The whole process, so much to do and so visible with friends, family, coworkers. Once I begin I think I'll spend my days shaking like a yappy dog on cocaine.

HRT
Electrolysis
Voice
Therapists
Assorted legal stuff
Name change
DL change
New clothing
FFS
BA
GRS

Add to that the fact that I'm having bariatric surgery in a few months which will be a major life change and necessitate a whole new wardrobe (well, several as I lose more and more) of male clothes prior to transition. I'm thinking about all of it and trying to decide between trying to figure out where to begin or ripping my hair out.

How did you (the collective here that has gone where I'm going to boldly [hopefully] go) handle all of it?

I know the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time but it's sooo much.

HRT
Electrolysis working
Voice
Therapists
Assorted legal stuff
Name change
DL change
New clothing working
FFS maybe a faclift
BA future
GRS future


One step at a time is the best way

Well.. you don't have to eat the whole elephant in 1 day do you?

It's a whole lot... but I have:

HRT - 14 months ago
Laser (Not complete but decent) - 6 treatments
Voice - For me this was a pass without even practicing
Therapist
Assorted Legal Stuff - Name change done!
New Clothes - I have a workable wardrobe with about a dozen shirts, quite a few sweaters, 6 pairs of jeans, underwear (bras that I've grown out of...) and about 5 or 6 pairs of shoes. I bought most of this but a couple cis friends helped me out by giving me a shirt or some shoes here and there.
FFS - I didn't need it but I wouldn't pass it up if I got the chance...
BA - See FFS
GRS - Maybe when I pay my car off in 2014 I'll be able to afford it

I transitioned 8 months into HRT.. basically when ppl started gendering me more as female than as male when I was in boy mode. Just get the voice and laser done with and buy clothes whenever you can... a shirt here, a pair of shoes there.. etc. You'll be set before you know it

Hi Wynternight,

I totally know how you feel: you're so ready to get everything out of the way but the work and time ahead is just plain domineering. I'm not through my bucket list yet either, my main obstacle is finances, but I can share with you what I have so far and how I got there or what I plan to do. In order:

Therapists - I didn't really feel like I needed one to sort out my gender feelings. I went to one for anxiety/depression, and she was all too happy to help me with a recommendation. She really believed in me and my confidence about my feelings.

HRT - I started 17 months ago, it was very low cost for me on health insurance. It only took about 2 months for me to get a recommendation from my therapist. I was her first trans patient/client (most accurately friend, but that is another story).

Voice - I used Skype to chat with my friends while playing video games. My friends are very awesome to me and were patient and willing to give me feedback. It took me about two months to get to the point where I could talk and laugh very passably on the phone, though it is taking much longer to build up consistency (I have to spend 10 minutes warming up my voice to where I like it each day, even though it passes right away). I spent several hours on it more than half the days of each week. With that time figure in mind, I think it's worth noting that I had always spoken in a somewhat feminine pitch and that playing with voices and resonance has been a lifetime habit of mine.

New clothing - My best friend is a seamstress by hobby and also measures people at her work all day. She was all too happy to help me pick out stuff and I saved tons of money by doing it through thrift shops; the hardest part is being size 11 women's shoes.

Electrolysis - I haven't done this yet since I have no money to speak of. I intend to get laser instead, though; porcelain skin and pitch black hair (extremely dark brown) and all that jazz. I'm hoping to find a technician who has a lot of experience with trans people and is willing to offer some kind of loyalty discount.

FFS - I need to save up for this, but it's on my list right after LHR. The problem is my anxiety keeps me from getting a job! Once I do get one, I'm thinking FFS will happen somewhere between 1.5-2 years from then.

Name change - I'm doing this right alongside FFS, though anyone I care about already goes by my preferred name (and pronouns). One of my friends just kind of sprung it on me because he knew that was what I wanted, and it caught on with everyone else we knew.

DL change - Same as name change.

BA - Don't need it! They came in and are continuing to come in just fine.

GRS - Very next step after FFS. Really just a process of saving money to me. I'm almost certain it will happen 1 year after FFS.

Assorted legal stuff - This seems like a really easy step to me, almost even something I'm excited to get to do. After I recover from GRS I intend to spend a few days making phone calls and trips to the next town over. No biggie there.

If you have to get a new male wardrobe and are kind of worried about the cost and how you can't use it in girl mode, maybe you could get something kinda gender neutral or even effeminate (v-necks, skinny jeans/girl jeans, neutral sneakers like Converse). They would make for great casual wear when you're fulltime.

Really the toughest thing for me I think is money. I suppose it always kind of is, huh? The one thing I do appreciate about the financial obstacle is that it really helped me set my priorities and organize the above hurdles into a very obvious order for myself. Whatever obstacles it is that you have in front of your list, I hope they go really easily for you and that your process isn't terribly scary. I wish you the best of luck!

Edit: I meant to say size 11 women's shoes.

Keep it simple and start with the stuff that takes the longest

- Electrolysis / Laser
- Hair
- Voice

Two of those cost nothing and one of them requires no effort at all.

Quote from: girl you look fierce on October 23, 2012, 10:25:58 AM
Hair costs nothing???

*Goes and buys that $100 gigantic bottle of pureology off Amazon*

Oh I need a new flatiron too. Lol 

It costs nothing to GROW.

What you spend on it later is another matter. Mine is down to my armpits but I just keep it in a ponytail for now.

I am not in the closet and have not been for quite a while ...

Quote from: girl you look fierce on October 23, 2012, 10:31:17 AM
Oh yeah I figured most people do that even in the closet anyway 

I did... grew it for about 20 months before coming out.

I've got the hair down, that's mine in the pic. It's down to my waist.

Quote from: Wynternight on October 23, 2012, 12:14:38 PM
I've got the hair down, that's mine in the pic. It's down to my waist.

You see how easy this is? You have already made a great start....

Quote from: bev2 on October 23, 2012, 12:15:43 PM
You see how easy this is? You have already made a great start....

That was the easy part! That and the earrings, both ears are pierced.

Quote from: Wynternight on October 23, 2012, 12:18:19 PM


That was the easy part! That and the earrings, both ears are pierced.

Whoa girl! Slow down! You are not supposed to be able to transition in less than a day!



Are you painting your nails yet?

Quote from: bev2 on October 23, 2012, 12:58:03 PM
Whoa girl! Slow down! You are not supposed to be able to transition in less than a day!



Are you painting your nails yet?

Hehe. I have. One of the benefits to being into punk/metal/goth is being able to do certain things like grow the hair out, pierce the ears and paint the nails and pass it off as being part of the musical lifestyle. Little do they know....

Quote from: Wynternight on October 23, 2012, 02:22:51 PM
Hehe. I have. One of the benefits to being into punk/metal/goth is being able to do certain things like grow the hair out, pierce the ears and paint the nails and pass it off as being part of the musical lifestyle. Little do they know....

Hmmmmmm.....

Eyebrows - I will bet you do not have nice, feminine eyebrows!

It may seem overwhelming but it doesn't have to be. First off, most of what you listed may not have to be done in order to feel tons better about yourself and happy living life as you. From what you say it sounds like any transition to full time is off into the future. Meanwhile you get to work on the two biggest biggest items, saving every penny possible and your voice. IMHO voice is about the only "Have to" required in order to pass and function as a woman. Even my deep voiced sports anouncer self somehow manages

Electrolysis - expensive, option is shaving every day, followed by LASER

Therapy - A good (or ANY) gender therapist is difficult to find depending on where you live. Best option is finding a TG group to get leads. For me therapy was more for other life problems. The infamous "Letter" for HRT is usually gotten w/o much difficulty. Again, this is where leads from local TG's helps. I credit my group for changing my life around, not the therapist. But he did help.

HRT - Relatively inexpensive. Finding an endo..... see above

Clothing - Thrift and consignment stores are a girls best friend  No worries about $$$$ as the pounds come off and you start dropping in size.

Hair - As an almost lifelong baldy I love long hair. You do need to consider another style to better match your head shape. Which may be a bit difficult in the near term while still doing guy mode.

FFS & BA - Give hormones about 2 years first. Also therapy, also living either full or part-time before forging ahead. Low self-esteem and lack of self confidence can easily color your opinion of what is really needed. As you go out and about in the real world as the real you, gaining tons of self confidence and major boosts to your self esteem those things may not seem as important.

To summarize, save every dime possible, work on your voice, find a local TG group  & therapist so you can start HRT. All easily doable while in guy mode waiting for the pounds to come off.

I'm so regretting having cut my hair to a boy-style last year... used to be halfway down my back 

It's a bit like a quote I read once on building a boat, "1000 small things each done properly, one at a time."  It sounds like you are well on the way.

Finding good friends in the local GLBTIQ community costs nothing, and pays dividends when you are feeling down. Also, being able to support others in turn leaves you feeling better too.

Depending on what your facial hair is like laser can clear large areas fast, unlike electrolysis, and the redness fades by the next day.  Thrift shops as you call them are a girl's best friend and many of the cis-women I know love them too. Also eBay is worth a look for bargains.  If you are into Moth, black makes it easy.

Main thing, go easy on yourself, you will get there.

Karen.

HRT - been on T blockers for a few months , starting E in november

Electrolysis - done 2 sessions of lazer so far , still have 5 oclock shadow around mouth area

Voice- needs work to "blend in" , i'v spoken online as a girl for ages ,  sometime's id get clock but i'd just refer voice to being unique , and people got over it pretty fast and use right pronouns etc.

Therapists- being talken to a good specialist for 5 + months

Assorted legal stuff /Name change- Was told by pyschologist they would give me the letter everything legally to be changed when I go in for my E , $150 name change I think,  got an appointment after the HRT date to see school and try to get all my degrees /year 12 cert in new name.

New clothing - I have always worn not so masculine clothes , but I honestly don't really have any fashion sense at all , my entire wardrobe is basically brown , white and black plain old shirts. I have recently being wearing woman's jeans and a t shirt and I feel comfortable wearing a nice sky blue or white jumper , it for me hides my bigger bone structure easier. So it works better then say woman's clothing's for now anyways, and I don't even see it as being any less feminine as my sister , brothers girlfriends all wear same thing. 

FFS - will try 1+ year on HRT and see if I need it, I like my face , I do realize I look androgynous more towards male because of my chin, I am defiantly going to be getting trachea shave , I really don't want to go overboard, I am conflicted by wanting to blend in with already liking the face that stares back at me but at same time . Sorta worried that they will change my front face , when all I want is side on.

GRS- getting it asap , I have always hated my genitalia. I learnt from teenage years , just to never look at it ever I always look away , and hate shower mirrors because of this.

Hair- I grew my hair out since February and it is longer then my 2 sisters ( I have minor balding at front, but no one can see it with how long hair is , and I part it over ears , so it really doesn't bother me and hoping effects of hrt might help

Eye brows - I have always had amazing shaped eye brows , the girls on family have always said how they wanted them. They are bushy and I think it would help me alot to get them done with feeling more womanly but I had a very terrible experience with someone , who asked me "ohh plenty of men come in here and get them done, i'll try to make them not feminine , and I told her how I wanted them feminine and she was in utter disgust shock and "accidently" cut alot of my fringe off in process.

Coming out to loved ones (important for my transition) - Was actually a lot easier then I thought, I learnt about transgender and how it was the feeling I have felt my entire life , I was literally on the edge of suicide throughout my entire life, and doctors blamed it on social anxiety. I came out telling them the medical aspects of it and then my own life experience version and I had rough days but it was accepted pretty easy.

This has been a overwhelming experience but my life was 2 overwhelming before hand, I literally could not act like a guy and yet people didn't understand me because I was not flamboyant or anything like other guys. This for me was life or hide in my house all day long and never socialize and think negative of world grow old and lonely and depressed with the body I have .. um yeah no.  Good luck with your bariatric surgery hope things go well =).

Thank you all, I really do appreciate the advice. One step at a time. I really can't do anything at the moment given where I am but when I move from the Alaskan bush to Anchorage I'll be able to do more. I'd love to start HRT but there's no way to monitor my blood levels here without regular trips to Anchorage and that gets really expensive. Between air fare, hotels, car rentals, food, etc. a three day trip is easily $1300. There's no counseling service here, no endos, no community support; as far as I know I AM the LGBT community. I'm sure there are a few others but this is a very small town with native prejudices so any other TS people would be so far in the closet you might as well hang clothes on them and leave them there. With my long hair, earrings, and long nails I'm probably the most "out" in my presentation.

There were quite a few TS, gay, and lesbian folks on the Navajo Nation but there aren't so many that I know of amongst the Inupiat. I don't think there's a Two-Spirit tradition here as there is amongst the lower 48 natives.

So for right now all I can do is keep living day to day, saving my money and looking forward to eventually moving to the big city where I can actually start with the transition.