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Please don't kill yourself; you haven't even tried anything yet. Go to your appointment, talk about your issues, and see what happens. Don't give up because of some paranoia that you'll somehow be the ugliest person ever. Giving this a shot would be better than ending everything without even trying. For all you know, everything could end up fine and killing yourself would mean you never get to see that day. Just see what happens before you do anything rash.

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I'm sure a psychiatrist won't care what you look like. The point is to discuss your issues with your body, so no one is expecting you to come in loving it. It's always good to talk things through with people. Just give it a chance.

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I'm not saying your nose will change by talking about it, but your insecurities might. We're all our own worst critics; sometimes, we find issues where there are none simply because we have low self-esteem. I know that I'm guilty of this. All I'm saying for you to do is not be preemptive and give this a chance before doing anything rash.

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I'm sorry if I come across as crass, but let me basically paraphrase what you just said.

You want to kill yourself because of your nose. Are you sure it's so bad that you can't live a little bit longer to see what happens and that maybe things will be better in the future?

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Everyone has things they don't like about themselves. I'm sure repulsive is a strong word for this case; unless you have a nose with warts and 8 nostrils, I think you'll be fine. No one will put shame on you for having the courage to talk about something that bothers you. You're dooming yourself to failure by giving up before seeing what happens.

Of course, I can't do anything to stop you from killing yourself. Just know that there are people who would rather see that you didn't and that life is worth living, regardless of your nose's shape. There are so many good things in life and a nose isn't worth throwing it all away for (of course, it could be to you. I'm not sure). I have tons of scars on my body from years of self-mutilation and I still find the will to live, despite how "repulsive" I might look.

I just ask that you think about this before doing anything rash since it could be a terrible decision for you.

Most of us have (or had) bodies and faces we hate, muuu. I'm in a wheelchair, my body is emaciated from a lack of muscle and not much fat, my hands are twisted, and I have horrible acne. On top of that, my body is the wrong gender!

I know it's tough to face the world in a body that doesn't match your inner ideal, but you need to focus on loving your mind more than you hate your body. Most psychiatrists won't judge you over such petty things; they're there to help you. Even if they do judge, so what? You mustn't let your self worth live and die on the judgements of others.

Suicide is only a reasonable option when there is no hope. When things are hard, it is an unreasonable and lazy solution. So is your life hard or hopeless? 

I've been going to therapy for a couple years now, and there were times when my various issues (all mental/emotional) would get the better of me, and I'd cancel.

Then one evening I looked at a teddy bear I'd gotten for my wife...and he seemed to comfort me, in a way I've never been comforted before.

Yes, it sounds stupid. But it works. Sometimes all we need is for someone to hold our hand while we face our fears...and you may find a special person, or a special Teddy bear, who will be there for you, when you need it.

Anyhow, I'm just throwing out an idea, it worked for me and it might work for you.

Yeah just go to the appointment and see how it goes. Once your out and really get into transitioning things get better. But if you really have issues with your body like it seems you do . You really need to get help and talk to them since they are reaching out to you. And being hospitalized is really not that bad. I have been for an eating disorder before and all they do is try to help you get better and grow as a person.

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There's no need to apologize. What people consider a valid reason to kill him/herself can vary. You've got nothing to feel guilty over.

As for what others think of you, don't let them bother you. If you're a Democrat, a Republican will think of your ideas a flawed or dumb. If you're a Christian, a Hindu might think you have the wrong idea. Etc., etc. The point is that you can't please everyone, and you don't have to. Trying to do so is impossible and if people don't like you for you, then screw them. 

Quote from: muuu on November 16, 2012, 11:16:27 PM
Yeah.. things have calmed down, maybe I'm making a too big of a deal of it.

Sorry...

edit: I really really care what people think of me, like, I need to not do anything that makes me look dumb, and I don't want to look so ugly and disgust people.

You are making a big deal of things.

And let me tell you. I was where you were at. Then I realized that when you worry about what people think of you, you cannot be who you want to be. When you realize that, you go on and live how you want, then you realize that what people think of you doesn't matter, and that they're more concerned with their own lives to care about yours in the first place. At last, you find out that happiness is being free to be YOU, not some show to put on for people.

What the heck about you makes you so insecure about looks. I want to be the hottest girl on the planet but I'm not. Guess I'll go kill myself now!

Give yourself a chance. And for goodness sake don't put SO MUCH emphasis on your looks. It's not worth the headache.

I'll be flat out honest of how I see you now, and maybe you can judge how "attractive" it is to you. You sound like a teenage girl threatening to overdose on xanax and alcohol if somebody doesn't tell you how pretty you are. Sound appealing to you to be that person? Calm down and live... give yourself a chance to live. Get your butt up, get out there, go to that therapist and rock YOU... don't be a wimp because you can't be someone you WANT to be.

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Hi Muuu. I'm a new person to this site. I am a little older than most, ahem, but have some experience to share with you. Everyone replying before me is correct. One thing I say is to love yourself. And sometimes that become the biggest hurtle of all. I had a family and life experiences that tore "me" to shreds. Once I told myself enough is enough and started to take my life back. My problem was I weighed well over 400#s. My first task was to fix that. To loose that weight I learned I needed to do it for "me". Take everything one piece at a time and focus on small chunks. People can be cruel. You need to learn to shrug it off and move on. They may be rude but more likely ignorant to your life issues. Yes it hurts but be strong and pick yourself. It is ongoing so just take your time. Really learn you are the diamond in your own life. If you are uncomfortable with a Physiatrist or counselor change to one that fits your needs. YOU are the most important person in the room, not the counselor. If they are good they will hold your hand (figuratively) through your journey. They will also be rough on you sometimes but never rude. Good luck. Through your journey you will run into lots of roadblocks which you will need to work around and keep yourself going. You may have a plastic surgeon who gives you no respect. Remember you are a valuable soul and you just need to find the right plastic surgeon. Maybe you need to have your nose done first to build your confidence and love for yourself. Shop around and find the right surgeon for you and check their history. before and after pics, and reputation. Don't take no for an answer and shop. Again, good luck, you are on your way. This journey is hard sometimes, but the rewards are good and all YOURS. I wish you well friend.  Suzan

Muuu, I'm sure you don't look hideous. If your nose is the only problem, it isn't significant unless there is some huge deformity.

My dad always told me, "Beauty doesn't last forever; eventually, time always wins. There is, however, always someone for everybody."

Basically, there will always be someone who likes you, regardless of how bad you think you look. Heck, look at Newt Gingrich. His face looks wrinkled and saggy like a scrotum and even he has a wife. 

Quote from: muuu on November 16, 2012, 11:50:17 PM
I am disgusted of myself, and I don't want to put others in disgust too.

The emboldened part is the key, and where the issues stem from. Many people here have gone through similar feelings. Unfortunately when seeing oneself through the mirror of our own self-image and perceived inadequacies, those are projected onto the world around us. We think something is so and then assume that everyone else must think the same because we know ourselves best so how can they not?

The first step in overcoming this is in realising that knowing ourselves best is exactly the problem. We attribute others with the depth of perception to judge us by our own standards. And this is something that, in reality, they simply do not possess. Just as what we see is filtered through our own thoughts, wants and desires... so is what everyone else sees similarly filtered through their own internal processing and where, ultimately, beauty arrives in the eye of the beholder, as it were.

To gain more accurate insight of what people think of you, it helps to focus less on what you think of yourself and to just be. Remove the projections and you may find that people are more favourable towards you than you ever thought likely. You may find yourself more receptive to positive comments and taking note of little things - a smile here, a friendly word there - once that innate reflex to subconsciously put the way others feel about you already inside their heads before you've even met them is gone.