Hi everyone,

A while ago I was on this internet site:
http://androgyne.0catch.com/
and what struck me most was this bit:

(Quote: )
"many androgynes are androgyne without looking the part. The word androgynous can apply to both superficial and psychological characteristics, whereas the word androgyne pertains almost specifically to gender identity, not to looks. Just as all squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares, all androgynes are (psychologically) androgynous but not all androgynous(-looking) people are androgynes."

Now, I thought, hallelujah, finally!! This is me, I may not look that much of a man, and most people who think of androgynes think that automatically you also look like the other gender, or at least try to as much as you can.
Like I said before, I don't dress very feminine, but if you don't know about my genderidentity, no-one would, from my appearance, think that my genderidentity is something that has such an enormous influence and impact on my life.

For me, my genderidentity is not in the way I look or dress. It is in how I feel. In who I am. It is in my attitude, character, in how I think, it is drenched in everything that is me.
No, I would never dress up in pink with high heels and a handbag, to take the stereotype for example that my boss was telling about a few days ago. To make it less stereotype, you will hardly ever see me in a dress of any kind at all. I wear mostly black, or jeans and t-shirt and I am pretty heavily tattood. I will never feel at ease in the typical women's look. So in that way it's not completely loose from my appearance.

Okay, I don't like being labelled as a woman. I might look like one to most people, which I do not mind soooo much, because being a woman is also a part of who I am. After all, I am both and neither. But when I have to fill out a paper or something, I always hate to make a choice between male and female. They both don't fit.
Still, I choose (for multiple reasons) to not alter my appearance more.

How important is appearance for you? If you see my pic you probably see a woman. I, personally, find it important to let people know that this doesn't make me one. I think there are many more people like me, people who don't dress extreme, but still are androgyn.
An other quote from the webside I talked about earlier on:

"Many psychological androgynes do not understand who and what they are. They may agonize for years, wondering how it is that they can feel androgynous if they don't look that way. Self-perception and self-identification are often problematic for androgynes because, in many cases, their androgyneity is not readily apparent."

And yes, it did take me a long time to get rid of this confusion. I  may still struggle with it sometimes, the biggest part is gone. I feel stronger and more self-conscious then ever about my gender identity. The confusion I do have sometimes mostly doesn't take too long for me to get rid of again.
But I do think that there are still so many misconceptions about this!

Appearances? I don't feel a need to look physically androgynous, but wouldn't mind if I did. Wouldn't mind if I looked male either. I'm a pretty and interesting looking woman which is fine and dandy with me.

I'm content with my body, which is unmistakably female. My breasts are neither too large nor too small, I even like my feet. I dress casually, jeans, shirt... the same things any male or female might wear. I wear a dress (never pink & no high heels!) if the occasion calls for it, or a tux with tails if I'm feeling individualistic. (I'm thinking elegant silk tunic for the next wedding invite, unisex formal attire is hard to find!) Point is, I wear what I want without regard to gender. Mens clothes, womans clothes, all clothes are a costume to me. For many years I've joked that I'm a crossdresser and no one has noticed it yet. If it fits, looks good on my frame, feels comfortable, I'll wear it - providing I like the color of course. I frequently receive compliment on my stylishness from men and woman.

What makes one an Androgyne is what is inside. I've been aware of it for decades. I knew I was a girl physically, no problem with that. But part of what makes me an Androgyne is, I think, I would have been equally content if I had been born male. It doesn't bother me to check the Female box on a form, it's only a biological thing. My soul is always genderless, or perhaps 'genderful'. I find gender roles to be illogical, always have. I hunt, fish, love jewelry, wear makeup. Nothing is forbidden. And yet I don't like the extremes attributed to gender. Girly, frilly things hold no appeal. Spectator sports on TV are dull, but I will participle in them.

I found the website of which you speak of about a year and a half ago. It was the first time I knew the name of my gender identity. It was a revelation! Shortly after, I saw one of my dearest friends and excitedly said, "I'm an Androgyne!" She laughed and said she knew that ages ago, I had told her many years prior but didn't use the word 'Androgyne'.

The only struggle with my gender identity was finding the name for it.

-Emerald 

I just want to look as nice as it is possible for someone like me to look. I would like to feel free to play with more feminine styles and female clothing, but there is not enough acceptance for that to be practical. I don't want to stand out much physically, it is what I say and do that makes me who I am.

I also found that description online a couple of years ago and it made a lot of sense towards understanding myself. Androgyne is who I am inside, not what I look like. That said, I would enjoy being able to express a more feminine outward appearance, but living in a rural area isn't always the safest place to do that.

zythyra

SyL,
This is a good message to emphasize. Good in seeing how Androgyny affects different people is in different ways, even in non physical appearance ways. I would like to continue to read more about how psychological androgyne affects you and your experiences.

Kendall

Thanks for all your reactions! Emerald, you make me smile behind my computer! I do recognize quite some things in what you say, though definitely not the jewelry and make-up part    (you should see me trying to put make-up on my face, I tried it a few times at special occasions in the past and before I know I look like an idiot with color everywhere where it shouldn't be haha and that's me sweating and cursing behind my mirror )
I will post a longer reply and think about your question Kendall. It might take a few days because a new workweek starts and I am often to tired after work to take the time in writing.

When I try make-up, I look punched. Which is a pity, I have beautifully long ginger eyelashes.

Oh I think Androgyny is all about whats on the inside....

Just b/c I don't dress up or blur my gender physically doesn't negate who I am...

Sure you can express it, but I don't think thats the core or defining part of the issue.

-Nessa

wow there are 2 threads on appearance so it must be an important topic wish there was an easy salution to all this it does seem that maybe one is linked to the other to various degrees and is more important to some than others. i always wonder how far is 2 far with the appeance thing and do we sometimes consentrte to much effort on it.

I spose it is easier to talk about external things.

i guess i'm the exception here. For me, appearance is very important because i want others to see me the same way i do. i am careful to dress very androgynously, only wearing clothes from the men's department and binding to make up for my female body. i almost never wear female clothes because then i'm too obviously a woman, and i HATE being seen that way. The few woman's shirts i do own i got as gifts - anything i choose is from the men's department.