Quote from: brc on September 20, 2012, 03:36:26 PM
Remember that GID makes you unhappy with things too. It might not be Dutasteride causing the 'downer'
Probably is the feeling of being at a crossroad. Ignore the GID and hope I get fixed in some magical way (with danger of remaining sad, bitter for the rest of my life), or bet on transition and hope for the best.
When I first thought about the transition, I was happy that I knew that it was going to be difficult and incredible work, but i also saw it as something that would completely change my life style for the better. I would have to put an effort to make my life better instead of just sitting in my room watching paint dry while I lamented not having done a single decent thing in years.
Seeing the transition timelines, before/after, from that face filled with sadness at the beginning and compared to the current photo, and the faces being so different, it is what gives me hopes to continue, but after a few moments I am back to "I am a monster, it won't work. You start ugly and you will end uglier, you are old and yu have not aged well". Somebody even said something like "it is a mid longface, it always sucks". It is hard to know when you have self-steem and autoimage problem. It is my dark passenger.
Would you believe if I told you that I even considered being a monk in one of those places with little or no contact with the world? When you consider resorting to religion again, that must be the lowest you can fall.
Well, I am in for another night of anxiety and distress, and again to the point of crying. I wish this would end once and for all. Life is a b*tch, specially when it gives you the wrong set of chromosomes.