If this post has already been done sorry. I guess let me know and I'll take it down? I couldn't seem to find any related posts but it probably has been posted before. Anyways, what I want to know is what makes you ladies want to be female? I am a biological female and if given the chance to have been born male or be in a bio male's body I wouldn't hesitate to take it. I hate every little thing about being female. I'm trying to see the good in it but I can't find any. When me and my sister go shopping together (because no one knows I'm trans yet) it's torture for me. I just want male clothes and I want to be myself. My eyes drift off to the male clothing because that's all I want to wear (but I can't because my like I said my family doesn't know so I pretend to be a girl just to make them happy. My dad is a homophobiac as well). So, what is it about being a girl that makes you want to be one?
You already explained it, the same thing that tells you that your a male is what tells us we are female.
We were born with, what to us, is a birth defect. Our brain does not agree with our body.
:)
Aside from it being inborn, and just me, there are other reasons why I want to be a girl. Simple. I think they're prettier and much more caring than males. It just feels right.
dunno It's something about having male attributes on my body that I find extremely upsetting and often pining to possess female attributes instead. I'm fine with male bits begin on others. Just not me XD
Oh, I'm sure it has, but new discussion is always good - no need to take it down.
So, what makes you want to be a boy? Perhaps not because you want to be one particularly, but because you believe that you are one. Same for me, except to be a girl of course. It is not wanting to be a girl, it is knowing that I am at heart, mind and soul a female. It's just that the body came out wrong, and people being people believe what they see, not what who they see believes and knows.
So, do I want to wear girly frilly clothes? Yes, but I know genetic females and F-2-Ms that hate it. Do I like makeup and hair? Yes, but again I know GGs and F-2-Ms that don't. Do I value the idea of being pregnant and giving birth rather that the ability to wham-bang-not even thank you maam and leave? Absolutely. It will be my most painful part of lost womanhood that that my age precludes that even if I was a GG.
What makes me want to be a girl? Because I am a girl.
What should make you want to be a boy? Because, perhaps you are one.
And we should always want to be what we are, not what we look like.
Susan Kay
Oh just offhand here, male wasn't me. I knew it all along, but tried to go into denial because it made life simpler, but you can only keep that up for so long, and it just wears you down. Then there was the fact that I was being hit on by lesbians long before I started to transition. That kinda sent a message....
I had an ignorant therapist that told me I want to be a girl because I never learned how to be a guy and I need to accept myself for who I am. I told her I am now and that is why I`m in transition. I love the frustraighted look she gave me.
Lol, if I knew the answer I would tell you. I kind of already am one, being a guy is dangerous for my mental and physical health. ;D
Quote from: Josh T on April 19, 2011, 04:56:02 PM
I am a biological female and if given the chance to have been born male or be in a bio male's body I wouldn't hesitate to take it. I hate every little thing about being female.
Not everything about you is female, you already have male parts of your body, if it's not obvious stuff like a masculinized face or body then it's clearly mental processes. The silly notion we need hormones to make our minds a certain gender, yes it switches on many things like having more lights switched on in a house, then surgery switches on the last ones, but there were already lights switched on mentally, there had to be and clearly they were very important ones.
So you're not biological female at an important level, and that is at the mental level. You might be mostly bodily female but that does not make you bio female.
It's the complexity of biology which is why I don't hate my body parts even though one major one doesn't even work unless I trick it with my mind. Ok I don't hate my male body full stop, I see people with alot less than me living on a dollar a day the true poor of the world but I can also understand why some people get depressed with having parts that do not work, sexually and socially. Still i count my blessings I am fit and healthy and able to have some kind of life a pretty good one in many respects.
Quote from: Corey on April 19, 2011, 05:08:10 PM
Aside from it being inborn, and just me, there are other reasons why I want to be a girl. Simple. I think they're prettier and much more caring than males. It just feels right.
What do you mean "More caring"?
I think (always dangerous, almost as dangerous as walking) she might mean "more outwardly caring", more open to emotional expression. A stereotype surely, but based in gender generalities. Circular enough thought for you? It just hurt my head! Regardless, we'll always have more pretty!
Susan Kay
It's kinda for the most part what I am on the inside. For me it's the free emotional being and at a very close second appearance. That's for me is as simply as i can put it.
Quote from: -CRaSH- on April 19, 2011, 07:29:41 PM
What do you mean "More caring"?
Many teenage females are very caring of others while many teenage males openly admit to only wanting sex. This is why a woman's father tends to be more skeptical of his daughter's boyfriend than the other way around. My own father admits that when he was young if he could knock a knot out of a piece of wood he would have stuck his junk in it. Yes, it is a stereotype and does not apply to everyone, but it is a generalization that we have all come to know. Simply knowing that many girls are viewed this way makes me more comfortable with my inner feelings of being female. I want to be seen as that loving and caring person that I truly feel inside, and the stereotype makes it difficult for me to relate to other biological males.
Oh, alright, I get it.
I guess you mean "More open with your caring."
Right?
Because men do care. We're not robots.
Quote from: Corey on April 19, 2011, 07:53:13 PM
Many teenage females are very caring of others while many teenage males openly admit to only wanting sex. This is why a woman's father tends to be more skeptical of his daughter's boyfriend than the other way around. My own father admits that when he was young if he could knock a knot out of a piece of wood he would have stuck his junk in it. Yes, it is a stereotype and does not apply to everyone, but it is a generalization that we have all come to know. Simply knowing that many girls are viewed this way makes me more comfortable with my inner feelings of being female. I want to be seen as that loving and caring person that I truly feel inside, and the stereotype makes it difficult for me to relate to other biological males.
Men do care, we just aren't open with it as much as females. As I've said before, we aren't robots.
And in terms of teenagers, alot of the males do care, it's just that the young females in that age group choose to not date those kinds of males.
They usually just want to have fun at that stage. This is why the vast majority of guys that teenage girls bring home are like that. They're usually players/"badboys". At that stage women aren't looking for someone to settle down with.
Of course ^_^ I have a vast number of male friends and most of them do care. I stay away from the inconsiderate ones, which are quite abundant in my school.
Quote from: Corey on April 19, 2011, 07:58:07 PM
Of course ^_^ I have a vast number of male friends and most of them do care. I stay away from the inconsiderate ones, which are quite abundant in my school.
Yeah those guys at your school will change eventually.
I didn't want to be a girl -- I just was, regardless of what anyone thought. Life would have been a whole lot easier if I HAD been a boy. But from earliest childhood, I just naturally fit in with the other girls and never could pretend to be a boy very effectively and I never understood why until decades after transition when I started reading about the general developmental and behavioural differences between the genders. That's when I realized that my entire life was just typical for a girl and atypical for a boy and that's why I never fit as a boy and was so often mistaken for a girl whenever I let my guard down.
Josh, I think you answered your own question without realizing it.
Any of us could very easily ask you why on earth you would ever want to be male! I know I had a hard time accepting the fact that there were bio-females that would ever want to give that up. In fact, when I was younger I thought it was just natural for guys to want to be girls, because it was just so clear to me that being a girl was more desirable.
Obviously, over time I've come to accept my FTM brothers just as I would anyone else, but there was a time when I was rather annoyed with them for wanting to give up something that, to me, was so clearly better than what they were getting in the end. Now I just try my best to see it from their perspective. Boy clothes always seemed boring to me, but that doesn't mean they're boring to everyone! By the same token, just because being female does not seem desirable to you, doesn't mean that it can't seem like the best thing in the world to someone else!
Well if the question is what drives us to be female, I would have to say it's all biology. We're just wired that way. If the question is what's great about being female, well we're prettier, softer, have nice voices, are more graceful.
As for me I didn't want to be a strong, hard person with a deep voice. It just didn't feel like me. I wanted to be like the women around me because hey, who wouldn't? :D
What makes you want to be female?
what could make me not want to be female?
I'm finding it's not that I "want" to be female - it's more that after many years of self-enforced sleep, I'm awakening to simply not understanding why I'm not already one, and needing to do something about that.
For me, it's pretty much all about anatomy - wrong head/body hair, wrong body shape, wrong genitalia. The last 2 months that I've been here on this forum, I've been reading other people's accounts of their experience of dysphoria and not being able to relate much to it until the last couple of weeks. Now since I've fully relaxed away from resisting my lifetime of feelings about all this, my sense of discomfort with my body as it is, and the sense of urgency to have it change, are getting much stronger. It's like waking up in the wrong house.
I guess I was thinking "who in their right mind would want to deal with sexism, periods, and childbrith" I rarely have a day when I enjoy being female now. It also doesn't help that my family is the traditional sexist Italian family type people. I just fixate on being a boy now. There are things I actually do like about being female myself now that I realize, but like I said, if I get the chance to be a boy, I'll take it in a heartbeat. Also just because there's maybe one thing I like about being female, that doesn't mean I'm not transitioning in the future. I look at it as: the very few things I like about being a girl get cancelled out when I look at all my reasons for my desire to be a boy. All this confusion just makes my head hurt :/ But that's what I was thinking when I posted this. So yeah.
Cheers to EmilyElizabeth and NorthernJane!
Josh hon, it's not a matter of who in their right mind would want to deal with ... etc, etc. It's a matter of "what comes with the territory." Of course I'll never have to deal with periods, which would be a loss for the first couple of them, and then I know it would become a monthly bummer to have them. I'll never have to face child birth, and that will be a daily bummer for ever. As for sexism, well, no one in their right mind wants to deal with that. We've just never been able to end it. We just deal with it.
The main situation needing dealing with is sexual assault, outright rape, horrid vicious torture-murder of women and girls for pleasure. Those have always disturbed me, but as a presumptive male, I could afford to not be personally affected by them. As a woman now, it's highly personal. And yes, no one in their right mind would want to deal with that. But it comes with the territory.
Susan Kay
The positive sides of being female in modern American culture:
- It's OK to be vulnerable sometimes. You don't always have to put up a facade of imperturbable strength. Nobody will question your womanhood if you say that you're afraid of something, or back down from a fight, or ask for help, or admit that you can't handle something.
- It's OK to show your emotions. Not in every circumstance - you can't break down in tears in the middle of a professional meeting - but in your personal life, you can cry in front of friends, you can vent your anger verbally, you can smile and giggle and squeal.
- It's OK to be passive. You don't have to take the initiative or fight for a leadership role in every circumstance. Nobody thinks that you're weak or unwomanly because you don't actively pursue a romantic relationship and would prefer to be pursued, or because you aren't interested in a leadership role in a group setting, or whatever.
- It's OK to stand out visually. Men (at least young men) can get away with bright colours and patterns in casual settings, but in formal or businesswear we're expected to blend in to the point of almost looking like clones. And even in our casual wear, we're largely restricted to the same 5-10 styles of shirts/pants/shorts in slightly different colours and configurations. Makeup, jewelry, etc. are similarly circumscribed. Women, however, can (and are expected to) look unique and creative. All the time.
- It's OK to like children. People aren't suspicious of a woman who takes an interest in an unrelated child. You won't get the cops called on you for talking to a stray kid in a mall, the way my dad once did (he was trying to get the kid to come with him to the security booth...but that's not what onlookers assumed).
- It's OK to be attracted to men.
- It's OK not to know stuff. You don't have to pretend to be competent at everything from auto mechanics to baseball statistics. (On a related note, it's OK to hate sports.)
- It's OK to be physically affectionate with your friends. People don't assume that your touch must necessarily be either sexual or aggressive.
These, among others, are the things many men - especially gay men - envy about women. Hell, even I envy women sometimes. I did even when I was trying to pretend to be one. I could never fully take advantage of this stuff because I'd so thoroughly internalized the idea that these things, these perfectly normal human freedoms, were not OK for me because I was a boy. Sometimes I wish I was a girl, and I'm FTM.
But these aren't the reasons trans women transition. They transition because they are women, just like I am a man. They might appreciate some of the extra degrees of emotional and creative freedom that women have, just like I might appreciate some of the extra respect and privileges that come with being seen as male - but I'm not transitioning to access male privilege, and they're not transitioning to access female emotional freedom. Heck, some of them might not even care for it at all.
Quote from: kyril on April 20, 2011, 02:00:44 AM...they're not transitioning to access female emotional freedom.
Agreed. And a lot of the trouble I've had in the past has been for "behaving like a woman" whilst driving a man's body, and it's not like I'm expecting people to fully and easily accept me as a woman anyway once I transition.
The point for me is that there isn't anything I want from "being a woman", I'm just supposed to be one and I'm not, and that needs resolving. Women spend their whole lives figuring out how to be women and it's still hard for most of them. It's not like this is in any way whatsoever the easy option, it's just the only sustainable one.
Quote from: Josh T on April 20, 2011, 01:21:40 AM
I guess I was thinking "who in their right mind would want to deal with sexism, periods, and childbrith" I rarely have a day when I enjoy being female now. It also doesn't help that my family is the traditional sexist Italian family type people. I just fixate on being a boy now. There are things I actually do like about being female myself now that I realize, but like I said, if I get the chance to be a boy, I'll take it in a heartbeat. Also just because there's maybe one thing I like about being female, that doesn't mean I'm not transitioning in the future. I look at it as: the very few things I like about being a girl get cancelled out when I look at all my reasons for my desire to be a boy. All this confusion just makes my head hurt :/ But that's what I was thinking when I posted this. So yeah.
What sexism do women suffer from?
QuoteI guess I was thinking "who in their right mind would want to deal with sexism, periods, and childbrith" [...]
There's just this yearning about having a period.
Periods may be physically uncomfortable, but getting the chance to experience one every month I'm sure would give me relief as reassurance I'd be fertile.
In contrast, having male parts doesn't give me any satisfaction... :
P
If I were to ever have any children, I would want to be the mother.
There's a longing to have a child develop inside me, to be the one it depends on for nourishment / good health in the womb...
Going through the pain of birthing would be testament to my for love the child.
I would feel security if I could nurse my child, to experience a sort of bonding and closeness that only a mother could feel....
Being a father would not appeal to me. Of course I would be there to help my children, but I get the feeling I would be emotionally distant from them...
Quote from: -CRaSH- on April 20, 2011, 02:17:24 AM
What sexism do women suffer from?
You notice is from time to time when you transition into a woman and begin to pass you are just treated differently.
these days it's not overt and people won't tell you "women can't do X" but it's occasionally assumed or implied until either you aggressively state otherwise (which gives you the impression of begin a bitch) an example would be basically I'm a scientist and I'm very technically minded, yet despite this when something needs fixing these days I'm now called on last... My skills are just as sharp as ever.
Another subtle thing was when I was working "I want to see your manager... get him out here now!" "She... Isn't in right now." presumption that women can't be managers.
And it's also this sensation in certain conversations when tasks are begin delegated where your just subtly implied to be incompetent, or too fragile to endure specific tasks, at uni I needed to climb a tree and the presumption was I wasn't strong enough/skilled enough to do this.
The other thing that's different is the unwanted sexual advances.
Like when the CEO of our national airline QANTAS was stopped by a US Customs officer, because he didn't believe a woman could actually be in charge of the world's safest airline!
there are laws on equal pay but statiscally:
men get payed more
tall men get paid even more
fat men do not get paided less
women get paid less
tall women do not get paid more
fat women are paid less
less likey to move up to high post as they dont think a women can do it
The way my brain grew I guess. It's a bit like asking someone to explain the colour Red. You can talk about roses, and light wavelength, but you still can't explain to someone else what it looks like to you personally.
Karen
You know what.... I could give you statistics, and reason as to how a few of those are false or misconceptions, and how men suffer from more harmful sexism, but I won't. I remember what happened last time when I "derailed" a thread like that. There's a time, and place for everything, and now isn't the time or place.
I'm sorry i asked.
Quote from: Josh T on April 19, 2011, 04:56:02 PM
If this post has already been done sorry. I guess let me know and I'll take it down? I couldn't seem to find any related posts but it probably has been posted before. Anyways, what I want to know is what makes you ladies want to be female? I am a biological female and if given the chance to have been born male or be in a bio male's body I wouldn't hesitate to take it. I hate every little thing about being female. I'm trying to see the good in it but I can't find any. When me and my sister go shopping together (because no one knows I'm trans yet) it's torture for me. I just want male clothes and I want to be myself. My eyes drift off to the male clothing because that's all I want to wear (but I can't because my like I said my family doesn't know so I pretend to be a girl just to make them happy. My dad is a homophobiac as well). So, what is it about being a girl that makes you want to be one?
I dont want to be female.......... I am female.
Quote from: -CRaSH- on April 20, 2011, 02:17:24 AM
What sexism do women suffer from?
Are you serious ???? Men treat us as second class..... is that enough ?
lol. Yeah, and the kitchen jokes do get pretty old :P
Quote from: Corey on April 20, 2011, 06:33:21 AM
lol. Yeah, and the kitchen jokes do get pretty old :P
Well i don't do kitchen jokes. But I see nothing wrong with a woman being in the kitchen, and I see nothing wrong with a man being in the kitchen. If your spouse brings home the money, is it so wrong for the stay-at-home parent to cook for him/her?
Quote from: Catherine on April 20, 2011, 06:26:36 AM
Are you serious ???? Men treat us as second class..... is that enough ?
-Sigh-.... Last time I got on this subject, and dispelled the myths the mods got mad at me for derailing a thread. Allthough you guys are incorrect, I will not debate this in this topic. I can't risk the moderation.
I'll tell you this though.
I was given a choice. A choice between a red pill, and a blue pill.
I took the red one, and now I know the truth. The truth is revolting.
Although your posts is contradictory to what goes on in the real world, I will not debate it.
I do not want to get modded.
Quote from: -CRaSH- on April 20, 2011, 06:39:24 AM
Well i don't do kitchen jokes. But I see nothing wrong with a woman being in the kitchen, and I see nothing wrong with a man being in the kitchen. If your spouse brings home the money, is it so wrong for the stay-at-home parent to cook for him/her?-Sigh-.... Last time I got on this subject, and dispelled the myths the mods got mad at me for derailing a thread. Allthough you guys are incorrect, I will not debate this in this topic. I can't risk the moderation.
I'll tell you this though.
I was given a choice. A choice between a red pill, and a blue pill.
I took the red one, and now I know the truth. The truth is revolting.
Although your posts is contradictory to what goes on in the real world, I will not debate it.
I do not want to get modded.
I am afraid you are on the male side of the argument and probably dont see what happens to us girls as sexism. When you are on the receiving end of it then you will know what it is like
Quote from: Catherine on April 20, 2011, 06:48:48 AM
I am afraid you are on the male side of the argument and probably dont see what happens to us girls as sexism. When you are on the receiving end of it then you will know what it is like
.......I don't know if I should respond or not... You seem to want to press this issue, yet I asked you nicely to stop. Why do you persist?
Most people think they know, but they do not.
OK I will stop then.
Thank you Catherine.
Have a nice day :).
I think before a person reached puberty, he/she does not have sexuality consciousness, his/her mind is unconditioned, he/she may admired a certain character he/she witnesses, and tend to like to imitate the person admired, this imitation is very similar to a person undergoes gender change in imitating the behaviour of the real life or imaginary "model" of the sexual identity he/she choosen to conform to.
The question raised is what causes the mind to prefer the particular sexual identity over the other after one's mind has sexuality consciousness, instead of pure admiration of someone [without prior knowledge of sexual preferences] like that of a child. But the main point is that the motive for admiration of both the adult and child consciousness is the same, that is, they both depends on having attached to a particular human model of a distinctive sexual identity.
For an adult person born with a female body whose mind inclined to the self identification as a man, based on the above explanation, this person must necessarily have being strongly attracted to male "model/s", for example, the person has accumulated a habit of admiring a certain male persons, to the exclusion of the female persons. It is very common for an average cis-woman to have a society's conformed habit of admiring other male persons, as the prospect of potential mate. When this habit of admiring a certain male persons, to the exclusion of the female persons accumulates over many years, it become a force within her, in other words, it become a second nature to her to easily like men more than she likes women. If the circumstances is right, and she re-evaluate her self-gender identity, the force of admiring the male "model" will overpower her society's conditioned sexual conformity, if she released her conditioned opposition to this force, it will be her second nature to assume the identity of being male.
The same situation applied to MTF in opposite way.
There are other causes for a person's mind to prefer to play the role of the opposite gender they are born with, these are what the society has conditioned them to believe the advantage vs. disadvantage of the given gender against the other (something which this thread end up discussing), but the resultant decision would be based rationally. I believe one's rationality if relied heavily may well stop the person from undergoes gender re-assignment, within the person there must exist a force much strongly than rationality to enable him / her to willing to overcome much of society's resistance to reach mind's inner peace.
What makes you want to be female?
Identity.
Giving birth, I guess. That's the only good thing about it.
I've always wanted to have a child.
Quote from: -CRaSH- on April 20, 2011, 06:16:08 AM
You know what.... I could give you statistics, and reason as to how a few of those are false or misconceptions, and how men suffer from more harmful sexism...
CRaSH, you remind me of me a few years ago (or of feminists 20 years ago :)) - all I want to say about this is: it's not a competition. Some women and some men experience oppression and sexism. It's irrelevant to wonder who is winning in the 'mine was worse' stakes, history proves how divisive and pointless that can get.
So when people say women experience a particular brand of sexism, you don't need to assume that they are implying that men don't as well. You might think about giving women here the benefit of the doubt and assuming that when they describe their experience, it's just true. And it doesn't matter whether men get treated the same way or not (or more so or less so), it only matters that anyone ever gets treated that way at all.
We can, if we want, choose just to be people together against sexism, rather than men vs. women :). Does this make sense to you?
Nothing makes me want to be a female. It just feels right, it's just what I am. Sure I can list positives and negatives, things that I like better or prefer or seem attracted to, but overall they seem irrelevant, it's just a feeling that feels right and therefore I follow.
There is also that feeling that feels wrong on being a man big time which has its consequences too (which depending on where you are on the spectrum, can be very damaging to the mind/person)
Quote from: JoyceChin on April 20, 2011, 07:43:07 AMWhen this habit of admiring a certain male persons, to the exclusion of the female persons accumulates over many years, it become a force within her, in other words, it become a second nature to her to easily like men more than she likes women. If the circumstances is right, and she re-evaluate her self-gender identity, the force of admiring the male "model" will overpower her society's conditioned sexual conformity, if she released her conditioned opposition to this force, it will be her second nature to assume the identity of being male.
The same situation applied to MTF in opposite way.
I'm not sure that's true. That assumes the brain has plasticity when it comes to gender, and there is evidence that it does not, e.g. the boy (I can't remember his name) who was raised as a girl and later asserted his male identity, and also the studies done of the size of the basal stria terminalis. Gender appears to be innate, not something that can change via psychological mechanisms.
I never wanted...i was always.
Quote from: pebbles on April 20, 2011, 04:51:50 AM
You notice is from time to time when you transition into a woman and begin to pass you are just treated differently.
these days it's not overt and people won't tell you "women can't do X" but it's occasionally assumed or implied until either you aggressively state otherwise (which gives you the impression of begin a bitch) an example would be basically I'm a scientist and I'm very technically minded, yet despite this when something needs fixing these days I'm now called on last... My skills are just as sharp as ever.
Another subtle thing was when I was working "I want to see your manager... get him out here now!" "She... Isn't in right now." presumption that women can't be managers.
And it's also this sensation in certain conversations when tasks are begin delegated where your just subtly implied to be incompetent, or too fragile to endure specific tasks, at uni I needed to climb a tree and the presumption was I wasn't strong enough/skilled enough to do this.
The other thing that's different is the unwanted sexual advances.
^ this
I always knew. Even as a child.
I don't think any person knows what makes him or her a particular gender. We all just feel a certain way. I didn't know at an early age that I was a girl. I was happy being a man from age 1-17. My gender eventually matured into what it is today, a female. I have just recently figured out the last of my lingering doubts. I used to try to find the reason why I "changed" genders. I realized that when I as a child I was babied and a mamma's boy to boot, so my gender identity was immature. I realized I didn't really have doubts about what gender I was, but have doubts about getting others to perceive that I am a woman. I just feel compelled to be in the feminine spectrum. I have a strong need to be perceived as female. I don't really hate my body, but that is probably due to having to cope with Cerebral Palsy. My body just plain sucks, so I don't pay too much to its physical imperfections. I have more of a social dysphoria. This social dysphoria tells me I am more of woman than I ever realized. I always thought, "I act like a man, but I have this gender dysphoria in the social realm." Maybe I am not a man at all, I am just a tom boy, or I am a female that isn't on either extreme of the gender spectrum. I am my own type of woman. Physical things are what people can use to help them express their gender identity. You want to express your masculinity by wearing male clothes just as a m to f might choose to wear female clothes to express her femininity. Some TS people do not care about clothes and choose other ways to express who they are.
Nothing makes me female. I just a female. Nothing can change that.
Quote from: -CRaSH- on April 19, 2011, 07:53:36 PM
Oh, alright, I get it.
I guess you mean "More open with your caring."
Right?
Because men do care. We're not robots.
Then you are here on this forum to show yourself as caring? About who, and to what end?
Quote from: -CRaSH- on April 20, 2011, 02:17:24 AM
What sexism do women suffer from?
Well CRaSH, I think a far more important question is how you, as an individual person in the whole of humanity, manage to deal with that waxy yellow buildup on your floors, and whether you have a decent recipe for tandoori chicken. I have been struggling with the waxy yellow buildup for 17 years now, and I can just tell that you are someone who knows the answer to this troubling question.
I have tried the acrylic floor coatings, but still end up with that unsightly waxy yellow buildup over a few weeks and I have never been able to figure out how to stop that from happening. Should I pre-wax with ammonia or some other stripping solution?
I currently have the tandoori sauce, but I think the powder would be a much better way to go, if it can be obtained,
( recommendation?) and I'd also appreciate your recommendation for a good curry.
I would also like to ask what brand of hair coloring you use and whether you have your nails done every two weeks, or more often. I last used Loreal, but found it did not really cover all of the gray.`
Thankyouverymuch :D
Amy
QuoteGender appears to be innate, not something that can change via psychological mechanisms.
Habit when accumulated over many years, will become an innate part of mind, and will effect psychological mechanisms in the body. In other words, the body / brain will undergo transformation to adapted to mind conditioned pattern.
A child before puberty has no sexuality consciousness, but may be conditioned to accept self-gender identity by external influence, and may have this habit accumulates from this early age, which effect the body / brain.
The nerves of the female-gender oriented person is linked to the right side of the body, if you observed the palm of the person, if the person's right palm have more distinctive lines than the left, it does indicate the person is more female-gender oriented. It is known phenomena that the person's innate thought effect the physical, and will show in the physical body as sign of mental condition.
I wouldn't say that I want to be female. A lot of times I tell people I don't want to transition, I really don't. I was just born in the wrong body and to live a full life I must become the woman I am. It's as simple as that. I mean sure the makeup and hair and clothes etc are fun, but after a while the whole point is being a woman. Not dressing or acting or walking or talking or looking like one thinks a woman should, but feeling like a woman. It makes my life easier, makes me more comfortable with myself etc.
Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on April 20, 2011, 08:42:29 PM
I wouldn't say that I want to be female. A lot of times I tell people I don't want to transition, I really don't. I was just born in the wrong body and to live a full life I must become the woman I am. It's as simple as that.
Sorry to butt my nose in but I wanted to say that I like that answer :) That's how I view it myself with of course the woman edited to say the man but exactly the same otherwise :)
Hi Josh
Well, you've got a lot of answers now, the bottom line (including myself) is that you are what you are.
It's all about feelings, when you are a woman, you feel like a woman, you just want to have your body according to the mind.
Nobody ever wanted transition because it won't make things easier, it's just the only way to have your own identity, the one that will fit to you as you are.
If you feel like a man Josh, you should look for help, you've only got one life and everyone is trying to find inner peace.
It's so much stress to pretend the opposite gender when you really aren't, just to please relatives.
Nobody knows what's going on in your head so they will be treat you like a girl, just the thing you hate the most.
We had the same feelings as you have only the other way around.
I hope you will find the inner peace and happiness someday.
hugs
Annette
Quote from: EmilyElizabeth on April 19, 2011, 09:46:29 PM
In fact, when I was younger I thought it was just natural for guys to want to be girls, because it was just so clear to me that being a girl was more desirable.
Same here!
I love straight men, so I need to be female to have them.
Quote from: JoyceChin on April 20, 2011, 08:00:33 PMThe nerves of the female-gender oriented person is linked to the right side of the body, if you observed the palm of the person, if the person's right palm have more distinctive lines than the left, it does indicate the person is more female-gender oriented.
Palm reading??
??
? Okay, okay, I'll bite. If indeed the palm lines indicate gender, then how can gender be anything but biological? You can't learn longer palm lines, unless I'm mistaken and there's a peer-reviewed study that offers solid evidence that you can. ;)
(Besides, under the mysticism I was brought up with I heard that the left side was the feminine.)
My palms both look the same, and if I decide one is more defined, then look at the other to make sure, I change my mind. This is why I like science.
I have a friend who's a doctor in New York and we write to each other pretty regularly. I talk to him a lot about my dysphoria and why I feel the way I do. This is something I wrote to him a few days ago and it seems to fit with this thread. So here goes ...
"I was lying in bed last night and an image came to my mind which seemed to provide quite a handy metaphor. Imagine a beach. When the tide is in, it looks like there is nothing but sand and water. But then, when the tide goes out, the wreck of an old ship is revealed, and suddenly becomes the single most arresting sight on the beach. That wreck is like my dysphoria. There will be long stretches when my psychological/emotional tide is high and the dysphoria is invisible. But then the tide goes out and suddenly the dysphoria dominates everything and is absolutely inescapable.
Now, the question arises: is that wreck real, or just some kind of a mirage? In the immortal words of Freddie Mercury: 'Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?' I've agonised over that for decades, wondering whether my dysphoria is essentially just a delusion - an escapist dream of a better life that could only turn out to be a disastrous disappointment - or whether it has some basis in my actual nature: whether it's in some sense essential. I guess that's impossible to know for sure without actually transitioning (more of a risk than I've dared to take thus far). But I can say a few things for sure ..
1. These feelings, whatever their status, have been present in me since my earliest adolescence and possibly longer.
2. They are not susceptible to any kind of psychiatric or pharmaceutical 'cure'. I know because I've tried.
3. I do not personally identify with the trope of 'a woman trapped in a man's body', but I can easily imagine myself as a woman FREED FROM a man's body. My perception of that feeling is one of relaxation, homecoming, rightness and congruity ... that it would have to be achieved by entirely artificial means is, of course, a powerful irony. But that's what I feel.
4. Insofar as I have ever experimented, my experiences match that perception. I am not a ->-bleeped-<-. I get no erotic thrill at all from wearing women's clothes, nor do I want to pretend to be female when I am not. On the very, very rare occasions I have dressed, what I actually feel is normal, entirely relaxed and - as far as my current body allows - comfortable. I love clothes and fashion, always have done, so I would take great pleasure in dressing nicely and I know exactly what my style would be. But this is not a fetishistic issue for me. When I was at my most gender-bending and flamboyant, in my late-teens/early-20s, regularly wearing make-up and even drag, that only served to highlight the gap that still loomed between what I was pretending to be and what I wanted to be. It actually made the dysphoria worse, not better."
Three decades on, the fundamental truth remains. I long to be female. It's a profound, unchanging instinct that is as much a part of me as the colour of my eyes. It has nothing to do with any rational calculation ... tho rational calculations have been what kept me male (fear of losing the family, the money, the work, the status etc) ... It just IS.
Oh, and with every week, month and year that goes by I feel myself being pulled ever-closer to the point where I finally accept myself fully and begin that long-delayed transition ...
Quote from: Sarah Louise on April 19, 2011, 04:59:51 PM
You already explained it, the same thing that tells you that your a male is what tells us we are female.
We were born with, what to us, is a birth defect. Our brain does not agree with our body.
:)
Seconded.
I already feel I am female. That's just the way I feel.
Personally I came to the conclusion today that I don't want to be a women, I have never "wanted" to be a women. Being a man would have made my life easier, and with a lot less mental anguish. The fact is I am not a man I am a women, no I don't want to be... It's hard, But I am what I am and thats all there is too it.
Really pleased for you missjanealice.
It's a difficult place to be. But once you get the rest of your thoughts in some sort of order, things will become so clear for you.
You still have enourmous decisions, but you should now have some certainty from which to start.
Carlita and Britney (not to purposely exclude the rest of you):
Absolutely perfectly done ;D
QuoteIf indeed the palm lines indicate gender, then how can gender be anything but biological?
The biological state effects the mental state in the same way as the mental state effects the biological state. It matter by circumstances that determine which side takes precedence, and there is possibility for latter shift due to other factors, such as after the maturation of sexuality consciousness, in which excessive attention seems to focus on entertaining the opposite gender's attributes [in their admiration / obsession], whereas at the same time, developing resentment / hostility toward maleness, this focus shift if becoming a habit over decades, may eventually cross the line, and diminishes previously perceived gender identity of biologically conditioned mental state [due to mind's shifted pattern of entertaining / opposing].
Quoteunder the mysticism I was brought up with I heard that the left side was the feminine
The left side seems to do with feminine action (according to tantra), whereas right side is feminine physical attributes (according to palmistry / taoism).
QuoteMy palms both look the same, and if I decide one is more defined, then look at the other to make sure
Try to focus on the long lines (the first) in perpendicular to the thumb, and also the second line that is almost in parallel to this line, that second line is "career" line, it is very significant if this line happened to be darker in color than in the left.
Hmm... so what if your hands are different sizes?
This is idle curiosity on my part, I should be honest, since I don't personally believe in palm-related indicators of anything important - but my right hand is significantly smaller than my left (I estimate around 8%).
Quote from: yoxi on April 22, 2011, 02:32:14 AM
Hmm... so what if your hands are different sizes?
This is idle curiosity on my part, I should be honest, since I don't personally believe in palm-related indicators of anything important - but my right hand is significantly smaller than my left (I estimate around 8%).
My left is smaller than my right.
Are you left handed?
I am "left handed" but I don't know whether that's just by default - I'm missing a number of muscles in my right upper quadrant, and my right arm is a little shorter etc., and was pretty weak when I was a kid (until I got into drumming!) so I've always favoured the left. I'm one of the "upside-down left-handed" who holds a pen point at 4 o'clock instead of 2 o'clock, if you know what I mean, and apparently we're not proper left-handers, in terms of brain difference between right- and left-handed people, if that stuff matters.
Around 15 years ago (a few years after I started meditating, perhaps coincidence) my right hand started making its presence more known. One memorable lunchtime on a retreat I sat down to a bowl of soup, and both hands reached for the spoon at the same time :). Since then we've had a better relationship, the 3 of us - I used to hate my small hand when I was younger, probably because I was afraid of weakness. Nowadays half the time I find myself eating with my right hand.
Since my true gender sense has woken from its protective slumber, I've kind of fallen in love with my right hand, as it's more expressive/representative of who I feel I should have been. Weird stuff.
Thank you Emma! It's nice to know that someone out there understands what it feels like, when it seems so incomprehensible to me ...
And, yes, I too totally related to Britney!
Every time I see this thread title I think:
"Actually I just wanted to be comfortable in my own skin and feel that I was truly myself"
That's ultimately what the whole journey gave me. Peace of mind. So much so that I no longer consider myself trans but rather describe myself as post-corrected cis.
People I meet take me to be female and that is just fine by me but ultimately that doesn't matter. What does matter is that whatever I am, I feel comfortable being it, and I don't have to think about it, or put on some act, or worry about doing something, or not doing something. I am just free to be me.
QuoteI don't personally believe in palm-related indicators of anything important - but my right hand is significantly smaller than my left (I estimate around 8%).
You are left-handed, the frequent use of the left from younger age will impact its bone structure, causing more growth than the right.
There is a reason for palmistry to read only the right hand for women and left for men. If the line that indicates one's career is darker in one hand than the other, it indicates the person's career will be more immersive or successfu if living in the gender as indicated by the left or right hand, and thus help point out the person's suitable self-gender (the way I interpret mine).
Quote from: JoyceChin on April 22, 2011, 07:00:12 AM
You are left-handed, the frequent use of the left from younger age will impact its bone structure, causing more growth than the right.
I was born with one hand larger than the other, and their relative sizes have remained constant.
so many answers =P um.. okay. well i guess i am also just partly in denial that i'm transgendered, i also just don't want to see how my family will react, how my friends will react, who i might lose because of this, worried i might somehow regret it, and when i'm not passing having to deal with going out in public and being stared at (i hate it, it makes me feel like i'm not normal or something, but i'm sure others feel the same). thing is i think i'm still confused and trying to figure out who i am. after i tried cross dressing, i was unsure about my identity, and when i was little i hate dresses, and i wanted to do was play with toy cars and dinosaurs. never touched a Barbie in my life. but now i don't know who i am and it's driving me insane. i wish i knew. this doesn't have anything to do with it but i'm attracted to girls (and boys but more girls). also with my imagination i am always playing the male role. but then i think "what if i miss this life when i transition" but if i'm truly trans then i shouldn't have to miss it should i? like, i'm not making this up. don't get me wrong, i do have desires to be a boy. ugh.. it's all a mess right now
In terms of medical theory it would be my brain that tells me I'm female. Now this sort of brain development usually accompanies a female body so everything jives. But there are cases, and I'm one of them, where a female oriented brain develops inside a male body. It is the brain that gives me my identity, one that I cannot change. It's wired to accept input differently than does a male brain which makes having a male body incredibly incomfortable.
Think of it like a computer. However unlike a computer, you can't just swap one OS for another that works with your particular machine. Let's say for the sake of simplicity, there are two operating systems available. Human FE, and Human ME. There are also two machines built to handle these systems, each one taylored to suit the needs of the operating system. I happened to be an ME machine loaded with FE software. The problem with this setup is that you run into a whole host of driver issues and on the whole the setup just doesn't function as well as it ought to. You'd think it would be easier to format and install the ME software since that's the machine I have. But it doesn't work that way. I already have the software and drivers to run a FE machine and they cannot be replaced (unlike a normal computer). That means I need to gradually replace the hardware in order to have a properly functioning system.
I hope that makes sense.
Heh, I hope one day I'll be using the Human XP hardware :).
Quote from: Sarah7 on April 22, 2011, 02:38:27 PM
That was awesome! Can I steal your idea to send to a friend of mine?
Yes, I was born a girl with problematic body parts. I don't see myself as wanting to become a girl. I'm transitioning to stop myself from either killing myself or going completely insane. Honestly, I'm not even very girly. That doesn't make me not a girl though.
Of course you can!
Carlita - very well put I feel much the same way. Though in taking it to the very essense that makes each of us who we are I believe that we come into life to experience it and all the ups and downs that come with it. We are feminine souls before we come here and we wanted to experience life from both genders but we also knew before we got here that we would be able to normalize our bodies with our souls before going home
Quote from: Amy1177 on April 22, 2011, 10:10:49 PM
Carlita - very well put I feel much the same way. Though in taking it to the very essense that makes each of us who we are I believe that we come into life to experience it and all the ups and downs that come with it. We are feminine souls before we come here and we wanted to experience life from both genders but we also knew before we got here that we would be able to normalize our bodies with our souls before going home
Which would create a hormonal imbalance causing the brain to develop contrary to the body.
Every thing in opposite to your desire to be FTM. What do I desire about MTF, all of the Female life.
Quote from: yoxi on April 22, 2011, 02:33:15 PM
Heh, I hope one day I'll be using the Human XP hardware :).
I'm partial to Human 7.
Quote from: kyril on April 23, 2011, 02:04:16 AM
I'm partial to Human 7.
Actually, I'm going to be wanting mine open source :). (I know, but I want my hardware to be software...)
I don't want to be female, i am female. I just don't want the rest of the world to foolishly think i'm a boy
I dont want to be female, I am female..
I seriously dont want to be female...
I would like to be a straight male :)
Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on April 20, 2011, 08:42:29 PM
I wouldn't say that I want to be female. A lot of times I tell people I don't want to transition, I really don't. I was just born in the wrong body and to live a full life I must become the woman I am. It's as simple as that. I mean sure the makeup and hair and clothes etc are fun, but after a while the whole point is being a woman. Not dressing or acting or walking or talking or looking like one thinks a woman should, but feeling like a woman. It makes my life easier, makes me more comfortable with myself etc.
You've hit this one right on Britney. I just had a similar conversation the other day with my mother. I don't want to have to transition. I simply have to at this point. I would have rather had my brain and body in alignment in the first place, and not had to deal with all this. Male or female, as long as everything was aligned I'd probably have been happy. Of course I'm a bit more partial to the female, since that's what I am, but I suppose theoretically that I'd have been fine with being male too, as long as everything matched up and that's how I felt.
I never wanted to be male or female... But then again, I often wish my mother and father would have never met and/or my mother would have had an abortion
But here I am on this stupid planet trying to deal with it all as best as possible
I don't want to be female. I AM female, I am just making some various adjustments. Doesn't change who I am though.
Quote from: Josh T on April 19, 2011, 04:56:02 PM
Anyways, what I want to know is what makes you ladies want to be female? I am a biological female
Because I am a biological female too. The part of the human brain that ascribes gender was, in my case determined -genetically- female, it is just that the external genitalia and karyotype (XY) does not match my brain. The former, a medical condition, is currently being fix; for the second one there is currently no fix.
So it is not that I want to be female, I am female
Kate
If I could choose I'd want to be a man. I don't want to be a woman, but I do want to be content with myself and I can't identify with my body as it is now. I don't envy the way women are treated in our society but it's something I'll deal with when I have to. It's not about want for me at all. It's about necessity.
I saw an interview with Nico today, she said, my only regret is that I was not born a man,
and I totally feel the same way lol
"Why do you want to be a woman?"
Somehow people really dont believe in genderidentityproblems that ask those questions...
yeah I am messing around with hormones and the health of my body, I like to deal with the social
stress each day, be in a very difficult position when it comes to love and have a malfunctional sexuality all
because you know, I really want to...
lol
Perhaps I even more so would like to be a male then female to male transsexuals LOL
Fedora is a girls (feminine) name and is of Italian and Greek origins. While 'Core' means, 'the basic, essential, or enduring part of an individual'. So l'm most definitely 'Fedora to the Core' or more simply, I'm a Fedora Core fan.
Kind regards
Sarah B
I look at myself different than most. As a kid I was a man. I like and enjoyed being a man, but now I am woman. How is this possible? No one really knows. I was babied as a kid and I lived a sheltered life, so I didn't think much about this type of thing. After my mother died, I had to grow up. My TSism just developed through time. Someone might ask, if your gender changed once, then it can change back? I prefer my gender to be thought of like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. The butterfly can't go back to being a caterpillar. It doesn't matter what I was before, I am am woman now, and forever will be. The only other answer is that I had an undeveloped gender identity which matured through time.
I dunno, it is just the feeling I had the most of my life. With the recent taking of the female HRT, things started to come into place. My emotional swings I had disappeared and the ride is smoother now.
The previous blood test results had my PSA numbers over the top. Now it is nearly non-existent. The high non-hormonal organ functions levels that were off the year before are normal now. They would of needed separate serious expensive medications for those. I really don't know what happened really, but the coincidence is there anyway. The results of my tests I received today: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,97317.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,97317.0.html) My 4-year cancer scare is over!
Joelene
I want to simply because I am. I've been female my whole life. Right now it's just a matter of making my body reflect that. :)
I've always found it helpful to assert the mechanism behind the claim. As an empiricist a claim must be backed up with some form of proof. To simply claim to be female (when one has a male body) would fall into absurdity were there not a distinct medical cause. That is why I bring up the brain wiring. It's not that I find it more desirable to be female. I have no choice but to identify as such because my brain is hardwired to function that way. It's not something I can help and if I had my choice, I would have had a male brain to go with a male body. But since I can't change my brain, I have to change the body to simply be more comfortable with myself. It may not be the most eloquent way of putting it, but I find it a better answer than simply, "Just because."
I know the reason I am transitioning is that for 36 years as a male I tried to fit in and never succeeded because i did not have a lot of upper body strength no matter how hard I tried. That led me to become more angry, hateful, racist, intolerant of not just others but myself to the point that it was either transition or die... while some of my personality issues and societal problems may stem from my mental conditions i was diagnosed as Bi-polar and PTSD, but deep down I never fit in.
While I know that I face a long road as far as the hormones, surgeries etc; now that I live full time as a female and have from day 1 of my transition, I am a much happier. tolerant, accepting woman and can look back and resolve the issues that led me to believe as I did.. some issues were very simple to deal with because the individuals in those groups I belonged to would turn on me just as fast as they would as their intended targets.
bottom line is that I refuse to live life in fear of what may happen and instead be true to myself and that has led to me being a much better woman.
Quote from: Sarah7 on April 24, 2011, 10:32:41 AM
Before you started transitioning, if that choice had been available to just rewrite your brain and make your GID disappear... you'd have said yes?
As difficult as my life may still be sometimes, I no longer want to die, and I have a hard time seeing the difference. Male-me... would not be me. I'd rather keep my FE software and swap out the hardware.
I can honestly say I would have said yes. It would have generated far less stigma than my current treatment. I am happy now being who I am, but if I could have been able to modify who I am to match who everyone else sees, that would have been the easier path.
Quote from: Maddie Secutura on April 24, 2011, 01:44:49 PM
I can honestly say I would have said yes. It would have generated far less stigma than my current treatment. I am happy now being who I am, but if I could have been able to modify who I am to match who everyone else sees, that would have been the easier path.
But far less fun surely... :laugh:
Actually seriously I think the problem for most of us is that if such a psyche alteration were possible then it would have made us mentally into someone else - and I actually quite like being me, even though it meant transition. Heck come to think of it I even enjoyed transitioning.
Quote from: kyril on April 23, 2011, 02:04:16 AM
I'm partial to Human 7.
I prefer Linux..... why would you want software that crashes once a week ???
Quote from: Maddie Secutura on April 24, 2011, 01:44:40 AM
I've always found it helpful to assert the mechanism behind the claim. As an empiricist a claim must be backed up with some form of proof. To simply claim to be female (when one has a male body) would fall into absurdity were there not a distinct medical cause. That is why I bring up the brain wiring. It's not that I find it more desirable to be female. I have no choice but to identify as such because my brain is hardwired to function that way. It's not something I can help and if I had my choice, I would have had a male brain to go with a male body. But since I can't change my brain, I have to change the body to simply be more comfortable with myself. It may not be the most eloquent way of putting it, but I find it a better answer than simply, "Just because."
Serious, non-rhetorical question: how do you know? Is there reliable research suggesting that pre-transition transsexuals have the "brain wiring" of the opposite sex? Come to that, assuming that your brain (or anyone else's) had the physical size of a normal male brain, would it be possible to find any empirical, observable evidence that it was female?
If these questions can be answered 'yes', cool. I'd love to see the research, because then maybe I could get some kind of test to answer the uncertainty that has plagued me all my life.
But if there is no such research aren't you just creating an essentially ideological position: ie. that the transsexual brain is oppositely-wired, just because we say it is.
I'm not sure how that would be helpful ... Personally, I'm stuck with the belief that I cannot personally say, 'I am female,' when all the physical evidence says that I am currently male.
That's why, to me, the question, 'Why do you want to be female?' makes perfect sense. Because I'm not now and have never been female ... but I have always wanted to be so.
Thanks for that, Sarah ... I'll check it out!
Quote from: Catherine on April 25, 2011, 07:17:13 AM
I prefer Linux..... why would you want software that crashes once a week ???
You know, I really want to like Linux...but I've tried 5 or 6 different distros, and always come down to the same problem: it's horrifyingly slow and crashes all the time. Seriously. My Windows works beautifully, haven't had an issue since I upgraded to 7...my Ubuntu install crashes daily. Sometimes two or three times daily.
I can't really explain why I want to be a female. To me, that would be like trying to explain why we exist. I could sit here and given you several examples, but at the end of the day, I just want to be female, because that is the way I am. I know that isn't a lot of insight, but it is what it is.
Yay for a vague and unusual response!
To me it's probably like for some others..
I don't ''want'' to be female per se. But these feelings are there.. the feeling that tells me I'm not what I appear I am on the outside. It's a major drag if you ask me.
I don't want to be female, but I just am very much female. So much so that it causes this gender dysphoria.