I keep hearing from people that they don't think a straight guy would be okay with dating a transgender woman and it's getting to me more and more. Like do I transition and risk ending up alone? Or do I stay in this body as much as I hate it, and increase my chances of not being alone? I mean thinking about not transitioning is such an unhappy thought for me but idk I'm just really scared right now. I've never felt more upset about my body and being born male than I do. It's just getting to me and I'm scared. :(
Most of the guys on the transgender dating site I visit consider themselves to be straight guys...
Some of them are nice, others are just trolling hose monsters :P
I'm actually rather surprised at how many "straight" guys like trans women... I haven't found that special someone yet, but I'm sure there's a special someone out there somewhere for you :icon_chick:
Quote from: KimberlyJean on September 10, 2010, 06:13:31 PM
I keep hearing from people that they don't think a straight guy would be okay with dating a transgender woman and it's getting to me more and more. Like do I transition and risk ending up alone? Or do I stay in this body as much as I hate it, and increase my chances of not being alone? I mean thinking about not transitioning is such an unhappy thought for me but idk I'm just really scared right now. I've never felt more upset about my body and being born male than I do. It's just getting to me and I'm scared. :(
What specifically are you afraid of? Being alone? Not finding someone?
Don't worry, as my mom always says, and life has proven her correct, there's a special someone for everyone. Everyone. Trust me.
I can also assure you and try to quell any fears that many "straight guys" are definitely OK with dating MTF trans-persons... even a preop MTF... I'm living proof. I pretty much exclusively date what the masses would term "straight hetero" males. They really are not as judgemental and scary as you might think. Seriously. Many are looking for the same things we are. Love, understanding, companionship, etc. Also to most guys: If it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, and moves like a duck, it's a duck. If you present yourself and act like a female, that's how they should treat you. That's it. This will vary on an individual basis, how well you pass, and so forth, but it really is not that unusual. Most guys I tell about me being a preop MTF upfront or at least on the 2nd or 3rd date if I see a future, but other times I have gone out with "straight hetero" guys that honestly have not had a clue about my past. I can site several specific examples if necessary.
:D
First of all, Kimberly Jean, You have beautiful eyes.
I'm in a very similar place you are. I'm 25, and I'm very lonely. I've never ever been on a date, nobody's ever asked me out and since my shell says "dude", no straight men would ever ask me out. I would date a girl but its just not in there inside of me to do it. I can't be a straight guy because I'm really a straight girl.
For those of us that pass, and there are some very fortunate ones that should get down on their hands and knees and thank God that they do, I think they're the ones that might attract men. It really depends on how good you look as a girl I think and also your confidence. It's ironic that transgender women need twice the confidence of GGs really to live their daily lives but we probably struggle more than they do with that because of our situations.
If you're pretty facially, I think guys will respond to that, no matter how old they are. If something's off, they'll pick it up. I think men are biologically designed to mate with women and I really do think they know if a woman's really a "guy" or not. I think if you pass and you're pretty, I think that you could possibly have an actual life dating straight men. Many transgender women that I have met though are lesbians.
I dated a "straight" guy and did not even present as a woman, but he treated me like a woman. Really confused me at first until I found out there were other guys like him. I'm sure it would be much easier and more fulfilling with woman parts though.
Nobody has mentioned this yet, so I will.
Does their orientation really matter? Why such a focus on dating "straight" men? Whether they identify as straight, bi, pansexual, gay, etc., shouldn't matter really. As long as he's a guy, and he's into you, everything else is just details.
First, work on being happy with you. Then think about dating. You can't have a healthy relationship with anyone if you don't have a healthy relationship with YOU. Being miserable isn't attractive to anyone :)
<3 you!
~April~
First, I hope it's ok that I'm posting in this thread, considering that I'm not mtf.
Anyway, I put off dealing with being trans for quite a while, and a large part of it was because I didn't want to lose my partner and have slim chances of finding another partner. Having spent almost all of my adult life in serious relationships, being alone seemed kind of scary. I also really appreciated my partner and didn't want to lose the relationship if I wasn't completely sure it was worth it.
But being trans increasingly became an issue within relationships. Whenever I got close to a guy, I felt like I was deceiving him. I would commit to someone and then back out of that commitment, knowing that I couldn't realistically promise anyone anything without knowing for sure whether or not I wanted to transition. Maybe it would have been different with a bi guy (and it IS different in my current relationship), but the guys I was with were straight so I feared it could become an issue and just didn't want to put anyone through that if it could be avoided. I realized that I really needed to transition if I was ever going to before making a serious commitment to anyone. Otherwise, it might not be fair.
(Then I ended up getting involved and committing, even though I still haven't transitioned, but he's uniquely good for me and loves me for who I am regardless of what I am, which is rare, but can certainly happen!)
Just wanted to share my story in case it has any relevance. Best of luck!
Hi Kimberley, the fear of being alone is a very big issue and it still drives me to tears some days, but I realized if I didn't transition I'd be so much more lonely. Maybe I will meet someone special someday who will accept and love me for who I am, where untrasitioned I'm just guaranteed an empty life where I will push everyone away from me.
And I agree with sysm29, you have such cute eyes.
*hugs*
You look quite young, and already have a fairly feminine face, so don't worry about it until you have been on hormones for over 6 months.
I used to look very male, now, 5 months 3 weeks later, I have Bs and look just like most girls, maybe the slightest hint of masculinity, but that will vanish soon enough.
I transitioned at 21.
That's right, you do have some rather nice features to start with plus you have your youth on your side ;)
A little while on HRT and you'll and you'll have to beat the boys back with a stick :icon_chick:
Quote from: Virginia Marie on September 10, 2010, 06:28:55 PM
Most of the guys on the transgender dating site I visit consider themselves to be straight guys...
Some of them are nice, others are just trolling hose monsters :P
I'm actually rather surprised at how many "straight" guys like trans women... I haven't found that special someone yet, but I'm sure there's a special someone out there somewhere for you :icon_chick:
Thanks Virginia. I hope theirs someone out there for me too. And everyone. :)
Quote from: JennX on September 10, 2010, 07:32:25 PM
What specifically are you afraid of? Being alone? Not finding someone?
Don't worry, as my mom always says, and life has proven her correct, there's a special someone for everyone. Everyone. Trust me.
I can also assure you and try to quell any fears that many "straight guys" are definitely OK with dating MTF trans-persons... even a preop MTF... I'm living proof. I pretty much exclusively date what the masses would term "straight hetero" males. They really are not as judgemental and scary as you might think. Seriously. Many are looking for the same things we are. Love, understanding, companionship, etc. Also to most guys: If it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, and moves like a duck, it's a duck. If you present yourself and act like a female, that's how they should treat you. That's it. This will vary on an individual basis, how well you pass, and so forth, but it really is not that unusual. Most guys I tell about me being a preop MTF upfront or at least on the 2nd or 3rd date if I see a future, but other times I have gone out with "straight hetero" guys that honestly have not had a clue about my past. I can site several specific examples if necessary.
:D
I'm just afraid of being alone. I feel like I've been alone my whole life, never had a boyfriend and most of my friends ended up screwing me over.
Quote from: sysm29 on September 10, 2010, 08:27:15 PM
First of all, Kimberly Jean, You have beautiful eyes.
I'm in a very similar place you are. I'm 25, and I'm very lonely. I've never ever been on a date, nobody's ever asked me out and since my shell says "dude", no straight men would ever ask me out. I would date a girl but its just not in there inside of me to do it. I can't be a straight guy because I'm really a straight girl.
For those of us that pass, and there are some very fortunate ones that should get down on their hands and knees and thank God that they do, I think they're the ones that might attract men. It really depends on how good you look as a girl I think and also your confidence. It's ironic that transgender women need twice the confidence of GGs really to live their daily lives but we probably struggle more than they do with that because of our situations.
If you're pretty facially, I think guys will respond to that, no matter how old they are. If something's off, they'll pick it up. I think men are biologically designed to mate with women and I really do think they know if a woman's really a "guy" or not. I think if you pass and you're pretty, I think that you could possibly have an actual life dating straight men. Many transgender women that I have met though are lesbians.
Thank you!! :D I feel like we are in the same position. :) haha never had a bf and never wanted a gf.
Quote from: Robertina on September 10, 2010, 08:56:04 PM
I dated a "straight" guy and did not even present as a woman, but he treated me like a woman. Really confused me at first until I found out there were other guys like him. I'm sure it would be much easier and more fulfilling with woman parts though.
I know that they exist but I don't think I'd ever meet anyone like that.
Quote from: AprilDawn on September 10, 2010, 09:48:56 PM
Nobody has mentioned this yet, so I will.
Does their orientation really matter? Why such a focus on dating "straight" men? Whether they identify as straight, bi, pansexual, gay, etc., shouldn't matter really. As long as he's a guy, and he's into you, everything else is just details.
First, work on being happy with you. Then think about dating. You can't have a healthy relationship with anyone if you don't have a healthy relationship with YOU. Being miserable isn't attractive to anyone :)
<3 you!
~April~
Mommmyyy :D
I didn't really think about that. I don't mean just straight guys though, I just mean guys that happen to like women :P But you're right. Me first.
Quote from: Alexmakenoise on September 10, 2010, 10:06:26 PM
First, I hope it's ok that I'm posting in this thread, considering that I'm not mtf.
Anyway, I put off dealing with being trans for quite a while, and a large part of it was because I didn't want to lose my partner and have slim chances of finding another partner. Having spent almost all of my adult life in serious relationships, being alone seemed kind of scary. I also really appreciated my partner and didn't want to lose the relationship if I wasn't completely sure it was worth it.
But being trans increasingly became an issue within relationships. Whenever I got close to a guy, I felt like I was deceiving him. I would commit to someone and then back out of that commitment, knowing that I couldn't realistically promise anyone anything without knowing for sure whether or not I wanted to transition. Maybe it would have been different with a bi guy (and it IS different in my current relationship), but the guys I was with were straight so I feared it could become an issue and just didn't want to put anyone through that if it could be avoided. I realized that I really needed to transition if I was ever going to before making a serious commitment to anyone. Otherwise, it might not be fair.
(Then I ended up getting involved and committing, even though I still haven't transitioned, but he's uniquely good for me and loves me for who I am regardless of what I am, which is rare, but can certainly happen!)
Just wanted to share my story in case it has any relevance. Best of luck!
Thanks for sharing!! And some people have mentioned me dating a gay guy or something and a few months ago that's what I was looking for, but I don't want to get into a relationship that has an expiration date ya know? =X
Quote from: Karla on September 10, 2010, 10:12:48 PM
Hi Kimberley, the fear of being alone is a very big issue and it still drives me to tears some days, but I realized if I didn't transition I'd be so much more lonely. Maybe I will meet someone special someday who will accept and love me for who I am, where untrasitioned I'm just guaranteed an empty life where I will push everyone away from me.
And I agree with sysm29, you have such cute eyes.
*hugs*
Thanks bb <3 I feel like I'd be much more happy if I transition, being a boy now makes me so sad. :(
Quote from: sarahm on September 10, 2010, 10:34:39 PM
You look quite young, and already have a fairly feminine face, so don't worry about it until you have been on hormones for over 6 months.
I used to look very male, now, 5 months 3 weeks later, I have Bs and look just like most girls, maybe the slightest hint of masculinity, but that will vanish soon enough.
I transitioned at 21.
omg thank you!! :D I cannot wait to transition! And omg bs in 5 months?! YAY
Quote from: Virginia Marie on September 10, 2010, 11:21:58 PM
That's right, you do have some rather nice features to start with plus you have your youth on your side ;)
A little while on HRT and you'll and you'll have to beat the boys back with a stick :icon_chick:
Thanks again :P I can't wait to turn a guy down hahaha. jk but it would feel nice knowing that someone was interested :P
Quote from: Dee_pntx on September 10, 2010, 11:31:24 PM
I hate the ->-bleeped-<-s & admirers. They are penis obsessed. If they weren't they wouldn't be trolling trans dating sites, ya know?
I refuse to be in a relationship where the whole relationship is based and focused on the one body part I despise the most and that has caused me 50 years of misery and despair.
Date a ->-bleeped-<- and see where he goes after you're post-op and his beloved sex toy is no more. He'll hit the road and resume trolling for penis on the trans dating sites again.
I've decided that now that I have only a few months to go before I'll have normal girl bits, I'm putting off all dating. After I'm all healed up and can have normal female / male sex, I'll see what I can find out there in cis straight land.
I don't care what admirers and ->-bleeped-<-s consider themselves, straight, gay, bi, whatever, the bottom line is that they seek penis, period. Think about it. They want you because you have what you don't want.
I agree with you!! I'm not really going to put much effort into dating until post op, but that might change. I won't be able to afford it for a while :( But a ->-bleeped-<- would leave sooner than that because I don't think I could use my penis with someone else. I can't even imagine a dr touching my genitals during a physical. The thought of sex with it just...I don't like it. I never have really. All I want is to be penetrated, and while the back doors unlocked (for the right guy, I'm not easy lol!), I'd rather not if I had the option.
Thanks again everyone. I had time to think about it today and I would rather be a woman with no boyfriend than a man with many. The more I imagine my future as a homosexual male the more I want and need to be female. Whether I end up straight bi or lesbian. I'm pretty sure I'm straight though :D
Quote from: AprilDawn on September 10, 2010, 09:48:56 PM
Nobody has mentioned this yet, so I will.
Does their orientation really matter? Why such a focus on dating "straight" men? Whether they identify as straight, bi, pansexual, gay, etc., shouldn't matter really. As long as he's a guy, and he's into you, everything else is just details.
Yes, their orientation matters. Gay men are into men. Straight men are into women. Even if a man who is into women is into me, the relationship dynamic is different. What he expects out of it is different. He's romantically and sexually oriented toward women, and I am not a woman, and that affects the relationship in a lot of ways.
I've had medium- and long-term relationships with both straight and gay guys while still presenting female. With the straight guys, the body chemistry obviously worked better. But with the gay guys, the relationship chemistry worked far better. It does matter. And I'm hoping that when my body's more in line with what it ought to be, I'll be able to enjoy both kinds of chemistry with the same person.
Well put Kyril.
A VERY dear friend of many years is, shall we say, "flaming gay" and we are incredibly close. The friendship is amazing. We connected the moment we met and get together whenever we are in the same vicinity. He is incredibly handsome, funny, serious, open, and loving.
We have often joked about our relationship. I suggested that if he ever wanted to switch sides he should give me a call - "Not a chance!" was his reply. I told him that if I had known someone like him when I was young maybe I would have kept 'the factory equipment' - he laughed and said "It wouldn't have mattered. You're ALL GIRL, with out without a willie, and I am totally into men!" LOL!
Bottom line is that it isn't about the body - it's about the person. The only problem is that many straight men are such homo-phobes they question their own sexuality if their girl isn't 100% factory issue normal female.
Quote from: Robertina on September 10, 2010, 08:56:04 PM
I dated a "straight" guy and did not even present as a woman, but he treated me like a woman. Really confused me at first until I found out there were other guys like him. I'm sure it would be much easier and more fulfilling with woman parts though.
There are definitely guys like this out there. I was just crossing over my androgynous stage and was wearing makeup but no way passed in presentation as a female. In one week I had a guy at a local bar I frequent attach to me and was all over me. Literally. He kept saying he was a straight guy but found himself incredibly attracted to me. He was kissing me in a straight rednecky irish pub! Then another guy pretty much the same thing at another irish pub. They were both attracted to me as a female.
Now there are those 'admirers' out there which basically means they like girls that have man parts. While I have no intention of ever having an intimate relationship with them there is still companionship there. There should be no shortage of dates! At least in my experience.
I really can't wait to get my surgery and FFS done, though. I would really not have to date in my limbo state.
Quote from: Dee_pntx on September 11, 2010, 06:10:34 AM
I still have an account on one of the trans dating sites. I don't put any effort into it I just check in every few days so I can laugh and click delete on the ->-bleeped-<-s that have viewed my profile or have sent me messages there.
This morning one sent me a message, he said I was sexy (ha!) and wanted to chat.
I looked at his pic and he was cute enough so I said WTF and gave him my yahoo id so we could chat.
First thing he asks me is if I'm interested. I said I would like to get to know him first, I wasn't looking for an instant hook up.
He says "what's the hold up?"
I say lets get to know each other. He says he agrees.
Then he asks me "So do you top?"
I told him "No, I said it in my profile, I do not top, at all, ever, with anyone, male, female or Martian."
*CLICK*
He instantly cut the chat and disconnected the second I replied that I do not top.
Friggin jerk.
I can't wait until I can date within cis world. I know there are plenty of jerks there too but at least I won't have to put up with that sort of crap anymore. 5 more months.......... :-\
I'm sorry Dee. But hey five months! You are so closeee! =D
Hi there,
I've fully transitioned and came to the conclusion that no one would want me. I still would like a relationship but I kind of thought that would never happen. When I was about to be discharged from the hospital after my GRS/SRS two months ago the specialist nurse said when I was ready for a relationship and wanted to make love with someone phone her and she would tell me of the best positions to start with. Well I said to her that I expected not to because no one ever wanting me.
I'd love to start dating but I guess I'm scared and also I would not know where or how to start. I've broke up with the one love of my life 3 years ago after 27 years of marriage and to start trusting someone again scares me.
Stardust
Why be hung up on the orientation, or even the gender. Many of us are self proclaimed lesbian. I have been chatting with a gal, online. And she know my situation. And she still calls me her Girlfriend.
I've actually run into quite a few guys who are straight but are still ok with dating trans girls. All of the guys that have been interested in me didn't know I was trans at first but were still interested after finding out. And these were guys who never had and never will have any desire to actually seek out trans girls to date.
Quote from: Ayaname on September 11, 2010, 05:02:47 PM
I've actually run into quite a few guys who are straight but are still ok with dating trans girls. All of the guys that have been interested in me didn't know I was trans at first but were still interested after finding out. And these were guys who never had and never will have any desire to actually seek out trans girls to date.
This I still don't understand. What determines the difference between a guy that finds out you are trans and is OK with it as opposed to the guy that finds out and wants nothing more to do with you, or worse. Are they just more open minded, different type of sexual orientation, or what.
I continue to be happily surprised at hearing pre-op girls on this site tell how their partner is staying with them. I know it doesn't always work that way, but I'm surprised none the less.
Quote from: Robertina on September 11, 2010, 06:20:24 PM
This I still don't understand. What determines the difference between a guy that finds out you are trans and is OK with it as opposed to the guy that finds out and wants nothing more to do with you, or worse. Are they just more open minded, different type of sexual orientation, or what.
I continue to be happily surprised at hearing pre-op girls on this site tell how their partner is staying with them. I know it doesn't always work that way, but I'm surprised none the less.
I wish I knew how to answer that. I don't quite understand it myself. I'd like to believe that these guys are just more open minded, but who knows? ???
Quote from: Janet Lynn on September 11, 2010, 04:40:09 PM
Why be hung up on the orientation, or even the gender. Many of us are self proclaimed lesbian. I have been chatting with a gal, online. And she know my situation. And she still calls me her Girlfriend.
But I'm not sexually attracted to girls. :P And by straight I mean guys who like girls. Not just straight I guess.
Quote from: stardust on September 11, 2010, 04:30:12 PM
Hi there,
I've fully transitioned and came to the conclusion that no one would want me. I still would like a relationship but I kind of thought that would never happen. When I was about to be discharged from the hospital after my GRS/SRS two months ago the specialist nurse said when I was ready for a relationship and wanted to make love with someone phone her and she would tell me of the best positions to start with. Well I said to her that I expected not to because no one ever wanting me.
I'd love to start dating but I guess I'm scared and also I would not know where or how to start. I've broke up with the one love of my life 3 years ago after 27 years of marriage and to start trusting someone again scares me.
Stardust
You sound a lot like me but I'm just starting out haha. :D But I'm not really scared to trust anyone. I'll have to wait until a boy breaks my heart =X hopefully never!
Quote from: Ayaname on September 11, 2010, 05:02:47 PM
I've actually run into quite a few guys who are straight but are still ok with dating trans girls. All of the guys that have been interested in me didn't know I was trans at first but were still interested after finding out. And these were guys who never had and never will have any desire to actually seek out trans girls to date.
That's awesome. I hope I can meet a guy like that.
Bi guys are our salvation
Quote from: Robertina on September 11, 2010, 06:20:24 PM
This I still don't understand. What determines the difference between a guy that finds out you are trans and is OK with it as opposed to the guy that finds out and wants nothing more to do with you, or worse. Are they just more open minded, different type of sexual orientation, or what.
More open-minded, and less afraid of other people's reaction and being mistaken as "gay" if they find out they're dating a transwoman. If they don't know before they hit on you, I'd say their sexual orientation is the same as for those guys who date GGs. So most probably straight, in some cases bi, or the occasional gay guy making an exception for this one girl here though it's ad odds with his usual sexual orientation.
If they kind of sensed on a subconscious level that there was something "special" about you, chances are higher that either you're an amazing person or that it's a bi guy or both.
Quote from: Ashley on September 11, 2010, 10:27:24 PM
Bi guys are our salvation
At least, it's less of a hassle. A straight guy may start questioning his orientation once he finds out you're trans and need some time to figure out he's still straight, which can be annoying if it's in the "freshly in love" phase of the relationship, or he'll just run away or react badly. A bi guy probably won't have that crisis.
KimberlyJean, I'll just say that you have pretty features now, so i believe after hrt you won't have a problem finding someone (probably now even), you just have to have confidence, its a huge factor. There'll be guys who are genuinely interested in you as a woman :)
I was always confused with my last boyfriend. He adamantly states that he does not like guys, so when I ask him why he wants to have sex with me, he says, "but your not a guy." Mind you, I was not presenting as a woman. As long as the guy is doing the penetrating and not messing around with guy parts, he is not considered gay in my bf's culture. I still don't understand it though, but it is somewhat common. So whether he is a little bit gay and hiding or not aware, or he really views me as a woman, I don't know (he made it clear that he was my boyfriend and I was his girlfriend - not his boyfriend!).
Lots of men are virulently homophobic and get really angry at any suggestion that they might enjoy sex with another guy or a TS.
There is some research to show that these guys quite often have deeply buried homosexual tendencies. They are the ones who go berserk and murder TS.
Last year there were articles in the glossy magazines about how lots of girls are finding their b/fs are wanting to do anal on them all the time. Did they see a recent movie showing this? What was that old Marlon Brando film where he and a girl was having sex in a hotel room all the way through the film? I remember guys raving about him simulating anal with the girl.
If anyone stays with a pre-op they must be happy with the whole person and are mature enough to not get uptight about the 6% of the time when genitals matter.
Quote from: James42 on September 12, 2010, 12:11:30 AM
KimberlyJean, I'll just say that you have pretty features now, so i believe after hrt you won't have a problem finding someone (probably now even), you just have to have confidence, its a huge factor. There'll be guys who are genuinely interested in you as a woman :)
Awww thanks James :D :D :D I hope I can see myself that way soon. :P I still see a boy! =X
I saw a girl before I started HRT. But it will happen for you :)
Quote from: Robertina on September 11, 2010, 06:20:24 PM
This I still don't understand. What determines the difference between a guy that finds out you are trans and is OK with it as opposed to the guy that finds out and wants nothing more to do with you, or worse. Are they just more open minded, different type of sexual orientation, or what.
I continue to be happily surprised at hearing pre-op girls on this site tell how their partner is staying with them. I know it doesn't always work that way, but I'm surprised none the less.
Open minded, curious, or many simply don't care. It's a non-issue for some. On several occasions after telling a guy that I thought for sure would not want to see me again or get angry, they have simply replied with "so what" or "it doesn't matter". Now this is not the norm, but when it does happen, I'm usually more shocked than the guy after I tell him I'm a trans. And these guys definitely fall into the "hetero straight camp".
Quote from: sarahm on September 12, 2010, 08:06:56 AM
I saw a girl before I started HRT. But it will happen for you :)
I hope so. I think it's just my hair and chin idk =X
Okay, dating is one thing, where we can have success, probably just have to keep trying :)
But I wonder, when it comes to those straight men to actually father a child -which they'll DO want at some time-, will they be still around? I mean, for a man, fathering a child can be just as physically important as giving birth for a woman. They might be okay with dating you, for months or maybe even years but the time will come when the urge surfaces and then they'll have to decide. Of course, there are many people who don't want to have children, or they do want, but cannot, so they adopt, but for a fertile man this is definitely a hard decision. And if then he suddenly leaves you, you can't say he didn't even love you because he might have. He might've even believed at the start that he could do just as well without having his own offspring. But nature is just nature.
ah, just ranting about nonsense. I'm nowhere near even to dating :)
g
That is one issue that I had with my bf. He wanted to one day have a child call him papi. Adoption is probably not an option do to the cost and government regulations (in his country).
Quote from: KimberlyJean on September 10, 2010, 06:13:31 PM
I keep hearing from people that they don't think a straight guy would be okay with dating a transgender woman and it's getting to me more and more. Like do I transition and risk ending up alone? Or do I stay in this body as much as I hate it, and increase my chances of not being alone? I mean thinking about not transitioning is such an unhappy thought for me but idk I'm just really scared right now. I've never felt more upset about my body and being born male than I do. It's just getting to me and I'm scared. :(
Hi Kimberly, this really depends on the person. A sexual preference is almost always related to the body, sometimes in combination with the mind. It is this simple idea that keeps most men from getting involved in a romantic relationship with a person whose body is genetically male, even if the mind is that of a female. Many men belonging this group consider transwomen male because of the body, this is in direct relation with the fear some have of being gay. Others are just afraid how this will affect the way others perceive him. Because this is the majority of men does not mean in any way that all men are like this. As for straight men, there are also those who love a person for who they are, not for what they are. In other words, they focus on the gender and not on the genetic sex of the person. This does not mean they won't be dazed when a transwomen discloses herself to them though. This is because some men never really considered the possibility of loving a transwoman and need some self reflection and learning. Yes, there are straight men who are willing to date transsexual woman and are able to love them. I understand your concern as the fear of not to love and being loved is very well known to me. But consider this: Don't you think you would be living a lie if you don't transition? Would you be happy in this situation, and don't you think this will taint a relationship? No partner is comfortable with the knowledge his or her spouse is unhappy.
Quote from: Robertina on September 11, 2010, 06:20:24 PM
This I still don't understand. What determines the difference between a guy that finds out you are trans and is OK with it as opposed to the guy that finds out and wants nothing more to do with you, or worse. Are they just more open minded, different type of sexual orientation, or what.
I wish I knew Robertina. The simple fact is that all people are different and we all have our own view on situations and priorities. Because I do not know anyone in this situation on a personal level, I can only tell you how it felt to me. Right now I am just ok with it. How it came to this point is not really known to me. I still consider myself straight and think of myself as open minded. But because all people have a black spot in which they cannot observe their own behavior (this can only bee seen by others), it will be not possible to give you a complete answer.
Quote from: ggina on September 12, 2010, 02:34:16 PM
But I wonder, when it comes to those straight men to actually father a child -which they'll DO want at some time-, will they be still around? I mean, for a man, fathering a child can be just as physically important as giving birth for a woman. They might be okay with dating you, for months or maybe even years but the time will come when the urge surfaces and then they'll have to decide.
To me it is a matter of priorities. Having offspring would be great, but can I allow my girlfriend to suffer over the fact that she is unable to give birth to my children? No. It would do a woman terrible grief, as I imagine the grief it would cause me if my girlfriend would leave me if I proved to be sterile. In all relationships both parties must give and take: you can't have everything you want.
I'd definitely be living a lie if I didn't transition. I'd also let my bf down if he wanted something from my sexually that I know I don't want to do. :( And if I did it just for him that would hurt me. I'm just going to transition either way and hope I'm okay.
how about u get married with lesbian girl.
Quote from: clairezoey on September 13, 2010, 05:46:43 PM
how about u get married with lesbian girl.
wtf? I'm not going to marry a lesbian because I'm not a lesbian. I like men..
Quote from: KimberlyJean on September 13, 2010, 02:38:07 AM
I'd definitely be living a lie if I didn't transition. I'd also let my bf down if he wanted something from my sexually that I know I don't want to do. :( And if I did it just for him that would hurt me. I'm just going to transition either way and hope I'm okay.
There you have your answer to your first post in this topic. It is natural to have these fears, but the way I see it this is the only road to be who you are.
Remember: in general people regret the things they didn't do in life far more than the things they did do.
Quote from: Octavianus on September 13, 2010, 05:59:31 PM
There you have your answer to your first post in this topic. It is natural to have these fears, but the way I see it this is the only road to be who you are.
Remember: in general people regret the things they didn't do in life far more than the things they did do.
I don't think I'll ever regret transitioning, and I'm still going to do it. I just have to remember to stay positive, and hope that someone will love me. If not I have my friends and family and that's kinda all I need to be happy. :)
Quote from: Octavianus on September 13, 2010, 05:59:31 PM
Remember: in general people regret the things they didn't do in life far more than the things they did do.
That's just sooo true!!!
As I'm sure has been stated in this thread. A lot of people don't really see the gender in our head, so much as the gender between our legs. 2 penis' to them means gay. Even if the female is 90% female, that last 10% that is male, is what people focus on. My own incredibly supportive mother even had problems breaking that view.
However, I am still the luckiest girl alive. I seemed to hit it off with a guy, who claims to be straight. Even after coming out completely to him, He is still just as interested as before, perhaps more-so. I asked him very bluntly if he's not at least bi-curious or something, and he claims that he is 100% straight, that he just likes girls. I found that flattering.
There are guys out there for girls like you and I, it just takes some finding. Gotta remember, you can't find them if your not looking. So get out there and look!
I'm happy for you Sam but I can't handle looking anymore. I looked hard enough as a male and never found anyone, so I'm done looking.
Hi there, I am a straight guy living anormal man life and from time to time i dress like in the picture just for fun and nothing else.
I would say just be yourself be a woman in everyaspect, and ndont enphasize too much on your nature or your transition story, if the guy wont ask you, but try to say briefly who you are in a special moment and what you want, to be a real woman and be in a real couple, if the guy see you as the woman you are as his woman of his dreams there you go....nothing much simple as this.
what else are you asking to be answered dont complicate the situation more, it is already complicated the moment you decided to be a woman, deal better with what you have to do and forget the ssumptions everyperson is different and is mistaken to thing every straigh guy will act the same, look at me in the pic, do i look starigh to you if i see you at the club? iam and i never experienced something diffeent, if you see me in man mode you wont believe i like this thing of cding on sparetime.
so be carefull on assumptions go for it good luck
He definitely makes a point. I just wonder what it is :)
Quote from: ggina on September 14, 2010, 11:38:02 AM
He definitely makes a point. I just wonder what it is :)
I kinda think he's trying to say not to judge people? :S
Quote from: KimberlyJean on September 10, 2010, 06:13:31 PM
I keep hearing from people that they don't think a straight guy would be okay with dating a transgender woman and it's getting to me more and more. Like do I transition and risk ending up alone? Or do I stay in this body as much as I hate it, and increase my chances of not being alone? I mean thinking about not transitioning is such an unhappy thought for me but idk I'm just really scared right now. I've never felt more upset about my body and being born male than I do. It's just getting to me and I'm scared. :(
Heh my fiance is a str8 guy, trust me i know, he wants nothing to do with what is downstairs, he doesnt want to see it or talk about it, which is good because neither do I. So far we have been living together for 3 months with no issues and still very much in love with each other. He knows i am TS, but he didnt at first, but too late heh, he was already in love and decided to continue to court me. I guess he didnt see anything "man" about me. I am really amazed that he can feel this way because its not typical, but a lot of str8 guys marry TS women, either they know and are really in love with them anyway, or dont have a clue even after they are married if their post op.
I thought the same way you did, i would end up a lone, but i did my best with what i had to work with and was determined to be the best woman i could be regardless of that fact, what i found was, if your a good person, and happy with yourself, you attract other people to you. Some are guys and they ask you out, they like you and ask you out again. Eventually you wil have to tell them, but only if your serious about each other, although i always dreaded that part.
Quote from: Izumi on September 14, 2010, 12:16:31 PM
Heh my fiance is a str8 guy, trust me i know, he wants nothing to do with what is downstairs, he doesnt want to see it or talk about it, which is good because neither do I. So far we have been living together for 3 months with no issues and still very much in love with each other. He knows i am TS, but he didnt at first, but too late heh, he was already in love and decided to continue to court me. I guess he didnt see anything "man" about me. I am really amazed that he can feel this way because its not typical, but a lot of str8 guys marry TS women, either they know and are really in love with them anyway, or dont have a clue even after they are married if their post op.
I thought the same way you did, i would end up a lone, but i did my best with what i had to work with and was determined to be the best woman i could be regardless of that fact, what i found was, if your a good person, and happy with yourself, you attract other people to you. Some are guys and they ask you out, they like you and ask you out again. Eventually you wil have to tell them, but only if your serious about each other, although i always dreaded that part.
I hope my transition goes as well as yours has. But not all of us can look like you, which I'm sure helped in finding a fiance. :P Dating is just something that scares me sometimes. I've never been on a date. I always wanted to though. So I just feel like well if I can't find someone to want me as a boy who's gonna want me when I'm in between or when I'm transitioned. Even though my best friend says I'll find someone, she's said since I met her, and that was like 5 years ago and nothing. =X
do u really need a guy? want important is money..let alone bf.,..
Quote from: KimberlyJean on September 14, 2010, 12:40:16 PM
I hope my transition goes as well as yours has. But not all of us can look like you, which I'm sure helped in finding a fiance. :P Dating is just something that scares me sometimes. I've never been on a date. I always wanted to though. So I just feel like well if I can't find someone to want me as a boy who's gonna want me when I'm in between or when I'm transitioned. Even though my best friend says I'll find someone, she's said since I met her, and that was like 5 years ago and nothing. =X
How long have you been on HRT? and looks can be bought, thats how hollywood does it anyway. For 30-40K of FFS surgery you can look pretty good. Even i intend to get some to fix problems here and there i dont like.
Here is something interesting, all the things that made me not accepted as date material when i was a guy, is now super guy attractant as a girl. I am like some geeky guy's dream girl apparently. I am a hardcore video gamer, do sports like airsoft and surfing, i keep in shape so my body is not bad to look at, I like things like manga / cosplay / anime, computers, etc... heh, i can also cook really well since i have been doing it since i was 7. All the stuff that made me a total girl repellent before is a total turn on for guys... kind of ironic. Now if i was just not TS, it would be perfect.
The key in all this also is also knowing when to date, i didnt till about 6 months after i went full time, by then i looked pretty much like a girl and people were already asking me out. I wasnt the best looking girl in the room but men liked to talk to me and my personality. I find it much easier to deal with men now that I am a girl rather then a guy... i couldnt relate to them at all, now things like relationships with men and women seem simple and i always wondered if that is what its like when you grow up gg....?
Here are some tips on dating:
#1) BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF. lets face it, if you dont like you, why should anyone else
#2) Look your best if you want to make a first impression. Classy not trashy. You dont need less cloths even, guys like a little mystery.
#3) Let HRT time to work. If its only been 6 months, might want to wait longer maybe a year to year and half, your fats start to distribute better giving your face a better appearance and also your body, if you want str8 guys that is.
#4) Scent is important smell as good as you look.
#5) Relax and enjoy yourself, dont make like your looking or desperate, the more you look like you are enjoying yourself at a party or event with friends the more attractive you look.
#6) Wear clothing that accentuate your GOOD features and minimize the bad.
#7) Makeup done right. Natural is usually the best way to go, with not a too made up look.
#8) Know what to look for in someone. Dont just jump on the first person that asks you out, if they are a scumbag drop em!
#9) Online dating... pfffffffft.. found no one of value on free sites, just losers. Payed sites like eharmony, i have known people that it worked out.
#10) Manners appropriate for the occasion.
Thats all i can think of.
Quote from: Izumi on September 14, 2010, 01:27:41 PM
How long have you been on HRT? and looks can be bought, thats how hollywood does it anyway. For 30-40K of FFS surgery you can look pretty good. Even i intend to get some to fix problems here and there i dont like.
Here is something interesting, all the things that made me not accepted as date material when i was a guy, is now super guy attractant as a girl. I am like some geeky guy's dream girl apparently. I am a hardcore video gamer, do sports like airsoft and surfing, i keep in shape so my body is not bad to look at, I like things like manga / cosplay / anime, computers, etc... heh, i can also cook really well since i have been doing it since i was 7. All the stuff that made me a total girl repellent before is a total turn on for guys... kind of ironic. Now if i was just not TS, it would be perfect.
The key in all this also is also knowing when to date, i didnt till about 6 months after i went full time, by then i looked pretty much like a girl and people were already asking me out. I wasnt the best looking girl in the room but men liked to talk to me and my personality. I find it much easier to deal with men now that I am a girl rather then a guy... i couldnt relate to them at all, now things like relationships with men and women seem simple and i always wondered if that is what its like when you grow up gg....?
Here are some tips on dating:
#1) BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF. lets face it, if you dont like you, why should anyone else
#2) Look your best if you want to make a first impression. Classy not trashy. You dont need less cloths even, guys like a little mystery.
#3) Let HRT time to work. If its only been 6 months, might want to wait longer maybe a year to year and half, your fats start to distribute better giving your face a better appearance and also your body, if you want str8 guys that is.
#4) Scent is important smell as good as you look.
#5) Relax and enjoy yourself, dont make like your looking or desperate, the more you look like you are enjoying yourself at a party or event with friends the more attractive you look.
#6) Wear clothing that accentuate your GOOD features and minimize the bad.
#7) Makeup done right. Natural is usually the best way to go, with not a too made up look.
#8) Know what to look for in someone. Dont just jump on the first person that asks you out, if they are a scumbag drop em!
#9) Online dating... pfffffffft.. found no one of value on free sites, just losers. Payed sites like eharmony, i have known people that it worked out.
#10) Manners appropriate for the occasion.
Thats all i can think of.
I haven't started hormones yet, and I wish I could get FFS but I don't even know how I'll pay for srs let alone ffs :( But thanks for the tips.
Quote from: clairezoey on September 14, 2010, 01:17:58 PM
do u really need a guy? want important is money..let alone bf.,..
eww greedy much?
well life is not fairy tale. how many real womens that hard to find soulmates and focus on being a careerr women at early 20's age. and only mariage at 30's. we trans women are the same, dont focus too much on this. love comes when the times right, love cant be force. for time being just improve urself and being rich. find a job, get nice paid, enjoy life with ur frens 1st...do u trans to women to get love from man or want to live as a women? its ur call
Quote from: KimberlyJean on September 14, 2010, 01:43:07 PM
I haven't started hormones yet, and I wish I could get FFS but I don't even know how I'll pay for srs let alone ffs :( But thanks for the tips.
Well there is your problem heh, get some HRT girl! hard to feel like a woman when you get tons of testosterone pumping throughout your system... estrogen is much more refreshing.... aaah~
Quote from: Izumi on September 14, 2010, 02:18:28 PM
estrogen is much more refreshing.... aaah~
cheers to that :) *drinks juice*
Quote from: Izumi on September 14, 2010, 02:18:28 PM
Well there is your problem heh, get some HRT girl! hard to feel like a woman when you get tons of testosterone pumping throughout your system... estrogen is much more refreshing.... aaah~
I'm trying. I have my appointment on the 29th but I have no idea how I'm going to get on hormones, I have no money and no one will hire me.
Quote from: KimberlyJean on September 14, 2010, 04:08:23 PM
I'm trying. I have my appointment on the 29th but I have no idea how I'm going to get on hormones, I have no money and no one will hire me.
well, that is for you to figure out, all i can say is i know how you feel, i too was in that position, didnt know how i would get money or even survive, down to my last dollar, but it was too important for me to transition right, I did anything and everything and never stopped trying no matter what or how many times i was rejected. Luckily after search 6 months and down to my last dollar, i got a job and turned my whole life around, i went from not having anything to now being able to afford SRS by next year.
All i can say is do EVERY thing you can and never believe you cant do something. Take any job you can get to get by until you find what you are looking for. If one job isnt enough get two, i did. If you want something badly enough fight for it and never give up.
Quote from: Izumi on September 14, 2010, 02:18:28 PM
Well there is your problem heh, get some HRT girl! hard to feel like a woman when you get tons of testosterone pumping throughout your system... estrogen is much more refreshing.... aaah~
I don't feel refreshed.... sorry, a jerk moment
Sorry for interrupting again too, I get email notifications on topics so I'm not trying to stalk (izumi :P)
Quote from: Izumi on September 14, 2010, 07:51:37 PM
well, that is for you to figure out, all i can say is i know how you feel, i too was in that position, didnt know how i would get money or even survive, down to my last dollar, but it was too important for me to transition right, I did anything and everything and never stopped trying no matter what or how many times i was rejected. Luckily after search 6 months and down to my last dollar, i got a job and turned my whole life around, i went from not having anything to now being able to afford SRS by next year.
All i can say is do EVERY thing you can and never believe you cant do something. Take any job you can get to get by until you find what you are looking for. If one job isnt enough get two, i did. If you want something badly enough fight for it and never give up.
I'm willing to take any job, just for some reason no one will hire me. I had an interview last week and I went in for a small shift so they could see how I'd work and I got turned down. Why? They weren't convinced. I did nothing wrong, they just weren't convinced. Whatever that means. :( It's just really frustrating when I'm looking for a job for more than a year and nothing, all my friends apply to like one or two places and they have a job they love. I don't get it. Like it's bad enough I was born in the wrong body but why can't I at least get the opportunity to fix it? I'm willing to work! Well I had another interview today, she said she liked me and she would give her managers good feedback and they'll make the decision. So I hope that means something :(
They said they were not convinced? That means they like you but want to make sure you want the job
If you do want the job... Call them back, even go in and tell (politely) them that you will call or be there every day until they are convinced
Good advice, Virginia! Maybe they wanted to see what you would do?
At any rate, I know things will turn around for you =] just keep your chin up, smile, and go in there as if you know you are the right person for the job.
Good advice from Izumi too! =]
Hugs Kimberly!
<3 MOM heehee
Sorry for jumping in late on this one Kimberly... Just wanted to say I feel like I am in the same boat with you. Being in a real initial part of my transition, I am constantly asking myself the what if question, especially with dating. I keep having fantasies about finding the right guy who will love me for all that I am and am not. It scares me, especially seeing my physical appearance right now. I don't want to be lonely because I transitioned. But, I think at this point that prospect of loneliness is not going to hold me back. I need to do this for myself, even if love may be hard to come by. It is inspiring to read the stories of girls who have found someone right on here, gives a little hope :) I feel like that there may come a time in my transition where I will feel enough confidence to know that it is possible. But for the moment, it is just really scary.
Quote from: Virginia Marie on September 14, 2010, 09:38:20 PM
They said they were not convinced? That means they like you but want to make sure you want the job
If you do want the job... Call them back, even go in and tell (politely) them that you will call or be there every day until they are convinced
Well I don't think so cuz they said they're just going to interview others. I'm going to call next week when the manager is back to ask what was wrong exactly, so that I can learn and grow from this experience, because finding work is severely crucial to me.
Quote from: AprilDawn on September 14, 2010, 09:46:03 PM
Good advice, Virginia! Maybe they wanted to see what you would do?
At any rate, I know things will turn around for you =] just keep your chin up, smile, and go in there as if you know you are the right person for the job.
Good advice from Izumi too! =]
Hugs Kimberly!
<3 MOM heehee
Thanks momma!! I really hope something turns around for me. I'm tired of feeling like nothing is going right. I did have another interview today and she said she did like me and was going to give her manager good feedback for me. :) Fingers crossed.
Quote from: forallittook on September 15, 2010, 01:07:24 AM
Sorry for jumping in late on this one Kimberly... Just wanted to say I feel like I am in the same boat with you. Being in a real initial part of my transition, I am constantly asking myself the what if question, especially with dating. I keep having fantasies about finding the right guy who will love me for all that I am and am not. It scares me, especially seeing my physical appearance right now. I don't want to be lonely because I transitioned. But, I think at this point that prospect of loneliness is not going to hold me back. I need to do this for myself, even if love may be hard to come by. It is inspiring to read the stories of girls who have found someone right on here, gives a little hope :) I feel like that there may come a time in my transition where I will feel enough confidence to know that it is possible. But for the moment, it is just really scary.
Ahh don't worry about being late haha :D
sorry for the comfussing message i just read it back again and I also got very confused, the point is, straight guy is not a synonim of only aguy that is looking for genetic girls and thats it,
the other point is if you want to live as a girl all your life as i can see, then you have the same possiblitieas as anyone else from a straigh guy, just dont enphasize to much the transitioning story of your life but dont hide it, that will kill the image and romance, no one is stupid in order to know if you are tg or not, i mean you are so pretty but obiously you wont be able o hide the truth for long time and not to be told by your body look even if it is perfect but by other things that shows the truth, voice, tone, how you look to the people, how you react, how you move etc.
Be yourself and have fun, of course be picky and choose the right guy at its right time.
Quote from: KimberlyJean on September 14, 2010, 09:28:33 PM
I'm willing to take any job, just for some reason no one will hire me. I had an interview last week and I went in for a small shift so they could see how I'd work and I got turned down. Why? They weren't convinced. I did nothing wrong, they just weren't convinced. Whatever that means. :( It's just really frustrating when I'm looking for a job for more than a year and nothing, all my friends apply to like one or two places and they have a job they love. I don't get it. Like it's bad enough I was born in the wrong body but why can't I at least get the opportunity to fix it? I'm willing to work! Well I had another interview today, she said she liked me and she would give her managers good feedback and they'll make the decision. So I hope that means something :(
Izumi has excellent points, there is little I can think of to add. Job interviews are tricky business, sometimes it is really necessary to show that you are unlike the other competitirs for the job. For example, I used to deliver my letter of application and CV in person. Also little things like arranging the layout of a letter in a non standard way will grasp their attention. Little things can make a large difference.
Never give up, both in your professional life and in love.
Like Virginia wrote, calling a day or 2 later is mostly regarded as positive.
Quote from: Octavianus on September 15, 2010, 02:13:43 PM
Izumi has excellent points, there is little I can think of to add. Job interviews are tricky business, sometimes it is really necessary to show that you are unlike the other competitirs for the job. For example, I used to deliver my letter of application and CV in person. Also little things like arranging the layout of a letter in a non standard way will grasp their attention. Little things can make a large difference.
Never give up, both in your professional life and in love.
Like Virginia wrote, calling a day or 2 later is mostly regarded as positive.
I usually call. BUT I have great news. I got an offer this morning and I took it of course! I'm just waiting on an email with my employee id and I'll do a 3 hr training thing online. I'm an event specialist, not 100% sure what it is, but it's 11 dollars and hour and about 24 hours a week it looks like! :D
Yaaaaaaaaaaay Kim!!! :eusa_dance: :eusa_clap: :eusa_dance: Score!!!
I've been hoping for something good to happen up for you ;)
Thanks Virginia! I've been hoping the same thing haha. I really hope it works out!! I'm a bit scared because I feel like it won't, just because I don't know lol! :D
Just be positive, optimistic and do your best :)
That's how I'm trying to be. :) Today has rocked haha. :) I'm just dying to start hormones and electrolysis!!
Quote from: KimberlyJean on September 15, 2010, 07:10:12 PM
Today has rocked haha. :) I'm just dying to start hormones and electrolysis!!
You can do it ;) Make everyday ROCK ;D
I wish I could make everyday rock lol! :P
Here is my experience:
I have a boyfriend soon for 2 years (soon = December).
My boyfriend is a straight guy and knows anything I know about me. He is awesome, supportive, loving, considers me as a most wonderful person and unless I was so whiny and hating some stuff in me so much, I am pretty sure that my little health problem this community knows all to well would have probably been completely forgotten.
Thing is, it is irelevant to someone who loves you. Once someone loves you it's just like "Ok.. so you had the pox when you were 3.", it is simply not there. Except for you - the people most bothered by this are not the people around us, they are the people with it. Seeing it all the time, even when it cannot be seen anymore, whining about it, being afraid of it and of what other people would say.
I live in a really small town, it's called a kibbutz (Israeli!) - EVERYONE in the kibbutz knows because there is no chance when they are only about 150-200 families in a tiny beautiful place. Well, no one cares, better, people are supportive and complement. I even started working in the dinning room which is a meeting place for everyone in the kibbutz, almost everyone comes to eat there every day and they see me either at maintaince or as the cashier. Except for a few silly but not bad people who can't do 1+1, everyone complements and treats me as just any other girl, even more special - they tell me I achieved something amazing. The few silly people, well some of them changed their attidue with time or because someone else asked them and one or two I even kindly asked "Could you please try to respect me?" a person once said "Huh, what?" and I just said "you know, just take a look and try to understand", he then apologized and changed ever since. I think there is just one truly idiot person left, but I don't care, everyone knows he is an idiot even beyond this ;)
Outside, no one needs to respect anything because no body knows. And as far as I know if you truly make really good friendship with a guy and only then move on to the next step, well, if you didn't feel safe telling him everything about you already then maybe you shouldn't consider him as an option for anything more yet because you don't feel safe and you don't trust him. I can understand that sometimes the reason might be different, instead it would be that you told him everything BUT that.. but if you know him as well as you should, you should probably know what his reaction will be once you use your instincts and not focus on your fears.
Thing is, at one point you are just like anyone else and the ghost or shadow of this problem, only you can see, even if it is not there anymore. And most people don't really care once you tell them, because they care about you. If it changes anything then there are two options: either they are stupid or their reaction is confused - So don't lose hope on them yet! People sometimes can say things they don't mean just because of norms and confusion taking over them, give them time if that is the case and give them some space.. Then see if it is really final but remember, they might be as afraid to approach you again as you might be, due to anger or disappointment at your case.
Congrats Kimberly! I'm so happy for you! *HUGS!!*
I hope this is a turning point for you, and things start to smooth out for you =] we all deserve happiness, no matter what our life path may be.
I knew crossing my fingers, toes, and butt-cheeks would help =p
<3 Momma =]
Quote from: Myself on September 15, 2010, 11:33:20 PM
Here is my experience:
I have a boyfriend soon for 2 years (soon = December).
My boyfriend is a straight guy and knows anything I know about me. He is awesome, supportive, loving, considers me as a most wonderful person and unless I was so whiny and hating some stuff in me so much, I am pretty sure that my little health problem this community knows all to well would have probably been completely forgotten.
Thing is, it is irelevant to someone who loves you. Once someone loves you it's just like "Ok.. so you had the pox when you were 3.", it is simply not there. Except for you - the people most bothered by this are not the people around us, they are the people with it. Seeing it all the time, even when it cannot be seen anymore, whining about it, being afraid of it and of what other people would say.
I live in a really small town, it's called a kibbutz (Israeli!) - EVERYONE in the kibbutz knows because there is no chance when they are only about 150-200 families in a tiny beautiful place. Well, no one cares, better, people are supportive and complement. I even started working in the dinning room which is a meeting place for everyone in the kibbutz, almost everyone comes to eat there every day and they see me either at maintaince or as the cashier. Except for a few silly but not bad people who can't do 1+1, everyone complements and treats me as just any other girl, even more special - they tell me I achieved something amazing. The few silly people, well some of them changed their attidue with time or because someone else asked them and one or two I even kindly asked "Could you please try to respect me?" a person once said "Huh, what?" and I just said "you know, just take a look and try to understand", he then apologized and changed ever since. I think there is just one truly idiot person left, but I don't care, everyone knows he is an idiot even beyond this ;)
Outside, no one needs to respect anything because no body knows. And as far as I know if you truly make really good friendship with a guy and only then move on to the next step, well, if you didn't feel safe telling him everything about you already then maybe you shouldn't consider him as an option for anything more yet because you don't feel safe and you don't trust him. I can understand that sometimes the reason might be different, instead it would be that you told him everything BUT that.. but if you know him as well as you should, you should probably know what his reaction will be once you use your instincts and not focus on your fears.
Thing is, at one point you are just like anyone else and the ghost or shadow of this problem, only you can see, even if it is not there anymore. And most people don't really care once you tell them, because they care about you. If it changes anything then there are two options: either they are stupid or their reaction is confused - So don't lose hope on them yet! People sometimes can say things they don't mean just because of norms and confusion taking over them, give them time if that is the case and give them some space.. Then see if it is really final but remember, they might be as afraid to approach you again as you might be, due to anger or disappointment at your case.
Wow great story!! <3
Quote from: AprilDawn on September 15, 2010, 11:58:32 PM
Congrats Kimberly! I'm so happy for you! *HUGS!!*
I hope this is a turning point for you, and things start to smooth out for you =] we all deserve happiness, no matter what our life path may be.
I knew crossing my fingers, toes, and butt-cheeks would help =p
<3 Momma =]
I knew it would too, eventually and it did!! Thanks mommyy :D
Kimberly, Im very happy to hear about your new job. Just remember, if you do good, they may give you more hours. I have my fingers crossed that you also find someone special for you.
Thanks Angela!! Love you!!!
Will i prefer str8 guys cause i've tried giving a chance to a gay guy but he clearly said he prefer me living with it and by it i mean that thing i hate and wanna change
what surprises me is that str8 men know how to treat a t lady and make her feel special even though most of them know nothing about trans people.
Quote from: ZeZe on September 18, 2010, 04:53:40 PM
Will i prefer str8 guys cause i've tried giving a chance to a gay guy but he clearly said he prefer me living with it and by it i mean that thing i hate and wanna change
what surprises me is that str8 men know how to treat a t lady and make her feel special even though most of them know nothing about trans people.
I know! Some people have suggested dating gay guys and it's like uhh.....I'm not a boy. I may look like one right now but I don't identify as one so I'm not going to get involved with someone who likes men. Nothing wrong with gay guys, but I'm not a boy so it'd be a waste and if it got serious, we'd both end up hurt.
People may find this stupid, but this is what I did. From the time I discovered I was a woman, up till I went post op I stopped dating. Each person just do what you think is right. It did help that I wasnt much of a dating person to begin with as a man.
I notice many folks don't understand the difference between a gay man and a trans woman
If I get into a relationship with a man I expect him to be a kind, decent man who will treat me like a lady
I want too feel proud to say "This is my man" and I want him to feel proud to say "This is my woman"
Quote from: Angela Venetos on September 18, 2010, 06:04:28 PM
People may find this stupid, but this is what I did. From the time I discovered I was a woman, up till I went post op I stopped dating. Each person just do what you think is right. It did help that I wasnt much of a dating person to begin with as a man.
I don't really have a choice cuz no one wants to date me anyways :P But if a guy sees me as a girl why not? Not that it'll happen. But I totally support the decision you made! I probably won't make much of an effort until I'm post op either.
Quote from: Virginia Marie on September 18, 2010, 06:26:40 PM
I notice many folks don't understand the difference between a gay man and a trans woman
If I get into a relationship with a man I expect him to be a kind, decent man who will treat me like a lady
I want too feel proud to say "This is my man" and I want him to feel proud to say "This is my woman"
I feel the same way, but I've never been in a relationship haha :P
:-\
Quote from: KimberlyJean on September 18, 2010, 08:24:37 PM
.
I feel the same way, but I've never been in a relationship haha :P
LOLZ... I've never been in a relationship with a guy other than friends ... I'm still a virgin that way
Quote from: Virginia Marie on September 18, 2010, 08:53:30 PM
:-\LOLZ... I've never been in a relationship with a guy other than friends ... I'm still a virgin that way
Aww. I hate being single!! It's bugged me for a long time. BUT I'm somewhat okay with not dating yet, I would rather wait till I at least look good haha. :P
You're very lucky to have your youth... Time is on your side... It may seem to take forever right now, but soon you'll turn around and be smiling back at the beautiful young woman in the mirror :icon_chick:
My two penneth worth with this thread pre venturing out for eats....
When I went through the horrible chrysalis stage, relationships and what outcomes would be possible for me were not on my mind....at all....
Just getting to be the gal I knew I naturally was...... was key, and what I stayed myopic on...lol
And pre my change-over I'd only had long-term relationships with women, one girl I had a home with for 8 years.....then some years post-op for me when life, job and all was truly girlie settled...
I simply flipped over to being with men..... well when you're built for the ubiquitous vaginal based couplings......tends to be what you like to get up to, once you've the hang of it.....*s->-bleeped-<-s*
And all the men I've dated have been either previously married or had kids....so I wouldn't personally term them gay?
Not one of them ever doubted my femininity....which was good enough for me....also.
And as you gain confidence..... then the past you could accurately say is truly behind you....
Forget about relationships.....
Here are two key questions for you to think about:
1. Who really are you?
2. And what do you 'really' want?
Anything else is arbitrary.... :P
Quote from: Virginia Marie on September 18, 2010, 09:35:58 PM
You're very lucky to have your youth... Time is on your side... It may seem to take forever right now, but soon you'll turn around and be smiling back at the beautiful young woman in the mirror :icon_chick:
I feel lucky :P
Quote from: Cruelladeville on September 18, 2010, 09:36:31 PM
My two penneth worth with this thread pre venturing out for eats....
When I went through the horrible chrysalis stage, relationships and what outcomes would be possible for me were not on my mind....at all....
Just getting to be the gal I knew I naturally was...... was key, and what I stayed myopic on...lol
And pre my change-over I'd only had long-term relationships with women, one girl I had a home with for 8 years.....then some years post-op for me when life, job and all was truly girlie settled...
I simply flipped over to being with men..... well when you're built for the ubiquitous vaginal based couplings......tends to be what you like to get up to, once you've the hang of it.....*s->-bleeped-<-s*
And all the men I've dated have been either previously married or had kids....so I wouldn't personally term them gay?
Not one of them ever doubted my femininity....which was good enough for me....also.
And as you gain confidence..... then the past you could accurately say is truly behind you....
Forget about relationships.....
Here are two key questions for you to think about:
1. Who really are you?
2. And what do you 'really' want?
Anything else is arbitrary.... :P
Relationships and stuff aren't usually on my mind anymore but every once in a while I think about it =/ It's not gonna stop from transitioning, but I think it's a good idea to question every possible reason to not transition before you do. Just in case, which I did for about 2 seconds and I was like uhh no I don't wanna be a guy at all. I don't feel like one and I don't think I ever will.
Kimberly believe me , that once you start transitioning after a few months.You will constantly be thinking about relationships and in a diffrent light. Youre appointment is this month if I remember right ? I wish you best of luck, and hope you can start hormones very soon little sis.
Quote from: Angela Venetos on September 18, 2010, 10:43:31 PM
Kimberly believe me , that once you start transitioning after a few months.You will constantly be thinking about relationships and in a diffrent light. Youre appointment is this month if I remember right ? I wish you best of luck, and hope you can start hormones very soon little sis.
Yeah my appointment is in less than 2 weeks! Dying!!! Even when I think of dating and even if it makes me sad, all I really care about lately is being a girl on the outside! I want my boobs already! And long hair! :P