So, my dad wants to have a talk with me tomorrow...and I have no clue how it is going to play out. I got him a pflag pamphlet off of the website so that he could work out his confusion/misconceptions about transgender people. So far all of the conversations we've ever had about me being trans have never ended in a yelling competition.

I think he just wants to know that I know what I'm doing by transitioning, he seems afraid of how I will be treated in relationships and in social situations. He also seems to want to know that I am sure that I am trans...although I can't blame him since I thought I was gay or had aspergers (which I thought explained SOME of my problems/traits) The interesting part is that in thinking that I was those things, I am far more critical of whether I am transgender or not; perhaps even too skeptical.

Any advice on what to say? Should I try to appeal emotionally, or try to reconstruct a narrative that I know is just "what I think happened" in my childhood. Basically, how I feel in the present (emotion) vs how I felt in the past (logic). Perhaps a bit of both, or emotion first and then logic?

Uhhh, I'm just rambling now...I'm really nervous.

Any advice is appreciated.

-Skye

Im sorry I dont have any advise to give on this topic im I am very interested myself in hearing other peoples experiences/advise. Also with how it goes for you. I have yet to say a thing to either of my parents but its due in part to the fact that im already prepared (or as much as I can be) to lose them.

That's incredibly brave of you for wanting to address your situation head on and include your father in your journey. I know that when my own father found out about my gender expression he was very concerned with my safety, convinced that I would be a victim of hard crime, which is a valid concern. He didn't choose a gentle way to express that concern but I digress. I haven't actually come out officially as trans to my parents so there isn't any real advice I can offer except to suggest that you may want to emphasize that your experience is valid and that you have supportive people in your life that will help protect you.

I wish you all the best. *hugs*

I found that looking at it as a medical issue was the easiest way to go, although I realise that every situation is different.  If you can show you intend to be relatively "normal" for want of a better word, and that it is a slow, deliberate process it should go okay.
Fingers crossed for you, same as for anyone else in the same situation.

Karen.

Quote from: Sky-Blue on April 11, 2013, 02:53:29 AM
Any advice on what to say?

* Transgender is not something we choose.
* It typically doesn't go away on its own.
* There's no "cure" for transgender. Transitioning to live as our true gender is the only clinically recognized treatment.
* Transgender is serious. Depression and suicide can result when people ignore their transgender issues.
* Transgender people do best when their family, friends, and allies accept and support them.

Good luck Skye. I'll be thinking of you. Please let us know how it goes.

Thank you for the advice everyone! ^•^

@Erin S

It's good to compare experiences so that we know who we are and what to do in certain situations.

@Pianoandpage

Me and my dad usually have a very mutually respectful relationship, so it's not as difficult to talk to him about these types of things. Also, for me...I don't exactly see what Im doing as "brave" per say (although it could be, hmmm...), I would just rather do this so that he understands fully what's going on, and so he can support me in this if he wants to (emotionally and such). Thank you for the compliment though about being brave, I guess I am a little bit.

In all of our previous conversations I've found it extremely difficult to express that I'm female inside...parents a prone to questioning their children (aka, how do you know?). For me it's also slightly embarrassing admitting these thoughts and feelings, just because typically being feminine is looked down on.

The biggest reason I decided to be so up front and honest...because most people have serious misconceptions about what it means to be transgender. So instead of letting my dad stew with worry and anxiety about things that probably never will come to pass, I'd rather solve the misconceptions. It takes them awhile until you can actually talk to them in a reasonable way, you just have to wait for the initial "shock and panic" to fade a bit. By no means was this a fast process, it probably took about five months. The key point is to get them to read some reliable information on trans* people, this is crucial before you have any serious discussion with them (well, assuming you can get them to read it).

After all that...I still don't have a clue what's going to happen, it could go either way...

Thank you all for your support/replies. I will be sure to tell you how it went.

-Sky

I hope everything goes well!!

From what you wrote, it seems like he is more curious/concerned than anything.  I think that's an ideal scenario because you can be more open and honest with him about your feelings.  I haven't done this myself, so I can't tell you a winning strategy; however, I think it would be best to just tell him how you feel and explain what this means.  Hopefully, it will be a good conversation that will bring you two even closer!

I look forward to hearing how it all goes. 

*Update*

I haven't talked to him yet because he was busy, but he said that we'll talk tomorrow (Just in case you were wondering). I'll update for sure at some point tomorrow.

If I've got this response in time. I'll tell you what to say. You tell him you will face this phase of your life as you have with every other and as he showed you, with resolve, honesty and always trying to be true to who you are inside.

It isn't a journey he took. But it's one you much and you hope for is that he will be there for you as you take it.

[Update After Talk]

I was totally wrong...stupid stupid stupid!

I shouldn't have talked to him at all..he started by being completely ignorant and unsupportive. And then he ended by "faking" being supportive...

Yay, now I get to go to work and be depressed there too!

I would love to talk to my mom about these things. Personally I don't know where I stand in all of it, and that's the main reason why I haven't done so. I don't want to give the wrong interpretation or make people worry. I would want to be sure about myself first.

If I would be in your shoes I would probably write down a story. About me, or about some other person whom I identify with. Let my mom read it and ask what she thinks about it. I would find it very hard to mention it directly.

Quote from: Sky-Blue on April 14, 2013, 11:37:44 PM
[Update After Talk]

I was totally wrong...stupid stupid stupid!

I shouldn't have talked to him at all..he started by being completely ignorant and unsupportive. And then he ended by "faking" being supportive...

Yay, now I get to go to work and be depressed there too!

sounds like you got blindsided. Hopefully he will come around. By your posts it sounds like he isn't a complete ass so here's hoping its a matter of time and desire to do a little more soul searching than just faking his way through his 'support' of you. 

Quote from: jamielikesyou on April 15, 2013, 06:13:04 AM
sounds like you got blindsided. Hopefully he will come around. By your posts it sounds like he isn't a complete ass so here's hoping its a matter of time and desire to do a little more soul searching than just faking his way through his 'support' of you.

I agree with that.

You did what you had to now move on. He knows, it's up to him to deal with it.

He's an adult, and can either get over it, or put up with it.  Why should you be the one who has to accommodate everyone else's feelings?  It's about time people started to realise that we are the ones who suffer the problems GID brings, due to other's attitudes.

Karen

Hey Sky,

Sorry that things didn't go well.  However, I think there may be a kernel of good news in all of this.  Your father left with fake support, but at least he didn't denounce you.  Some parents flip out and reject their kids outright.  In his case, he gave you support even if he had to fake it.  That to me says that he can't fully accept it now, but at the same time realizes that he should be able to support and accept it. Perhaps that's why he gave you phony support.  Maybe his heart is in the right place even if he can't embrace it yet.  I know how important it is to have your parents support, so I understand why your upset.  However, it can take time for them to adjust.  In his case, it seems like there is hope and the fake support may be the beginning of real support. 

Having said that, I wasn't there and could only guess what happened through what you wrote.  I hope all is well.

Quote from: learningtolive on April 15, 2013, 06:01:06 PM
Hey Sky,

Sorry that things didn't go well.  However, I think there may be a kernel of good news in all of this.  Your father left with fake support, but at least he didn't denounce you.  Some parents flip out and reject their kids outright.  In his case, he gave you support even if he had to fake it.  That to me says that he can't fully accept it now, but at the same time realizes that he should be able to support and accept it. Perhaps that's why he gave you phony support.  Maybe his heart is in the right place even if he can't embrace it yet.  I know how important it is to have your parents support, so I understand why your upset.  However, it can take time for them to adjust.  In his case, it seems like there is hope and the fake support may be the beginning of real support. 

Having said that, I wasn't there and could only guess what happened through what you wrote.  I hope all is well.

Your probably right about that...I just think that he doesn't know how to deal with this on either a religious level or for the fact that he's pretty stressed already.

So instead he opted for what I called "fake support", when what he said is more akin to "unconditional love".

Thank you,

-Skye

In slightly separate news...my dad found me a really good therapist. The therapist is a guy, but he makes me feel really comfortable with talking about personal stuff; he's also more on the psychodynamic/Jungian Analysis type of thing.

The first major task is for me to crossdress and try out various styles of clothing. I'm really excited...I wanted to do this a year ago, but I was afraid to. He thinks that this might be useful in exploring my trans feelings since I haven't had many experiences. I'm glad my therapist doesn't judge or dictate who I am, I feel like I can explore who I am without judging myself as well.

If anyone wants to read more, just go to my blog I'll probably keep it updated with how I feel/what I think.

Thanks for all the support,

-Skye

Skye.

I really think things are going better than you do.

Biggest hugggs

Having trouble saying anything nice towards parents.

Seen too many parents, that never should have become parents, simply as they suck at it so bad.

For the same reason we remove people from the ability to drive a car if they can't do it responsibly. Or take people and prohibit them from practicing medicine, if they are just a danger to people, or bar lawyers if they are criminally incompetent, or prevent people from work they are not trained for where it matters like electricians.

Just because a male bodied person and a female bodied person can with no effort, and no parenting skills fiddle with their parts and wind up parents, doesn't make it wise to permit it.

And I have seen a lot of lousy parents, that really need a serious beating.
They should be allowed to sterilize people that are caught being parents clearly in violation of agreed upon minimum mandatory parenting skills, that are discovered to be uninterested in parenting responsibly.

I think things with your father are going pretty well given the circumstances.  Despite his internal conflict, he is providing you with his unconditional love.  That's a great first step.  Many parents struggle with the initial acceptance, but it is a great sign when they still show you their love and care.  I mean, he found a therapist for you.  That says to me that he wants you to search yourself and be happy no matter what comes.

I am glad that therapy is working for you!  I also think it's a great idea for you to start dressing the way you want.