Quote from: K8 on October 12, 2009, 03:57:19 PM
How many TS-related specialists do you see? How many TS friends do you have? How involved are you in the "TS scene"?
Other than on this forum, I have no TS friends. I have knowingly met perhaps half-a-dozen TS's in my life, and not many more CDs than that. I have some close gay friends who live far away and have some gay and lesbian acquaintances in town here, but I don't hang out with them. I'm not aware of an LGBT bar in town. I've gone to a TS support group in a nearby town a few times and enjoy it, but I often forget to go. I've heard of two other MtFs in town but have never knowingly met either of them.
- Kate
When I transitioned the psychiatric community was very big on support groups. I had joined some support groups, one a general TG type group and the other a TS only group. The TS group was full of stories of horrific divorces, child custody disputes, losing jobs. It was a complete bummer, so I stopped going. The other group was less depressing and had a few people who seemed less stressed out, so I stuck around for a while. By sticking around that means I probably went to maybe 5 or 6 meetings over a year and a half. I did actually go to 1 transgender day of remembrance, back around the time I was a newbie full timer. I remember it was before the Gwen Arujo killing. I did actually go to a single pride festival in Northampton. I walked around, picked up a few flyers and then stopped in at Starbucks for a cofffee and went home
When I was actively transitioning I went to an IFGE conference. It was in Philadelphia. That's where I learned about successfull transitioning from others who were themselves successful. I remember meeting Marci Bowers before she became a famous sugeon
It gave me hope that this was a "doable" thing for me. I too could have a good oucome. I just had to keep my head on my shoulders and stay focused.
I did join a few yahoo groups back then, mostly lurking, to understand and learn more about surgeons and their techniques. Instead of focusing on negative cases, I found others who were happy and successful in thier new roles and sought them out for advice. Of course their advice would be the same thing I would say today when asked.
I did have a few TS girlfriends and we would sometimes hang out, go shopping, go out to eat, etc. One thing that happened right away though is we started losing interest in each other. The only thing we had in common was the sex change bit, other than that our lives were pretty divergent. I helped a few girls out with electrolysis treatments, but that was when I first discovered the ones who are just playing around at being girls, to the ones who really want to do it.
After I had been living full time for about a year I sort of lost interest in "the community". I knew what I wanted, I knew how to get there, I had the letters and all I needed now was the cash to get me there. That's when I started falling off the face of the earth. I stopped going to support groups (although I was never really an active participant), stopped talking online, stopped browsing surgery groups, etc.
Up until that point I had a few other ts girlfriends, I had a good transman friend who I had known from grade school and high school.
One thing about my experience that it taught me, is how to tell the ones who will make it from the ones who won't or never will. In my mind, there is no such thing as a non-transitioning, non-op transsexual. That's the definition of a regular guy or gal, a dreamer, what have you, maybe a CDer. I got sick of those who were hanging around waiting for miracles to happen, or ended up throwing their lives away without thinking the process through. I remember meeting a girl at a party I was invited to in NH who was living full time but with a heavy and I mean heavy beard. I remember talking to her for a few minutes and listening to how she can't get a job and no one would accept her. She was even laughed out of her motor vehicles department and they refused to change her gender to F, even though she had the right paperwork. When I asked why she wasn't doing electrolysis, she said "oh the homones make the facial hair go away". I am guessing that she was unaware of who she was talking to and that I was somehow dumb. It was moments like that when I knew I had to get out for my own sanity. I knew I was doing alright when people started mistaking "me" for the spouse and asking me which person I was with who was the t person
The only other times after that where I met other TS women was going to Montreal for my SRS surgery and when I went to Thailand to get breast augmentation. In Canada there were 3 of us who were having surgery on the same week, so one day we went shopping together and we each bought the same watch and said we would keep it as a sign that we were all in this place at the same time. I still have mine. It has a pewter watchband with dolphins on it. If you have ever had surgery in Montreal and had to walk around the nurses station in the hospital, counting the dolphins on the wall, you wlll understand the significance of the watch. I remember being in Thailand and talking to the other women who were going in for SRS surgery and being there to bring comfort and happiness to thier moment, since I had already lived it and survived
A few people even wrote me afterwards and I received a few cards thanking me for my kindness. It was then when I felt my job was done and that was when I finally lost contact with everything.
I still have 2 ts girlfriends, who have gone on to successful transitions and are living good lives now. But we don't meet face to face anymore. Now it's just a few facebook messages her and there "How's it going?" "Great, how about you?" "I'm doing great too!". My circle of friends is now just regular women.
Which all comes back to, why I am even here? Well after living the good life for a few years I felt I was ready to start talking about what life is like on the other side of sex change street. I wanted people to know it isn't all doom and gloom. I have read other peoples stories on here about the who, what, when, where and why of disclosure. I've been there, done that. So now I have sort of wandered back and this is turning out to be a great outlet for me to show that there really are successful cases out there and maybe offer some positive affirmation or hope
