they desire.

To be accepted and loved like everyone else?

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Faustenprose.files.wordpress.com%2F2009%2F02%2Fpride_prejudice_zombies1w.jpg&hash=ac3ace27e927fbed9f22c6f8bcbb74d0c49d8c9b)
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: stephanie_eve on May 13, 2009, 05:39:32 PM
Quote from: tekla on May 13, 2009, 05:02:22 PM
oh I heart Zombies

Most likely because you don't have the one thing they desire.


(and that's funny)

somebody got up on the wrong side of the litterbox, eh?
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Constance on May 13, 2009, 05:41:30 PM
Quote from: Gypsy on May 13, 2009, 05:39:32 PM
somebody got up on the wrong side of the litterbox, eh?
Which side of a litterbox is the right side?  ;D
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Ellieka on May 13, 2009, 08:11:25 PM
The outside? Just guessing here.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on May 13, 2009, 11:56:39 PM
wow...I like the direction this thread is going...
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: PolarBear on May 14, 2009, 02:33:00 AM
Quote from: FairyGirl on April 10, 2009, 11:38:36 PM
How to catch a polar bear:

First, you get a hand saw and a can of peas. Then, you walk out onto the ice and saw a big hole in it. Next, you set the can of peas beside the hole and wait. Finally, when the polar bear comes out to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

(hope that doesn't offend anyone  :embarrassed: )

Growl Wroar! Hmpf! We polar bears are smarter than that! Sort of. I think. Kinda. Are you gonna eat those peas?
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: V M on May 15, 2009, 07:07:16 PM
How do you catch a girl like Virginia?

"Well, that's a good question? Up for a dinner and a movie? Maybe a sporting event?"

"A sporting event sounds interesting, and I haven't been to the movies for awhile...But I can cook better than most restaurants. It would be nice to have a day away from cooking."   :laugh:

"The opinions of a peculiar Goth Death Rocker girl are interesting. To say the least."
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Lokaeign on May 15, 2009, 07:35:34 PM
Quote from: PolarBear on May 14, 2009, 02:33:00 AM
Growl Wroar! Hmpf! We polar bears are smarter than that!

But do you know what apples is?
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: RebeccaFog on May 15, 2009, 07:38:51 PM

Sure. I once ate an apple...

                and it ate me back   :o
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: V M on May 15, 2009, 07:45:26 PM
Oh... Such BUGGERS  :laugh: >:-) :laugh:
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on May 15, 2009, 11:21:10 PM
Quote from: Rebis on May 15, 2009, 07:38:51 PM
Sure. I once ate an apple...

                and it ate me back   :o

How'd you recover?
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: RebeccaFog on May 16, 2009, 01:27:49 PM

Once I was inside the apple, I ate my way out just like a worm.  Just like a worm.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on May 17, 2009, 08:19:19 PM
Quote from: Rebis on May 16, 2009, 01:27:49 PM
Once I was inside the apple, I ate my way out just like a worm.  Just like a worm.

There you have it, kids.  Get a little Rebis in you and you'll have worms!
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: RebeccaFog on May 17, 2009, 11:02:43 PM

and one special little worm in particular


Since Tink's not here to say it - EEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on May 18, 2009, 12:49:50 AM
Quote from: Rebis on May 17, 2009, 11:02:43 PM
and one special little worm in particular


Since Tink's not here to say it - EEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

That's HAWT.  :icon_eyebrow:
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: ZaidaZadkiel on May 18, 2009, 06:44:16 AM
insert joke comparing penises to worms.
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Eva Marie on May 18, 2009, 04:50:06 PM
Quote from: ZaidaZadkiel on May 18, 2009, 06:44:16 AM
insert joke comparing penises to worms.

"This explains your car"
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: tekla on May 18, 2009, 04:53:56 PM
"Nice Harley there dude."
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Constance on May 18, 2009, 04:58:21 PM
What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe through that little thing?
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: RebeccaFog on May 19, 2009, 08:42:50 AM
"yes, yes, if it helps, you can buy all the big guns you want. Just keep them in your pants"
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: tekla on May 19, 2009, 09:05:15 AM
"Oh, and your a lifelong Republican too I see."
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: RebeccaFog on May 19, 2009, 05:20:21 PM
there is a sale on toupee's and spray-on tans for the peniley deprived.


is being peniley derpived also known as 'penility'?
Title: Re: Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!
Post by: Jaimey on May 19, 2009, 11:42:49 PM
Quote from: Rebis on May 19, 2009, 05:20:21 PM
there is a sale on toupee's and spray-on tans for the peniley deprived.


is being peniley derpived also known as 'penility'?

If not, it should be. T_T