I can't thank you all enough for your encouragement over the last months, and for following the never-ending 'Bev Saga'.

Today, I met with my friend in HR, and flat out asked if our company's diversity policy had changed in any way since I was hired.  She asked me, in what regard, and I replied, "in regard to gender identity, specifically".  She asked what I wanted, and I told her I wished first of all for a new name tag, with Bev on one side, and Beverly on the other.  I said, "anyone can choose for themselves, Bev or Beverly....whatever they feel most comfortable with".
She was delighted!  She has personal experience with ts, understands as much as I do about it already, and is there to be my champion if needed.  She asked me with a smile which restroom (of course), and I told her I ws going to leave them all hanging, and go out into the public restroom in the mall.  It's only an extra 300 feet or so.  I figure after a long enough time, they'll see how ridiculous it is.
She brought my new name(s) tag out for me, and I handed over my old "Mike" tag.  She wanted to know if I wanted it as a keepsake...........no.......I didn't want it.
My young girlfriend was the first to see, and she was very happy for me.  She said, "okay,  I have something  I've been wanting to say to you................
You're bigger than me, Bitch!", then giggled.   
What a lovely thing to say      For anyone who doesn't understand, go back to g.i.d one-o-one!

Next, my immediate supervisor....a young man, 30-ish.  His response? He was furious!  "Take that name off!  You can't wear that!"  I started to explain, but he said, "your name isn't Bev, it's Mike, now take it off".  I told him he needed to talk to the HR Supervisor, and he refused.  As I turned to go, one of my girlfriends went in to talk with him.  Not me.........straight to the HR office.
She smiled, and asked if she could do anything else for me, and I explained what was going on.  I didn't even put the period on the sentence before she snatched up the phone.  I stopped her for a moment, and reminded her I was concerned he might try to keep me in my current department, maybe as punishment". 
She said, No way....you are going on next weeks schedule for your old department......Now, just go back to work, and don't worry about a thing.  I just left quietly, and apparently she, and the General Manager, had a chat with my supervisor.  He must have seen the light, because he came back in half an hour a changed man, and made a point of telling me I was on next weeks schedule for my preferred department.

Next, came another woman I work with, and during conversation, I told her I had something to talk to her about, and showed her my new name tag.  She saw the "Bev" side.  She's a petite woman, and looked up and just smiled.  "Do you prefer Bev, or Beverly?" she asked, simply. I told her I preferred Bev, then she reached up and gave me a hug and a kiss, told me she loved me, and supported me 100%, then went seamlessly back into our prior conversation.

Then came my number-one girlfriend, who has been worried for me.  She saw it, smiled, and said "Oh, Michael....this is going to be hard for me, you've been Michael to me for 5 years, but you know I'll do my best.

Next, was a friend who is very fundamentalist, who was basically floored. I assured him it was so, and he asked me a lot of questions.  In a while, my younger girlfriend came over to join the conversation.  My fundamentalist friend said, "........so, do you ....ummmm.....do you like, ummm......."
"Women", I answered.  "I'm lesbian"
"Oh!, okay", he said.  I could see him suddenly relax.  Afterward was just.....business chatter as usual.

Next was the ex-cop who gave me the lesson a while back on she-males (ugh!). Someone had told him already, and he came up and said..."Well.....Bev....."  like that.  I said, "Bev, or Beverly....whatever suits you".  He looked off balance a bit, then lapsed into regular conversation.

Pretty damned good for a first day, in my estimation.  During these various interactions, I talked to customers, handed out "Beverly" business cards, and had very positive  interactions with them all.

I still have another 2/3 of the staff to see, that weren't there today, but I suspect I will be essentially, a non-issue.  A novelty, for sure, but a non-issue.

I was going to ease in, clothes-wise, but Marcy says, "Dress it up!"  For me, that's women's slacks, a somewhat clingy white cable knit top with a scoop neckline.  Very nice, for one of my days off, but tomorrow, it goes to work on me.

Now, I'm finally able to heave a sigh of relief.  I finally feel my life is unified, work, and home.

Again, thank you all soooo much!


Beverly Michelle,

Saleswoman

Congrats!

way to go Bev that is so cool....... BTW if you feel OK with it, what company do you work for?

BEV!

Congratulations!  This is the biggest day in your life, hon, enjoy it!  I am so proud of you!

As far as the clothes go, yeah, "Dress it up, babe!".  Of course don't go over the top, but dress as feminine as you can.  Leave no doubt in anybodies mind of who you are.

I'm sure you'll look gorgeous!

-Sandy

Quote from: Kassandra on June 15, 2007, 09:58:46 AM
Of course don't go over the top, but dress as feminine as you can.  Leave no doubt in anybodies mind of who you are.

I second that! Having learned from experience, lol. The ones who say, "Please take it slow so I can adjust!" are really saying, "Don't do this!" So NO time is good for them.

And the rest... seems better to not confuse anyone with in-between compromises. People mostly just want to know how to treat you, and being all woman tells them in no uncertain terms.

I'm sooooo happy for you Beverly!!! It's been so long coming, it's wonderful to see you blossoming at last!

~Kate~

Congratulations, Bev! Glad it went smoothly for you.

And Kate, you're absolutely right about the 'take it slow' people. Seems like we're all stuck with one or two of those people in our lives.

Dennis

Oh Bev...that's wonderful news!! Congratulations!

Sarah

Great news, Bev!!

You have just got to feel so much better.

Well, the second day at work was a little different, but very good on most counts.  It was such a pleasure selling to couples and individuals today who had no question in their mind about my gender, and addressed me as Bev,  Beverly (God that felt good), or ma'am.  I overheard them from a distance when making decisions say things like, "I don't know, hon, go back and ask her", or, "she said we couldn't get this one by the 16th, etc. 
Now, the people I work with, I get respect, and some address me as Bev, some don't, or won't, I don't know which, but I had 3 people I don't work directly with come and tell me how much they admire me, and support me, and by the way, you are sooo pretty!  One is upper management, the other was middle management, and another was a sales associate.

Okay, all good so far.....then the one manager asked to speak to me alone for a minute.  "First, she said, I want to tell you that I like you very much, and just want to know you have my total support 100%.  You look so pretty!  I love your top.  So....do we get to call you Bev now?"  I was floored...."of course you can call me Bev", I said.  "I prefer it".  She said "I just wanted to be sure, because (my supervisor) told all the management staff to call you Mike, not Bev, or you would be offended.  I just didn't see how that was right..."  "No!" I said, "he's totally wrong.  My name is Bev, and that's how I like being addressed. "That's all I needed to know, Bev", she said.

So, I guess she will either tell everyone what the truth is, or maybe my boss will learn yet another lesson on diversity from upper management, the hard way again.

On the way out the door tonight, one of the female managers touched my arm, and said "goodnight, Bev.....be careful.  I can't get over it!  You are so pretty!"
.....Okay, I will take an opportunity to blush wildly now   

All in all, I would say it was a very good 2nd day, this time, actually dressed female........what a blessed relief! I feel my 2  lives have finally become unified.

Bev

Bev;

Feels good, doesn't it?

There was no general announcement where I work, so even recently I've had people call me up and say something like, "I thought you'd left and they'd hired a woman to replace you, but when I finally got a really good look..."

And I'll 'me, too' the comment Kate made about "Please take it slow so I can adjust!" is really, "Don't do this!"   Just do it, and collect as many supporters as you can.

Happy, happy, joy, joy!!

Karen

Quote from: Karen on June 15, 2007, 11:56:11 PM
Bev;

........Feels good, doesn't it?
........There was no general announcement where I work..............
........ "Please take it slow so I can adjust!" is really, "Don't do this!"   
........Just do it, and collect as many supporters as you can.

Happy, happy, joy, joy!!

Karen

Thanks, Karen.......yes, it feels good to have both sides of my life unified.  Also, with me, there was no general announcement, more like boom, done.
I'm learning a hard lesson............if something sounds too good to be true, it is?  Well, same with my acceptance at work.  I have a fair number of supporters, most of them 100% as they say, but after day 2 in women's slacks, and a woman's white top that shows my shape, unlike the black polos I wore, everyone's breaking into ignorant, biggoted clusters.  What do they talk about?  Everything, really, mostly how it affects them, the fact that I have what seems to to them, large breasts, that the outline of my nipples show, and they can see my bra straps faintly under my blouse (medium weight cotton).  Pretty much, they are picking at lots of differences that they would not on other female coworkers.  I started to think about taking it slow, as some asked, but Marcy said she'll break my arm before she lets me out the door in 'play-down' mode.
Yesterday was fine with customers, except for confusion generated by coworkers addresing me as Mike, and he.  Today should be better, as I go to my old department, and have full support, as far as I know.

I'm made of some pretty tough stuff, but this is Hard!  Definitely something you must want sooo much, the trouble you go through is not a determining factor. That's me.  I'm so tired of being someone else one half my life, this must happen.
I won't budge, and I won't leave, unless made a better offer somewhere else. 
'F' them, I'm using the public ladies room outside our store in the mall, and they can have their little arguments about which room I Don't use, that they sit their asses on in my own store.

Enough for now; have to get ready for work,
as Bev

Hi Bev,

   Don't let their whispers bother you. You know how it is, there's something new for them to whisper about so that's what they are going to do. Even if you stayed where you are, it would die down after its run its course.


Rebecca

Congrad on being live at work.
You will never be able to please some people.
But now you will know who your true friends are.
Don't compromise you are who you are. They will have to get use to it.
Jillieann

Quote from: RebeccaFog on June 17, 2007, 12:03:58 PM

Hi Bev,

   Don't let their whispers bother you. You know how it is, there's something new for them to whisper about so that's what they are going to do. Even if you stayed where you are, it would die down after its run its course.


Rebecca

Not all whispering is bad.  Sometimes they may be saying good things about you.

Quote from: Jillieann on June 17, 2007, 04:10:35 PM
Congrad on being live at work.
You will never be able to please some people.
But now you will know who your true friends are.
Don't compromise you are who you are. They will have to get use to it.
Jillieann

Yeah. What Jillieann said.

Quote from: Jillieann on June 17, 2007, 04:10:35 PM
Congrad on being live at work.
You will never be able to please some people.
But now you will know who your true friends are.
Don't compromise you are who you are. They will have to get use to it.
Jillieann

Well, another day, harder than the last.  I'm glad I'm going into my weekend.  I get to see my therapist wednesday, on my last day.  Thank God for 3 day weekends......they help maintain my sanity sometimes.
My management supporters were off today, but my own supervisor has apparently seen the light, and treating me very respectfully.  The rest of the people simply have nothing to do with me, except for one or two, who work with me.
I am afraid I am losing my best friend.  She has been my best friend for almost 4 years, and today spoke no more than 5 words to me.  She has been the one keeping me abreast of the pulse of the salesforce mindset.  Earlier today though, I heard her from a distance talking to our supervisor.  I heard her say "I love him to pieces, but..." , then she lapsed into a different conversation when I was too close. 
I have absolutely no support from my peers. I don't think any of them except for those I work directly with will ever call me anything but Mike, or he.  My second best friend who I work with now is split between camps......me, and them.  She called me Bev, and used correct pronouns today, except for one minor half-slip, for which she apologized.
As Jillieann said, I'm learning who my true friends are, and I'm afraid I will lose my best one over this.  It just breaks my heart.  And no, I still won't compromise on who I am, although I sometimes wonder why in the hell I ever messed up my work life, but Marcy is there to remind me how miserable I was.  Now I have a new misery.
I don't think these ignorant jackasses will ever 'get used to it', and I will forever be on the outs.  Otherwise, I am clocked female 100%, the only exception being the employees of my company.  Funny, I always worried before about never being clocked female, and now, I couldn't get clocked male if I tried, which is a very good thing, considering I use the public ladies room in the mall now, several times a day  (a lady does have to pee).  My only problem area is voice, which with practice is getting better.  Not perfect, but better.

This is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I do have to do it.  There's no going back.  An absurd notion, but even thinking about it, I would never get respect, and be the object of ridicule ever after.  At least now, I get an odd kind of respect.  No one is laughing.

I can't wait to get my new drivers license, with my name Beverly Michelle on it, and an F gender marker.   I need it desperately now that I'm fulltime.  I don't even own any more male clothes.
I hadn't planned on a legal name change, but I think I'll convince those I work with I did after I get the new license, and maybe they will realize they have no legitimate reason to call me Mike.
Who knows?  It's late, and I'm tireder than tired.  Maybe tomorrow I'll have some great epiphany.




Bev

Oh Bev, I'm so sorry that this is going badly for you.  But as you've said, you were miserable before.  Realize that you have made the right decision to go forward.  Getting a legal name change and a proper drivers license will do so much for your self esteem.  I'm sure of it.

In a short period of time, the novelty of your situation will wear off.  And it'll be old news.  Your friendships and relationships with your co-workers will change.  But soon it will gain a new equilibrium.  They *must* work with you and you with them because you need to do that for the job.  Some of them may try to get you to quit or change back so they won't have to feel uncomfortable.  Don't give in.  Don't ever give up.  Don't even compromise.

You said you can't be read as a guy any longer, so don't even try.  Give in to your instincts to be female.  Dress appropriately for the job as a woman and nothing else.  After all that is what  you are.  And don't forget to use appropriate amounts of makeup too.  Again not over the top but correct for daytime wear.  You know what to do.

Demand to given the same respect any other human deserves.  Because that is what this is all about.  Respect.

I'll get off the soapbox right now, but know that all your friends here are behind you and we know you will succeed.

-Sandy

I agree with Kassandra.

Where I am at, there are still some who will have very little/next to nothing to do with me. That's fine, their loss. Most of very religious right wingers but there are a few far left types as well. The person I take direction from is very conservative and it took almost a year before things started to get back to normal.

Good luck and hugs,
LIT

Well, peeps, I've been off one of my 3 days now, and feeling pretty good.  Yesterday was miserable, anxiety-wise, and after enough xanax, was under semi-control.
Why all the anxiety?  Well, it's not presenting female at work with customers, but the very sudden isolation from all my used-to-be-friends coworkers....even my best friend.
Marcy called me at work, and made sure to ask for 'Beverly', and was 'She' available.  My female presentation did not affect my sales, which were on par with the rest of those I work with.  It's the salesforce in general, and their ignorance.  What are they saying?  My 'spy' says:
     
     1.)  I'm too far 'out there'....meaning I'm more developed than the other females I work with.
     2.)  I should wear a padded bra so they don't see the outline of my nipples through my top.
     3.)  They can see the straps of my bra through my white top.
     4.)  I'm going to affect sales with the same customers they sell to.
     5.)  I look like a man in women's clothes to them, and am going to have a hard time selling.

In fact, my first customer, a woman of about 35, loved dealing with me, and had to go to a neighboring department to buy, or look at refrigerators.  She asked for my card, said "thank you sooo much, Beverly".  I mentioned to her, in self defense, not to be surprised if the other salespeople referred to me as 'Mike', or 'Mikie'.  She looked puzzled.  I said "the short story?  I'm Michelle Beverly (okay, I lied there...I'm Beverly Michelle), and they hung the nickname Mike, or Mikie on me.  "Oh, for heavens sake" she said.  We shrugged our shoulders, and rolled our eyes, and she went to look at the other appliances.
Another lady, an elderly woman, asked me to write my new phone number for her, I worte "Bev... followed by the number.  She touched my arm lightly, and said "no dear, you're not a Bev, you're a Beverly.  Could you write Beverly for me please?"  Now.....I'm waiting for the first one of my coworkers that actually tells someone I'm ts, and I'm taking it right to the top.
I don't see me being Ms 'Nice Guy' anymore, dammit!  If they're not my friends, then they are just what the company calls
them:  ass ociates.  Those who want to be friends again will be welcome, but those who interfere with my sales will be treated as enemies.  I've had it with this bulls**it.
I've been on the outside before in my life, and survived.


Bev,

Survivor

You see, if they mess with your sales, destroy theirs.  Karma is a B**ch, and if they screw with you, they should get it back tenfold.  Vengence is kinda fun sometimes.

lol, but im just a Vindictive woman sometimes