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escapism, the main addiction for trans people

Started by Madison (kiara jamie), March 15, 2011, 02:29:58 AM

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TheDragonsHeart

My escapism depending on how one looks at it is quite severe. I've used video games a fun when i was 6 but when times got hard i used it to zone out in, or I'd write poetry or I'd draw, or I'd hum, or I'd sing songs on the fly about how bored I am or sad etc. Then turned to maladaptive daydreaming (which can be fun sometimes) Then high school I turned more to drawing, listening to music along with everything else. I started self harming for a short while, then after high school I tried to learn learn learn on top of everything else. Then discovered second life. etc.

Each of these things I was male in (games, stories, etc) because at the time I wasn't sure I'd ever be the person I was inside. I didn't do much drugs though. Smoking was mostly a blue moon pleasure and drinking just isn't for me. I've worked hard though to cut down on my gaming (most money reasons) but I still enjoy them all the same if I pick it up. Music won't change it's flowing through my veins in every form. Learning I find is a strength when I find something I actually enjoy like a language. I stick to it like glue and the concepts come easy. The maladaptive daydreaming I still do because it's fun to pretend I'm an actor. I probably won't pursue that any further though. I'm still escaping yes, but I'm doing what I can to make certain habits into better ones while gaining confidence to take that step that i plan to go forth with when the window opens.
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CindyLouCovington

My escape was constant daydreaming,which when overdone is as much of an addiction as anything.Caused me problems in school,and later.Wish that I could have been diagnosed and treated like trans kids are today, but that was back in the 1950's.
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Lesley_Roberta

Old thread but I don't see a need to start this over.

Escape? Yes I sure do.

40 sum years of my nose in a wealth of human past and all of it negative. All of it real world history and none of it pleasant.

I have realized long before my coming to awareness of who I am, that I didn't wish to be whatever I am in the real world much.

I have ditched my age more or less, as I have very little love for my demographic all too often responsible for the ugliness of the world (it sure isn't the fault of our supposedly spoiled entitlement generation as we like to slag them off as being).

The most depressing film I have ever watched is Trinity and Beyond. To actually come to grips with just how many nuclear weapons we have already detonated. Most people think Hiroshima and Nagasaki and then draw a blank. Nope, there was the first ever test before of course, but then there was several nations detonating them by the score. You don't want to wander the south Pacific, nor the lands too close to Vegas, nor a lot of places in remote Russia or the Chinese outback.

All the wars I have studied that likely are forgotten by most.

Oh I don't need to be a female in a male form to wishing I could just escape to another realm, I found it hard to want to leave my apartment a long time ago.

I spend most of my time hiding in a book in another world, or in an anime where I can laugh and simply not need to be in MY reality for very solid reasons.
I spent regrettably far too many years this last decade giving men my age far too much credit far too often for being mature and civil and intelligent, when in truth, they are mostly what is wrong with the world. To nasty, to angry, too hostile, too just plain mean. I am sure the ones that are single today, will die that way too. But some seem to be married, and I wonder, what would their wives say if they saw how they behave among themselves?

My accepting being TG would have just been the equal of spreading fuel on an already large fire, if I had done it among my old crowd of netizens. Before I found Susan's, I had already mastered the art of discarding the undesirable from my life. It's now a skill I have honed to great degree. It does serve me in that regard. Can't handle my being a she, too bad get lost, I don't need you. I have had zero difficulty discarding people that will not let me be me in peace.

The real world of today, the real one, not necessarily the one in the news or the magazines, or popular media, not the one most declare is the real one, is not a nice place, and it is in dire need of a serious wake up, and likely will not happen until either our race does something horribly stupid or mother nature assists us in her own fashion (which is often more brutal and unyielding and politically neutral).

I wonder, not can I afford to transition in the real world, but, will the real world still be here for me in 10 years time.
If the world suffered a catastrophic melt down, the likes of which might be coming, because the house of cards we are building is getting terribly close to the conditions preceding WW1 and all of it's convoluted treaties, would I be able to maintain a life dependent on a variety of fairly involved fairly complicated medical technologies? I live today on a disability pension. It's a thin strand indeed. If tomorrow my country fell off the deep end of a sharp drop in economic fortune, and my ability to live on a pension just faded away, my being male or female would suddenly be replaced with being dead or alive.

All just doom and gloom you say? No I am not talking biblical nonsense here, nor am I referring to kooky notions from ancient cultures.
I am talking about a range of very possible very horrible situations we could easily find ourselves in. It doesn't need to have an associated Hollywood film to be damaging. China and India are running rapidly towards of show down over a need for water. Read about that much? China has several hundred millions of males the don't even need, and wouldn't miss. I am not sure about India, but I remember 1948. They are quite good at killing by the millions if you give them a reason. They both have world class armies and they have nukes. They don't need to even ask the US into the squabble.
But, can you picture a nuclear exchange between those two? Even if there is no one else involved?

Have you noticed how everything we use is made in China? How they seem to buy all of our resources. Picture all of that suddenly stopping. Heck we don't even need to experience nuclear fallout to suddenly be in serious chaos.

I didn't learn any of this on Google, I ain't got a wiki for you. There is no copy paste coming from a quote.
This is me telling you all of this first hand. I'm no stranger to this topic matter.

And now you know why I can often be found hiding in another world.

If I were to win millions, I'd be headed further north, the real Northern Ontario. A long drive from much of anything. Likely out of cell range. Probably supplied by a small local town store. On some mostly self sufficient land, with some local grown food, home made power. I'd be even more disappeared than I already am. I suppose walking around in women's clothing would be no big deal. I'd be wearing fashions meant to be outdoors in though. I wouldn't need high heels and an evening dress. I'd have lasered the hair before I left society of course. I might even get rid of the conflicting organ. I am unsure I'd need much of anything else. I'd have no one to impress during the day.

I dislike the real world a lot more than I dislike my male form.
Well being TG is no treat, but becoming separated has sure caused me more trouble that being TG ever will be. So if I post, consider it me trying to distract myself from being lonely, not my needing to discuss being TG. I don't want to be separated a lot more than not wanting to be male looking.
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Blaine

I remember some of these people from my long, lurking phase. I read so many old threads on here...

I'm trying to cut down on the escapism because it isn't doing me any favors. It's better to sit down and work through my problems than to try to find some chore to do or some game to play to block it all out. The only way I'm ever going to find out who I am and what I need to do to make everything right is to stop running away from myself. The Sims isn't going to show me the answer, and playing spider stomp out in the corner of the garage won't help, either.

I see escapism as the problem (in my case) and as a cure I've built at least 20 minutes a day into my schedule to just sit down in my room when everyone else is asleep so I can think about my past, present, and future self without any interruptions. As a result, my therapist doesn't really know what to do with me. I spent more time talking to her about school than I did about my transition or my dysphoria. I have answers now that I never did before. And I have money since I don't need to buy a new video game every two weeks.
I did my waiting! Twelve years of it! In [my head!] Azkaban!
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Carrie Liz

See, I have the opposite problem... I don't spend enough time escaping. I spend too damn much time sitting around and just thinking, obsessing over my progress (or lack thereof) and it has been driving me absolutely bonkers recently because it feels like everything is going so damned slow. I need more escapism. I need to get away from my problems, because I'm at the point where obsessing over them is completely pointless, won't make the changes (which are coming, and I greatly look forward to) come faster, and just makes me feel depressed all the time.

So I don't know. Maybe I need to get back to the time where I played The Sims all day or watched anime all day instead of sitting in my room looking at TG stuff all day.
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Blaine

Quote from: Carrie Liz on March 30, 2013, 12:07:32 AM
See, I have the opposite problem... I don't spend enough time escaping. I spend too damn much time sitting around and just thinking, obsessing over my progress (or lack thereof) and it has been driving me absolutely bonkers recently because it feels like everything is going so damned slow. I need more escapism. I need to get away from my problems, because I'm at the point where obsessing over them is completely pointless, won't make the changes (which are coming, and I greatly look forward to) come faster, and just makes me feel depressed all the time.

So I don't know. Maybe I need to get back to the time where I played The Sims all day or watched anime all day instead of sitting in my room looking at TG stuff all day.

You should look up the rules for the Sims 3 asylum challenge. You won't sleep for a week.
I did my waiting! Twelve years of it! In [my head!] Azkaban!
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peky

I think that "mindful" meditation is the worst kind of escapism
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Darkflame

Mindfulness isn't necessarily escapism, at least not how I was taught to use it. I tend to think escapism is focusing heavily on one thing in excess to avoid ruminating on something else in excess, a trade off. I know I used to throw myself into anything to distract myself momentarily, because when I didn't I would ruminate about everything I didn't want to think about. But meditation is clearing your mind of all thoughts, giving yourself peace from anxiety and allowing yourself to calm down and de-stress, then when you are done returning to your life and your problems more able to handle them. I guess there could be people who use the technique in excess to keep unsettling thoughts and emotions at bay, but honestly if I tried to be mindful more than 20-30 minutes I'd either fall asleep or get to restless to do it anymore.
If I let where I'm from burn I can never return

"May those who accept their fate find happiness, those who defy it, glory"
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Anatta

Kia Ora

Just a slight detour [My apologies to the OP]

What is "Mindfulness"  ?

It's all about being 'aware'... that is, being it touch with reality and not trying to escape from it...

For the most part we are living an illusion, where ones thoughts tend to drag the mind to either the past or the possible futures, very rarely do we experience the 'NOW'... Being mindful just means being in the 'present moment'...Seeing what 'is' as 'is' when 'is'...

When being "Mindful",  the only thing one will escape is the self inflicted illusion that one mistakenly calls reality...

There's more to the term "Get Real!" than meets the eye....

Metta Zenda :)
"The most essential method which includes all other methods is beholding the mind. The mind is the root from which all things grow. If you can understand the mind, everything else is included !"   :icon_yes:
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Simon

My escapism consists of films. I watch A LOT of movies. I'm one of those people you can watch a film with, see an obscure actor/actress with a small role, point them out, and most of the time I can tell you what else they've been in.

My favorite genres are action, horror, medieval/fantasy, and a bit of sci fi.  :)
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Kaelin

One person's "putting off something important" is another person's "coping with reality until I learn enough about what I need to go forward."  I mean, you may "know" something about yourself when you're 4, 7, 11, 16, 22, or 30, but if you don't know what you should do to handle it yet, you need to be able to put your attention elsewhere part of the time.  There needs to be a balance of thinking/agonizing over things and still finding things to enjoy in the present (with the particulars varying from person to person and circumstance to circumstance).  It also helps people become more well-rounded, so you're not just a TG or just a WoW player or what have you.
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Carrie Liz

Honestly, escapism isn't seeming like such a bad idea anymore.

I'm getting really tired of constantly obsessing over my HRT progress. I'd much rather get wrapped up in a video game for the next few months, forget about transitioning, and then look in the mirror one morning and be amazed at how much progress I've made since I last looked.

Much better than staring in the mirror every single day and being like "Nope, no progress... no progress again... still don't look like a girl... nope... nope... okay, I guess I look a little better than this picture I took a few weeks ago... nope... nope... nope... nope... OMG, I LOOK WORSE!!! OMG WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!!??... nope, OMG MY LIFE SUCKS!... nope... nope... nope... oh hey, I'm getting the tiniest little breast buds, I guess that's some progress at least... nope... DAMN IT, GO FASTER!!!" (Which is pretty much what my last month or so has been like.)
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Keaira

my escapism was Star Trek. When I saw the filming model from the original TV series I silently thanked it for keeping me alive. lol
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zombieinc

I'm not ashamed to say that I am quite the escapist and always have been. I think that my faith was my escapist refuge for a long time. I was not one of those hardcore Jesus freaks, but I did spend a lot of time studying the Bible, went to church a lot, only listened to goody-two-shoes Christian music, etc. I wanted to fit in so bad that I denied my true self for a long time. Ugh.

Music has always been one of top escapes as well. Mostly heavy metal and weird instrumental stuff. And industrial music. And dark gothy stuff. And southern rock. And The Smiths! And did I mention metal? I love it all. I listen to a lot of music, but don't play any instruments...although I am considering rewarding myself with some drums once I transition fully. I've always wanted to play, but have never lived anywhere where I had space to do so.

In the past, I fostered two of my very young cousins. That 1+ year was totally devoted to escapism. I was part time "mommy" and determined to prove my femininity by being the best caregiver ever.  :icon_no:

I've never been keen on video games, at least not as an adult. As a kid I played "Dark Ages: Vampire", "Changeling", "Hunter", "Ultima", "Doom", and an assortment of other games. My fave was Diablo and then Diablo 2. I played those well in college. I have considered playing the new Diablo, but always find myself saying no...because I won't do other things if I play Diablo, lol.
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zombieinc

QuoteWhat sort of metal and weird intrumental stuff?

I really love Viking/Folk metal. Vintersorg, Finntroll and Amon Amarth are probably my favorites in that category. Borknagar isn't bad, Ensiferum is ok too.

I'm also partial to what I call "storytelling" metal. Stuff like Iced Earth, Nightwish (only the older stuff with the original lead singer) and Iron Maiden.

I listen to a lot of other metal and rock too though. Arch Enemy, In Flames, Children of Bodom, Testament, Megadeth, Death, CoC, Acid Bath, Cryptopsy, Dragonforce, Lordi, Queens of the Stone Age...

Weird instrumental stuff that I like includes: Sigur Ros, Boards of Canada, Bonobo, DJ Shadows, and a lot mellow techno stuff.

I just recently started listening to secular music again after a 2-3 year hiatus so I'm kind of out of date when it comes to newer stuff.
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Adam (birkin)

Quote from: zombieinc on July 02, 2013, 01:29:05 PM
I really love Viking/Folk metal. Vintersorg, Finntroll and Amon Amarth are probably my favorites in that category. Borknagar isn't bad, Ensiferum is ok too.

I'm also partial to what I call "storytelling" metal. Stuff like Iced Earth, Nightwish (only the older stuff with the original lead singer) and Iron Maiden.

I listen to a lot of other metal and rock too though. Arch Enemy, In Flames, Children of Bodom, Testament, Megadeth, Death, CoC, Acid Bath, Cryptopsy, Dragonforce, Lordi, Queens of the Stone Age...

Yes! I found that a lot of the bands you mentioned really helped me to get through high school, particularly the Viking and Folk metal.
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zombieinc

Viking metal and Folk Metal...I'll always have a place in my heart for Finntroll. And Gogol Bordello, even though they are not metal, I love their music as well. I also recently (as in, a few days ago) came across a band called Almora that I'm really liking.

I liked this kind of music when I was younger too. I listened to Amon Amarth and Vintersorg a lot back in high school because they were the only metal cds I owned that didn't have parental advisory stickers on them. My high school didn't allow us to have cds with adult content back then. (Obviously, this was pre-iPods, iPhones, etc.

Now I feel old.  :(
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zombieinc

I always those stickers were just for show, really. So what if we couldn't bring them to school? We were still listening to them at home. I used to buy most of my cds back in the day at used cd shops. Those places didn't care one way or the other about how old we were or anything. Just as long as you had the cash. Realistically, those sorts of places were the only ones where I could buy metal, industrial or anything I really liked anyway. It's not like Wal-mart ever carried anything most of us metal/industrial/alternative fans wanted anyway. Unless you in the market for an overly edited Eminem cd or Winona Judd Sings About Jay-Sus or some crap like that.

QuoteThat whole thing with the "Washington Wives/PMRC" was so friggin' absurd, anyway. Just a way for their husbands to get votes and just to make trouble for other people.

Politicians (and their associates) are pretty good at that.

But it was to protect TEH CHILDREN! Don't you care about their INN-O-SENSE!!!!?!?!? << similar to arguments against homosexual marriage nowadays. Can't have their minds corrupted by violent, vulgar music and the sight of two men getting married. OMFG! Their minds will be forever warped.  8)
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Tristan

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Tristan

Quote from: Miss Bungle on July 04, 2013, 08:52:12 PM
Because about 40 to 50% of the human population are friggin insane. The news is just there to frighten and demoralize the populace (at least it is in the United States). It's always negativity unless it's a dumb fluff piece delivered with the most fake of emotions.

Bill Hicks said at one point: "There is one thing you will never see on American television and that is honest emotion." He is still right about that one.
Sounds like someone needs a hug... :(
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