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Mangled roles here in this marriage

Started by Lesley_Roberta, February 12, 2013, 06:01:45 AM

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Lesley_Roberta

Ok she doesn't want this and she doesn't want that, and she can't cope with this, and that would bother her.

But what about me?

I married a woman, but, I hardly get to see her.

She married what she thought was a man, and I can understand that. But it is time she realized, all that she claims to like about me, it's still there, but, the labels were wrong.

We have heard all the cliches, the old fashioned stereo types, the sexist preconceptions, but, sometimes they are not inaccurate.

She wants me to be her husband, but, the thing is, she is currently doing a better job at it than me. And frankly, I would not be offended if I was called her wife.

She tells me she doesn't want to be married to a woman, and my current thoughts are, ok why not?
Because everything about me, is hardly masculine, and I AM a woman inside here. So what is it she is so damned determined to keep?
Is it the sex organ between my legs? Well then, what's wrong with her using it?
Generally when you get in a person's face about refusing to give something up, it's because you want to keep it.
I tend to like using the things I really like.

I feel more like Mrs Lesley Roberta, I sure don't feel like Mr Leslie Robert that's for damned sure.
And she doesn't appear to be interested in being my Mrs either.
Most happily married couples tend to have sex. Well they do right? Eventually? At least some times right?
If your wife never ever ever ever shows up in the morning with a 'lets screw' look on her face, it tends to look like SHE doesn't want it.
No matter how willing she is to let ME have sex with her, if it always seems like me doing it TO her, it tends to make ME feel like she couldn't care less.
Reduced sex drive doesn't mean non existent sex drive.

It's two days till Valentines as I right this, and I feel hurt.
I'm writing it her, so I can at least have said it somewhere where she might read it and at least know I said it THIS way, and not be remembered later differently. She seems to have lousy memory some times. 'You didn't say that' is something I get to deal with a lot.
I have been wanting to do a really nice cake for Valentines. But I am feeling like the ignored wife.
I might as well be the ignored wife.
She sure isn't the ignored wife.
I'm almost feeling like saying to heck with Valentines.
Oh she is so not pulling the 'I was ignoring you' card on me, cold shoulder my ass. She is NOT going to get to pretend she can hide behind any classic cliche atypical female role behavioral patterns. Sorry dear, you're not the only woman here.

I have no idea how to be the 'husband' in this relationship.
I can't cut the grass (I have none).
I have no garage to clean out.
There's no basement to attend to.
I rent, I can't really do anything to the place.
I don't go to work, I don't work, haven't since 1994.
I don't have a car to maintain.

My life is the life of an atypical, cliche old fashioned, stay at home mom.
I wash dishes.
I sweep and mop the floor.
I clean walls, doors cabinets whatever surface needs attention.
I pick up clutter and garbage.
I see to the bathroom cleaning.
I vacuum.
I shop for the groceries.
I make meals.
I bake.

I don't do the laundry, and the only reason I don't is so she at least has a chore assigned to her. There's nothing preventing me from doing the laundry. My son does his own, and to be honest, I think it is because he got tired of waiting for his mom to do it.

She helps him with homework, but lets be honest, he's 18, and if he doesn't want to put out the effort to get his diploma polished off, it's his business now. I'm done needing to worry about raising him, he's a grown man. I don't tell him what he can or can't do in his own room. I can tell him what I think of choices, but frankly, if he wants to have sex with a girl in there for instance, try and keep the noise down.

If I am NOT her wife, then I am her husband. Well that is the normal conclusion. Can you be a wife and a wife and be married?
How do same sex couples arrange that? I ask, because I wonder, can I legally be a wife too? Should I start telling people my name is Mrs Lesley Roberta regardless of her also being called Mrs Mary Ellen? (her name is Mary of course).
I'm already not interested in being spoken to with sir mister, he him his and all the rest of it. I'd rather be aunt Lesley Roberta. I don't look forward to being grandpa.

I'm tired of waking, and not because my wife is running her hand over my bare ass and whispering some comment designed to have me get ready to get it on. It is just another day, I wake and it is just another day, and while I can wake her and let her know I'd rather ejaculate in her that morning, the thing is, I'd rather be occasionally woken and told she wanted me to do that.

It never happens, and I am tired of it always being defaulted to, I don't have any need myself. What about my need?
What's the point of her insisting I look like a man, act like a man and perform like a man, if she doesn't need a man?
I'd rather get some really pretty earrings I saw from Avon for Valentines eh. They were quartz and light pale pink and shaped like roses.
I have absolutely no idea what she would get me for Valentines, if she were to get me something. I sure don't want anything you'd get for a man. I have ZERO interest in men's hygiene needs products. If it has the word Musk on it, pass.

The cake I want to bake, it screams out 'what a woman gives to her husband on Valentines'.
I'm not her wife, I'M the husband....well so she insists.
Well being TG is no treat, but becoming separated has sure caused me more trouble that being TG ever will be. So if I post, consider it me trying to distract myself from being lonely, not my needing to discuss being TG. I don't want to be separated a lot more than not wanting to be male looking.
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lavistaa

Good for you,  getting this out there.  Wives have to get used to their husbands (male or female)  not listening well.   Does she not listen or is the accusation aimed at you?   What can be done,  from the bucket of things in your power to improve the situation?
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Lesley_Roberta

My 'wife' is effectively my 'husband'.

She doesn't like me calling her my husband, but as they say, if the shoe fits....

This morning, I did NOT wake and play, nope, I woke and did the vacuuming. I just finished washing the cupboard doors and the usual hand contact surfaces that get grimy like light switches and door handles. I have washed the dishes.

Oh but a man can do all of that you say.... yes so what. What's the point in telling that to me, I'm not a man.

I got picked to be the 'husband' 27 years ago, but I am sure no Al Bundy that's for damn sure.
No sitting on the sofa watching the game while she cleans.
No drinking beer with the guys while she cooks dinner.
I have no one iota of a cliche man in my life.

But for some reason I can't fathom, I'm expected to just wear the label.

Anyone calling me manly is going to get a kick in the crotch.

There are plenty of things I'd like to be doing right now, but housework is hardly top of my list.
I likely will go for my usual walk, but mainly because I need a new broom and a dish drying rack and tray.

I'm almost thinking I should just have a headache this thursday morning.
Well being TG is no treat, but becoming separated has sure caused me more trouble that being TG ever will be. So if I post, consider it me trying to distract myself from being lonely, not my needing to discuss being TG. I don't want to be separated a lot more than not wanting to be male looking.
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spacial

Big huggggs Lesley.

There's a load of things for you to work out. One the bright side, you're smart enough to work each out to your own satisfaction.
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