I'm not out at the moment because I don't want my parents to ask me to go back to my GP because if I ask for a referral I'll just get landed with the same CAMHS doctor who's a complete and utter psychopathic sadist and I'll end up in a complete depressed mess again.  Some of you might remember me slagging him off before.  I know that you need x amount of time spend in RLE before you can get hormones, so coming out before I'm eligible for T will give me a bit of a head start hopefully, and to be honest I don't think I can change schools and social circles again as a female.

I've already applied to this sixth form (education normally post-16 and before university in the U.K. for you guys in the states) under my birthname, and they recognised me from a previous application (they probably just stuck my name through a database they've kept), but then I decided against it because they don't have the all subjects I want to take there.  I came up with the idea today that I could do the subject they don't teach via distance learning and do the other three there, which if they agree to it could work well.  Only one person that I know of goes there, and although it was a small school I was in with her we never really spoke and it will be a year since I left there that I last saw her so I don't think she poses too much of a risk.

I'd like to know what their trans policies and general attitude towards us is before coming out because there's zero chance of me ever being stealth there now to the HR department, but would still like to try being stealth with the majority of staff there and pupils.  I think I pass fairly well despite my height, so it is feasible.

There's quite a bit of risk involved in me coming out to my family at the moment though, e.g. losing my girlfriend and my sanity if I get sent back to CAMHS, so I want to be entirely sure that this sixth form is going to accept me and not make everything hellish.  If I get a bad response from them I'll have to choose between travelling for over an hour to the next sixth form or sucking it up and going as female.  I'll actually be behind because I'm doing a different course that just isn't working out for me at the moment, so I'll there's a chance that I could be on hormones by then if I start jumping the hoops quick enough.

So, any ideas how to ask about their trans policies without causing a [insert nasty word for poo]storm?  Obviously an anonymous email address, but how to actually phrase it?

I'm not sure whom you would specifically contact, but someone in student services perhaps, and I'd probably e-mail them saying that I was considering enrolment there, but wish to know more about their policies regarding transgendered individuals. Specifically, will they be able to make the necessary accommodations to create a safe environment, such as unilaterally using one's chosen gender. Include that you are actively in the process of transition, so it would be important to you that your educational institution be supportive of your needs.

If they don't take it seriously, or pry for personal details before giving you information, be polite, but concerned.

I think the most effective way would be to show you're interested, explain what trans is, offer reasonable solutions yourself just in case they have no policies-offering solutions yourself will make it less likely that they'll just say "oh, we can't have a girl uses the men's room!", conclude by reinforcing your interest and asking for a copy of their policies, then give your standard closing line.

An example (that surely needs a lot of work, but here's a start):

Dear [Insert name]:

Nice little intro
    I am greatly interested in attending your school [insert some reason if you feel like sucking up such as " due to your reputation for tolerance and diversity" or "great math program"]. Despite my enthusiasm, I have some concerns and I hope that you would be able to take the time to answer my questions.

Tell a bit about yourself, and offer solutions that way they don't have to be troubled to think of something
   I am a transsexual male, which means that although I was born female, I identify as male and I plan on eventually changing my gender. [You can even add something like "Being addressed as a female causes me  great discomfort...."] I would like to attend your school as a male without any of the students knowing that I was born female. This could be accomplished if I was allowed to be called by my chosen name, and have my chosen name be listed instead of my birth name on the attendance lists. Many transsexual males use the men's restrooms without problems, but I could use the restroom in the nurses' office if that would be against your policies. [If you know of any schools that have accomodated trans students, write a little about what they did here]

Reinforce your interst and ask about their policies
   I would like to attend your school, and I feel strongly that I would excel in your program. If you have policies regarding transsexual students, could you please send me a copy? If you do not have any policies, I feel strongly that if we work together, we can come up with satisfactory accommodations.

   If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me at [blank].

                              Thank you/Sincerely,


                              X

^ This. It's perfect.

Thanks a lot! I'll use this and send an email to them when I get home from college today, iI don't fancy outing myself by having someone reading over my  shoulder

Quote from: Alex000000 on December 14, 2012, 02:00:53 AM
Thanks a lot! I'll use this and send an email to them when I get home from college today, iI don't fancy outing myself by having someone reading over my  shoulder

Let us know how it goes. I hope they help you out!

I just sent the email after seeing this thread bumped up to the top again (I knew there was something I needed to do tonight but couldn't remember for the life of me what) and having a bit of an "oh sh!t" moment where I realised that I was actually doing something proactive in going about transitioning, even if it is the most minuscule step ever and they'll never know who sent the email whether I end up going as male or female.

I finally got a generic email back saying "we've dealt with people in similar positions to you, yadda yadda... please apply via our website."  It was a bit painfully generic but I'm pretty pleased that they've not just told me to get lost though.  I've already applied under my birth name, and got an interview scheduled for the 10th January.  Is that the right time to bring up the fact that I'm trans?  I don't really doubt that I'll get accepted, I was offered a place last year and it's hardly selective about it's pupils (and no one seems to go there from what I've seen from outside.)

Yeah, I'd probably find a way to bring it into the interview. If it's not brought up then, it would probably be hard to find the right time later.

Quote from: LearnedHand on December 21, 2012, 02:51:20 PM
Yeah, I'd probably find a way to bring it into the interview. If it's not brought up then, it would probably be hard to find the right time later.

I agree. A physically present person may be better able to help.