Wow, I never thought of the rice balloon idea. Thank you. I have a charity store close and thought of going by to get a pair of hip hugging jeans...never thought of getting a bra there. Now I'm excited..

I will, I'm sure, read your body image advice over and over. It feels right and I must come to accept this and myself.  It will be hard.  As I unravel my past, I am discovering just how much I loved to experience myself walking or acting in a feminine manner. A pair of tight jeans while barefoot makes me feel so sexy. But, my focus needs to be on my mind and spirit.....not so much the body right now.
I see this now.  Thank you.

I'm going to take some time and really make an effort to find my girl name. I need one. I've decided to not take the family name as it is not mine. I want one that makes me feel beautiful, strong, compassionate and giving when I hear it.


Love and hugs,

I had a quite the adventure today. I wanted to see how I felt while buying more girl stuff.
On my way to work, I stopped at the local thrift store and cruised the women's area for jeans. Not just any jeans, mind you. I wanted jeans that felt sexy. I found two, tried them on and brought them home. Honestly, I was nervous for about 2 minutes, then just acted like I knew what I was doing and I didn't even get a stare.  I was shopping around older women and teens. 

THEN, I want to another store, bought a bra, nail polish and other assorted grooming items.

Both times, men checked me out at the register. I acted like myself and it felt AMAZING.

I was so excited that I came home, kissed the kids and retired to my room to get in my girl mode.

I'm not one to brag, but I looked and felt so natural in all my clothes. Once I'm sure my kids are sound asleep, I may even sleep in them. I love girl mode.

On the serious side of it: I had to do this for myself. It's my way of believing I belong. It's my way of validating I can act like a girl and not feel ashamed. I know YMMV....but, All in all, I had a good day.

Ok is Maela June your new name? It has a nice ring to it.

Just remember the initial rush of finding yourself can deflate. It only takes negative comments or someone shouting 'poofter' at you to change feelings to good to bad. When we start we are very fragile even if we do not know it.

As you grow your personal and emotional strength builds. But it does take time, and that is why we talk to each other.

Besides the fact no can shut Catherine up, but as you can tell I'm the quiet retiring type.

Cindy

Thank you, Cindy,

I've played with the name in a couple different variations. The current one feels the best.

I do appreciate the reality check. It's the same message my local friends have told me too. I know I am in for a long ride. I just wanted to have a different experience for myself and feel it deeply.

I do know Girl jeans fit me better than boy jeans.

On a personal note.....I look forward to watching HOW I write in the future as compared to now.  I think I use too many I's in my sentences and it's more than bad grammar.  I may be wrong (lol, another I) but I think it says something about my self image.

Love to all,

I've noticed that my insatiable thirst for knowledge has not subsided. I'm glad for this. I trust it means I'm taking this seriously and not on a whim. 

The more I read the more I gain an appreciation for this site and all who participate openly and honestly in it. Quite honestly, words cannot adequately express my gratitude to everyone.

This place is unique, real, honest, supportive and open.

Thank you all

I look forward to a healthy long relationship with all I interact with.

Maelan

It's Monday and it's a big day for me.  In three hours I will meet my therapist. I'm so excited to start this journey. I'm a bit nervous too. I've been a bit weepy this morning. I feel like I'm at the starting gate and being allowed to start the journey.

To celebrate the day I'm getting a facial. I've never had one before. It's another new thing for me and I will embrace this, as I am, as the woman I want to be.

More later

Good Luck Sis,

Have a great day

GO FOR IT

I finally have my own blog and I love it. I am comforted to know I have a space that's mine to document my journey. It's a nice addition to the other wonderful changes taking place in my life.

Maelan's Lost & Found Diary

Bless you all

Cindy & Catherine,

I'm glad I have the ability to go back and read through all my postings and your advice. You have guided me quite a distance in a very short time and I carry feelings of gratitude in my heart. I feel like I am home when I'm here.

Thank you. I miss the anticipation of reading your next reply and your supportive words.

I'm a good place and sorting through it all with a wonderful therapist. I will take my time to find my way and whats best for me. I hope I do not lose touch with either of you.


Maelan

Thank you for your very kind words Maelan,

I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

I've been in Melbourne all this week talking to a potential surgeon for my soon to be arranged GCS surgery. In some ways I feel a little like yourself, as you navigate your way through the plethora of feelings, emotions and sensations. I, too, have been confronting the same sensations as I work through the numerous issues of selecting the right the surgeon for such a uniquely private and personal procedure.

As you will soon discover, if you haven't already, this journey consists of a seamlessly never ending series of one major decision after another. So my apologise for not being round.

I'm so proud of you, in your nonce of taking hold of this enormous monster and taming it through a series of well thought through decisions. This journey is an absolute minefield of successes, disasters, and everything in between, just waiting for its sojourner s to make the wrong move and be devoured in an abyss mediocrity and procrastination. Keep doing what you are doing, and keep listening to yourself, and you'll keep we'll clear of that abyss.

Congratulations on validating your existence with such a lovely name. What is nits meaning and derivation? I've looked it up in my limited resources and have been unable to find the details.

Cindy was so right when she spoke about our fragility. Daily positive affirmations and even mantras help build our self confidence and esteem. She was also right about shutting me up     

Now that I'm back in town, I'll have a look at your blog. I'm sure there is something I can learn from it. Looking forward to hearing more of your therapy experience.

Huggs
Catherine

Catherine,

Why is it you always bring tears to my eyes?  You're the sister who can bring me to tears with THAT LOOK or just the right word.

I was thinking about it today. You and Cindy are definitely the sisters I never had. I love ya both.

I am honored you would read my blog.

I am so happy about your future surgery. Is it soon? You can count on me to be in the cheering section yelling " that's my sis"

Hello Maelan,

Quote from: Maelan on December 20, 2012, 09:42:23 PM
Catherine,

You're the sister who can bring me to tears with THAT LOOK or just the right word.

      Evil ........ Aren't I !!!       

Quote from: Maelan on December 20, 2012, 09:42:23 PM
I am so happy about your future surgery. Is it soon? You can count on me to be in the cheering section yelling " that's my sis"

Thank you so much Maelan, that is just so sweet. I really appreciate your kind wishes. I'd be honoured to have you in the cheer squad. Depending on the outcome of my flying visit State side in Feb, will depend on the final date. Hopefully looking for May/June.

Huggs
Catherine

I will be in the stands cheering and celebrating with you.

Dear Maelan,

Quote from: Maelan on December 21, 2012, 11:58:21 PM
I will be in the stands cheering and celebrating with you.

Thank you. That means a lot to me.

Huggs
Catherine

I'll be there with a scalpel and some string to do the job properly.  We just need to make sure the branding iron is nice and warm to cauterise.

Why did you tick the no anaesthesia box?

Oh well take $10 off for the base ball bat.

OMG!!!!! I'm ever so thankful you're in charge of haematology and not gynaecology.

What's the string for?? Are you looking at absailing down the oesophagsis to the site and tying it off from the inside ?? Just so it doesn't drop out on the road one day.

My last, probably dieing request, should you be on the team. Could you PLEASE sharpen the bloody scalpel this time??

I'll keep the base ball bat, if you don't mind. I'll need something to play with during the (hopeful) recovery.

I didn't tick the anaesthesia box 'cause I didn't think it could be worse than the tumultuous floggings and brandings I received from the South Oz contingent to date. Let me know if I'm wrong.

And don't let down the tyres on the gurney this time. It's NOT funny. You know RACV or RASA don't do veterinary clinic calls. (I assume that where you're doing it. After all I don't want to put you to all the time and effort in clearing down your breakfast table or sink)

Love
Catherine

New TV show?
There is a group of highly trained professionals that screwed up operations before but made a lot of money from them. They are very bad at what they do and they are in hiding from the tax office.

When you need it done cheap, call the C team.

They may find you, if so spread 'em


Hannibal Cindy lights a cigar and chokes.

Forgot she doesn't smoke.


Did you steal my pills?

Scalpels? Are we supposed to use those? I find an old Swiss Army knife does the job..

I love my family here. Never a dull moment ( or knife)

Quote from: kelly_aus on December 22, 2012, 04:41:26 AM
Scalpels? Are we supposed to use those? I find an old Swiss Army knife does the job..

Dear Nurse Kelly,

Can you please leave the Swiss Army out of this. It's supposed to be a very private and personal procedure. I don't want to be frog marched up Wakefield St at the crack of dawn in the middle of peak hour traffic, thank you.

And if you can't find a blunt scalpel, I'm sure there are plenty of shearers clippers in the out back somewhere or even an opal pick from Cooper Pedy will do. Just get the bloody job done before I'm totally embarrassed.

Huggs
Catherine

P.S. apologises to you Maelan for hi jacking your blog. The South Australian Mafia have a tendency of taking over sometimes.