Hello there,
I just found this site earlier today and haven't left it since (work can wait!). I'll most likely develop into a fulltime lurker, but figured I might aswell try to be abit social and atleast say "hello there".
I'm Sarah, entitled "Queen of Silly" by my girlfriend because apparently I'm very silly, and do silly things, like become very suprised when people find me attractive or that I look good. I'm twenty-four years of age, about to turn twenty-five in a few months. I've always felt abit reluctent to call myself transsexual or MtF, but for all intents and purposes, sure, I'm MtF. I was born male, I never felt I was a boy, but then again I never felt I was a girl or a woman either, I've always felt like "me", I'm Sarah, and the sum of my choises, actions and experiences make up who I am. I do prefer to live as a woman, which is what I'm current do, been on hormones for some eight months now and being generally shocked at the positive results. It's been going great so far, every single person around me, family, close friends, and then some 30-40 aquaintences all responding positivly to my request to be called Sarah and want to be called by female pronouns. I never really tried to pass as female, as passing for me have never been something I require, that said people who don't know me who see me on the the street, or in stores, the bus etc, percieve me as female which have shot my confidence through the roof. I've been very lucky in some aspects, even before I started with hormones, my hips looked more female then male, I had little facial hair which, with the expetion of a few diehard hairs, how now all disappared, even after such a short time with hormones I already got breasts of a size and form that I'm satisfied with.
Generally my life is going great, I currently work as a writer/director for plays and I just love it because it's the job of my dreams. My next project is my biggest and most personal yet and will focus on transphobia as a major theme. Before I used to work as a actor in theater, but me, being a introverted bugger, found it less then ideal, but I had none the less found the field which I want to work with, theater. I'm a silly little bugger, as mentioned before, I play alot of games, almost exclustivly PC games, and I'm bloody good at them too. It was in Guild Wars 2 I met my girlfriend. I've been playing games since I've been born pretty much and it's a hobby that will live me forever. I also got other minor hobbies, like sewing and creating my own clothes of my own design, I really enjoy cooking, and eating fine food. (Which got a ironic twist, but more on that later.)
This christmas I took the entirety of my old wardrobe home over chrismas and donated it to my younger brother, it was just taking up space in my very limited wardrobe space. And even though I did this, I went home with even more clothes then I left my home with, because from all over the place, my father, my mother, my sister, I got clothes, wonderful female clothes. I much prefer female clothes, can't really say why, they just feel more, me. That doesn't stop me from going out with a military beret and my favourit bomberjacket though. The generosity from my family was very heartwarming.
One of the most important people in my life have definently been Sofia, my former girlfriend. Nobody else have helped me and done so much to help me achieve what I want then her, without her I wouldn't be here, it was thanks to her that I for the first time ever truly felt that things could change, I didn't have to live as a bloke and feel awful about it, I could live however I wanted, with whatever clothes I wanted, with whatever name I wanted, using whatever pronoun I wanted. She gave me that, the inital spark of confidence that have since catapulted me to my current height.
Now some flaws, we all have them. I got anorexia, although having it mostly under control, I got no problems with anxiety, counting calories, stopping myself when I try to eat. The effects of living with it for so long (some 9+ years) have resulted in me rarely feeling hunger and just forgetting to eat. I can go 2-3 days without eating, without noticing it. It's a struggle that I fight every day, and I'm currently not winning. But it could be worse. Funny, having anorexia and at the same time have food as one of my strongest passions in life. Being transgender I've had close to no gender dysphoria, save for that small little bold of cancer that have manifested between me legs. Just typing that sentence was difficult for me. It's been the source of so much anxiety that I've come to just ignore it, it's not there, it does not exist. And now I'm looking at SRS sometime fall/winter this year which have opened this particular can of worms...This is intresting, I can't get myself to continue writing about it. So yeah, got some issues. Lord, that had a much heavier effect then I could even imagine. Putting it into words.
Right, that was a long ish, and I'm sure, abit "what?, huh?, wha?" introduction to the Queen of Silly. Now I question whether I should post it or not, seeing as it might not be 100% perfect! (I'm abit of a perfectionist when it comes to my own work.) Ah what the hell, it doesn't make total sence, I won't be eaten alive because of it, and I'm talking to myself right now rather then try to type a introduction, excellent!
So, I'm Sarah, future lurker and hopefully future poster if I can gather the courage.
/S
