My husband's sex change

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2012/nov/02/my-husbands-sex-change
11/2/12
Christine Benvenuto

Tom and I met and fell in love at college. After graduation we had various jobs. I wrote, we travelled. We got married, had a child, then a second and a third. The Tom I knew was sharp, funny and irreverent. He didn't come across as feminine. His signals were heterosexual and male. He initiated our intimate relationship and responded to me in the ways I expected. I can still see his look of stark sexual appreciation when he spotted me walking towards him on a date. When he told me once, early on in our relationship, that he hated himself and had sometimes wished he was a girl, I assumed it was psychological – a rejection of self. Tom had a difficult upbringing, so for me it was a given that what he meant was that at his lowest moments he had wished to be something he knew he was not.

Don't read this if you are looking for a feelgood story about a supportive wife.  This story taps all my doubts and fears of how a wife (or society) really thinks and feels. I suspect my wife feels the same but she hasn't said so.

It's not my place to comment on other's relationships, but I suspect that she refused to deal with the situation as a partner and now feels guilty over her own failings.

Hopefully, for her, she will eventually grow up, accepting the consequences of her own failings.

Two people who got married but shouldn't have.  Neither able to see the other.  She was more attatched to the idea of marriage rather than the notion of being lifelong partners who grow and learn about one another.  That's probably true on the other side as well.

Her account is also largely transphobic.  Seems she still hasn't tried to understand what happened to her life.  Until she does she'll remain bitter.

I could really care less though.  Shes not going to get murdered or fired from her job for being who she is. Must be nice to have that privilige of not being the one society views as the monster.

I hope in my lifetime these type of stories become the exception.

Quote from: opheliaxen on November 03, 2012, 10:20:21 AM
Two people who got married but shouldn't have.

The HUSBAND shouldn't have married her, having such ID problems AND imposing them on HER AND their children.

QuoteNeither able to see the other.  She was more attatched to the idea of marriage rather than the notion of being lifelong partners who grow and learn about one another.

The HUSBAND would 'grow' at his wife's cost, she'll 'shrink' to an empty shell.
A relationship/marriage WILL revolve ONLY around the TS husband, the WIFE will 'see' the husband/TS emerge, the husband WILL turn so totally egoist that he won't be able to see the wife's needs and feelings, her sexual identity.

QuoteHer account is also largely transphobic.  Seems she still hasn't tried to understand what happened to her life.

She fully understood what happened to her life AND marriage; it turned into a living nightmare. No need to call her 'transphobic'.
She makes it VERY clear she's NOT into women/cd's/tv's/ts's. That's her good right and most certainly when her very own, formerly very masculine, straight husband is involved.
Calling her 'transphobic' is a dirty shame.

QuoteI hope in my lifetime these type of stories become the exception.

So do I. But there always will be totally passable straight men who KNOWINGLY deceive unsuspecting women   up until the late stages of a marriage, when they turn out to be women AND biological fathers to several children.

And god forbids, when such a woman doesn't agree...she'll be called 'transphobic', 'immature' etc by some MTF(!!)

What you're actually saying is that a woman/spouse is not allowed to have her own opinion, personality, sexual preference etc when her husband turns out to be a TS.

Very, very egoistical!

I see a LOT of my own situation in this story...from her anger and refusal to accept, to her husband's growing burden to be who she needs to be. 

Being unable to transition while young is cruel to not only the transgendered, but to those they start lives with as well.  More often than not, everyone loses.  Intentions of "living with it" become too much for those with high intensity feelings and it's just a time bomb.

I feel for both of them.

That's life. She will live and her "husband" will too. The world keeps on turning. I agree with what peky said.

Quote from: Dahlia on November 03, 2012, 12:22:08 PM
The HUSBAND shouldn't have married her, having such ID problems AND imposing them on HER AND their children.

Nope.  Takes two to tangle.  What they had was fake.  On both sides.  The husband for seeing her more as a way to hide from himself.  The wife for being more interested in being married with kids than really who she married.  Real love is regardless.  Neither sure knew the other or cared to.

Quote
The HUSBAND would 'grow' at his wife's cost, she'll 'shrink' to an empty shell.
A relationship/marriage WILL revolve ONLY around the TS husband, the WIFE will 'see' the husband/TS emerge, the husband WILL turn so totally egoist that he won't be able to see the wife's needs and feelings, her sexual identity.

Yeah with these people.  Not everyone.  But I mean most people who get married are not really in a healthy relationship.  See the divorce rates.

Quote
She fully understood what happened to her life AND marriage; it turned into a living nightmare. No need to call her 'transphobic'.
She makes it VERY clear she's NOT into women/cd's/tv's/ts's. That's her good right and most certainly when her very own, formerly very masculine, straight husband is involved.
Calling her 'transphobic' is a dirty shame.

Except that she is.  She makes negative judgements about all trans people just because of her one experience.  She is a bigot.

Quote
So do I. But there always will be totally passable straight men who KNOWINGLY deceive unsuspecting women   up until the late stages of a marriage, when they turn out to be women AND biological fathers to several children.

Forgive me not considering that a serious issue when we are being disproportionately murdered.  Or if we survive that suicide.  At least that woman still gets a normal life.  Her lack of compassion for the absolute hell it is out there for trans people is so selfish.

Quote

What you're actually saying is that a woman/spouse is not allowed to have her own opinion, personality, sexual preference etc when her husband turns out to be a TS.

Very, very egoistical!

What I'm saying is she was in a bad relationship.  Boo hoo.  It happens to everyone.  Only reason anyone cares is because they view trans people as freaks.

Quote from: Dahlia on November 03, 2012, 12:22:08 PM
The HUSBAND shouldn't have married her, having such ID problems AND imposing them on HER AND their children.

I have never met a single MtF TS that got married as a male to a woman with even the thought that they would transition some day.  I always knew I was differnent and I always knew I wanted a female body but when I got married 20 years ago, I never DREAMED that I'd seriously consider transition.  My wife isn't bi and has NO interest in women and I have no expectation of her to change how SHE WAS BORN, if I continue this path.