Quote from: wendy on April 11, 2012, 11:35:24 AM
Brilliant.  Took me a lifetime to figure that out!

yes i know now if only i can believe it lol.  There's a perfectionist streak in me that has been incredibly damaging to my transition....

It goes back to my obsession over my chin and because of that obsession, we wound up having an operation that in the end never achieved our initial goal of a shorter chin (at least its not apparent that it did that yet).

To this day, I still have a long chin and I'm still not happy about my entire facial symmetry - my face tends towards the long side - its a lean, narrow, long face - while I want a wider face, one thats fuller.  Maybe that will come with the estrogen who knows?!

Quote from: sysm29 on April 11, 2012, 06:47:43 PM
It goes back to my obsession over my chin and because of that obsession, we wound up having an operation that in the end never achieved our initial goal of a shorter chin (at least its not apparent that it did that yet).

To this day, I still have a long chin and I'm still not happy about my entire facial symmetry - my face tends towards the long side - its a lean, narrow, long face - while I want a wider face, one thats fuller.  Maybe that will come with the estrogen who knows?!

  Not to be rude but who is we? Did someone else have surgery with you? lol

  Yeah a long face is extremely hard to feminize even with surgery.
  Cheer up in 2-3 months you'll look better then before! 

How long have you been on HRT?!

Hello. To be honest, I don't even understand how you are coherent enough just 9 days after surgery to make such a long, detailed post. I too saw Dr. Spiegel, and I seem to remember a painkiller-induced type of waking coma that lasted well past the 2 week mark, lol 

To address your situation though, you must remember that the face you are looking at now (not even 2 weeks after surgery) is probably very different than the face you will be looking at in 3 months. How that ties in to your reservations about transitioning is up to you to figure out, but you should keep that fact in the forefront of your mind in my opinion.

The pictures of how I looked before surgery, 3 weeks after surgery (I was a monster at that point), 2 months after surgery, etc. can probably still be found in the FFS section somewhere, if you feel like they might help as a kind of reference material. 
.

I hope you get better soon!

~~bumpity

Hey Sysm29,

I'm so glad that you posted on this forums as you'd get the support that you need. I personally hope that in a year from now you will be able to look back and laugh, maybe even write a book? Who knows? .... well, you do.

In regards to posts in this thread in relation to 'gate-keepers', personally I find them a god send. I find these compassionate, trained and educated professions are there to 'help' us come to terms with ourselves, and stand strong against the prejudice and discrimination Trans folk may be subjected to along our path in life.
They are trained to helps us with the mental anguish and even disorders we face, picked up during living a life in hiding. I know that may psychiatrist and even my counselor have helped me grow into a more healthy, rounded human being. Something that would not be a given if I just became a woman.

My heart and well wishes, as long with others, will surely carry you during these trying times.

" A friend will pick you up when you fall off your bar stool - A True friend will pass you your beer ...."

Love Jen

OXOXOXO

Quote from: Jenny_B_Good on April 17, 2012, 12:23:01 AM
In regards to posts in this thread in relation to 'gate-keepers', personally I find them a god send. I find these compassionate, trained and educated professions are there to 'help' us come to terms with ourselves, and stand strong against the prejudice and discrimination Trans folk may be subjected to along our path in life.
They are trained to helps us with the mental anguish and even disorders we face, picked up during living a life in hiding. I know that may psychiatrist and even my counselor have helped me grow into a more healthy, rounded human being. Something that would not be a given if I just became a woman.

All the prejudice and discrimination I've been subjected too directly relating to being trans have BEEN from gatekeepers. Because I don't dress like a stereotype and because I'm young they didn't want to help me. So I did it on my own and never regretted a thing. Gatekeepers may help some people, but they should be OPTIONAL.

Trained to help us? Training is a funny word, I can train someone to help fix peoples teeth by bashing them with a hammer, but it doesn't make them a competent dentist. Nor would it if an educational institution trained in such a silly idea.

You value their training? This forum is literally littered with stories of doctors contradicting each other. Just because they speak their rubbish from a position of authority doesn't make it any less rubbish.

Trained professionals used to perform lobotomy's too.

Quote from: Butterflyhugs on April 13, 2012, 03:02:17 AM
Hello. To be honest, I don't even understand how you are coherent enough just 9 days after surgery to make such a long, detailed post. I too saw Dr. Spiegel, and I seem to remember a painkiller-induced type of waking coma that lasted well past the 2 week mark, lol 

To address your situation though, you must remember that the face you are looking at now (not even 2 weeks after surgery) is probably very different than the face you will be looking at in 3 months. How that ties in to your reservations about transitioning is up to you to figure out, but you should keep that fact in the forefront of your mind in my opinion.

The pictures of how I looked before surgery, 3 weeks after surgery (I was a monster at that point), 2 months after surgery, etc. can probably still be found in the FFS section somewhere, if you feel like they might help as a kind of reference material. 
.

Um, pretty much everything Butterfly says here is where I'm coming from. You really should go into FFS telling yourself "I won't even judge the results even a little bit until it's been 90 days!" Hard, I know, but seriously, soooo much swelling + bruising + stitches, sutures, drug withdrawal, etc. Give yourself some real time, focus on healing. My post-FFS pics are hard to see with all the blood and bruising and stuff, but gradually changes come and time passes. I have a video on youtube that shows my facial transition (it's kinda long but you can skip through it) including the FFS pics to like not quite a year after. It's here if you want to see where I was like 9 days out. 

It's here -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUBoLekamXc&list=UUClgbMo2KcZF1psv3M-s-yA&index=129&feature=plcp

Hang in there!

What she said!

She is the answer to the question of life, the universe, and everything.

Ask her about Manties.

I am suffering the same regret after ffs and would love to hear from all who have are going through what i am, im now looking into changing my face back and hope u girls can help!

More so than anything FFS, even if you are sure about transition needs to be considered.  What works, what doesnt work?  Some people only really need a trachea shave to minimize the adams apple and really thats all.  The hairless male vs female face is often not all that different.   

I would only get FFS on extremely obvious male cues, that I was willing to risk the potential plastic surgury complications.    Many woman by default have more masculine cues than you think...

It would be crazy to go out on a whim and do all these radical changes though.  Everything in transitional has to be methodical to an extent.

Quote from: jordaan247 on October 17, 2012, 10:50:54 AM
I am suffering the same regret after ffs and would love to hear from all who have are going through what i am, im now looking into changing my face back and hope u girls can help!

You created an account ONLY to say that?

Well if you did  ... chances are since you probably had bone shaved from your face, my guess is that it's going to be irreversible. Sorry, you're stuck with a girls face forever! Sucks to be you! ....

Quote from: AbraCadabra on October 17, 2012, 11:22:21 AM
It just makes me wonder HOW MUCH and HOW RADICAL any of this FFS has to be to feel this way.
My avatar is 4 weeks post-op... and it is pretty hard for me to relate to some of those negative posts...

Ponderous,
Axélle

Just because it's hard to relate to doesn't mean anything.

Jordaan247 has been a member since April, suggesting the account was created for this reply is.....wrong. Devlyn

Quote from: sysm29 on April 09, 2012, 01:22:35 PM




I can barely think right now....

I had FFS 9 days ago in Boston.  I'm not supposed to decide whether to jump off a cliff for another three months.  I posted about this a while ago... the post is probably still on here.

At 9 days I've already decided that this is a nightmare.  I should have never had FFS.  I wasn't ready to transition.  I wanted to be James still too much.  There are warning signs all along the way.

I never effectively communicated to the surgeon what I wanted.  I made the terrible choice of not being aggressive enough in the pre-op meeting to go through the long list of thoughts I had for the doctor.  I failed to explain to him fully what I wanted.

This doctor I went to is considered one of the best in the country.  He believes he is the best. 

What I have is what people call "buyer's remorse."  It's one thing when you go out and spend $100 on an outfit that you wound up hating.

Getting a completely new face is another kind of remorse.  This is much more serious than anything I've ever done and it has potentially deadly consequences.

I was the wrong candidate for FFS from the very start.  I hadn't gone through any proper planning.  I simply had the money to do it and I rushed it through with reckless abandon.  One procedure that I already don't like, a lip lift, was $4,000 dollars and yet I just added it on as if I was at a grocery store checkout line and I was simply tossing People on top of my groceries... It was done just like that, without any thought of how it would really look.

It seems that I wanted a much more subtle, conservative approach than I thought I wanted.

This experience has been so excruciatingly painful, they tell you "Oh its not painful" but oh it is, you get to the 3rd day and you feel as if 5 days has gone by and you can't believe time is going by so slowly.  This is a WRETCHING experience to go through, and you're supposed to be relieved by the initial glances at what you look like.  Clearly I am the opposite- I'm mortified at the outcome.

People are telling me not to pull the panic button just yet but its hard not to.  I've fully realized this was a mistake. 

I had no transition plan.  My whole transition has been started up and shut down many times through the years.  There was never a concrete plan of how to go forward.

When you have FFS, the goal is to make you instantly pass.  My face is said to now be so feminine that I can't pass as James anymore and that terrifies me.  I hadn't wanted to pass right away.  Even right up until the very end before the opreation, I was under the impression that this was going to create a slightly more feminine looking James, and not this dramatic of a change.

I would instantly reverse it in a heartbeat if I could.  I look at my face and see a face that's going to have to need massive amounts of contouring to get it to look somewhat acceptable.  It's long, lean, narrow, my jaw is gone (!), my chin's still long, my face shape has been entirely changed which has caused me to panic because its a face that i do not recognize as my own....  its supposed to get better, you're supposed to see more of your old self come back, and James couldn't come back fast enough....

I already mourn the loss of a brother.  I loved him and I loved his face.  He was beautiful.  Why oh God did I have to do this to him?  Yeah he wasnt perfect, and he had some very masculine features... but most people didnt think so, people said he was a man with beautiful feminine features- they said he was pretty, i got so many compliments.... why did I have to obsess like this and want to change everything?  Why couldn't I have understood that I was so blessed?

Why is it now that after all this has happened, that now I finally realize what i had?  You never know how much you love someone until they're gone.

This is a lesson to all of us.... Our male faces are beautiful.... we don't have to lose ourselves to become women....  Many transgender women never get FFS and are very happy.....  FFS is not a requirement, its not something you should ever feel forced into or that you have to do in order to pass... there are alternatives....

and for gods sakes when you love your face, for the most part, when you look at yourself in the mirror and like it, DON'T CHANGE IT.... so what?  We all have some feature we hate, Transgender women are often misled into thinking just because they have a masculine feature or two that means they can never pass... its simply not true....   We don't have to change EVERYTHING about our faces to be happy.


I was someone that weeks ago hated everything about myself - i hated my nose, for example.  Today I am desperate to see my old nose, im panicking because my old nose is gone... I feel as if i've lost myself, my identity, my ethnicity... I said i wanted it to happen, i wished it would happen, i actually said that i hated my italian nose.... but oh GOD how much i miss it....

This operation is supposed to give someone confidence to move forward and step outside and be who they are, but for me its a death sentence... TOO MUCH was changed, my old face, even with its semi-masculine features, was a million times better than this new one....

because I am not ready to transition, not reayd to go outside as a woman, and i had this FFS done, now im in a terrible place - i go outside and God knows what people see now.  I've lost all control of my identity .... all I wanted was for James to look a little more feminine (and i thought he looked feminine already), all i wanted was to have better balance, a wider face - and what did i got?  an unbalanced, lean, unhealthy, narrow, face.... I allowed them to take away my jaw which I loved, and to give me something thats not even right for my body....  ad

so i guess ill wait and then post again.  This will be a series of posts about FFS and the consequences of doing it when its not planned right or when you're not ready for it... . I was so self-conscious and so insecure about myself, and I went to surgery to try and change that... and i wasn't even thinking it through, i wasn't clear-minded when i did this.... it was all a terrible mistake.  i Have NO IDEA what im going to do now.

Damn... not to bitch at you but i can't even sympathize. I'm 26 and have been transitioned for 8 years and can only DREAM and OBSESS about FFS. I try to save my money for it anyway, but it seems like at the rate I'm going I may not have FFS until i'm like in my forties... which would be completely useless by then. So it pisses me off the someone like you just had several thousands of dollars lying around and you just jumped up and got FFS on a whim and now you lourn the loss of a male face!? You miss being able to pass as male(?!), suggesting maybe you were not ready?!... But you just had the $$$$ to do it. I don't know.

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on October 17, 2012, 01:48:30 PM
You created an account ONLY to say that?

Well if you did  ... chances are since you probably had bone shaved from your face, my guess is that it's going to be irreversible. Sorry, you're stuck with a girls face forever! Sucks to be you! ....

I too am recovering from FFS right now. I am day 6 post op. I can totally relate to the fears. It does not matter how much preparation you do or how many consultations you have with the surgeon, nothing truly prepares you for the first few post operative weeks. You don't look in the mirror and think " great I've got a girls face now!" What you see is a swollen, bruised and mutilated version of yourself.  This combined with pain meds, lack of sleep, discomfort and difficulty speaking and eating can make for a quite a depressive cocktail indeed.

I posted another thread on this yesterday as I too felt that maybe I had too much done. Only time will tell. I don't regret it.

It's also worth pointing out that any operation, particularly a long one under a full anaesthetic can cause feelings of post-operative depression. Given the initially pretty shocking effects of FFS on anyone's face, no matter how successful the operation eventually proves to be, depressive symptoms are entirely natural ... so they, like the bruises and scars, may well disappear in time.

Face masculinisation is possible, with implants, etc. But it won't ever be as natural as your old face, that's for sure. It's a surgery, after all.

But really, if you're extreme enough to get FFS in a state where you could regret it afterwards, it's your mental health that needs to be dealt with ASAP. I'm not trying to insult you. It's just that if I'm right, you might make more regrettable mistakes like that without really having much control over it in the future. That is, if I'm right and you do have such an issue.

And you should really consider at least looking into it once with a professional, even if you don't want to. Because from what the absolutely-not-an-expert me has seen, disorders that cause impulsivity, such as bipolar disorder, also make many people less able to see the issue in themselves.

Quote from: Carlita on October 18, 2012, 04:26:46 AM
It's also worth pointing out that any operation, particularly a long one under a full anaesthetic can cause feelings of post-operative depression. Given the initially pretty shocking effects of FFS on anyone's face, no matter how successful the operation eventually proves to be, depressive symptoms are entirely natural ... so they, like the bruises and scars, may well disappear in time.

One woman in my group went for FFS, perhaps 7-8 years ago by now. One day she shared some right after surgery pics. All I can say a good reference for the next remake of Frankenstien! Seeing that, plus the effects anethesia can have (sometimes lasting weeks to months) should certainly be factored in when evaluating your state of mind.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 17, 2012, 03:23:06 PM
Jordaan247 has been a member since April, suggesting the account was created for this reply is.....wrong. Devlyn

to play devil's advocate and in defense of Alaina, I can see how and why Alaina would say that.