Thank you for the suggestion.

Yes, I have something coming up and I was thinking of that exact thing. There would not be a whole lot of free time but I would have 2 evenings free. I was thinking perhaps experimenting with makeup.

worrying about the mail deliveries, but what will be will be.

Thanks, hugs 

Name change to Cynthia Michelle from cynthiajonesmtf. Definately me!

No headache today, No stomach ache today.

I finally forgave myself and want to transition my mind and spirit and will keep open the possibilities of my body. I will experiance HRT but I will keep open and see how the future unfolds. 2/19/2013 is when the bloodwork for HRT is done. I am excited for the possibility. I need to work on a plan to tell my SO I an TG. I need to be honest, open, happy and have joy about who I am. No going back to hiding. I am starting to feel good and accepting of myself. I hope for the best and I will plan for otherwise.

you really need to tell her before you start HRT

Thank you.

I know I need to inform her. The earliest HRT would probably be a week after the appointment on the 19th. I may need to delay but I will fill the script and when the green light occurs I will be all set. The therapist said I need to slow down and not rush. I need to listen to her and be able to articulate a conversation about a subject that I was just able to look at the therapist in the face last week. I have a lot of baggage but I am cleaning the slate.

You are right I need to be able to do things in the correct sequence. Just informing her I am TG is big. Then add my change in Primary to a LGBT center, than therapy and then the desire to attend support, attent the 3 day TG event in Phily May 31 to June 2nd next add in clothing and HRT.

I need to make a plan with milestones and objectives. I need to find out how much inforamtion, change and acceptance  a person can absorb at any given time. Perhaps the therapist can help.

Just remenbered. When I was getting my drivers license I had to submit my application and take a written the pratical test. The State trooper said, " Son is that how you spell your name"? I has spelt Micheal, Michelle, for my middle name. The Trooper said fix it. He had a real mean voice. Funny!

Just sharing:

Came close to telling a coworker today I am TG and Bi. I had a hard time looking at him. I disclosed I am going to therapy weekly with one person and monthly with another. I gave statistics about suicide 60% attempt and 26% succeed. We shared suicide stories. He is an awesome influence and is a budest and attending retreats and goes to a Temple in the Gayborhood in Philly. I go to 2 LGBTQ centers there and my primary physician is in one center in the hood, very cool.

I shared some of the things I am trying to address such as learning to feel, remember my past ( he too has childhood past memory suppression), accepting who I am and trusting others ( We are both recovering alcoholics too). I shared the 99.98 %of society can not grasp what I am because they have no reference, they are just not able to understand. I expressed I am like a fish is a fish tank of acid and I want to learn to be in water. He said he was excited for me to be on a journey and good luck. I told him trusting people is really difficult and it is about a survival mechanism and that people hate people like me. I said if I told him he would look at me differently and think of me differently. I plan to tell him by Friday. Any thoughts would be appreciated. I will also review this with the therapist Wednesday.

I would like to wear my choker and bracelet, 24 hours a day, both with Trans* symbolism on them. I know you girls are so much more confident and way ahead of me but I think this desire is huge for me. Prior to this I will attend a few LGBT meetings at work and find out what they are about.

DO NOT COME OUT TO COWORKERS YET!

You are far to early in this process to come out to co-workers no matter how wonderful and enlightened they may be.
You have not even come out to your wife yet. You have just recently started to really delve into your psyche.

I understand that you are chomping at the bit and want to come clean with the world but comeing out prematurly can be a bad idea.
Also I know a number of girls who will say they wish that they had handled their coming out a lot more quiet and discretely.

Get some more therapy under your belt and build more coping mechanisms to deal with the potential rejections in the future.

(I know I am all like a wet blanket and no fun.)

Thank you, I appreciate your advice. Hugs

I just came home and read your post. I told him today and he was great ( I was very lucky and I totally understand and things could have gone very bad). I could have been the talk at work, huge risk. I was premature I know and will be more cairful in the future. I agree I need more therapy time and I need to disclose to my wife. She will be next when the therapist agrees I am ready.

We had a mutual friend that move away about 10 years ago and he transitioned and had SRS. We discussed the issue in the past many times and he said how he must have been in pain and how he wished he has shared his issues with him.

I asked my co-worker if he thought I should disclose this to my boss. He said only if I plan to wear a dress to work then tell him first. Other than that you are best keeping it private. He has better judgement then me about this, especially now. Cyntialee, you too have great judgement in this and it was too soon, I shall be more guarded in the future.

2/19/2013 is when I have a physical and bloodwork done for HRT. I guess I wanted things to progress faster and I need to let things progress at its own pace. Where was my head when I asked if I should share with the boss?  What was I thinking.

Panties came in the mail and the wife did not open the package, why? Wearing them now and a perfect fit 6M, soooooo colorful. I have a smile on my face. If she opened them then what? I need to use better judgement but it is so difficult. What was I thinking? From complete repression to what I am doing now, very risky.

I have a splitting head ach. I have only had 1 day since 12/5/2012 with out a head ach. Is this common?

you need to go to a doctor about these headaches, we are not doctors here and the few who might be are not going to even try to diagnos you online

Does the company you work for have an HR department?
If so then alot of the work you have ahead of you may have already been done by a previous transitioner. Don't say it can't happen, it has in the past.
If there is an HR department you need to find out their policies and procedures in place if a person tansitions at work. Chances are they won't have them, but they might. If they do not they will start looking around the resourses of the HR world and find out the established practices that have worked in other companies. (they even have HR forums out there, so they are networked) Any established practices they may find will probably be half way decent as is and only need to be tailored to the company.

I am exceptionally lucky. Work has a diversity Department and a LGBT panel with execuative sponsor. We have policies and transg* is specifically mentioned with respect to the policies.

I saw the Therapist today and she  recommended not coming out further at work for now. She recommeded coming out to my wife, most difficult and highest stake person, whan I am ready. We worked on timing and how to open the conversation and what I was going to say. I may come out this week or next. We discussed the potential high emotions that may be expressed, hurt and the potential of a break-up.

I love going to the therapist. Putting things into perspective, feeling more comfortable with being trans and bi is a wonderful feeling. I am comfortable goin to the LGBTQ center now too. Looking around and reading the different material and viewing the art work and listening to conversations is enlightning. I can not believe I denied myself this revlief and understanding. We spoke briefly about my appt, for blood work for HRT and timing. I want HRT but I am not ready yet. I need to get things in order. 

Sounds like you have a good therapist and a good work place. Listen to her advice.

One thing some of us do is make a roadmap of landmarks we need to attain along our path to congruence. Perhaps as a timeline or just as a general framework.

Thank you, hugs.

Timed dependent goals is good advise, thanks.

I need some advise. When I was at the therapist I inquired about my bloodwork on the 19th and what to expect and when I could start or get a script for HRT. She said providing there is not a medical reason they are informed consent so when the bloodwork came back, and it is ok then you could get a script. Then she said you are older (50) and have diabetes ( under control with weight loss,  diet and exercise for 15 years). So that can be an issue.

I have obsessed over this since Wednesday. I have had a bit of a bad time with this but not world war III. I have not been honest. I said to her and here that I am open to a future what ever it will be. This is a lie. I want HRT. Edited, content deleted as requested.

If I can not trasition, even with very low dose, then I do not know . I will be stuck in hell, left behind because of my body, again. If this happens then I not be happy and there will be no joy for me, ever. My heart rate is 50, 125/67 blood pressure,  20/25 vision, my triglicerides are very low, colesterol is fantastic, long term sugar is a 5, BMI 127. What are my options if they will not provide HRT? Does anyone have diabetes II and on HRT? I have 10 days plus lab time before I know what direction I can go.

I am dishonest to even myself. When the thrapist mentioned age and diabetes and a limiting factor I felt like I hit a brick wall going 20 MPH. I now know to the extent my mind deceives myself and others. I am not honest. This is amout me and no one else. Selfish, yes.

I am sure that they can safely administer HRT inspite of the diabetes.
You just need to pay attention and follow doctors orders.

(Could you please not include your sexual fantasies in this thread? There is a sexuality forum where they would be more apropriate and in a place I tend to avoid.)

It is triggering for me in some ways.

Sorry, post edited.

I hope you are correct.

I have come to know more about myself in the past 2 1/2 months than I have in 50 years.

sounds about right


and the neat thing?
the revelations and inner insight stuff will keep on for at least a year

The first year of my transition was scary and wild for me, but there was so much I learned and discovered. I almost miss it. almost

Cynthia Michelle,

You are definitely not alone here hon, May are in the same boat, myself as well, and many have been there and are here to share their wisdom and experience and help you through this time.  I understand your fear, for your family, you job,...  It's hard.  just remember we here are a family and we can understand where others can't.

Be safe, attend your appointments and keep walking.

C.

i am in need of seriouse help. i dont knwo where to start and what to do first... i really want to start my hormones. were do i get them? anyone help please
Claire

Quote from: scaredtostart23 on February 10, 2013, 08:53:50 AM
i am in need of seriouse help. i dont knwo where to start and what to do first... i really want to start my hormones. were do i get them? anyone help please
Claire

Hi Claire,
Welcome to the group!

If you are serious about getting started then I would suggest starting with a gender therapist and this forum. It is too soon to talk hormones and surgery at this time.

Claire, Cynthialee is 100% on target. Support here will help and a gender therapist is awesome help. I would add that a informed consent model center can assist with HRT.

Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on February 09, 2013, 05:39:42 PM
I need some advise. When I was at the therapist I inquired about my bloodwork on the 19th and what to expect and when I could start or get a script for HRT. She said providing there is not a medical reason they are informed consent so when the bloodwork came back, and it is ok then you could get a script. Then she said you are older (50) and have diabetes ( under control with weight loss,  diet and exercise for 15 years). So that can be an issue.

I'm pretty sure Cynthialee is right. What it sounds like your doc may be saying is more of a warning that HRT may not be as effective given age and diabetes.

However, given your other stats it sounds like you have the Type II diabetes under control which ought to be a good thing, along with your otherwise seeming good heath overall. I don't know the status of your diabetes and it tends to complicate many things, but it's not necessarily, especially if you're controlling it well, a bad thing... but it does mean its something that may need to be monitored more closely as you proceed.

I'm not in transition yet myself, so I can't offer specifics. I got a type II diabetes Dx about a year ago, but since then have managed to control it, and lose much of the weight that led to it, and I'm presently free of the need for insulin to manage it, now that my weight and diet are closer to what they should be. My inadequate insurance and iffy finances are the main things right now that prevent my moving forward, since I do realize that I will need to spend considerable resources and have a more stable ongoing income if I'm going to move forward at all in transitioning without taking insane risks.