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Some questions for all you gals who transitioned while married

Started by monica.soto, November 20, 2012, 08:14:58 AM

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Cindy

Quote from: monica.soto on November 26, 2012, 08:48:48 AM
yes, this would mean potentially never seeing my family again (regfularly at least)...I guess my options are Canada or Australia (with their open policy towards skilled workers) and the EU (me being Italian and all, but not really an option with the ->-bleeped-<- economy that's going on there).

Well Australia does have a few MtF present here. And we are very friendly and welcoming.

Catherine Sarah starts to warm up the welcome branding iron.

Cindy
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Catherine Sarah

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*Smoke seen rising from Catherine's kitchen, is not to be confused with tonights dinner. (Hummmmm where's the Welcoming Iron ............      :laugh:    :laugh:   :angel: ) *




If you're in Australia and are subject to Domestic Violence or Violence against Women, call 1800-RESPECT (1800-737-7328) for assistance.
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Jenny07

And my rear end is still sore from the weekend.

Definitely warm and welcoming in the land of OZ

:icon_yikes:
So long and thanks for all the fish
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monica.soto

I'm getting the impression that the girls from down under love poking newbies with hot sticks!
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Brooke777

Quote from: monica.soto on November 27, 2012, 09:41:06 AM
I'm getting the impression that the girls from down under love poking newbies with hot sticks!

It's not just the newbies. Anyone who crosses them will get branded.  :)
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monica.soto

Quote from: Brooke777 on November 27, 2012, 09:53:26 AM
It's not just the newbies. Anyone who crosses them will get branded.  :)

hot pokers!!!! Should I stay or should I go?
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Jenny07

They will get you in the end so there is no point running so please stay.  ;D

Cindy and Catherine hunted me down and showed no mercy.
Kind of enjoyed it.

I guess they will be giving me a return visit shortly.

Anyway Monica come over for a holiday some time and see us girls in OZ. Cindy is having a BBQ and I'm sure you will get a warm welcome...
So long and thanks for all the fish
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Cindy

Quote from: Jenny07 on November 28, 2012, 03:19:41 AM
They will get you in the end so there is no point running so please stay.  ;D

Cindy and Catherine hunted me down and showed no mercy.
Kind of enjoyed it.

I guess they will be giving me a return visit shortly.

Anyway Monica come over for a holiday some time and see us girls in OZ. Cindy is having a BBQ and I'm sure you will get a warm welcome...

Oh that's for sure.

All joking away, we are a very friendly bunch, we have terrible jokes and we look after each other. We branded Jenny so she wouldn't feel the noose put around her to drag her in to the party. I think it worked, but don't tell her.

I'm still waiting for the replies to the BBQ!!!!
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monica.soto

I'm not going anywhere  ;) if i do get to Australia, it won't be for a holiday though!

MMMMMMmmmm! will we be able to try barbacued kangaroo tail, Cindy? or is that just one of those urban legends people tell about Oz?
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Stephanie.Izann

My wifes response was "Oh, okay, yeah, I figured something like that" LOL

There is no doubt in my mind that it did alter our relationship somehow, but not in a bad way. We love going shopping together even if it's just window shopping, we try to make enough alone time for ourselves to talk about life and what we are wanting to do with it.  We are trying to share our hobbies. But the main thing was she REALLLLYYYY is into my whole transition to the point where sometimes she pushes me a little too far. If it was up to her, I would have transitioned a year ago. She thinks I should care about what people in my career think regarding my transition. She is alway telling me, just do it, make it happen. And I'm like wanting to take my time with things. I still feel like I have to change  a lot of things...weight, exercise, voice etc.  She's alway flattering me and it's amazing. We have a sick baby, and I'm always worried about the doctors freaking out about me and she says "SCREW THEM!" They'll love you, for you. So yeah, it's nice to feel that she is a 100,000 % behind me. 

So it really just depends on more than a few factors. Maybe taking a few baby steps in that direction...not all at once, will she MAYBE start to see that you are still YOU and that it's just the outside. She's going to have to understand that you really need to do this and that it is not just a "thing".

Well, gotta go. Hope this helps a little.

Stephie
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Cindy

Quote from: monica.soto on November 28, 2012, 04:18:35 PM
I'm not going anywhere  ;) if i do get to Australia, it won't be for a holiday though!

MMMMMMmmmm! will we be able to try barbacued kangaroo tail, Cindy? or is that just one of those urban legends people tell about Oz?

It's damn difficult to get the roo sit still long enough to BBQ its tail. Silly things keep hopping of the BBQ
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noeleena

Hi,

A bit different for us, not being a dresser or trans. Jos & i were married for 35 out of 39 years comeing up. we have 3 grown up adluts & 9 grandkids, .

We had are marrige annuld  because i am an intersexed person, & by birth certs  female at birth though go back 65 years it was not a thought out we are different  because we may be different, so some of us were seen or percived as male,

At the moment we are liveing apart. though do most things just the same i pick Jos up we do shoping go see our daughter Kaylyn & her 4 kids, most weeks about two times each week,

We are close, many of our friends are known by us both ,

To get were we are now took 8 years of ...HELL...so make no mistake it was,  when i told Jos i was / am a woman the bomb did go off for us both that will be comeing up to 20 years ago.

We both are stronger for what we went through though it was very hard,  some things are very similar to trans,  yet we have a few details that are different, over all it has worked out in the main for family, 16 of us,

Of cause they will allways wonder why, because of , i was in there eyes a male , yes a percived male at that, yet i never was a real male, not a compleat one any way, 

We are over the what the hell is going on,   its about life for all of us, & time is a helper in what has changed for us,

Im well known so there is no hideing & what you see is just a woman who's out there in the public eye a member of quite a few soc , groups, & women only plus mixed groups,

I knew what i was at age 10 though could not explain any thing about myself,  that was shut down because i knew we would not be accepted as  being different, more like cartered off to the nuthouse so we keeped our mouths shut,  as we were growing up we just lived a normal life well what was thought in those days,  i knew i would be able to live as a normal woman later in life, how when i had no idear just knew i would,  well i have & its been pretty good over all , so that gives you some idear for one who is a woman thats different,

...noeleena...
Hi. from New Zealand, Im a woman of difference & intersex who is living life to the full.   we have 3 grown up kids and 11 grand kid's 6 boy's & 5 girl's,
Jos and i are still friends and  is very happy with her new life with someone.
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monica.soto

Thank you Noeleena!

Wow, you discovered you were intersexed after marriage? that must have been interesting!

I am glad that things have worked out ok for you after 8 years of hell.

Thank you for sharing your story.
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monica.soto

Hey Stephie, your wife sounds like she's behind you all the way 100%

it's interesting to see that no matter how hard we try to hide our true selves, little things keep popping out all the time.

Your story does give me hope that my marriage would be able to survive the transition turmoil.
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Ms Bev

Quote from: Catherine Sarah on November 27, 2012, 05:08:24 AM
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*Smoke seen rising from Catherine's kitchen, is not to be confused with tonights dinner. (Hummmmm where's the Welcoming Iron ............      :laugh:    :laugh:   :angel: ) *

More than that, where is the brand placed, as if I didn't know....
1.) If you're skating on thin ice, you might as well dance. 
Bev
2.) The more I talk to my married friends, the more I
     appreciate  having a wife.
Marcy
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japple

My wife asked for a divorce as soon as I started growing breasts. She has known I am trans all through our 13 year relationship so I thought we'd stick together. She said "I've tried but I'm not gay...and that was it."

It was hard but after a few weeks it felt right. It wasn't our marriage to have. We had never had sex, (I'm attracted to men) we were just friends.

I am much happier now, I moved across the country, live full time, have a ton of new friends and life.

When I started transitioning I was terrified of losing my marriage and job. Instead I found things that are more important.
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monica.soto

hi japple!

that fear of losing your whole world is paralyzing, but I guess you must be willing to lose it all if one is willing to transition.

I'm glad you found things that are more important to you now and you can now experience your sexuality as you so desire.

thanks for taking the time to answer.

Hugs!
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japple

I was paralyzed! But it's about so much more than sexuality. I am my mother's daughter now, we have a closer relationship than ever. I have more close girlfriends. Including my ex-wife. I am currently visiting for Christmas. I am happy when I look in the mirror. 

At 5'11", bald, and 285lbs I was terrified of transitioning. Now I weight 235 and shrinking, have a good wig, and pass or am accepted. I am not suicidal or depressed anymore. Transition was the best thing ever and I would happily lose everything I had for what I have now.
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Stephanie.Izann

Quote from: japple on December 13, 2012, 11:36:47 AM
I was paralyzed! But it's about so much more than sexuality. I am my mother's daughter now, we have a closer relationship than ever. I have more close girlfriends. Including my ex-wife. I am currently visiting for Christmas. I am happy when I look in the mirror. 

At 5'11", bald, and 285lbs I was terrified of transitioning. Now I weight 235 and shrinking, have a good wig, and pass or am accepted. I am not suicidal or depressed anymore. Transition was the best thing ever and I would happily lose everything I had for what I have now.
Beautiful.  This is what it is about.

Also, I wanted to add that sometimes, throwing everything out there all -at-once is probably not the best way to do it.  I found that "leaking" the truth little by little helps this out tremendously.  They almost get a heads up when the REAL moment comes into affect.  I did this with my son. He's now a teen ager and doing this way helped out immensely, rather than just saying I'm THIS POW!  Now, he even talks about buying me stuff at Victoria Secret!  :o

But if you need to chat with someone, I'm here for you. Just remember it took you many years to get to this point, and you have to be considerate to those that have endured along the way whether they knew or didn't.  I know it's hard to wait, but in your case you have a few people that have invested their own lives into you, those that care about you and love you and I'm sure you love them. Be gentle, be loving be kind. After all, you'd want the same right?

That's just the way I see it. Maybe I'm wrong. But, know that we are all sisters here and we are a support group, not just a bunch of picture posting ladies. We have a lot of Love to go around.  :)

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