There have been some ups and major downs over the past couple of days as they really come to terms with it (specifically with my step dad yesterday)... During the 2 hour drive on our way to visit my mom's family an argument broke out in the car. It got really heated and I ended up feeling super attacked which lead to me sobbing in the backseat while he laid some heavy ->-bleeped-<- on me based on false assumption. I know he was just trying to look out for me, but he ended up saying some really hurtful things that I think he didn't mean nor did he know how to talk about. At one point I got really defensive and nearly screamed at him, but nipped that ->-bleeped-<- in the bud by telling myself over and over, "stay strong, pull it together, you can do this, you've got this" until the tears and trainwreck of emotions subsided. It was kinda rough.
By dinner yesterday I was having a good time again being with my cousins and laying down some groundwork by mentioning how I only wear women's pants now, and pluck my eyebrows. One of my cousins asked me what size I wear and when I said 3, it got quite the reaction from the girls!
There was a discouraging moment later when my uncle (who is a kind of a hot-head dominator of all conversation) started to all out bash the gay community as a whole. I nonchalantly left the table, as did my mom. Definitely sucked to hear, but luckily everyone at the table kind of looked down exuding a vibe of "holy ->-bleeped-<- this guy needs to shut his face" and nobody laughed at all.
Sitting in the backseat on the way home today, I wrote a heartfelt email to my parents that detailed a lot of stuff and included some homework materials from my first gender therapy session (including the 14 stages of transsexualism and a gender identity questionnaire I filled out pre-hrt)... I talked about how much I love them and how important it is to me to have their support. I also detailed how difficult it was just to come out to myself and accept myself as queer. My step dad read it just before we went to the Christmas Eve church service, and he thanked me genuinely- it was an immediate release of tension... I know it really helped him gain a clear understanding of just how much thought I've put into this. Kind of confirms that his main reason for getting upset yesterday was the assumption that I was just jumping into this without seriously thinking it through. I think I have gained his trust. YES! Just in time to enjoy our usual Christmas day traditions together
And on that note, merry Christmas everyone, it's time for this little girl to get some sleep before Santa brings me a lump of coal for staying up past my bedtime.
Hope you all have a wonderful day. Zelda I will be thinking of you, stay strong, drink some hot chocolate, and don't forget the mini marshmallows! I'm hangin out all day in my PJ's, and I will no doubt be checking the boards so PM me if you wanna chat!
