Quote from: DeeperThanSwords on December 10, 2012, 07:22:15 PM
So far, my fiancé.

He's straight and cis, so it's thrown a massive spanner into our relationship.

I know that feel.

Quote from: Constance on December 10, 2012, 09:20:36 PM
I know that feel.

If you're willing to post or PM, I'd like to know how you dealt with that.

Quote from: DeeperThanSwords on December 10, 2012, 09:26:51 PM
If you're willing to post or PM, I'd like to know how you dealt with that.

How did I deal with that? Well, after 23 years of marriage I was divorced. In our case, it was an insurmountable issue. She was a very straight ciswoman and she made it clear she didn't want to be married to a woman.

At this point, we're friends.

My devotion to my adult kids and the fact that I feel honor-bound to help my ex with our shared debt are literally the reasons why I lived through the divorce. If I'd been a gun owner, it's quite likely I would have died in June 2011. These days I do feel that I have more to live for. I try to keep the hope that I will not be alone for the rest of my life. But hope can be a dangerous and inconsiderate thing.

There are others here, I think, whose relationships survived transition. My ex doesn't seem to hate me, and I have reason to believe that we will be able to keep our friendship. I hope.

Quote from: Constance on December 10, 2012, 09:40:21 PM
How did I deal with that? Well, after 23 years of marriage I was divorced. In our case, it was an insurmountable issue. She was a very straight ciswoman and she made it clear she didn't want to be married to a woman.

At this point, we're friends.

My devotion to my adult kids and the fact that I feel honor-bound to help my ex with our shared debt are literally the reasons why I lived through the divorce. If I'd been a gun owner, it's quite likely I would have died in June 2011. These days I do feel that I have more to live for. I try to keep the hope that I will not be alone for the rest of my life. But hope can be a dangerous and inconsiderate thing.

There are others here, I think, whose relationships survived transition. My ex doesn't seem to hate me, and I have reason to believe that we will be able to keep our friendship. I hope.

I'm so sorry that you went through that, especially feeling suicidal. Thank you for telling me though, I appreciate your openness.

It's very much looking like I have to choose between transition and the relationship, which is very stressful (and it's tempting to just go back to suppression).

I'm glad you & your ex are still on ok terms though. It seems I'm in a similar place that you once occupied.

Honestly my girlfriend and tattoo artist

Quote from: AriannaJade on December 10, 2012, 09:51:55 PM
Honestly my girlfriend and tattoo artist

Are those the same person?

No lol my tattoo artist is a big scary biker looking guy

My Dad. I actually didn't come out to him, my Mom outted me because she couldn't hold on to the secret. I was so embarrassed and ashamed when we had our first talk, I just wasn't prepared to tell him. We still don't really talk about it, but it will become an issue soon as I'm beginning to take visual steps. I hope our relationship will endure.

Quote from: AriannaJade on December 10, 2012, 10:06:56 PM
No lol my tattoo artist is a big scary biker looking guy

Lol, cool. A new tattoo place just opened next to my house. I'm scared to talk to them though, as I'll have to ask them tricky questions about their inks.

Quote from: DeeperThanSwords on December 10, 2012, 09:46:16 PM
It's very much looking like I have to choose between transition and the relationship, which is very stressful (and it's tempting to just go back to suppression).

I'm glad you & your ex are still on ok terms though. It seems I'm in a similar place that you once occupied.

Things can work out in the long run. When I first came out my ex was horrible to me and almost drove me to suicide. Now, 9 months later we are becoming good friends. We talk more, and actually get along better than we did when we were married.  I am really happy I chose to go through transition and no longer repress my true self. So far everything has worked out.

My mother.
Her 'daughter' has 'ovaries' and is a 'female' and 'nothing she does is going to change that'.

And that pretty much conforms to all the expectations I had for her reaction 

Quote from: Jay.Lewis.P on December 19, 2012, 09:39:21 AM
My mother.
Her 'daughter' has 'ovaries' and is a 'female' and 'nothing she does is going to change that'.

Um, an oophorectomy would. 

Quote from: DianaP on December 19, 2012, 03:01:12 PM
Um, an oophorectomy would. 

exactly!

My ex-girlfriend. We had decided that it wasn't the best time for either one of us to continue in the (long-distance) relationship and deal with our own personal madness. After we broke up, I embarked on my self-discovery quest. The reason why I felt nervous telling her was because emotionally, we weren't over. I think I had a mild panic attack when I tried to express myself and said a whole bunch of incoherent things (including: "I just hate boobs, ya know!"). Somehow, she understood it. She's been incredibly supportive, but I haven't pushed too hard at getting back together because I don't want to ruin anything.

I haven't told my parents (or most of my relatives just because I don't want them to tell my folks), but my brother and a cousin know. My reason for leaving ma and pa in the dark has little to do with how they'll react towards me and everything to do with how they'll treat each other.  They LOVE to fight and it's insane how crazy they'd get. I keep my mouth shut to prevent bloodshed and it hasn't been too much of a compromise for me. My brother, however, has been pretty cool about it. I also think if they watched the slow physical transition, that they wouldn't be able to sink into denial like they did when I told them about my then-girlfriend. My mom threw a fit, cried her eyes out, declared disownership, and then pretended like nothing happen three days later. I have to admit, in hindsight, I find it really funny.

For me, the hardest are the people I haven't told yet. My mom especially. We don't work together well in anything that she doesn't instantly approve of, and I am avoiding telling her about any of my problems because of that. This will probably be totally out of the blue for her because of that. I know I'm partly to blame with that, since I haven't had the balls to be myself with her, before.

So what do I do with this issue? I'm considering telling one of my other relatives about gender stuff before telling her. Never lived with my half-sister, but she could be the one I could trust, telling her would be a bit easier than telling other relatives.

...Funny that I'm "out" to most of my friends and even many old friends and exes, but not told any relatives yet. I've always had a hard time being myself around them. I just need to find a huge well of courage inside me to do that.

Out of the people I have told about this, it's my latest ex. He took it totally well when I last got it out of my mouth, but it was hard. Afterwards it was just such a relief. The funniest thing was that he told me that now 4 (!) of his exes have turned out to be FTM (or FTA).

Kia Ora,

For me it was the "SELF"... But this is now water under the bridge and out to sea...

Metta Zenda

The hardest person it was for me to come out to was my 8yr old daughter.

Quote from: Serena Lynn on December 26, 2012, 07:52:27 PM
The hardest person it was for me to come out to was my 8yr old daughter.

If you're willing to share, how did she take it? I told my sped kid at 11 and her reaction was at first sobbing and then curiosity. Once she realized I wasn't playing make-believe and wasn't going to abandon her she took it very matter-of-factly. I don't think she's ever misgendered me after she got done with her questions.

Quote from: Zenda on December 23, 2012, 04:40:27 PM
Kia Ora,

For me it was the "SELF"... But this is now water under the bridge and out to sea...

Metta Zenda

I think it was the same for me. With the others I was drunk, so it went smoothly.

I've trying to think of an answer to this. When I came out to my family it was, Oh well lets do it. I invited them to dinner and here I was. They had a choice, stay or leave. They stayed.

Work was easy even though I was scared. Again I wasn't going to leave, they had to deal with it.

I think that may have been my saving grace. I have never really cared if anyone has a problem with me. Many people I have never told, I just turned up as me and that was it.

My first senior management meeting as me was me in a dress, I never told the others and I didn't explain. If they were going to have a problem they could resign, run away or hide. As long as they did their jobs I didn't care. No one has ever asked me, they just refer to me as my female name and pronouns.


My first lecture to 300 I turned up as me in female dress, the previous week I was in male clothes. I didn't give any explanations. I did have a few girls smirking so I brought them out to the front of the lecture theatre so they could act a living examples to the lecture. They hated it. The rest of the students thought it was hilarious.

My first big clinical presentation I just turned up and started presenting my cases, I was asked quietly and privately by the chair what first name to use. I told him and it was used.  They all knew me from before as a male.

I had to do a student review at another Uni and I did tell them that I would be presenting as my female gender and to warn the student, as I did not want to put the student under anymore pressure than they would be anyway, as they and the other examiners knew me as a male.

It was no problem.

I did have to have a meeting with a group whom I did not get on with and who were known to be somewhat sexist. I needed some specific outcomes. I went wearing a tight pencil skirt, high heel knee length boots, tight blouse, make up. Looked great.  With the heels I was about 6 foot. I weigh about 65 kilos. I was looking hot.

Scared the living daylights out of them. I got everything I wanted from the meeting. They treated me with awe.

Never ever had a problem with them since.

When I was pretending to be a guy I had little confidence, he could never have done what I do.

Oh, over Christmas I was stopped for a random breath test. The policeman said sir blow into this, I said there are no males in this car., and made no attempt to hold the breath analyser. He apologised and said miss can you blow into this analyser. I did.

I of course passed, he then said I love your steering wheel cover, (hot pink), thanked me and left.


The hardest person to out to?

Yourself.