Hi again QL,
Good to see you found some of the gang.
The more you talk to other TG people the more comfortable you will get both in self acceptance and understanding and increasingly the knowledge that TG people are totally and utterly normal. Well with some exceptions, Cathrine, JamieD and Devlynn are of course exceptions but we just humour them and put them back in their cells at feeding time. But don't tell them I said that.
Are your feelings of interest in a TG woman a sign of being bi-curious, and interesting question that has many answers, particularly when you meet us. My sexual preference is for men. Since I'm a female that makes me heterosexual. When I had to live pretending to be a guy did that make me Gay? I haven't had the op as yet so I still carry tumours and a pipe. They don't work thank goddess due to hormones but they are still there, so if I fancied females would that make me a lesbian or make me straight?
Which raises the next question. Who cares? I certainly don't.
The area that I can add to your confusion with is gender, sex and the law. In many places MtF are regarded as males, even though they are female, present as female and act female. What happens when they marry? In many places same sex marriage is not allowed; Soooo who can a MtF marry? a male or a female? This of course gets more confusing when you move around the world.
I'm Australian (to the cries of thank goddess she is over the pond from my Yankee sisters) where same sex marriage is not allowed, at the moment. I have been married for over 30 years. I love my wife and she loves me. As soon as I get my surgery we are automatically divorced. Because same sex marriage is not allowed. So why was the marriage legal before? I can't, couldn't and haven't had male-female penetrative sex. Even when I was not on hormones and the pipe and tumours could work. So when they are removed I'm different?
So we get back to what is normal.
As you see it is not a very easy question to answer, so everyone is normal or no one is normal.
Which of course means you are normal because you don't know if you are nomal or not.
Glad I cleared that up for you
Where do we take our feelings and what do we do about them?
The biggest problem with being TG is that it never goes away. The number of woman who have tried every sort of utter masculine jobs and hobbies to cure their TG is staggering, and a total waste of time. As many of us know to our cost, and as we keep finding here with people joining.
Why do we do this?
Well one we can't or couldn't accept that we are normal. Another is the consequence of accepting our selves.
What and why is that?
What is the consequence of accepting ourselves? We can list them. Usually people start with'I will lose' and then fill in family, friends, career, respect, money, pets, the budgie, driving a car, going to the footy, sorry getting silly as usual.
People very rarely start with 'I will gain' then fill in myself, self respect, a career, friends, waking up and looking forward to a life, not thinking of strange ways to kill yourself so the family can still get the life insurance, wearing clothes I like, being who I am and not worrying about slipping up, the respect of others, love. BEING ME.
(BTW this is what a therapist guides you through, I'll send my bill later. )
Why do we think the worst and not the best. Fear. Plain cold startling mind numbing FEAR.
Why? Because we may not be regarded as normal.
See above.
What happens when we go the other way and accept ourselves and go for it?
Well I suppose I have been one of the major procrastinators on this site as far as going FT. If I could find an excuse I used it.
My fantastic friends here helped me and built my soul so that in the end I could grow and move on.
What happened. Ahmmmm (cough) nothing.
It was a none event.
No one gave a damn, if they did they made sure not to let me know, and very very quickly there were a lot of people who made very sure that people who couldn't cope or thought of funny jokes or good insults were taught to be accepting.
Again I didn't and don't care.
What have I lost? Well all my male clothing has been donated to Goodwill. I don't use the totally disgusting male toilets. I don't have to shave my face. I can't think of much else.
What have I gained? A life, respect both self and from others, love, support, laughs and good times, friends, a new wardrobe that is ever expanding (sorry put a loss of money in the paragraph above), self confidence, increased work ethic, the ability to lead and command respect without consciously doing anything different, guys opening doors for me
, sleep and dreams.
Happiness. Contentment.
Would I go back if I could?
No way.
I wasn't going to have surgery. I'm counting down the days until I can apply.
So where do you go from here?
Nowhere; hang around, post, read, tell bad jokes, get used to being happy and being accepted, when you feel bad tell us, when you feel good tell us, when the dark dreams roll in and the bottle is the answer tell us. when ending it all seems a good idea tell us.
You now have a big problem. You have a family that understands and has no problems in accepting you.
We have all been there.
Thankfully my brothers and sisters dragged me back.
Hugs
Cindy
