Inspired by https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,72609.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,72609.0.html)
I know there are many threads about sexual orientation but the bolded words caught my eye. What's your sexual preference & has it always been that way?
I'm glad you posted this, because I wanted to post something like it myself.
I'm very new to my transition experience and in the early stages, but from what I have learned from myself in the last 3 months and realized over the last 7 years of my adult life, I am not a gay man as I came out as when I was 14 (very accepting parents, I was *very* lucky for them to accept even that back in the 2002).
I always felt as, a gay man, incredibly awkward while in relationships including: holding hands, giving flowers/gifts, who remember anniversaries, who pays, top/bottom/vers roles, 'sexiness of bathhouses', 'attractiveness of being promiscuous', kissing in public and most of all, the somewhat 'animalistic' and vastly testosterone-driven drive for sex immediately. I always looked for the gay man who would be the man, so I would be the woman --- but I didn't 'think' of it that way, because that's not how a gay man is, it is a give and take, a compromise: I always yearned for the opposite. For years I battled with disagreeing with all of it (and so much more), striving for the heterosexual norm, with all my gay peers constantly scrutinizing me. And I was always such an awkward gay man. I'd be the one covered in make-up, feminizing myself in every way and then wondering, why doesn't any gay guy like me, except for the ones who are as girly as I am (still don't get that)? After going after all the straight men with obviously, no successes, idolizing my female friends, being jealous of their gender and never relating to any gay man emotionally on structurally in the gay world, it was the real bubble burst that I was not actually gay at all.
Bottom line: preference only 'straight'/heterosexual men without getting into any debate of bi/curious TS ->-bleeped-<-s.
I was always interested in women, and I still am. But I was also always interested in guys. But I always knew that what gay men do was of no interest to me.
I tried to do what they do but it was... all wrong.
So... Pansexual? As I find both human bodies attractive and find it's the person that attracts me the most even on a sexual level.
But maybe right now I'm more asexual? I don't feel comfortable with 'the thing' especially since beginning HRT.. plus my drive is minus zero.
So yeah I feel it's changing to adopt to my situation in a way yet it's always been pansexual? Wow I thought this was going to be easily to reply to :S
ok.... Pansexual>asexual>pansexual ..........? >_<
I lived as a straight male for most of my life having only one intimate encounter with a guy when I was younger (and drunk). I never felt comfortable with myself as a male and felt totally out of place when in the bedroom with females.
Once I figured out why I had felt the way I did my entire life and was a transsexual I had to tear down decades of walls that were built up. I am very attracted to guys now but am also finding myself attracted to females in a different way. I am not sure if I am a straight woman or perhaps bisexual. It will take time to figure that out and I am actually not really worried which way it turns out as long as I can find intimacy and affection along with a good relationship.
holding hands, giving flowers/gifts, who remember anniversaries, who pays, top/bottom/vers roles, 'sexiness of bathhouses', 'attractiveness of being promiscuous', kissing in public and most of all, the somewhat 'animalistic' and vastly testosterone-driven drive for sex immediately
I always thought that the best part of the gay lifestyle was the whole 'sexiness of bathhouses', 'attractiveness of being promiscuous' ... the somewhat 'animalistic' and vastly testosterone-driven drive for sex immediately. And that to a large degree you were freed from junk like remembering anniversaries and having that social/cultural component of who is buying what for who for what.
You're soooooo male tekla. *male radar catches on fire then blows up* !!!
When I think about Love
I don't think about a bright Moon
Twinkling Stars
Red Wine
Silent Whispers
Holding Hands
Secret Loveletters
Candlelights
Red Roses
Wedding Bells
Moonlight Serenades
Warm Summer Nights
A table for Two
I think about Pure sex, Deep sex, Hard Sex, Rough Sex
- Lords of Acid
I used to identify as a straight male, because I was in a limbo about my gender (between mom telling me that only perverts cross dress and all those nasty stereotypes about transsexuals I really didn't know what to consider myself or who I could come out to) and because I thought I had liked girls exclusively (though I wasn't really interested in anyone at the time). Then when the puberty started to occur and I began looking at others in a sexual light, I realize that I was actually bisexual but with a stronger preference for women. Now that I'm more aware that I have gender identity disorder and am not some sort of sexual deviant, as my mother made me believe, I consider myself technically bisexual, in that I'm sexually attracted to guys and girls, but socially a lesbian, in that I can't actually see myself in a straight relationship, unless it where with a man with an effeminate or androgynous personality. I guess my ideal partner is someone who I can talk about girl things with but also see myself being with romantically and sexually. Luckily I do have that special someone in my life, and I am very grateful to be with her. ^_^
Bisexual - and Yes!
(Never been any different.)
I always thought most people were bisexual - beyond that really, omnisexual. The ability is there, and depending on how you want to define it, most people are because they have at least one 'experiment' with a homosexual tryst.
Behaviour doesn't define sexuality. Neither does curiosity.
I mentioned in the boys' edition that I tried to call myself bi as a young adult, to justify being included in queer spaces even as I re-closeted myself as trans. It did not work. I'm not bi...like, not at all...and experimenting just drove that home. Sure, I'm perfectly capable of going through the motions of sexual activity with a girl, but it's quite possibly the most unsexy consensual experience I've ever had. I'm more aroused by multivariable calculus.
Behaviour doesn't define sexuality. Neither does curiosity
I agree with the second half of it. Fantasies, role-playing, day dreaming, and porno choices might indicate a sexuality, but are not a sexuality in and of themselves. Sexuality is related to sex, when 'sex' is used as a verb, so it does kind of require the actual doing of it.
And, in reality, the gender deal of male and female is only one aspect of choice in the process.
The entire assumption is based on a binary choice, this or that on a line from one side to the other, when the reality is much more like finding a point inside a sphere - its really a 3-D deal.
I'd strongly disagree with that. Sexuality is in the mind - you can have a sexuality without having sex, and in fact most people have strong indicators of their sexuality long before they ever actually do anything about it.
Just because sexuality is related to sex doesn't mean it is the same as sex; it's perfectly possible for an idea, characteristic, or orientation to be related to a behavior without being a behavior.. That is, unless you're a behaviorist, in which case I'll just go away before we fight and derail the thread.
And sure, it's a 3-D deal, it's not binary. That's fine. But it's still OK to find half of that sphere not-sexy. Actually, for me, it's around 90% - I'm not only unambiguously gay, but I'm gay with a "type."
Quote from: tekla on February 27, 2010, 12:30:15 PM
I always thought most people were bisexual - beyond that really, omnisexual. The ability is there, and depending on how you want to define it, most people are because they have at least one 'experiment' with a homosexual tryst.
There may be some truth to that, but the question is what is your sexual "preference".
I am a bisexual woman whose preference vacillates and it has always been that way. Relationship-wise men are a better fit for me, but I am sexually attracted to both.
Before I dressed [many years ago] I was definately straight,had children and all. Then after a period dressed,and experiencing a surprise visit from a friend who found me fully dressed and made up,I was surprised by my reaction when he suggested it was time to go to bed. Ever since that wonderful fatefull afternoon [including the time I have spent purged]I have always been attracted to men,I find the ones I have loved to be beautiful,thoughtful,beings. Now,my sexual preference,despite not always being that way,is definately men. The level of sexual preference is always heightened when I am dressed and made up and when my man appreciates me being the way i am. :)
I was always oriented towards guys. My first experience with another male was around 12/13 years of age, at the height of my young dysphoria. Right around the same age, my clothes were found, I was embarrassed and I suppressed. I went to church and tried to live a Christian life style as a straight male. That didn't work to well, and it's backfired into a breakdown.
Any attempt I've ever made towards building a romantic relationship with a girl has been met with horrible failure. 2 of about 5 girls said I am not "manly" enough, even though I've done everything I can to be "manly". My friends and family say it makes sense for me to be "gay".
Though I don't see myself as gay; Still seeing 2 men have sex is not really what floats my boat, but I would have sex with a man, knowing that I am born a man myself. This was confusing for a while, but then I realized I was looking at it the wrong way. I'm a straight girl, not a gay man. Even though my appearance isn't fully realized, I am still a girl.
Quote from: Austin James on February 15, 2010, 06:25:54 PMbut just wondering what everybody elses sexual orientation/preference is and if it was different pre transition or if it stayed the same.
Same . . Quote from: tekla on February 27, 2010, 07:48:10 AM. . . kissing in public and most of all, the somewhat 'animalistic' and vastly testosterone-driven drive for sex immediately[/i]
lol Always liked GUYS but never "gay sex" as male!
I feel like i'm bucking the trend here. Before transition mostly asexual but bi. After a 3 months of HRT though and feeling much better about my body image i'm finding women a lot more attractive. I think i'm leaning towards identifying as a lesbian now.
I've always preferred the company of women and feel more comfortable with them, but I've never really wanted sex, so I guess I'm asexual (should I add AND PROUD OF IT.....not really :)
My first fantasies were of females, at a young age, which is directly related to experiences I'd had. They stayed with me. I dated alot of boys, as a teen, which had nothing to do with my fantasies. However, as I've grown older I have expanded my dreams to include lovers with male phisical anatomy (pretty much) - even though they are still very similar fantasies. Perhaps, because my lover is MTF. BTW, it is a popular notion among my MtF friends that males are good for one thing and it has little to do with emotional satisfaction.( could these men be gay males?) I have to disagree. I really think that, at least for me, it has to do with how I feel when I'm with that person - not if that person is male or female. Though, I have had good exsperiences doing that previously mentioned, animalistic thing, I get greater satisfaction knowing that person's like and dislikes and, sadly, sex almost always happens before love. Please, don't tell me that's a guy thing! It seems, when it comes to what is expected of males and females I live in a vacuum. My lover says I have a built in BS shield. What ever it is I'm ok with it. I wish we could be in a society where there aren't such expectations of what is acceptable for males and females (behavior-wise). When I hear some poor soul say they are stuck in limbo - to me it just means it's time to buy a new hat! (Perhaps, I've over simplified)
I always thought I was only attracted to females but HRT and transition has changed things. I started feeling attraction to a pre op TS and started having sex in the submissive role. Soon I was feeling attracted to men and now I thoroughly enjoy being a submissive female with a man. I guess this is because I always had those feelings but supressed them. I have completely accepted that I am a female so being with a man is natural.
Pam
I suppose I'm pan, but I prefer female identified partners. (either genetic or in transition)
(I wouldn't mind a guy in transition, can always chose a new strapon when things get boring) :P
I used to be les exclusive, although (as pan) I still can't see myself with a cismale, too many azzholes make for bad impressions for the rest of them.
I'm straight & that fact has always been constant. I dated 2 girls in high school but it was mostly due to peer pressure & my own denial. It was so awkward. Honestly, girls have never done it for me. I always saw them as best friends with whom I could be a girl myself but nothing else. Blokes, on the other hand, are adorable. They're the only ones that can give me butterflies in my stomach & make my heart beat faster.
When I was pretending to be a man and thought of myself as a male cross-dresser (or as a gay man who was unfortunately attracted only to women ::)), women would give me that visceral reaction of sexual attraction. I never met Mr Right or even Mr OK-for-a night.
For some reason, once on HRT and living as a woman and finally having realized I really am a woman under all those layers of socialization, I still love women but feel no sexual attraction to them. And now I have fantasies about men and have even met a few that made my knees weak and my insides churn nicely. :)
- Kate
When I was a boy, I was attracted only to girls. Sure, they were mostly masculine girls, but only girls. Now, I'm still attracted to females, though have been spending the majority of the time thinking "I want that body / those clothes", rather than "oh she's hot and I want to have sex with her". However, nowadays most of my fantasy is sex with males. :-\ I guess that put me down as socially I'm lesbian, but am looking to experience with men when I have the right parts. >:-)
I'm able to appreciate sexual attractiveness in both sexes, but I exclusively want relationships with men. Prior to beginning transition I felt I wanted relationships with women as part of the role I was playing, but my fantasies would invariably be of relationships with men.
Now that I've stopped trying to play the guy role, I'm just happy accepting my sense of heterosexuality which is ironically a lot more normal when taken from a female perspective than it was from a male one.
I honestly don't know how to identify my sexuality. There are certain things about guys that can really get me going; the smell, the smile, the dangly bits. Unfortunately, there are some things that really do the opposite though. Muscles and body hair are a no go for me, and they kind of come with the package. Whenever I watch porn though (rarely), I imagine myself as the woman being taken by the man, and it works for me.
That said, I'm definitely attracted to women. There's just an innate interest there. I never meet a guy in real life and think "hey, I'd like to get to know him better," but I do with women.
When I was in the disguise of a male, I played the straight card. Meaning attracted to women, but I did have a couple of encounters with men. I never viewed myself as gay, nor do I view myself as Lesbian or Bi.
As a woman I am attracted to men. Does this mean that I will never have a female lover or SO? No because one never knows. It really depends on the person.
I started transition at 16 so I don't really know much about what preference I had, all I know into transition and hormones and when my transition was complete, all I wanted was to be with a man, a strong man to hold caress and protect me, look after me, I love to be held by a guy and feel secure, Im am a straight hetrosexual woman, I love the way a man excepts me as a woman, I can never see myself in a sexual relationship with another woman, Im now a woman, it feels so right and natural for me to be with a man, I now have the right equipment for a full sexual relationship with the man of my dreams.
p
Quote from: Ashley4214 on February 28, 2010, 06:32:54 PM
I'm able to appreciate sexual attractiveness in both sexes, but I exclusively want relationships with men. Prior to beginning transition I felt I wanted relationships with women as part of the role I was playing, but my fantasies would invariably be of relationships with men.
Now that I've stopped trying to play the guy role, I'm just happy accepting my sense of heterosexuality which is ironically a lot more normal when taken from a female perspective than it was from a
male one.
I can't say for sure how this is going to pan out, but I TOTALLY relate to everything you just said! So thankyou for saying it for me! :)
Re: What's your sexual preference & has it always been that way?
Heterosexual & yes it's always been that way. ~smile~
This may sound strange but I didn't have a sexual preference until my late 20s/early 30s. When people would ask me about my sexual preference I would always say "I'm not thinking about that. Once I have things sorted out then I will think about it". I guess no one bothered to read between the lines and figure out what I meant.
Once I sat down and gave this some serious thought things came together pretty quickly. I remember thinking to myself "what if I was with a genetic male in a romantic relationship?". Once I thought that, my stomach rolled and rolled and I felt like I was going to be sick, so that was a pretty obvious signal that a relationship of that type wouldn't work. When I looked at things from the other side of the coin it made more sense and that's when I decided that if I were to be in any relationship it would have to be a lesbian one.
From a pretty early age I knew I was bisexual. But I also knew that the LAST thing I wanted was to be with a guy who saw ME as a guy. That made it easy not to act on any interest in guys, even as some older gay men tried to seduce me. So half of my bisexuality was ruled out in practice on a technicality for most of my life.
As I'm transitioning I am still pretty much the same. If I was single (and I'm not) I would probably pursue a relationship with a guy, but a lot of that is to satisfy curiosity because I've never gotten to be THE woman in a relationship. But I would put my odds at about 50/50 as to which sex any long term partner would turn out to be.
I like them both. I like them a little differently, but it's just not that easy to say I like one more than the other. I don't know how you heteros do it. ;)
for a while, I used to think of myself as a lesbian trapped in a male body....
then, in my early twenties, I realized that the idea of a man putting his penis into my ass was absolutely revolting, but the idea of a man putting his penis into my vagina was absolutely intoxicating.
I worshiped the female body for years and years, because I wanted one. I didn't want to be a guy pretending to be a woman, I wanted to be a woman in my own right.
so I guess my answer is hetero, but from my chosen gender and not the original plumbing.....
At first I was drawn to guys, first experience was with a guy. I was set up with a girl to make my parents happy I guess, but she was bi-sexual. Then I started to notice the emotional connections being able to show effection to each other outside of the bedroom unlike with the guys. I found out girls can be like guys sexually with the right toys. I do still have trouble doing oral with girls that I prefer to do with a guy, but I do it for my partner when she wants me to. The other thing is not knowing when she climaxed wondering if she faked it but with guys it is easy to know when they are finished. We both have the desire to please the other and spend some time asking afterwards if it was enough. Yes my sexual preference has remained the same the gender of my partners changed there is more to love then sex.
Quote from: tgirljuliewilson on March 03, 2010, 01:05:24 AMso I guess my answer is hetero, but from my chosen gender and not the original plumbing.....
Surprize to me! So "Normal" really isn't so bad afterall! ;D ;D ;D To judge from majority responses here it appears *in a perfect world* "the guy preference" is finally(?) winning out hands down! Could it be they indeed fulfill in us that obvious something we've felt totally lacking all along?
lol *female aggression* is certainly no substitute for an
attentive & caring insistent Male: don't care how you cut it
in my book the "sense of security needs trust & loyalties" are definately tremendously different!
Definition of preference? Once one disengages MIND then
NATURAL BODY SIGNALS are eventually allowed to take over!
I'm similar to many who have posted already but also dissimilar in my way. I have always been attracted to females. In my previous life, I had no attraction whatever to men, but my problem was that women expected me to behave as a male, which was mindbending torture. At least in this one area I have always been very clear that I am female and nothing but.
Since transition, I see men differently and occasionally really like one in an emotional sense, but the physical side is still nuthin', sugar pea. I am still strongly and happily attracted to females.
I had been afraid of two things in transitioning: one was that my romantic life might be over. Ha! The reality has been that, because I am now living and being preceived as my real self, my romantic life has been much more active than it ever was before. My other fear had been that I would lose my attraction to women (adoration, really). That would have been a primal piece of myself to lose, but there again, no worries. Yay!
It has always been femaleness that draws me--I hesitate to say "femininity" because that implies a whole set of behaviors--and I can be very attracted even to a strongly female-identified genetic male.
The one thing that IS very changed for me is that I find a far greater range of women attractive. I think this is because I "see" other women better than before, and so see their beauty from a deeper place.
Before GRS I didn't want to think about the sexual attraction business. The idea of me being a lesbian with a penis disgusted me. The idea of being seen as a bloke by another bloke disgusted me as well. The whole idea of being a woman with a dick was disgusting to me so I kinda became asexual. I didn't know how people were gonna react either. See, to people, lesbians don't have penises & neither do straight women. If I'd chosen to be with blokes or if I'd chosen to be with girls, would they have seen me as a woman? Would they have seen me as a freak? or would they have seen me as a fetish? I dunno & I didn't want to find out the hard way so I decided to wait until I was post-operational to have any kinda sexual contact.
As a post-operational woman I've found out I'm sexually attracted to blokes so I guess that makes me hetero.
When I was young (well after puberty!) I was attracted to boys for sure but it was the 1960's and nobody knew anything about transsexualism so I really downplayed the sexuality part of it - it was important that the medical folks understood it was about who I felt I was and not about who I was attracted to. I had a few encounters with boys through my teens but I never told anyone.
When SRS/transition became possible (1974) and I was finally able to 'exercise my sexuality' in a way that felt right to me, OH YEA! Absolutely straight! A few years later, when I became involved with another woman, it really shook me up but I came to realize that it wasn't so much about the other person as it was about being comfortable at at home with my own sexuality. There were a few women through the years but I am predominantly straight and definitely get hotter with a man LOL!
Quote from: Valentina on February 27, 2010, 06:07:00 AM
Inspired by https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,72609.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,72609.0.html)
I know there are many threads about sexual orientation but the bolded words caught my eye. What's your sexual preference & has it always been that way?
interesting thread but what's been
your experience?
as they say..quid pro quo.
I like girls now and I think I always will. :)
I decided I am bi sexual.I do have a boyfriend Brad whom I started dating 3 weeks ago and he is pretty much cool about this.I did tell him this
Its amazing what a few months of hormones can do to you!! Even though I fathered 3 children, I never could understand some of the basic concepts of male sexuality that my same age male acquaintences experienced. I admired women, but wanted to be them, and not having sex with them, but I was stuck with my male image and would not even begin to think about sex with a man. For three months now, I find myself looking at men and wondering what it would be like if they would suggest a trip to the bedroom, or heck, just close the drapes to the front room. I also feel less edgy with men around me now that the hormones are definitely having an effect. In a subtle way, they smell different to me now. Just the permission to accept myself as TRANS let me see that I had in the past looked on certain types of men as more than guy to guy friends. OH WOW!! The big thing though is that knowing this feels RIGHT where before it was wrong!!
When I was taken to the bedroom by a man there was no thoughts of my sexual preference,only how wonderfully delightful it all turned out to be. After that there was only men for me. :o
Quote from: Georgina on March 07, 2010, 03:58:31 AM
When I was taken to the bedroom by a man there was no thoughts of my sexual preference,only how wonderfully delightful it all turned out to be. After that there was only men for me. :o
Nice post!!!!!! I'm not going to lie and say there aren't guys out there that i don't find attractive but no sexual attraction at all. I think men are dogs! I am gay and the hormones are not having any effect on my train of thought. My therapist told me bout a year ago we shall see if your preference changes, not going to happen.
From the time of my youth, I've always been interested girls/women. So much of my life I considered myself heterosexual. I was rather different from the norm though. Because of that, there were a few times where I tried to convice myself that perhaps I was gay. No matter what I did, or how wonderful the person was that I thought about asking out...there was always one thing absent: I could never generate any desire or appreciation for the male form.
.
Currently, I'm asexual. Partially due to a horrible marriage that I'm still recovering from emotionally. Partially due to the effect HRT has on such matters.
.
I expect after I heal some, and find myself further along in transition, I will probably still be interested in women only. Only time will tell though.
Liked girls before, still only like them now. So lesbian I guess
Quote from: Laura91 on March 07, 2010, 10:54:02 AM
YAAAY for lesbians!!
RAWR
/me lesbinates laura
(sorry, chat joke)
Given I've only just started down the long and winding road it may be too early to tell, but I currently identify as lesbian and have never felt attracted in the slightest to men...despite the fact I regular set off a lot of gaydars when out. They usually look confused when I tell them I'm a lesbian.
I've started to reply to this about 12 times now and don't even know where to begin. The whole subject just makes me want to weep. :'( I used to identify as bisexual. I've pretty much lost all sexual attraction to females now which I suppose means I've gone hetero. In reality I just want to hide in the back of a small drawer and wish god never invented this whole sexuality thing. :-\
I saw an interesting term in an article on how Xbox Live is now (finally) allowing LGBT people to say that they are LGBT, and the term was 'relationship orientation' which I thought was pretty neat. I think hetero people can get a little squicked out by the thought of non-straight sex, but if you're just talking about romantic relationships it's a bit easier to take.
Anyway, at this point I'd say that my relationship orientation is girls, and my sexual orientation is yes :).
Hmm, that's a complicated question for me to answer really. As a child growing up, I remember at 7-8 years old I would look at girls and guys both in store ads and such, I liked both genders, and it kinda scared me at first. But then my mom found out and convinced me that I didn't like guys and such and for a long time it was kinda....shoved away.
A little over a year back I came in an encounter with a guy and half-dated him for a little while, but it occurred again to me that I am bi, and I do like guys....but at first I thought not as much as girls as I prefer them. But in recent days I even wonder about that, as I find myself in relationships not very compatible with girls (though I can be great friends with one), and I decided to leave the doors open to guys more recently. So yeah....it's complicated xD
Quote from: findingreason on March 09, 2010, 07:01:29 PM...and I decided to leave the doors open to guys more recently.
That's how I look at it -- I'm leaving the door open. Why should I decide ahead of time who I can like and who I can't like?
I'm waiting till somebody curls my toes, then I'll be able to say "I like that."
I really tried to be into girls, almost as hard as I tried to stick with my assigned gender, but the sad reality is that in the wrong role, I was asexual- 100%. In the correct role? We shall see...
I do have to say, I have been experiencing a non-stop procession of the flutteries lately. OMG, what is up with those? Ever since I noticed them for the first time it's just been like ...pew! pew! pew! just... constantly (sigh :)) especially when I catch sight of them sexy mens. Eep!! I just had one! Sheesh, it's unlike anything I've ever felt in my life, well away from like an amusement park ride anyway lol. It's given me this happy feeling that as a woman I'm actually going to have a libido :laugh:. Also, given my feels, I am pretty certain I'm hetero.
I'm still withholding final verdict till I've experienced a proper toe curling though :P.
Only being 18 and having zero sex drive I can't really say yet, maybe I'll be a little more... frisky? once I start hormones. Hope to find out eventually, don't like being asexual but nothing feels right to me...
Quote from: FlanHusky on March 07, 2010, 02:52:34 PM
RAWR
/me lesbinates laura
(sorry, chat joke)
YAY!! :icon_dance:
Quote from: Natasha on March 06, 2010, 04:10:54 AM
interesting thread but what's been your experience?
as they say..quid pro quo.
Okay :laugh:
Natasha, there's no doubt I've always liked blokes but that fact has recently been reinforced by my post-operative status.
Quote from: andie723 on February 27, 2010, 06:34:50 AM
I'm glad you posted this, because I wanted to post something like it myself.
I'm very new to my transition experience and in the early stages, but from what I have learned from myself in the last 3 months and realized over the last 7 years of my adult life, I am not a gay man as I came out as when I was 14 (very accepting parents, I was *very* lucky for them to accept even that back in the 2002).
I always felt as, a gay man, incredibly awkward while in relationships including: holding hands, giving flowers/gifts, who remember anniversaries, who pays, top/bottom/vers roles, 'sexiness of bathhouses', 'attractiveness of being promiscuous', kissing in public and most of all, the somewhat 'animalistic' and vastly testosterone-driven drive for sex immediately. I always looked for the gay man who would be the man, so I would be the woman --- but I didn't 'think' of it that way, because that's not how a gay man is, it is a give and take, a compromise: I always yearned for the opposite. For years I battled with disagreeing with all of it (and so much more), striving for the heterosexual norm, with all my gay peers constantly scrutinizing me. And I was always such an awkward gay man. I'd be the one covered in make-up, feminizing myself in every way and then wondering, why doesn't any gay guy like me, except for the ones who are as girly as I am (still don't get that)? After going after all the straight men with obviously, no successes, idolizing my female friends, being jealous of their gender and never relating to any gay man emotionally on structurally in the gay world, it was the real bubble burst that I was not actually gay at all.
WE are EXACTLY the same!
Bottom line: preference only 'straight'/heterosexual men without getting into any debate of bi/curious TS ->-bleeped-<-s.
I responded to this question and I suppose I shouldn have. My lover happened to be reading this and I saw it and decided to answer. I say I probably shouldn't have because I am not an MTF TS. My lover is. I am a female, was born female and for the most part have been ok with that, exept for a few drunken nights, I can remember between 14 and 20 yrs. old when I swore my life would be better if I had been born with a penis. It's funny now, but was quite serious to me then. I remember having a poster of Jim Morrison in my bedroom. Not only did I want to be WITH him, I also wanted to be LIKE him. I practiced trying to look like him in the mirror when I was kid.(My brother insists I am like him, though his autobiography didn't point in that direction) However, my naturally born flirtatousness and my early developped curves guided me in a different direction in life. I guess that was about how others interacted with me. I do think I would have had the same attitude if I had been born a man. It turns out I am not the only one in my family with this duality in nature. And, honestly, for a long time, I did not believe there were any differences in the way men and women think. Of course, I know, now, that is entirely untrue. I realize it's just me - and maybe my genetic make-up, since there are others in my family who think similarly to the way I do. SOOOOOOOOOO, anyway, if you read my post about how I often fantisize about women it may change your perspective of me (the writer) and in the future I'll pay more attention to what I am responding to. I hope I haven't offended anyone by responding to this topic, even though it doesn't exactly apply to me.
:-* Ivy
Ivy,
It is always nice to hear from Significant Others. I think your story is interesting. When I started persenting female I found I could relate to my women friends better because there was no longer a background sexual tension. And as I have gotten to know them better, I have found there is a lot more to this for them, too.
We are complex creatures, wondrous in our variation.
- Kate
I've always struggled with my sexual orientation. I first came out as bisexual when I was about 15, then a little while later thought I was pansexual, then I came out as a gay male at about 16. I now identify as a straight female.
Up until I started transition I had only ever dated women. I kind of kept an open mind when I first started and just went with pansexual, since to some degree I was attracted to men. I even tried dating a guy about a year into my transition. Amazingly it ended up being the longest relationship I ever had, but it didn't last. It more or less exposed some issues I have with physical intimacy and I realized I wasn't nearly as attracted to men as women. So at this point I'm going with trans lesbian. I tried dating another trans girl not too long ago, but that ended rather quickly and badly. Even though it didn't last long it was enough for me to learn that I'm more comfortable with other trans girls. I guess the shared experience in a way makes me feel more easily understood. I'm still attracted to genetic women too, so I guess for now I have a good idea of what I like. It's just so hard sometimes being pre-op and saying I'm lesbian, especially so with genetic women. A lot of times I find they don't seem to understand that I'm attracted to other women as a woman, and that whats in my pants has nothing to do with it.
Wow, I have read through posts and they are as different as individuals them selves. We are often trying to make sense of our surrounding world by sorting aspects into appropriate boxes, but it isn't so with this. We are such a diverse group that I see how confusing this subject has to be to the "straight" onlooker. For me I have lived quite a bit of life as man and never payed any sexually directed attention to males not even fantasy. It actually was repulsive to me to think of two man having sexual relationship ( who am I to take such a stance?). I have now been almost 10 months on HRT and out of nowhere, intriguing, curiosity arose about possible relationship with man, oh well, I don't think I can go as far as manly masculine man man but a transgender with all the original parts still there. If I had been confronted with such 3 years ago I would leave the room but now world of possibilities is open, is it because I feel more a woman now, and organize my thoughts in female fashion or is it totally not even up to my thought process but rather hormones and chemistry associated with them making me who I am now. Perhaps some time ago I was still so much into pretending to be this Manly man that I had to behave in such way but now I have embraced my female in me and are more open to this aspect. I can only speculate the outcome of such relationship because I have not experienced it yet and who knows if I ever will but just the fact I have allowed such fantasy and must say with pleasure, that a change has occurred and a significant change at that.
Just to add, besides thoughts of sexual exploration I catch my self striking way female poses unintentionally. Gestures I would never do before, am I doing it intentionally but not realize or is it subconscious or yet hormone driven?
Quote from: andie723 on February 27, 2010, 06:34:50 AM
I'm glad you posted this, because I wanted to post something like it myself.
I'm very new to my transition experience and in the early stages, but from what I have learned from myself in the last 3 months and realized over the last 7 years of my adult life, I am not a gay man as I came out as when I was 14 (very accepting parents, I was *very* lucky for them to accept even that back in the 2002).
I always felt as, a gay man, incredibly awkward while in relationships including: holding hands, giving flowers/gifts, who remember anniversaries, who pays, top/bottom/vers roles, 'sexiness of bathhouses', 'attractiveness of being promiscuous', kissing in public and most of all, the somewhat 'animalistic' and vastly testosterone-driven drive for sex immediately. I always looked for the gay man who would be the man, so I would be the woman --- but I didn't 'think' of it that way, because that's not how a gay man is, it is a give and take, a compromise: I always yearned for the opposite. For years I battled with disagreeing with all of it (and so much more), striving for the heterosexual norm, with all my gay peers constantly scrutinizing me. And I was always such an awkward gay man. I'd be the one covered in make-up, feminizing myself in every way and then wondering, why doesn't any gay guy like me, except for the ones who are as girly as I am (still don't get that)? After going after all the straight men with obviously, no successes, idolizing my female friends, being jealous of their gender and never relating to any gay man emotionally on structurally in the gay world, it was the real bubble burst that I was not actually gay at all.
Bottom line: preference only 'straight'/heterosexual men without getting into any debate of bi/curious TS ->-bleeped-<-s.
better not to think about such things. so what did you turn out as, anyway?
Quote from: tekla on February 27, 2010, 08:41:47 AM
When I think about Love
I don't think about a bright Moon
Twinkling Stars
Red Wine
Silent Whispers
Holding Hands
Secret Loveletters
Candlelights
Red Roses
Wedding Bells
Moonlight Serenades
Warm Summer Nights
A table for Two
I think about Pure sex, Deep sex, Hard Sex, Rough Sex
- Lords of Acid
wow
:D
Post Merge: March 29, 2010, 04:32:12 AM
When I was just a child I liked girls, because I looked up to them and wanted to be like them. I disliked boys.
When sexuality started developing at age 8/9 it became clear to me that I only had an interest in boys.
My envirement perceived me as beeing a gay male, but I never could identify with it.
As a "gay male" I was very passive and submissive towards men, wanted to have the female role next to a man.
Then at 28 I started to accept myself more and started living as female. Later I started hormone therapy, and I am at this moment a non op TS.
I love straight/ heterosexual men, but believe that the truely straight might not want to be with a TS, so in men, its masculinity I search for, both in character and sexuality. Also I admire men that have accepted they like TS as well as woman, and are not ashamed to admit that.
They feel like real men to me and much much better then `straight` guys.
I also believe that men that have no problem with TS, do not have a problem with wether I have had surgery or not. There is the backdoor :)
Post Merge: March 29, 2010, 06:37:47 AM
Quote from: Riannah on March 18, 2010, 09:48:34 PM
And so am I :)
Jah me 2 ;D
I have been with the same woman for 23 years and I have been on HRT for 4 years and I have noticed that about 2 years ago my orientation had begun to change toward men. Up until then I always was attracted to women and had no interest in men at all. I had discussed this with 5 different therapists that I know and there is a little conflict in what they say, but on the average they all say that HRT can have an effect on ones sexual orientation. So boys look out.
I identify as a lesbian and never had any attraction to men. I actually think the male body is kind of disgusting, but that may just be my feeling towards being born in a male body :laugh:. If a woman is transgender or cisgender isn't important to me, although I don't know if I would be ok with male parts down below. Even for myself, I'm not sure if I'll be ok with using my own male part, I need to get SRS/GRS asap :laugh:.
I've heard about a lot of MtF's that go from being attracted to women, then to men. I think it might have nothing to do with hormones, but finally being able to accept yourself/your sexuality. It kinda scares me that hormones could be one of the factors in determining sexual preference, as I'm happy with my sexuality as it is.
I think I've always been somewhat bisexual, though leaning more toward women. I've never really been interested enough in a man to have a relationship with one.
Considering I have a loving boyfriend for whom I care very much, I think it's obvious >:3.
Quote from: tekla on February 27, 2010, 08:41:47 AM
When I think about Love
I don't think about a bright Moon
Twinkling Stars
Red Wine
Silent Whispers
Holding Hands
Secret Loveletters
Candlelights
Red Roses
Wedding Bells
Moonlight Serenades
Warm Summer Nights
A table for Two
I think about Pure sex, Deep sex, Hard Sex, Rough Sex
- Lords of Acid
Wow, I am so happy you quoted LoA. They were one of my fav's for a long time!
I hit reply out of excitement for the LoA quote, but just to keep from going off-topic... I'll offer my reply -- without having read the following replies, mind you.
I am, and always have been pansexual. Though for most of my life I have identified as bisexual without knowing any better.
---
Edit/Add - my biggest problem with men is body hair and masculine smell.
I hate body hair with a passion. I think I was an Egyptian in a past life (not seriously, though I wouldn't pass it off).
And the smell of maleness... I can't stand it now. You know what I'm saying? If I smell nut-sacks on my towels I'm bleaching them. Eww!
Aside from that, the entire playground is game. Woot!
BI always have been always will be. And my FTM husband also identifies as BI.
I'm & have always been asexual.
Happily married to a GG, I'm strictly women-only. The hetero thing just doesn't compute for me.
But I do adore my gay guy friends. They are the most fabulous accessory! (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fforums.snapstream.com%2Fvb%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Ftongue.gif&hash=66b86c30cc2fafeca2534a474457c49f4a9ad67c)
~Lannie~
I think I was actually kinda aesexual till I got the talk... I literally had no interest and then suddenly BAM I did... mostly girls at the time... but slowly I realised OMG Boys are hot too... so you could say I'm bi, but really I'm I don't like the term bi, because it supports gender binary, and I'm attracted to someone regardless of gender identification. if they are attractive they are attractive. now when it comes to romantic relationships I'm kinda unique I guess. I'm Homosexual either way. even though deep down I'm female, I'd rather have a serious relationship with male AS A Male, or have have a serious relationship with a female AS A Female... so you could say I'm a Lesbian with Gay Man Tendencies... or something...
I guess in my current situation I consider myself a bitch's bitch. Which would make me a lesbian. That is how I feel when I make love with my partner. I guess I am a true scorpion because I consider that my current relationship is going to be my only relationship, so I really don't want to consider anything else.
Quote from: andie723 on February 27, 2010, 06:34:50 AM
I'm glad you posted this, because I wanted to post something like it myself.
I'm very new to my transition experience and in the early stages, but from what I have learned from myself in the last 3 months and realized over the last 7 years of my adult life, I am not a gay man as I came out as when I was 14 (very accepting parents, I was *very* lucky for them to accept even that back in the 2002).
I always felt as, a gay man, incredibly awkward while in relationships including: holding hands, giving flowers/gifts, who remember anniversaries, who pays, top/bottom/vers roles, 'sexiness of bathhouses', 'attractiveness of being promiscuous', kissing in public and most of all, the somewhat 'animalistic' and vastly testosterone-driven drive for sex immediately. I always looked for the gay man who would be the man, so I would be the woman --- but I didn't 'think' of it that way, because that's not how a gay man is, it is a give and take, a compromise: I always yearned for the opposite. For years I battled with disagreeing with all of it (and so much more), striving for the heterosexual norm, with all my gay peers constantly scrutinizing me. And I was always such an awkward gay man. I'd be the one covered in make-up, feminizing myself in every way and then wondering, why doesn't any gay guy like me, except for the ones who are as girly as I am (still don't get that)? After going after all the straight men with obviously, no successes, idolizing my female friends, being jealous of their gender and never relating to any gay man emotionally on structurally in the gay world, it was the real bubble burst that I was not actually gay at all.
Bottom line: preference only 'straight'/heterosexual men without getting into any debate of bi/curious TS ->-bleeped-<-s.
I don't know who you've met, but I know a WHOLE lot of Seme's (Dominant's) who are gay... like seriously seme, they like to make the other person all sorts to submissive... just saying...
My preference is female but I do have thoughts about men from time to time but they're just thoughts really. I find it hard to envision actually being with a guy for real. I just find women more attractive, in looks and from a relationship point of view. Who knows what hormones will do though some time in the future.
Quote from: BardicFire on April 04, 2010, 09:07:08 AM
I don't know who you've met, but I know a WHOLE lot of Seme's (Dominant's) who are gay... like seriously seme, they like to make the other person all sorts to submissive... just saying...
Ehm... nah, I havent met any that wanted me to wear make up and womans clothes...
I was feminine and not self consciouss in my teens and also did not understand why no gay guys liked me, and was very sad about that. But these guys feel that you are not exactly a boy and so they are not interested...its as easy as that....
I also noticed that the feminine gays usually do like me...but more in a friendly manner...
I myself only love masculine guys that are male in every possible and conceivable way :D and more importantly that they make me feel feminine and like a woman...
Guess its my turn to throw my 2 cents in. No, I don't expect change back....lol At first, I tried to conform to the norm. Being a biological male, I had numerous girlfriends. What I found for me, was I would observe every action, their reaction, see how they moved, what they did, and how they responded. I recorded it, in memory...not on a camera....goodness people..lol. Anyway, committing it to memory, so that, when the time came, I could act move react in such a way, as to be like my biological sisters. Then came the eventual sighs, sex with a guy. I actually had the big O without ever being touched down there... it was such a euphoric moment, however, i also knew that it wasn't what I really wanted. Then, after being with several different guys, and seeing how they treat women, their attitudes, about women, and all that bravado, I said nope...Not for me. I immediately switched to being a lesbian. Stout and proud of it. Though finding a lesbian that is understanding of a TS is something that is most difficult. I have to learn that honesty goes a long way, and that if I can be up front and honest with them, perhaps, just perhaps, they may accept me for who I am, and actually help me to transition, and to be a better female....
Heres hoping.
Hugs,
Melissa