No, I've not had suicidal thoughts, ever.  I've definitely had some very ->-bleeped-<- points in my life but I guess I'm an optimist at heart.  It seems illogical to me, but if you're feeling so horrible that this sort of thing would come to mind, I'd imagine it's not like logic is coming into play...

Quote from: Not-so Fat Admin on March 11, 2013, 11:50:48 PM
Just as a note of caution:
Just because someone isn't suicidal or desperate about trans issues at 15, 20, 30, etc. doesn't mean the same will hold at 40, 50, 60 etc. I'm sure some of the members on this board for whom it was 'transition or die' at 40 or 50 didn't necessarily feel that way at 20 or 30.

This was the epiphany that started it all for me. I recall catching myself in the mirror and realizing that my emotional descent wouldn't cease. Every year was a little more difficult than the last to wear the facade and that I'd never reach a point where things became "ok". Within a year of that moment, I had started HRT and I've never looked back. 

On average, I'd say that feelings of suicide make up ~30% of my conscious thoughts.

I've been extremely lucky and privledged to not have suicidal thoughts. I have stable employment, workplace and civil protections, live in a trans friendly city with good support services, few barriers to health care and friends/family and a spouse supportive of the change. If any of those factors were not present or would be revoked, serious mental health issues and suicidality could easily emerge.

I consider myself lucky and fortunate rather than have any sort of strength or will.