I guess I'm getting to that point where I just feel so discouraged. I can't be really mad at any of my friends or family, they care and they accept me, just god I'm getting so frustrated with she pronouns. Then when I say something about it, I'm the A hole who needs to chill and "give people time" because they'll start seeing me as male when I x

and T just feels so long away, and the doctors and therapists I have to talk to to get it. I'm only really starting to realize how deep the shame runs. I have so hard of a time talking about being trans in a non scientific manner to people. When I start therapy again it's gonna be hard.
This week was also pretty hard because I lost one of best friends growing up coming out to him. I never expected it, he was always so supportive and I was more honest with him about a lot of the stuff in my life than I was with most other people. When he met me in school he even thought I was a dude for the first three days he knew me

And it was so unceremonius. Still more than a little pissed to realize years of friendship means nothing compared to what gender I identify as. I've had people be douches about the trans thing, but it's when the people closest to you who turn it hurts

All the bs starts to feel like so much and I wonder if it's even worth it to transition, then I remember how miserable life was before and it
feels like no matter what I do I can't make it any better

So this is just a big rant essentially