I had been seeing my therapist for 4 months without saying a word about being trans. I finally couldn't take it anymore and worked up the courage to tell her. When I did tell her she was completely ok with and she told me that she was trained to work with trans people and she was the only one within 30 miles. Finding this out felt like it was destiny and gave me a lot more drive.

Probably too simple for me. I am a rather outgoing personality and rarely care to beat around the bush on any subject and much prefer just cutting to the chase. I might take after a female version of Larry the Cable Guy but would hate to be seen like that! My therapist and I had an amicable conversation, I didn't present her with any dramatics as I knew that she had a sensitive BS detector. I told her what my plan was and why and then presented her with a letter I had composed from her to a certain urologist that I wanted her to sign so that I could have an orchiectomy. I had already been seeing a well known MD for HRT prior to that and also had a letter from an endocrinologist suggesting an orchiectomy. Since my counselor has been in a thirty year lesbian relationship and knew that I am married to a rather nice woman, she had absolutely no objections to signing. Needless to say I didn't spend much time in counseling although I do go see her occasionally as I feel the need.

Thanks everyone for sharing their stories.  It helps me a lot.  Tomorrow is the big day.  I actually had enough courage to come out to my ex-gf and now great friend this weekend.  It's been hard for both of us but it has made me feel a lot better.

Have you guys had a significant other keep saying things like: "don't change",  "i like the way you are"..how do you guys deal with it?   She also said she misses being loved by someone and she is taking it really hard

Holly, I'm going through something really similar with my wife right now. It's really difficult to hear things like "I just want you to be the same,"  "the person I loved is dead," or "I don't think I can ever call you Chloe." I'm trying really hard to not take it personally because I know it's not necessarily meant as personal attacks but is just her trying to make sense of this new and hugely different situation. That doesn't change the fact that it stabs me through the heart every time, but I'm really trying to give her time to sort through her shock. Someone gave me a great piece of advice on here in the aftermath of me coming out to her: we've had years and years in which to sort through our trans selves while our SOs are mostly hearing about this for the first time. We can't expect instant understanding but have to just hope that time will dull the hurt and they'll come to realize that we're still the people they love, we're just not fighting ourselves any more.

Quotewe've had years and years in which to sort through our trans selves while our SOs are mostly hearing about this for the first time

This is so true.  It's been going through my head consciously and subconsciously since I can remember (4th grade or so~).  I have finally came out to myself these past 4 weeks.  And now finally telling someone about it they think its their fault and they blame themselves.  She keeps asking me questions and saying things like "You know if we had a baby it would have 2 moms" and "Are you grossed out by the thought of having a baby with me?"..we were bf and gf the past few months but it ended and now we are friends.

QuoteWe can't expect instant understanding but have to just hope that time will dull the hurt and they'll come to realize that we're still the people they love, we're just not fighting ourselves any more.

Exactly how I feel.  No more fighting and conflict inside us anymore.

That is why so many of us, including myself don't transition fully as we initially wished to, there is always the consideration for your loved ones that can supersede a full and complete transition. For that reason I have become comfortable in an androgynous presentation after many long and heartfelt discussions with the spouse and transitioning incrementally rather than in two years turn around like single people are able to do. If you can't do that, get a lawyer and buy a box of Kleenex because it isn't going to be pretty.

Quote from: holly_ on February 24, 2013, 02:27:41 PM
This is so true.  It's been going through my head consciously and subconsciously since I can remember (4th grade or so~).  I have finally came out to myself these past 4 weeks.  And now finally telling someone about it they think its their fault and they blame themselves.  She keeps asking me questions and saying things like "You know if we had a baby it would have 2 moms" and "Are you grossed out by the thought of having a baby with me?"..we were bf and gf the past few months but it ended and now we are friends.

Exactly how I feel.  No more fighting and conflict inside us anymore.

I'm in a similar boat.  Wow only 3 years ago I finally admitted to myself that I was GD then I admitted that I was TG shortly after that.  That admission scared me.  Need I say it scared me a lot?  I'm 43 married and I do not want to jeopardize our relationship, so after coming out to only a select few, and after one became abusive, I retreated back into a shell where the feelings of dysphoria stewed for a while longer.  I denied and denied thinking that I could ignore it and it'll go away. it didn't so again I have come out to myself but this time the first thing I did after getting on here was go to my GP, I now have an appointment scheduled with a therapist.  I still have not spoken to my wife, yet I think that in the back of her mind she suspects something now.  I still don't know how to talk to her about it and the end of April seems so far away to wait to see a therapist.  My wife and I have both been well practiced head in the sand people and I think she is trying hard to not see what I'm going through.

Quote from: Shantel on February 24, 2013, 03:30:12 PM
That is why so many of us, including myself don't transition fully as we initially wished to, there is always the consideration for your loved ones that can supersede a full and complete transition. For that reason I have become comfortable in an androgynous presentation after many long and heartfelt discussions with the spouse and transitioning incrementally rather than in two years turn around like single people are able to do. If you can't do that, get a lawyer and buy a box of Kleenex because it isn't going to be pretty.

I'm so mixed up on that issue, while I want to transition I wonder if just Low dose HRT would be enough, I then start thinking I could go as far as an orchi and maybe I'd be fine and still be able to live comfortably as my wife's husband, then of course I think that nothing short of full transition with SRS, FFS etc would be enough.  While I don't care much about this body I'm driving now, I know down inside where I am really me, I am incredibly vain and if I can't pass I don't want to go there.  (Note that I'm 43 and Testosterone has ruined my body in the time it's ruled my life.)  I haven't been fully dressed in more than 10 years, it's been all male on the outside for that entire time.  Needless to say I'm torn,  I keep going round and round in those circles and getting nowhere.  I pray the therapist will be able to help me sort it all out.  I just hope I don't break down before then. 

Holly, good luck on your first appointment.

Colleen.

I walked into my first therapy meeting with a cool head... that lasted a few minutes, once I started talking it all just came out, kind of like a ruptured water line, and I did cry a few times. as I pretty much broke down in that session ...

Quote from: Jeepgirl90 on February 24, 2013, 06:34:04 PM
I walked into my first therapy meeting with a cool head... that lasted a few minutes, once I started talking it all just came out, kind of like a ruptured water line, and I did cry a few times. as I pretty much broke down in that session ...

I'm getting prepared for that exact thing too because I know I am going to do just that...

Quote from: holly_ on February 25, 2013, 07:46:56 AM
I'm getting prepared for that exact thing too because I know I am going to do just that...

And that's not a bad thing. My first session was just a half hour kind of 'get to know you' session, and I spent the entire thirty minutes bawling my eyes out. Mind, this therapist was the second person I ever told so my feelings were still raw from the whole ordeal of discovery and two weeks of trying to keep it to myself. At the end of the session I felt so drained, I ended up napping the rest of the day but when I woke up I felt better that I'd gotten it out of my system. One of the problems that I had been having was being an emotional wreck while at work. I would just sit there and spontaneously burst into tears (fortunately, I sit in a cubicle so nobody really noticed). My first session was enough to get me back into work and being semi productive, since it was a huge weight off my chest. While I'm still emotional about the whole thing and still spontaneously burst into tears, I've only been going to her for a month, now, so these things are going to take time.

For me, it felt like the weight of the world was removed.  I like my therapist, and she is easy to talk to and help me see different perspectives.  She has been a huge part of planning my coming out to my wife, and connecting me with other resources.

My first trip was just a couple weeks ago. I'm really guarded though. I feel like I have to answer correctly or she's going to deny me. She seems nice enough and even though she's not trans-centric, she handles many gay and lesbian clients and she's been helpful in getting other appointments and things set up. Like getting my endo stuff going.

I didn't have to really admit anything. I wrote on my entry forms that I was there because I wanted to start HRT and that was basically that. It is a lot easier to talk to her than to my SO though. I don't have any history or expectations to live up. Even though my SO knows about me from before we ever lived together and everything.

I've been in and out of therapy since I was 13. And I didn't tell a single person. To be fair, early on I didn't really have the vocabulary or self awareness to actually know I was trans. But even when I was seriously questioning and on the brink of coming out I didn't say anything. The closest I got was telling hospital staff during an admission that I felt pressure to be more feminine than I was comfortable with growing up. And that was after some serious interrogation from my nurse, because I passed in ER. I wish I had spit it out sooner, maybe not to my first therapist, she was kind of clueless. But my second one when I was 14. That would've made my life so much less complicated. If I knew, anyway if I had just said what was on my mind they would've figured it out.

I'm rambling now. I guess the moral of my story is don't hold anything back. That's what a therapist is for, it's they're job. To hear whatever it is that's on your mind and help you sort it out. Saves a ton of time and energy to just get right to it and not hold anything back, they've heard it all   

Hi,

My first post!

Well, I don't remember feeling nervous or anxious about my first visit, as I was fairly comfortable with who I was at the time: A guy who had been a closeted cross-dresser since the age of 10.
But what I wasn't prepared for was my therapist's response to my story after just three sessions with her, which was "I think you're going to go all the way. I think you will make a complete transition".

I kid you not.

As you can imagine, her comment was food for thought. "Really?", I thought. There I was comfortable with my status as a cross-dresser when all of a sudden I'm told that I'm probably transsexual.

I stopped seeing this particular therapist after one more session with her. Perhaps I no longer wanted to hear what she had to say.

Of course, the legacy from those sessions was my trying to work out what it was that convinced her I was transsexual.

Subsequent therapists were not so frank with their answers. By that stage, however, my ideas on gender had changed quite a bit. But that's another story.

How'd your first appointment go, Holly? Inquiring minds want to know!

Hey!!

My first appointment went soo well!!  She is very kind and also very knowledgeable about transgender issues!  She is very well connected to the GLBT community in my town which is awesome.  I was really nervous at first, even just in the waiting room I was shaking.  I only told one other soul before her and that was to one of my good friends.  I wrote down all of my thoughts and printed them out before I went.  She asked if I wanted to read it out load or have her read it or just talk.  I asked if she could read it to herself and she started to while I was getting some water.  She read some and then when I came back she asked if she could read it out loud.  She started to read it out loud and I kind of got embarrassed about some of the things I wrote.  We went through the 3 pages I wrote and talked about some points I put in there.  I did shed some tears because of all the truth that was in there.  It can be really hard to tell other people your secrets but I knew it had to be done so I can feel better and be me!!  We also talked about HRT and how I want to start soon but apparently it can take 2-3 months to get an appointment with the doc.  She also has to do a "screening" of me before she writes any approval letter.   I actually have another appointment with her tonight and I'm excited!

If you are struggling with any issues, especially gender issues, do not hesitate to speak with a therapist.  Just make sure they are knowledgeable about those issues.  They can help you in this journey!!

Atta Girl Holly, you're on a roll now hon! It's always best to blurt out everything and withhold nothing, these folks have a huge built in BS detector and the red flags pop up in their brian if they think you're trying to pull a fast one on them. Honesty and openness always works in your favor.

Thank god things have changed SO MUCH!

My first encounter with a shrink was when I was 14 and my mom hauled me off to the county shrink because of my delusion that I was/should have been a girl. It was 1963 and the shrink never heard of transsexual and wasn't interested in learning anything about it. He pronounced me 'homosexual' to my parents and suggested putting me on testosterone to 'make a man of me'. I threw a fit, overturned my chair, and stormed out of the room. I walked the 10 miles home because I was too angry to wait for my parents. From that point forward, I was threatened with being institutionalized and forced testosterone therapy if I got too far out of line.

TANK GOD THINGS HAVE CHANGED!

Quote from: Northern Jane on February 27, 2013, 07:44:39 PM
Thank god things have changed SO MUCH!

My first encounter with a shrink was when I was 14 and my mom hauled me off to the county shrink because of my delusion that I was/should have been a girl. It was 1963 and the shrink never heard of transsexual and wasn't interested in learning anything about it. He pronounced me 'homosexual' to my parents.......

Hummmm. Thanks for the memory Jane. Had a similar situation. I wasn't happy with the first diagnosis myself, so I saw another 'shrink.' and he must have been in the cohort after the first bloke. He suggested I was a ->-bleeped-<-, whatever that was. I gave up after that, went home and made my own dart board with appropriate descriptions.

Huggs
Catherine

Yeah. I'm lucky to have found a therapist that specializes in gender issues. She is really, really, really good. The litmus test came today when I brought my wife to her so we could talk about how I'm going to come out to my son. I didn't realize up until that point how badly I wanted her (my wife) to accept my therapist as 'good,' and the 'right person to see.' Fortunately, she thought both those things, and we now have a clearer idea of what we need to prepare for when we talk to my son. I knew when I first realized that what was going on with me was because I was Trans that it was critical to find a good, knowledgeable therapist, and I spent a good two weeks trying to hunt one down. She wasn't the first one I'd contacted, either, but she was the first one that had a) availabilities, and b) seemed to be grounded in reality. I had one that wanted to do a Tarot reading on my first session, and while I find the Tarot fascinating from an artistic and historic view, I'm also pretty steadfastly athiest. Anyway. Grats on the first of many good visits!