Quote from: Joanna Dark on April 27, 2013, 01:23:41 AM
I'm not so sure about that. I mean yes some people are really awesome like you. But I always want everyone to like me too so maybe I just have too high expectations. I have very low self-esteem so maybe it's all in my head as well but I just get this vibe.
I know what it's like to be plagued by how others perceive me. I've been bullied in the past and was always very shy, so I care deeply about what others think of me. Having the acceptance of others always meant a lot to me. However, that's really not a good outlook in the long run. When we care about what others and live for them we devalue our own sense of self. You can't please everyone all the time. So, don't worry about pleasing those who don't like you or those who are just jerks. Having said that, I think you are being too hard on yourself. There seem to be many here that like and respect you. Honestly, I have seen nothing to indicate that you aren't liked here (actually, I see the complete opposite). As for your real life, I am sure that you can make some great friends where you are who don't care about your transgender status. You live in Philly, surely there are awesome friends to make in a city like that. And if you ever feel lonely or down, don't ever hesitate to contact me. I wouldn't mind having another girlfriend to talk to
Quote from: Joanna Dark on April 27, 2013, 01:23:41 AM
Yeah I know I'm trans. Known that since I was 10 and figured out what trans was. Before that I thought I was XXY or something. But mainly it's the passing issue. I don't and can't live as an unpassable trans women. And girls do like me as a guy so I can't help but think I should just man up and accept that it's not going to work and get a girlfriend and try to achieve some sort of happiness. Or even just be gay or something. Possibly it's the hormones and I'm just depressed and it'll go away. I have another month or two worth of meds so I will finish them for sure. I always said I'll give it three months and see how I feel. I don't want to detransition at all and in this is what I have always wanted. I just can't shake the feeling that the changes I've gotten are pretty much it. Maybe I'm just being silly.
3 months is a fairly short time to be on hormones. I know you want it to go quickly, but you need to give it time. Look on the bright side because you are at least on them (staring at you in jealousy,lol). You will pass in time. But manning up is not going to work. I tried it and always came back to the same conclusion. This is always going to be with you. Sure, you can try to gain more social acceptance and that might feel good temporarily, but the GID will always be there. It sounds like you want more social interactions, so why not try dating and making more friends as a woman? You don't need to live a lie as a man to do all those things. Sure, there are jerks out there, but there are also some really great people who are worth meeting. Just have faith in yourself and exude some confidence. Things will get better.
