Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on April 01, 2013, 07:53:33 AM
Thanks Cindy, it's going to be a very VERY long day when it arrives and I get the needed bravery to try it on.
I will no doubt be very stressed out, very nervous, and totally worried that it won't live up to my expectations.
But I need to know I guess.
Expectations are nothing but unresolved dreams. I have been out to dinner, shopping and theatre wearing these wigs, and I was going to go FT in them hence I had four to cover 24/7/365. In the end when I went FT I decided to try my own hair and I have stylists who now look after me. They love me and I love them and I respect their ability to create me.
Funnily when we are TG and starting on our paths we have problem with that. Expectations, desire and dream become a mismash of confusion and uncertainty. We become better at it with time as we accept ourselves.
As others have said we are our own worse enemies. No matter how far we travel we face 'stuff'.
I was told by my therapist that I had the most natural transition that he had ever seen, I believe him. I have worried myself sick for the last fortnight because everyone I meet treats me as a woman, no matter where I am or what I wear or my make up or whatever.
Ahhh go figure
I became frightened that my internal acceptance wasn't keeping pace, yet I have known I'm female all my life, go figure, hormones and life play havoc. We are woman who face odd problems!
A wig for me was both transforming and hateful. I remember when my first arrived. I eagerly put it on. To be kind I could have looked like one of the Beatles, but I didn't look like a woman.
I cried. I was sort of destroyed. I hurt.
So I tried some make up with it.
I tried clothes with it.
I grew.
All of a sudden I was her, I could see her in the corner of the mirror. Just a glance but she was there.
Never ever let the girl out because she never can go back.
Wigs are curse and a blessing. You are enjoying wearing a piece of jewellery, and I'm very pleased. But until you find you, you will be a man with a wig on.
It is up to you to deal with that.
I will try to help, as we all will. But you walk your path.
Hugs
Cindy