I understand first-hand of the trials of transitioning MTF. I transitioned in 1999, started HRT that year, had SRS in Montreal in 2001. I was board chair of a local trans support group. I did everything a good TS was supposed to do. But in 2003 because my teenage children were so ashamed of being seen with me, I went back.
I'm concerned that, in this forum, my experience may be repugnant to those who have worked so hard and suffered so much in their transition and their lives. Please don't consider me a traitor.
However, the reason I an posting here is that I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience.
Thanks for understanding,
K
Nope, does not bother me at all... Everyone has there own path to happiness and contentment, and sometimes that means having to fulfill the wishes of their family. You are welcome here Changed Back :)
Welcome to the site. Your story is your own and i'm sure your experiences on your journey will prove insightful to others in similar situations.
Anyway, please have a read of the TOS https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) and make yourself welcome.
You are as beautiful of a creature as any one of us. We go through tribulations and pain and seek the truth and imagine such to be this wonderful place of solstice and wonder when we eventually get there. But often we forget to look around through the blinding pain to see the glimpse of wonders around us. You have done what not many would have a strength to do, give up your self again as a gift of love to those who you cherish. I am in the midst of fog and place where I have lost what I had and not yet gained what I hoped to have. We are all brothers and sisters regardless of who or how we are, united by our pain, love and truth which sometimes seems unobtainable. All my love, Alexia.
Your life is your life, for you to live your way.
Repugnant? No way. You did what you felt you needed to do. Don't feel that you can't post or be respected here, since we appreciate contributions from all. I hope you find happiness, and no matter what, we here can try and help where and when we can.
Although I'd never dream of doing that, I respect that you did it, for your kids. I can't imagining transition as a parent. Your welcome here though :)
Absolutely not. Each of us has to find out what works for us.
The ONLY people I do get very annoyed with are those, like the infamous Sam Kane, in the UK, who quite frankly I would like to drop off the nearest cliff, who go one step further than that and argue that since they changed back (and sometimes had regrets) then everyone should change back, and indeed all GRS should be banned.
As long as you don't start to drift towards telling me what I should do, then I am very happy for you that you have found a compromise solution that works for you.
Likewise although I am one of those for whom things worked out, who has lived for well over half my life in target gender, I would NEVER dream of telling anyone else that that was what they must do.
So welcome. Your experience and story may well prove invaluable to someone here.
I very much agree with Jenny in this respect.
I admire your courage in making some very hard choices in your life and I respect you for that.
In many ways, we can seem life a bunch of cheerleaders here. We acknowledge and encourage others in their pursuit of their goal. And, perhaps, to others, we may seem like we are affirming our actions because others do the same.
That is not the case. As you know, this is a very hard and solitary process, not to be taken lightly. And we often say that if there is any way to avoid this then do that. And we respect them all the more for that.
But, likewise, it is not regarded well when someone tries to affirm their choice by saying that everyone who has transitioned is wrong and it should be denied to everyone else because they chose another path.
I think if you go through some of the archives here, you may find some threads of people who have decided to stop. But for the most part, people who do decide to stop, usually drift away and are not active participants because of that.
But feel free to tell your story and have discussion here. It does help others seeking answers to see as many sides as possible.
Thank you.
-Sandy
Wow, thanks for all the support!
To clarify - I still consider myself TS, sort of MTFTM. I have no regrets about having transitioned, and I am proud of being me. If any of my children were TS and decided to transition, I would be their biggest cheerleader!
I've never seen any posts by people who are against transitioning or SRS. Though nobody can see me through my clothes, I am very proud of my "new" anatomy and feel just right the way I am. I'm glad I had SRS because now I feel like me. Enigmatic perhaps. Again, I did what I did. I have no regrets.
This is an awesome community. Love to all!
K
Quote from: rejennyrated on January 30, 2011, 01:12:34 PM
Absolutely not. Each of us has to find out what works for us.
The ONLY people I do get very annoyed with are those, like the infamous Sam Kane, in the UK, who quite frankly I would like to drop off the nearest cliff, who go one step further than that and argue that since they changed back (and sometimes had regrets) then everyone should change back, and indeed all GRS should be banned.
As long as you don't start to drift towards telling me what I should do, then I am very happy for you that you have found a compromise solution that works for you.
Likewise although I am one of those for whom things worked out, who has lived for well over half my life in target gender, I would NEVER dream of telling anyone else that that was what they must do.
So welcome. Your experience and story may well prove invaluable to someone here.
Ditto Jenny said it well.
Some people thought i had gone back but the one was a post op friend who liked men and that attention while i hated it. Yes i still don't see my one son but thats his choice. The other probably prefers not to see me but so far he hasn't said so and well i just try to let them both know i love them. I probably should change my screen name to something like super butch dyke or something but i made this one to share my situation of how most people in real life see me as a FTM since i have a female name and legal gender and pierced ears and no facial beard shadow, but i wear male clothes.
hey did you ever hang out at the gazebo on aol ?
Quote from: rejennyrated on January 30, 2011, 01:12:34 PM
The ONLY people I do get very annoyed with are those, like the infamous Sam Kane, in the UK, who quite frankly I would like to drop off the nearest cliff, who go one step further than that and argue that since they changed back (and sometimes had regrets) then everyone should change back, and indeed all GRS should be banned.
I very much agree with you. When my parents were fighting me tooth and nail on my decision to transition, one of the story's they sent me was of Charles Kane.
OP, it is absolutely not repugnant to me.
You'll find some of the most loving and non-judgmental people on here.
I welcome your experience with open arms. We're here for ya!
Peace,
Stephie
I would never judge anyone who felt like their social situation compelled them to detransition.
Out of curiosity/concern, though, you are on hormones, either estrogen or testosterone, right? I don't mean to pry, but I would hate it if you were to suffer from osteoporosis because of a lack of sex hormones.
Hi Changed Back
Welcome to Susan's and what you have done is not repugnant to me, because you have made a decision and what Janet said, "Your life is your life, for you to live your way", is what I also believe, because if I did not hold this view then I would be nothing but a hypocrite. In addition, I also agree with Rejennyrated. Statements.
Take care and all the best for the future.
Kind Regards
Sarah B
Yo and welcome.
You're not the only one on here who's gone back.
We all have to do what is "right" by ourselves, first and foremost.
As long as you're happy and healthy, well...
.. that's all that really counts isn't it?
Hi Changed-back
I do know of others that have made that journey.
It would be interesting to know whether or not you still take estrogen and do you also sometimes present yourself in female clothes?
Caroline
I can't think of anything more typical of a good parent that they would give up everything for their children.
Of course anybody's decision about their life is their prerogative.
Still, if somebody decided to drive from Boston to San Francisco and
somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert they decided to turn back,
I might question whether more thought should have gone into the decision.
I would never judge anyone like this because I have never been there. I would only be concerned that you were happy with your life. I am happy that this community is so diverse and there is always something to learn from the stories of others.
Changed back, welcome to Susan's!
You aren't the only one here to have gone through this. Due to a number of circumstances, after a year plus, I re-transitioned. I never truly changed back though, simply transitioned to a deeper sense of understanding of myself as beyond binary. Only the external changes, internally my gender remains the same as its always been since day 1.
Z
I dont think repugnant, i just think....wow way to make a life changing decision to get SRS and then change it back because other people want you to. This is the reason why SRS is such a trail of paperwork and therapy for the rest of us.
What a kind and helpful community!
Carolinejeo and Rebekah, I haven't been on any flavor of hormones since 2003. I don't want my remaining hair to fall out (Testosterone) and I don't want my breasts to keep growing (estrogen). I should ask my MD about that. Meantime I will begin calcium supplements.
Renate, perhaps you are on target.
love to all,
K
Quote from: changed back on January 31, 2011, 04:44:10 PM
What a kind and helpful community!
Carolinejeo and Rebekah, I haven't been on any flavor of hormones since 2003. I don't want my remaining hair to fall out (Testosterone) and I don't want my breasts to keep growing (estrogen). I should ask my MD about that. Meantime I will begin calcium supplements.
Renate, perhaps you are on target.
love to all,
K
You absolutely do need to take one or the other, or within a few years you will have serious health issues.
Particularly with estrogen it should be possible to take a dose low enough to protect you without getting overly feminised. Please don't ignore this. After seven years you will already have done some damage. You need to get this addressed.
Quote from: rejennyrated on January 31, 2011, 04:49:13 PM
You absolutely do need to take one or the other, or within a few years you will have serious health issues.
Particularly with estrogen it should be possible to take a dose low enough to protect you without getting overly feminised. Please don't ignore this. After seven years you will already have done some damage. You need to get this addressed.
I'll echo this again because it's so important. You're lucky that you haven't had problems so far, but you can't not have a sex hormone. Osteoporosis is the largest risk, but there are other health concerns as well.
Quote from: Rebekah with a K-A-H on January 31, 2011, 05:26:07 PM
I'll echo this again because it's so important. You're lucky that you haven't had problems so far, but you can't not have a sex hormone. Osteoporosis is the largest risk, but there are other health concerns as well.
i wonder why my VA Dr hasn't told me i need to take hormones. I haven't taken them in 6 yrs. All she said i needed was some vitamin D.
Quote from: M2MtF2FtM on January 31, 2011, 05:41:14 PM
i wonder why my VA Dr hasn't told me i need to take hormones. I haven't taken them in 6 yrs. All she said i needed was some vitamin D.
Possibly your DR has only a rudimentary understanding of endocrinology?
The adrenals produce some hormones and precursors to hormones, but not enough to prevent osteoporosis.
I don't think that changed back thinks she made a mistake with the SRS, she has just discovered it is better for her now to revert back to live as male for her children. I guess, I see this a an admirable thing to do, out of love for the children. I am willing to be that changed back does not regret SRS at all. I think all the paperwork and stuff to go thru to get SRS is for people who might regret and feel SRS is a mistake.
Amelia
In fact who is to say "this is the right way" if not the owner of the soul. I seek understanding and tolerance but realize that our human interactions and humanity remains still at semi-primeval level. At this pace providing we do not cease to exist, genetic tolerance will be achieved in about another 2000 years. How old will I be then?
My heart breaks for you. You did this for your kids, and I respect that, but I cannot imagine not accepting a parent for who they are. Of course, my own family rejected me, but I think it is easier to cut a parent out of your life as opposed to your child. I am so glad my son accepts me. I'd be sad if he didn't. I truly wish they would accept you, so you could live your life how you truly wanted!
I also agree the only people who make me upset are those who revert back and claim religion saved them or that they never really were trans and being trans isn't real. I agree they never were really trans (most likely confused or wanted to fit in) but that definitely does not mean those of us truly transgendered can be "converted" back. This is part of why I agree that psych evals should be done before anyone can get on hormones.
To Lance M., Yes it was an extremely valuable experience for me, one which greatly richened me.
To ameliat, You are right on target. I really do like myself the way I am now. I do not regret my SRS for a moment. I feel like I've had my - well, anatomy - all my life and everything works like it's s'posed to. Dr. Brassard is wonderful and very handsome too!
To All who have commented on hormones: Thank you for your wise counsel. I contacted my old endo and I'm seeing him next week.
Hugs, K
Welcome! It is indeed a trial to transition. Everyone handles it differently.
I was disowned by my parents and it's been the hardest trial of my life while at the same time being the most amazing experience too.
To each their own sort of thing.
There's actually someone locally that did the same thing. He had severe reactions to hormones so that may have influenced his decision a bit, but no one faults him or thinks less of him for it.
Quote from: Kaelleria on February 02, 2011, 04:17:36 PM
To each their own sort of thing.
Yeah. Maybe it's because I just started transitioning, but I can't even wrap my mind around returning to the male gender. I don't think my brain can physically process the idea, even it was for someone that I loved.
Quote from: VeryGnawty on February 02, 2011, 04:25:57 PM
Yeah. Maybe it's because I just started transitioning, but I can't even wrap my mind around returning to the male gender. I don't think my brain can physically process the idea, even it was for someone that I loved.
I've definitely thought about it.....if only to feel my parents' love and acceptance again. But the thought of trying to be male again sickens me to the point of suicide. So I leave those thoughts in the dust.
I have to echo what the some of the other women are saying here.
There is no way I would go back. I would rather die. It's just to awful to even imagine.
Yes and I do have a wife that I love that now treats me as a close friend.
But still even if I could get her love back by reverting.... No way
QuoteIt's just to awful to even imagine.
Jillieann
Quote from: Jerica on February 02, 2011, 07:32:17 PM
I've definitely thought about it.....if only to feel my parents' love and acceptance again. But the thought of trying to be male again sickens me to the point of suicide. So I leave those thoughts in the dust.
Jerica has a good point, and many people have asked me to do the same. Since my parents as well as most of my family are deceased and thus can't say anything about it. If I was given the choice to live as a male and commit suicide, I would most likely choose the latter (and thus would not be on Susan's right now).
Quote from: Jillieann on February 02, 2011, 07:57:30 PM
I have to echo what the some of the other women are saying here.
There is no way I would go back. I would rather die. It's just to awful to even imagine.
Yes and I do have a wife that I love that now treats me as a close friend.
But still even if I could get her love back by reverting.... No wayJillieann
Jillieann also raises a good point. But after I saw and heard about a former transwoman that went from Judy to Joesph - that made it clear for me.
Enough f***ing said. Once a transwoman, always a transwoman. That's all I have to say.
I believe the ultimate goal is happiness, to be happy with yourself. I don't think you can take any wrong path to get there because each person has their own unique and customized journey. Labels make things more complicated than they should be in my opinion, but I guess it helps us to figure our selves out as long as we don't try to conform directly into a specific label. I'm happy your happy :)
Thanks for sharing the hormone thing, I didn't know any of those risks until I read this thread.
Quote from: changed back on January 30, 2011, 12:21:15 PM
I understand first-hand of the trials of transitioning MTF. I transitioned in 1999, started HRT that year, had SRS in Montreal in 2001. I was board chair of a local trans support group. I did everything a good TS was supposed to do. But in 2003 because my teenage children were so ashamed of being seen with me, I went back.
I'm concerned that, in this forum, my experience may be repugnant to those who have worked so hard and suffered so much in their transition and their lives. Please don't consider me a traitor.
However, the reason I an posting here is that I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience.
Thanks for understanding,
K
You are not alone, but there are not many here. I did the same as you, but did not go all the way to SRS though I know of others who have. If you are interested, PM me and I'll share some other private support groups I know of.
Yes, there are others out there in the same boat as you Kim; not exactly the same but close. I was 200% sure of who I was and what I wanted. The therapists, endo and surgeons were equally convinced. 8 months post-op and my mental, spiritual world collapsed. I believe my Soul was screaming out against what I had done. I was in a very, very dark and scary place. I have new therapists that have put me back on testosterone and we are looking at a reversal surgery (phalloplasty) planned for April 2014. I know this is a site in support of transitioning; but, from my experience one should live with the equipment they were given at birth. To change it is risking walking down a very dangerous path. I am glad I am strong enough to endure the pain and move forward; others in a similar situation might have already made it on the obituary pages.
Quote from: gregb737 on October 26, 2013, 01:49:58 PM
....I know this is a site in support of transitioning; but, from my experience one should live with the equipment they were given at birth. To change it is risking walking down a very dangerous path.
But, isn't that condescending? Your experience is not my experience. Life includes many paths and some are dangerous. The key, I think, is to know yourself well. To each her own.
Quote from: gregb737 on October 26, 2013, 01:49:58 PM
I know this is a site in support of transitioning; but, from my experience one should live with the equipment they were given at birth.
Isn't advice solely based on your experience difficult to apply to everyone else (e.g. "one should live with...")?
Kind of like "size 12 shoes fit my feet perfectly. Everyone should wear size 12s."
Zombie thread.....
Quote from: gregb737 on October 26, 2013, 01:49:58 PM
I know this is a site in support of transitioning; but, from my experience one should live with the equipment they were given at birth. To change it is risking walking down a very dangerous path.
Yes Greg, this is a support site :) Sorry your transition didn't work out for you
Topic locked
Thank you
V M