Quote from: At_A_Loss on July 19, 2012, 11:08:19 PM
My depression has been getting worse as my frustration builds, and I am so close to just giving up, which would make things worse for me emotionally and in other area's. I have been on HRT since the middle of November 2011 and have not really seen any physical changes yet. So, if anyone out there can help me, I am begging you to do so. It took me thirty years to finally try and live as who I really am, I hate to think this could be the end of my dream.
Hi At_A_Loss, many of us here, including myself, struggle with depression now or in the past. Please know that you are not alone. There are quite a few Northwest members of Susans, and we are happy you are adding us to your network of support. Depression can be very painful, and makes every thing else we have to deal with that much harder. Please make sure you take care of yourself and get treatment for depression so you will be able to feel again the little daily joys that come with living as the person you really are.
Regarding your frustration with physical changes, have you discussed your concerns with your physician and talked about your goals for treatment? Everyone is different but after 8 months on HRT if your androgens are being adequately suppressed and your estrogens are sufficient, and there aren't other medical circumstances interfering, you should expect to see some softening of the features around the face and hips, and some noticeable stages of breast development, and perhaps some lightening of your body (but not facial) hair. Are you working with a physician who is experienced in supervising male to female hormone therapy? It pays to have an experienced doctor who knows how to adjust your treatments and dosages to get the best results while protecting and maintaining your health. Are you extremely thin? Even cisgender women have a hard time seeing breast development if they are underweight. I would discuss your concerns with your physician.
My heart goes out to you in dealing with disability and a very low income! That is never easy. It can be demoralizing when you have waited so long to be the woman you long to be, to have to shave and face daily the results of a lifetime of too much testosterone. But remember that many cisgender women, including my first wife who had polycystic ovaries and a benign pituitary tumor, also struggle with male pattern facial hair. It does not in any way detract from the fact that you are a woman and can be beautiful and confident in your own skin.
You will find other members at Susans who are unable to get electrolysis or laser hair removal but who successfully and happily transition - with skillfully applied shaving and makeup - as part of their ongoing daily woman's routine.
You will find members at Susans who are unable to take HRT or whose bodies do not respond as they would like to it, who successfully and happily transition as well. Breast forms, padded bras, or breast augmentation for some may be part of the mix, and learning to select and wear the clothes that flatter your form and personal style.
You have already come so far, by understanding and accepting who you are. Congratulations! That is the hardest step. You can live, as you, today, and be happy, today.
We will be glad to share your frustrations and victories along the way to where you want to go, but don't forget to hug yourself and thank you for having the courage to get you to this point!
HUGS,
Madeline