Hey guys, I'm wondering if this happened to anyone else. So, I pass 90% of the time, and everyone who cares about me transitioning says I pass. But I have days when I don't feel this at all. Sometimes I see really feminine my face and I feel I look like a butch lesbian. Other days I'm completely ok with my look. When I'm insecure, people tell me that the only one who sees it that way is me and I just can't believe them. I don't think that my face would become more feminine over night so I know it's only in my mind. Is this something common or just exists in my mind?

This happens to me too. Its worse if I just washed my hair. My big issue is my voice. My friends keep reasuring me that it sounds feminine, but I can't hear it. And I pass prwtty much all the time.

Yeah man some days I feel like that and I pass all the time and am never questioned. I think we just tend to pick out all of the feminine traits we can notice. Probably out of habit from pre-t or just over analyzing. It usually depends on what I'm wearing to base how confident I am about looking male

Well Jared, it's probably all in your head. We are our own worst critics and we know from where we came. Just think of it this way, there are masculine faced women and feminine faced men. My face is more feminine than masculine and most of the time I used to wear a goatee when I cared to be seen as a man. Now I don't and have noticed that guys in passing cars look more than they used to.

It sounds like dysphoria. I think most of us have doubting days. My issue is my chest. Some days I swear I check it twenty times before leaving the house. Then there are days where I put on a binder, a polo, and hit the door. Dysphoria is a internal monster that rears it's head when it pleases (and it hardly ever listens to reason).

My face is still pretty feminine, which is why I'm keeping this beard for a long time coming. >.>

I do feel it's even more so on some days, it can be a specific angle or something that screams "girl!" for a moment.

I pass about 90% of the time as well, but I see feminine everytime I look in the mirror and my chest is a HUGE issue.

Yes this happens to me sometimes. In some pictures, I feel like I look feminine but when I ask my friends about it, they're confused by my question as they don't seem to see it at all. I think it's all in our heads.

I get that as well.  I pass pretty much all the time when I'm not at work as far as I know, but can still see female in me a lot of the time.  But then sometimes I see nothing but pure male.  It just depends whether I'm in the mindset of projecting my internal image onto what I see in the mirror, or feeling self-loathing.

According to the avatars, Simon looks more male than anyone else.

Seriously though with the exception of Keaira, who looks beautiful by the way so keep it up girl, I see nothing but men in the avatars.

One thing that you can do that may help you out and give you some more confidence is to look closer at cisgender people. I have seen cis men with female faces and vice versa. I don't see anything from any of the avatars, except for Keaira of course, that doesn't scream male in my mind.
Jared's face I can't see but what I can, doesn't look female in no way.

Like I said earlier, I am not on hormone treatments but my face is naturally feminine to the point that with wearing makeup and my hair done right, I could probably pass, I have before with a pizza delivery guy that hit on me. Bodywise, now is a different story. I'm a little too overwieght due to letting myself go but I'm working on that. I've been losing 10 pounds a month and trying to get down to 140 at the most. As a matter of fact, you guys look more masculine than me and I am biologically male, Ugh.

Quote from: Keaira on May 07, 2013, 11:31:45 AM
This happens to me too. Its worse if I just washed my hair. My big issue is my voice. My friends keep reasuring me that it sounds feminine, but I can't hear it. And I pass prwtty much all the time.

For me it's worse if I can't get enough sleep, my face shows more feminin features. But yeah like Jess said, according to your avatar you look nice 

Quote from: Simon on May 07, 2013, 01:56:50 PM
It sounds like dysphoria. I think most of us have doubting days. My issue is my chest. Some days I swear I check it twenty times before leaving the house. Then there are days where I put on a binder, a polo, and hit the door. Dysphoria is a internal monster that rears it's head when it pleases (and it hardly ever listens to reason).

That's weird but probably you're right, I never thaught I'm dysphoric about my face but seems like I am.

Quote from: AlexanderC on May 07, 2013, 04:46:28 PM
I get that as well.  I pass pretty much all the time when I'm not at work as far as I know, but can still see female in me a lot of the time.  But then sometimes I see nothing but pure male.  It just depends whether I'm in the mindset of projecting my internal image onto what I see in the mirror, or feeling self-loathing.

Same for me.

Darrin your glasses are awesome, I have the same 
And Jess is right, everyone passes in the avatars maybe me too :'D Thanks for all the inputs.
Jess you don't see anything female in my avatar cause it's not me sadly 

             

But here I am, I can't smile I'm doing my degree work and I've had enough so ignore the facial expression please. First pic is how I look when I don't do anything with my hair and second is straightened. Which one is better in your opinion?

Yeah, totally. Sometimes I think "Whoah, I pass just fine!" other times, well... I doubt how anyone could EVER see a male in my face. And I can only pass as a 14 yr old at best. But yeah... it's a start. Better than the other option :s
My voice is also one of the major breaking points, to me I really sound feminine, sometimes I hardly dare to talk to people because I'm too afraid they'll prick right through me!

Well, I can tell you this Jared. You look more masculine facially than I do or ever have. You also look more masculine than a lot of men that I see during day to day life. Like I said, I pay attention really well and notice things that most people don't.  A few suggestions I can give if you are worried about your hair is go shorter. Now a lot of men either have buzzcuts, extremely short hair or bald all together. Men typically don't care much about their hair, so if you like the length it's at, comb it straight back and leave it alone or get it cut to where its more spikey.

The earing, I would would change out for something a little more dark and sinister looking, since I'm a metal girl, I would go with something a like a cross, probably upside down, but that's just me.

How long have you been on T? Give it some time and then grow a goatee. But remember to shave everyday if not it will be like when I was going through puberty and the facial hair will be patchy, so shave, shave and shave. Another suggetion I can give you for now would be to Dye your eyebrows maybe half a shade at first than your hair, then just let them go and trim them only when they start touching your sunglasses.

Seriously though Jared, You look male to me. What I suggested will hopefully give you more confidence in yourself, but you look fine to me now. If we were at a transgender friendly bar I would send a drink your way.

First and foremost have patience and remember we all know who we were and we will always see that in our minds more often than not when we look in the mirror. Try to see yourself from a third person point of view. I do this all the time and it does help.

Quote from: Jared on May 08, 2013, 10:39:13 AM

Are you sure you're not Shakin' Stevens?

Quote from: Jess42 on May 08, 2013, 11:29:33 AM
Well, I can tell you this Jared. You look more masculine facially than I do or ever have. You also look more masculine than a lot of men that I see during day to day life. Like I said, I pay attention really well and notice things that most people don't.  A few suggestions I can give if you are worried about your hair is go shorter. Now a lot of men either have buzzcuts, extremely short hair or bald all together. Men typically don't care much about their hair, so if you like the length it's at, comb it straight back and leave it alone or get it cut to where its more spikey.

The earing, I would would change out for something a little more dark and sinister looking, since I'm a metal girl, I would go with something a like a cross, probably upside down, but that's just me.

How long have you been on T? Give it some time and then grow a goatee. But remember to shave everyday if not it will be like when I was going through puberty and the facial hair will be patchy, so shave, shave and shave. Another suggetion I can give you for now would be to Dye your eyebrows maybe half a shade at first than your hair, then just let them go and trim them only when they start touching your sunglasses.

Seriously though Jared, You look male to me. What I suggested will hopefully give you more confidence in yourself, but you look fine to me now. If we were at a transgender friendly bar I would send a drink your way.

First and foremost have patience and remember we all know who we were and we will always see that in our minds more often than not when we look in the mirror. Try to see yourself from a third person point of view. I do this all the time and it does help.

I'm growing out my hair right now cause last time it was cut very akward, it's shorter in the front and then longer on the top -.-"  usually it's spikey but it's so obvious that way that someone ->-bleeped-<-ed it up :'D So I'm gonna wait a bit and go much shorter. I can't pull up a buzz cut yet but it's ok.
I like metal too, and dress in dark clothes, that's why I choosed this earring, almost the only thing that isn't black 
I'm 6 and a half months on T I guess and I shave as often as I can. I don't do it every day cause I have a lot of acne and my skin is irritated too often. I shave every 3 or 4 days.
Thank you for your advices I really appreciate them  And of course a drink would go to your way too 

Stella: I'm sure I like his music 

Quote from: Jared on May 08, 2013, 01:26:13 PM
I'm growing out my hair right now cause last time it was cut very akward, it's shorter in the front and then longer on the top -.-"  usually it's spikey but it's so obvious that way that someone ->-bleeped-<-ed it up :'D So I'm gonna wait a bit and go much shorter. I can't pull up a buzz cut yet but it's ok.
I like metal too, and dress in dark clothes, that's why I choosed this earring, almost the only thing that isn't black 
I'm 6 and a half months on T I guess and I shave as often as I can. I don't do it every day cause I have a lot of acne and my skin is irritated too often. I shave every 3 or 4 days.
Thank you for your advices I really appreciate them  And of course a drink would go to your way too 

Stella: I'm sure I like his music 

Well hell Jared, I would thank you for the kickback on the drink. But seriously with the hair and you being metalhead, grow it out long, die it jet black get a perm, something that looks rough like slash's hair, grow a goatee like Zakk Wylde, get some sleeves tatooed on your arm. Don't forget the biker's jacket with a sleeveless denim jacket over it. I guarantee you no one will mistake you as a woman. Hell, women will probably be all over you. Hell, I know this ain't a dating site and hope I aint breaking any rules but looking like that what would you think of a transcouger?

I wouldn't pass with the long hair yet I think, and if I grow it really long it's curvy like hell, like Slash's and I can't stand curvy hair. On me. I want to grow a beard I'm slowly getting there and planning the tatts too. The thing that holds me back is the possible jobs I could get. It's in the catering trade. Sometimes I think I grew out my rebel phase hehe.
Uhm I don't really know what transcouger means? English is not my first language and I didn't find anything in the translator. 

Well, it wouldn't surprise me since I had just mad it up but let me explain. A cougar is an older woman that dates younger guys. So a transcougar would be an older trans woman like myself in her forties that would date younger guys. Damn, I made a joke and it was lost through translation.

As for tats, yeah they can be a problem and even if someone is willing to hire you, you may be forced to wear long sleaves. In the summer that can be uncomfortable.

But seriously though, talking about the hair. In the eighties I used to play in some cover bands that covered motley crue, poison, and all the others. That is where I learned to do makeup believe it or not, I hope this isn't offensive but drag style at first kinda' like Motley Crue on their Shout at the Devil album. Caked on foundation, too much rouge, too much eyeliner, and over emphasised and too dark eyebrows. I had extremely long hair and like you, it's curly as crap and has a mind of it's own. Finally I just got to the point that there is nothing to be done with it. Even ironing it, it still had waves and when I sweated it went righ back boinging where ever it  wanted to go. I finally figured it out though and that is if your hair is curly and you can go through that awkward Einstien stage, once it gets long enough, it actually looks better than straight hair. And less fuss.

Now my hair is just about to my shoulders, pretty much one length and since I'm feminine I have blunt bangs that I can hide if need be and it looks pretty good without much fuss. I use frizz ease after towel drying. Then I apply the strongest gel while it's still wet and then shake my head like a dog fix it a little and try not to move too much until it dries. Then ill run my hands through it and get all the clumpiness out and it stays pretty much the way it dries.

I see  I like this new term you made 
Yep, that's why I'm still thinking about the tatts, but I really want to have.
My hair is the same, curly like hell no matter what I do with it, a day passes by and it's curvy again -.-" When it's short it's not that damn curly and I don't even need to do anything with it, either way it looks ok. When I had my most girly phrase I had hair about to my shoulders too and I straightened it every other day but when I sweated or it rained or the humidity was high...I looked ridicolous.  I don't plan to go through this stage again right now, but never say never, who knows?
I still can't believe you said my face is masculine enough  Maybe the college takes all my confidence since I have to present female    It's just one more week.

Quote from: Jared on May 09, 2013, 05:55:59 AM
I see  I like this new term you made 
Yep, that's why I'm still thinking about the tatts, but I really want to have.
My hair is the same, curly like hell no matter what I do with it, a day passes by and it's curvy again -.-" When it's short it's not that damn curly and I don't even need to do anything with it, either way it looks ok. When I had my most girly phrase I had hair about to my shoulders too and I straightened it every other day but when I sweated or it rained or the humidity was high...I looked ridicolous.  I don't plan to go through this stage again right now, but never say never, who knows?
I still can't believe you said my face is masculine enough  Maybe the college takes all my confidence since I have to present female    It's just one more week.

Sometime I can come up with some doozys for sure. You should hear some ofthe curse words that I come up with when I'm mad.

Believe it hon, faces are faces and yours looks just fine as a male. As a mtter of fact, you look a lot like genetic male I knew in the military. A lot of it has to do with facial expression. One other suggestion I can give you is practice trying to show no emotion facially. Eventually when I get a camera that works I'll post my face one with and one without makeup. Like I said, I used to have to wear a goatee or a lot of times unless I hada five O'clock shadow. When I tried to be male it use to be frustrating but secretely satisfying. Now that I am who I am, no more goatee, I have plucked my eyebrows and I just go with it. I guess I'm just lucky in that aspect . I 'm still in guy mode most of the time until I can work things out in a relationship but whatever people think of me, I could give a rat's poop shoot. Keep doing what your doing, have a little patience and thank God that your doing it while your younger. I sure wish I would have becasue now it is extrememly complicated.

Along with facial features I am also am pretty proud of my legs. But still I am not prone to dysphoria though. I hate my arms and shoulders. My midline I am changing and changing quickly. I have lost about 40 pounds in 3 months all because of eating more like a woman instead of a guy. I am just scared of losing the moobs though and doing the messages to increase the blood flow. I don't want double D's but rathe little perky lady bumps. It seems to be somewhat working. But the darn arms and shoulders don't seem to be shrinking enough. I am trying not to do too much lifting and so on. When it gets to me, I will look to other women and there are quite a few that have bigger arms and shoulders than me and then I feel better. Kelly Clarckson is one, and I don't think anyone would say there's anything wrong with her body. I would suggest you try the same thing, when you get down just do a search on feminine faced men or whatever. We all a mental vision of the perfect body we desire to have. Don't let that play on your mind. Bodies and faces come in all shapes and sizes and all are unique and special.