muuu: Well, the cart is for easier transportation of food. Even if I don't wait so damned long between each time I buy food, as soon as there's more than a few fruit and vegetables, or some soy milk, or juice, or cans, or yogurt, etc. it gets really, really heavy on my shoulders. If I did what you say, the cart would be plenty, but since I go at most once a week (>_>), I have the cart + 2-3 bags.
Isabelle and muuu: Well, I wouldn't call it laziness, really, because I want to do such things and feel awful for not doing them. When there's someone in my life, life is easy and I can accomplish anything, as long as that person is there to support me and tell me what I should do daily. But alone, things are so very hard. So I think part of this thread (at least the last few posts) is getting people to kick my butt to get me doing something.
When I lived at my mother's, she asked and minutes later, I would generally be onto whatever she'd asked. But it's like I don't have the required authority over myself to do anything. Same with school. I work like a charm with the teacher there, but oh gosh, how hard it is to keep up with homework.
And whilst I normally need much more encouragement than most to do pretty much anything, when it comes to eating healthy, people in my family, from a long tradition of grandmas who "stuff children's bellies so they're nice and plump and look healthy", keep telling me I should eat more, that I look sickly, etc. Just what I need.
My psychiatrist tells me it's part of my ADD and I shouldn't expect to ever be normal/not constantly need someone beside me to tell me what to do here and now. From what I understood the kind that needs an "auxilary frame" (someone else) to function are one of the worst kinds, because they always feel like children, and there isn't so much they can do on their own. Very encouraging.
All my life I've been depressed, overestimating myself and saying I just had to function normally. Looks like I should just accept it and move on from there. But how do you do that? Even the professionals have no idea. "We can't do anything in your place; it has to come from you." But can't you see how much I'm trying, and how desperate I am?
My special educator has no idea of how to help me. I'm hoping she can help more once she talks with my psychiatrist. And that the ergotherapist I'll see in a few days will be able to diagnose something / find solutions / whatever. Because seriously, I've had it with functionning as well as a ten-year-old.
I think I wish I were normal in this regard much more than I wish I weren't trans.
AmyBee: Well, as for -amounts-, generally I'm good. I don't eat lunch and just snack on some sunflower seeds and an apple if I have some at noon, at school. Because preparing food to bring to school is too much for me; I constantly forget, on top of generally not even having food because I don't cook. Anyway, in general, on school days, I quickly eat something before catching the bus (generally a bit of bread or a bowl of oatmeal with a glass of juice), and then run to catch the bus. And then at night I eat -something-. Generally I snack on some quickly grabbed stuff or something. Sometimes I'll reheat something I've made, or that my mom generously cooked for me.
The main problem is -what- I eat. Despite taking a multivitamin, always getting whole grains and almost never opting for the unhealthy option, I'm anemic and I seriously don't think this is the only eating-related problem I have. Basically even just eating what I like would be great for me. But I don't, because the crackers and overpriced bruschetta from the store are easier to eat.
And well, as for understanding what does well and what does bad, I think I'm not too bad. Most of what I like the most is healthy, and I mostly dislike junk food (and feel way too awfully guilty whenever I eat it anyway, so I seldom eat any). The main thing is getting myself to get up and go to the damned grocery store, and then cook those damned ingredients.
(I'm sorry, I know you neither need nor appreciate all this negativity. I guess the stress and disappointment by myself from these last few weeks is adding up to me feeling emotional today.)