So, I'm starting to come out. Again. I tried to come out about seven years ago. I told a bunch of people at school and was happy with people knowing who I really was and not really caring about the consequences. After a bit, I decided to tell my Mother. Her responses:

You don't know what you are talking about.

You will always be my son.

But you like girls.

People who are like that are freaks.

Among other things that I don't exactly recall. She pretty much said, "No. You are not like that." I lived under her roof and didn't want to cause any problems, so I just re-hid my secret to everyone and never spoke to her about it again... Until now!

Now that I do not live with my mother anymore, I started coming out again recently. About a month ago. I told my two best friends at first, went to a local support group and have been looking into trying to start therapy. I have just told another friend and I thought to myself that it is probably a good idea to tell my mom before I get too ahead of myself. I went over to her house for dinner with her boyfriend and my brother and had a pretty decent evening. I didn't want to mention anything while I was at their house, so I waited.

When she was giving me a ride home, I kept trying to tell her. I knew what I wanted to say. I thought about it every since I made dinner plans with her. I just couldn't articulate a thing. I was able to discuss some small talk, but I was not able to say anything of relevance. I saw that I was getting close to my house and knew I was running out of time, but I still couldn't say anything. She looked over to me and asked why I was looking depressed. Half-panicked, I said that I wanted to talk to her. She asked about what and I told her that it was about me being transgender.

She seemingly calmly asked what I about it I wanted to talk about it. I couldn't actually say anything still and she just asked if I wanted to have a sex change. I said that I would eventually. We briefly spoke about a lot. I mentioned that I looked into it for years and that I knew that it was what I needed. She mentioned that it was irreversible, that I would need to have years of counseling, that I would need to know that everyone would see me differently, that I'm still young, that I may have a hormonal imbalance and that it was irreversible (a second time for added emphasis). I told her that I knew all of that and I have known that this is what I wanted for years. She said that we would need to look more into it and we would talk more about it.

So, compared to the first time I said anything to her, this seems like a win. I'm still not completely sure how she feels or what she is thinking, but she seems to be supportive to some degree and I am glad that there is some sliver of hope out there for me. She still seems to be trying to make me not want to do this and it is understandable. I'm not going to be super surprised if she tries to ignore it or pretend it doesn't happen, but I am being optimistic.

Well, this turned into a much longer post than I was expecting. Oops. Sorry about that.

Thanks for reading,
Ally