Quote from: FTMDiaries on February 20, 2013, 08:39:00 AM


I feel for you. I have family members with psoriasis so severe that they've had to go on chemotherapy, so I have an inkling of how difficult that must be.

I have heard that HRT can make excema worse but transitioning seems to be helping my skin, now that my legs are clear of hair they have had no excema flare ups, my arms are improving but they've not had as much epilation, I don't know if the hairs were the cause of the itching or if it's the slight drop in body temperature that's helping as heat is one of the main triggers, the only problem area now is my face & that's mainly from shaving.
The other major trigger is stress & the first psychiatrist (non-gender) I saw thinks that having the harmony of my body matching my mind will be a big help, fingers crossed.

This post starts out with me whinging yet again but stick with & you'll see a brighter me by the end of it.

Yesterday my benefits didn't turn up, I had enough food for the day & 45p, I phoned up & was told it will be in Monday but it was too late in the day to get a crisis loan, I was given the details for the Salvation armies local food bank to go to today.
This felt like the final straw & I considered going to the hospital & asking to be admitted to be kept under observation to prevent me from doing something stupid (I have stockpiled 20 - 30 sleeping tablets over the last month!).
I decided that seeing Poopie would cheer me up but knew that saying goodbye in that state of mind was dangerous as it always upsets me, I sent my ex a message asking if I could stay the night so I didn't have to say goodbye, I told her that I've had to have my sleeping tablets locked away so I didn't do something stupid (any normal person would know what that meant but she's got less empathy than a rotten log)

I took 2 sleeping tablets hoping to get some sleep without being woken up by my neighbours music for once but all the tablets did was put me in a dopey, drugged up daze.
At 7 ish this morning my ex woke up, she came downstairs & started moaning that she'd put the heating up to heat the spare room & that was why she had woken up drenched in sweat, I said sorry & got the sarcastic reply "I know you are" when she replies to an apology in this manner what she means is "you are sorry, as in a sorry excuse"
My response was to tell her I wasn't in the mood for her attitude so I was going to go, I wanted to just get my stuff & leave before an argument kicked off but she wouldn't let it lie, she was determined to have an argument.
She then told me that if I was going to throw a hissy fit then she would throw me out of the house & never let me return even though she's got my dog, I told her that if she was going to ban me from the house then the dog would be coming with me.
In the argument that followed she confessed that the only reason she's stayed friends with me is so she could someday get the dog (MY DOG!!), it's no coincidence that last night I told her that I should have a place in a month where I'm allowed to have my dog back (she slipped up & gave a filthy look at that news, it was brief but unmistakable)
She obviously went out of her way to start an argument to justify kicking me out so I couldn't have my Poopie.

I told her that if she tried to stop me then I'd phone the police, she smugly announced that they'd not get involved so i pointed out that they'd be interested in her plant growing stuff in the double bedroom, she responded that there were no plants so the stuff was not illegal, the smug smile evaporated when I pointed out that she had a large quantity somewhere around the house that the police would be interested in (the amount she has would get her classed as a dealer even though she isn't).

The end result is I know have my dog, I'm not allowed to have him at the hostel & have to speak to the manager on Monday, the staff have said that the worst outcome will be 28 days notice of eviction but as I've made an effort to keep him elsewhere they will take that into account.
The flat that I'm allowed to have the dog in will be ready in a month so I may just scrape through.

the downside is that the things she said were uber spiteful, at one point she stood in the door wearing a short t-shirt with her bits hanging out for all to see, I told her to go F herself & she replied "I don't have to cause I'm a real woman unlike you" as she grabbed her crotch, how could I have ever loved this???
I now see that she's pure poison & her attempt to take my dog from me has seriously backfired, especially when you consider I've already offered to let the dog spend weekends with her when I get a place.
She's gone from the offer of having him at weekends to never seeing him again.

I've got my doggie back, yay!!!

Yay - Poopie's back!

Are you ok for food etc. (for both of you) until your money comes in on Monday? I live just up the road and am happy to help if you're in a bind.

Thanks for the offer but i'm going to phone my mum & see if she'll lend me a tenner till Monday, i'll have to keep the depression bottled up whilst I see her which isn't going to be easy.
If she wont/can't lend me some money i'll sell a couple of games & DVD's that i'm bored to death of.

My happiness at having Poopie curled up next to me is seriously dented by what was said to me this morning but at least I know the truth now, my ex only kept me as a friend to try & get the dog, she also screeched that she's had great fun seeing my life fall apart over the last 2 years.
I've put up with 2 years of snide comments & being blamed for everything that went wrong in her life over the last 10 yrs because I felt guilty, for the first time since we split I no longer feel guilt, it's lifted a huge weight from my soul

A big thank you to everyone who's supported me on this forum over the last 2 yrs, I couldn't have made it this far without you all

I'm sending the worlds biggest group hug to each & every one of you

Jayne

No worries - the offer still stands if you need it; PM me any time. You're not alone.

It sounds like you're well rid of your ex and her abusive behaviour. As much as it hurts, cutting her out of your life is probably the healthiest thing you can do right now. And Poopie will certainly help you come out the other side.

Big hug right back atcha, and a pat on the head for Poopie.

Poopie enjoyed the pat on the head.

With him here there's little chance of me doing something stupid, I now have a life that depends on me.
When I was in my early 20's I tried to end it all as my excema got so bad I was down to raw flesh for months & couldn't take it, I waited until my friend went away for the weekend but I couldn't bring myself to do it because his Rottie wouldn't leave my side, he knew what I was planning.
All I could think was if I did it then the dog would go days without food.

Poopie never leaves my side so i'll not be alone anymore, also I should be safer going out en femme with him at my side

Quote from: Jayne on February 23, 2013, 07:30:26 AM
With him here there's little chance of me doing something stupid, I now have a life that depends on me.

My thoughts exactly.

He'll help you get through the dark times to the brighter days ahead. Good boy, Poopie!

Quote from: Jayne on February 23, 2013, 07:30:26 AM
Poopie never leaves my side so i'll not be alone anymore, also I should be safer going out en femme with him at my side

A double bonus. Loving companionship, together with an extra level of safety to help you with your RLE.