I'm very, very lost, here. Full time is just around the corner, in a month or less, and I still have no idea what kind of clothing style I want. And, less importantly, what haircut I want. My mother's been telling me to look around girls at school, for example, and take a mental note of what I like. But seriously, I can't. I'm just freaking unable to have the presence of mind to check for something on someone. I try hard, I swear, but I keep forgetting. And even when I do notice something I like, it's mostly "this looks nice, but certainly not on me".

I can't just enter a store and buy what I want, either. I've experienced this in the past: I'm unable to express my tastes readily, in the action. I pick things I think I like and end up finding awful when I'm out of the store. I get shy even if I try HARD to be expressive, and don't try as many things as I should. And most importantly, I don't even know what I like. All my life I've been focusing so much on getting clothes that are acceptable for a male but not too awful. Now I like things (often, temporarily) because of some weird reason, or because someone told me to like it. Same for dislikes.

In the end, when I went shopping, last summer, in an effort to get at least a bit of girls' clothes that I would like, I exited with two pairs of acceptable capris, two plain long-sleeved t-shirt because my sister told me they were a good idea, and one pair of awful capris. And guess what, to top it off, I mysteriously managed to leave the stores with nothing but stuff two sizes too big. But that's just awful luck. Must've gotten the wrong pile.

Anyway, so there you have it. I need help. I need some sort of gallery where I can see what style something is, what it looks like, how I like it and how I should shop for it. I can just tell my mother isn't gonna be any help. For one, we have pretty different tastes, and most importantly, she just doesn't care enough about looks to be of any help. When we go out together, I often ask whether my hair is okay. And 100% of the time, she says it is, on the very same tone, be it really awful or ACTUALLY all right. For her, stuff is all right or it's not. There's no "beautiful".

Googling stuff about clothing styles fetched me basically nothing but "fashion personality tests" that not only sound pretty shady but even answer you not with pictures but with obscure words designating a style.

Accessorily, even though I'm a bit less lost on this point, if you have tips on choosing a haircut, I'll take them. I've never had a satisfying haircut ever, and I really need to do this right, because as I've learned, if you're vague with a hairdresser, your hair is gonna be pretty "vague" too, and quite to the hairdresser's taste, not yours. And that was never a very positive result to me.

I have really thick hair that right now only looks vaguely okay in a ponytail. Else it's uhm. A mess. Quite ugly. You know, like, "You been in the jungle lately?" I never want to be seen with my hair down actually. And uhm, my hair is straight-ish but wavy. And uhm, somewhere between dirty blond and light brown. As for length... If I let it hang in my back, it probably reaches about a third, but in the front, it's only down to my chin or so. Can't get all of it to hold in a ponytail. But regardless, my hair, if you look at it, it doesn't look long. It looks... big. And remember, it may be wavy, but it's not curly.

All I ever think of is either an anime haircut that probably looks awful in real life (at least on me, who doesn't exactly look female and doesn't have that magical asian hair that just obeys gravity) and/or is physically impossible... Not to mention my hair isn't quite the length I want it at yet, but I really need a haircut now because full time is coming up...
(Like this, this or this)

... or a haircut that I just know won't do for me, that I see on other girls, that suits them, but that's all.

Hi A.

I'm afraid there's no easy answer.  Most importantly look at your shape, and try and figure what may work with it.  For me for example, Like so many of us I have no hips to speak of, and my rib cage doesn't do that gorgeous hourglass thing that so many girls' do.  So I find that skinny jeans, and a baggy jumper work well.  That's not baggy like a sack, but baggy where it's tight on the waist, and loose over the shoulders, something like this: http://www.chiarafashion.co.uk/i/product/o-black-oversized-plunge-neck-batwing-jumper-659.jpg except maybe a bit less low at the front if you haven't got the chest yet.

Mostly it's a case of trial and error, and working with what you have right now.  I went through so many clothes while I tried to find my style, by buying clothes that suited me when I started out that didn't last long.  I've been FT for about two years, and I pass 100% of the time now (and get quite a bit of male attention), yet I still look at genetic women and long to look like them, so that never goes away as far as I can tell.

My hair, much like you doesn't do that gorgeous female thing where it just glides down over my shoulders like this:http://www.gotceleb.com/hannah-simone-2012-autumn-party-in-west-hollywood-2012-10-18.html/hannah-simone-autumn-party-01 so I wear it up a lot (all the time actually).  But as time goes on, I've noticed it's getting better and looks better while down.  I had it cut into a bob recently to try and stop me putting it up all the time, and it did but I still wasn't happy, so I'm growing it again.

Most importantly remember that there is an awful lot of this that applies to genetic females too, they cut their hair, they grow it, they go ahead and cut it again.  They buy things, they return them, they buy new things and it all starts all over again.

Also remember that photos like you see in the media, aren't where they just got out of bed, they most likely had stylists who had to work to get it looking like that.  When you don't have that luxury you have to learn this stuff for yourself by practicing and reading blogs, and watching YouTube videos and reading magazines etc.

Just try and take one day at a time, and figure out "What looks best on me today" which may not unfortunately be your ideal end goal, but it gets better each day.

Hope this helps,

Siobhan xx.

SiobhanB: At least, you've helped me figure out some stuff I dislike. Both the hair and the top you've shown, I very much dislike them. ^^'

Thing is, I don't have a car, most stores are quite a while away from me and, most importantly, I very much lack the will to do anything by myself. I just know once I buy something, I'll never get around to changing it even if I hate it. I've always been that way, so. I want to avoid as much of the trial and error thing as possible by preparing well, because I just don't have the money to try and fail. And I don't want to regret clothes anymore. I've had my fill of it these last 22 years. (Besides, returning clothes to the store? You can't do that if you've worn them for more than, say, a few hours, or washed it, right? o.o)

As for my body... I'm neither tall, neither short (165 cm or 5'5"), and I'm rather wide-bodied overall (yet not extremely so). My shoulders are pretty broad, though they don't appear that bad because my ribcage is even worse. You see, I need to compress my ribcage with my elbows if I want to stand iwth my arms hanging straight. On the positive side, though, I do have hips. Nothing compared to any other girl my size, but still enough to appear more female than male, I believe. And uhm, my dose of HRT currently being way too low, I have no breasts whatsoever. I'll have to get some fake ones, however saddening that is.

girl you look fierce: I think I found out my face shape is oval. Uhm... what now?

As for clothes... I'm sorry, but I can't find much help at all from your links. All I see there is hipster, retro (both of which I tend to hate with a passion), ugly or extravagant (as in, beautiful but only at a gala or if there's champagne). Or a combination. :/ Please don't tell me that's all fashion is these days. Because if that's true, sounds like I'll end up having tons of trouble shopping...

Also, I just remembered something. I like cardigans (stuff like this, though not necessarily this one), capris and 3/4 length leggings. And moderately pleated skirts. Does that inspire you a style? :/

Uhm, Why The Capitals?

Anyway, I still think there's a fundamental difference between me and other girls... Other girls have been exposed to styles, and have developed a sense for them. Not easy to do when you're an adult.

And yeah, I quite do urgently need new clothes. I've been saving my current crappy stuff for until I get my new wardrobe, and I have nothing that's not heavily damaged, too loose, absolutely ugly or a combination. Not a single thing, from underwear to winter boots.

As for thrift shops... I'm not unwilling, but the last time I went with my sister, we visited 2-3 of them in Montréal and uhm... Well, we had a good laugh, at least. There was literally nothing but ugliness in its purest form.

And honestly, from what I've the vast majority of other girls only do the "error" thing when they want to try something extravagant/special. Or when the hairdresser sucks. And most people have inherent tastes, on top of having relatives and friends to tell them what's good and what's bad...

Actually, I feel like some sort of unique case. A lot of other trans girls, having been kept away from clothes, seem to have developed almost a passion for clothes, and jump at them enthusiastically when (or even before!) they go full time. Almost every single one I've talked with. But me, instead, I wasn't allowed it so I closed the book and it was officially off-limits forever. I'm just literally terrified and clueless. I need guidance. I just don't have the courage to "try and fail and try again". I'm not that kind of extraverted person. Even most guys have more of a sense in women's clothes than me, I assure you.

Quote from: girl you look fierce on May 16, 2013, 05:34:06 PM
For the clothes... if you're in a rush and can't decide how you want to put outfits together you could always just browse looks @ websites like polyvore, chictopia, lookbook etc, then find a look you like and steal it! Just buy similar pieces that you can find in-store. Or you can use those as inspiration and do something loosely related.

For the hair, I would start with finding out your face shape and browsing hairstyles for that face shape until you find one that's "you."

I think looking up styles is a really good start.  Everyone needs some inspiration and plenty of cis girls do the same. You just need to find what suits you.  No one can tell you what you will like. 

I know what you mean about the hair.  If you want less wavy hair and more straight, you can use a ceramic plated straighter.  It's not the healthiest thing for your hair, but if you use protective hair spray it should be too bad.  I don't know how your hair looks so it is hard to suggest a style.  However, I always feel shorter hair looks better with bangs.  It makes your hair look more feminine while it is shorter.  Still, I know how it sucks to have mid length hair.  My is around your length (a tiny bit shorter) and I have wavy and curvy thing going on at the bottom strands of my hair.  It is very irritating.

Don't be sorry. Just that your text had a lot of capitals in it on some words and I found it weird. And the grammar nazi in me had to make an annoying comment. If anything, -I-'m sorry.

Hi A, here is what I do -

Hair: Only have one wig, so I went into a wig store and tried on several styles until I found one I loved. If I get more I'd repeat the process.

Clothes: Go up to a salesperson approximately the same age and say I need x casual/night/formal outfits, and what my size is. She happily picks out a bunch of outfits and variations. I try them all on. If I don't love it I put it back. Ones I love I asked her opinion. Tweak from there and pare down to the original number of outfits I intend to buy. (Generally one or two)  Then we go grab some accessories.  She has fun, I have fun, everyone is happy.

I always ask opinions, and if I don't love it love it love it I don't buy it. I've learned from experience that if I don't love it in the store I won't wear it again later.

.

Well, A, you got lucky and I happened to see this thread. I'm kind of an expert at this. Please pay close attention.

The key to shopping for women's clothing is not to go into a store and buy the odd item here and there. You want to put together a complete look. You can have a number of base items that combine with others, but you need to conceive the look before you shop. How do you do that? Read on.

Have you ever seen those photos in People mag and on the web of various celebrities out in the world on their own? Most of them almost always look great. The reason is they pay people called "stylists" a lot of money to pick out clothes for them and put them together in combinations. The celebs themselves are often no more clueful about clothes shopping than you are. Now here's the trick. We can take advantage of this. Pick a well photographed celeb or two whose style you like and whose body proportions are not far from yours. Follow them. Do a Google Image search of them and click the "past week" button to see the most recent pics. Save some pics of looks you think you might be able to emulate.

If you're going out shopping, you might put the pic on your cell or print it out. If shopping online (as I love to do), it's easy to keep the pic handy and match things like jeans, tops, skirts, scarves and so forth. And, while the celebs only wear expensive designer fashions, it's almost always possible to find an equivalent for a fraction of the cost. I actually do a lot of clothes shopping on eBay. You can find a low cost version of almost anything there.

Of course, you can do the same thing with hairstyles. A great way to try on styles is to use one of the free online virtual hairstyle sites. My fav is the one at InStyle.com. This is how I realized I look better with blonde highlights and look lousy with straight across bangs. Just do a bunch of them with your face, save them (I just do screen captures) and compare them later.

I hope this helps. Let me know if you need any more ideas. I've got tons.

~ Lyric ~

For me it was just exploration after I went full time, I would just go and buy clothes that I liked and eventually figure out how to match and accessorize. At first I didn't have much, so I had a few outfits but eventually, after I had a lot more clothes I could find all sorts of different outfits and accessories. Like Lyric mentioned, it's just about building your base before you can find complete outfits you like

Just have fun with it and you'll find your own style!

As for hair, go see a good stylist and get an opinion. Look around (like at celebs and whatnot) and see what you like, my hair was fairly long but I got hair extensions straight away and started styling! Straight, wavey, curley, plaids, buns, etc. The more hair you have to work with the more fun you can have with it. Plenty of youtube clips but just ask your stylist for tips

Good luck and just have fun!

Perhaps experimenting will work for you, or just go to a store try on some things and see how you feel. Worst comes to worst you can ask a total stranger, since they would be willing to give you a more honest opinion. With clothes I think there will always be a hit or miss every now and than again. Just keep at it and try not to get discouraged. If you like certain clothing than perhaps try to base it off of that. Its not like you need to follow a style per se or have a full outfit in your mind when you go out shopping. Just go with what you already know you like and go with your body type. It takes some time to build a wardrobe up, but maybe you can get clothes that can be mixed well together. 

As for hair perhaps get a wig and if you know someone who is good with hair ask them to try to style the wig in various ways. Than of course try them on and see what works for you. Also you could go bring pictures of hair cuts you like to a hair dresser and see what they think that will work for you.

Either way hair grows back and you can always change your clothes if you do not like your hair or your clothes.

I experimented.. I also did no know my style..

I wore lots of different style of clothes over a long period, now I have my style

Wear something you are comfortable in.. thats a good place to start

Quote from: Orihime on May 16, 2013, 07:13:49 PM
Clothes: Go up to a salesperson approximately the same age and say I need x casual/night/formal outfits, and what my size is. She happily picks out a bunch of outfits and variations. I try them all on. If I don't love it I put it back. Ones I love I asked her opinion. Tweak from there and pare down to the original number of outfits I intend to buy. (Generally one or two)  Then we go grab some accessories.  She has fun, I have fun, everyone is happy.

Maybe not the same age. I tend to like how girls a bit older dress more.

Quote from: Lyric on May 16, 2013, 09:12:12 PM
Well, A, you got lucky and I happened to see this thread. I'm kind of an expert at this. Please pay close attention.

The key to shopping for women's clothing is not to go into a store and buy the odd item here and there. You want to put together a complete look. You can have a number of base items that combine with others, but you need to conceive the look before you shop. How do you do that? Read on.

Have you ever seen those photos in People mag and on the web of various celebrities out in the world on their own? Most of them almost always look great. The reason is they pay people called "stylists" a lot of money to pick out clothes for them and put them together in combinations. The celebs themselves are often no more clueful about clothes shopping than you are. Now here's the trick. We can take advantage of this. Pick a well photographed celeb or two whose style you like and whose body proportions are not far from yours. Follow them. Do a Google Image search of them and click the "past week" button to see the most recent pics. Save some pics of looks you think you might be able to emulate.

Do you happen to have an idea of a celebrity? Because I have never had the slightest interest in stars, and to be honest, whenever I see one (though, granted, I don't see a picture of them often) I dislike or literally laugh at her outfit. :/

If you're going out shopping, you might put the pic on your cell or print it out. If shopping online (as I love to do), it's easy to keep the pic handy and match things like jeans, tops, skirts, scarves and so forth. And, while the celebs only wear expensive designer fashions, it's almost always possible to find an equivalent for a fraction of the cost. I actually do a lot of clothes shopping on eBay. You can find a low cost version of almost anything there.

I don't think online shopping is a good idea for me... I have a pretty hard body to dress. Be it guys' or girls', it's always been a nightmare to find something I liked (or rather, not disliked too much) that FIT. Not to mention mailing non-fitting items back is a pain. The tights I bought a while ago that are too small... I never sent them back. xD

Of course, you can do the same thing with hairstyles. A great way to try on styles is to use one of the free online virtual hairstyle sites. My fav is the one at InStyle.com. This is how I realized I look better with blonde highlights and look lousy with straight across bangs. Just do a bunch of them with your face, save them (I just do screen captures) and compare them later.

Sounds good.

I hope this helps. Let me know if you need any more ideas. I've got tons.

Hit me with your best shot, because I seriously need everything I can get.

~ Lyric ~

Quote from: Heavenlywind on May 17, 2013, 02:33:13 PM
Perhaps experimenting will work for you, or just go to a store try on some things and see how you feel. Worst comes to worst you can ask a total stranger, since they would be willing to give you a more honest opinion.

Honestly, if a stranger asked me what I thought of an ugly outfit, I'd be much more inclined to smooth the truth out than if it's someone I know. People are much more polite with strangers, no?

With clothes I think there will always be a hit or miss every now and than again. Just keep at it and try not to get discouraged. If you like certain clothing than perhaps try to base it off of that. Its not like you need to follow a style per se or have a full outfit in your mind when you go out shopping. Just go with what you already know you like and go with your body type. It takes some time to build a wardrobe up, but maybe you can get clothes that can be mixed well together. 

Sounds hard. >.<"

As for hair perhaps get a wig and if you know someone who is good with hair ask them to try to style the wig in various ways. Than of course try them on and see what works for you. Also you could go bring pictures of hair cuts you like to a hair dresser and see what they think that will work for you.

Sadly my aunt may be a hairdresser, but her tastes are... yeah, no, not a good idea. xD

Either way hair grows back and you can always change your clothes if you do not like your hair or your clothes.

Not really. Once I shop, I'll have run out of money. I don't really have many tries.

Quote from: kyh on May 16, 2013, 06:26:48 PM
I much prefer sweaters and long sleeved shirts which look SO CUTE with pleated skirts. With long sleeved shirts (that have thin fabric) you can tuck them into the skirt and it looks pretty casual as it's a bit messy looking. And then with sweaters you just let it hang over the skirt, and that's pretty casual too. Great for school environments I'd say.

Having trouble imagining this, but sounds like a good idea. Bonus points if you can provide visual reference! o:

I actually found http://www.autostraddle.com/category/arts-and-entertainment/style/ a really good reference at times, in particular some of the "Style Thief" sections. Made me realistic enough to resist the urge to click "buy" on stuff that I love but would never wear.

The other source of inspiration for me is to watch female colleagues in the office. Seeing as many of them are around my age, it also circumvents the "dress for puberty" issue that is sometimes rather tempting .

Well, A, in your original post you said "I still have no idea what kind of clothing style I want", the later you said "it's always been a nightmare to find something I liked". It's sounding to me like your problem is more a matter of broadening you interests than needing fashion advice. I'm sure there are plenty of fashions that can look good on you-- to everyone else, but if you have a negative outlook of it that won't matter.

I've long found clothes shopping a nightmare, too-- stemming from boring shopping trips with my mom as a kid. That's part of why I actually got more into online shopping, actually. It takes patience, since you have to return things now and then, but eventually you start to understand your sizes and such.

~ Lyric ~

A good way to get to know your sizes is to go and try on a bunch of different stuff in stores. Get an average size range for different kinds of clothing and go from there.

But as Lyric mentioned sometimes can still require a little patience because a certain size in one style will not fit well in another. (Especially if your cursed with a broader than average chest for a female like me..) Once you get to know lots of different styles, becomes much easier. You can then pick the right size first time usually.

It's not that I need to broaden my interests... more that I need to figure out what my interests are. (Even though figuring them out from a hazy image easily attributable to zero is technically broadening.) What I meant by "it's always been a nightmare to find something I liked (or rather, not disliked too much) that FIT" was that when I was shopping for clothes - which, until now, has always been mixing guys' clothes and not-to-girly girls' clothes together so it would not feel too awful to wear and still be acceptable for a guy - whenever I chose something that I found okay (that is, not too awful and okay for a guy) it often didn't fit. I was much more trying to express how hard it was to find things that fit than saying anything about my tastes. What I did before is sort of irrelevant tastes-wise, I think, considering I only once tried to truly express my tastes.

I've hinted to it before, but let me express it in more detail. Often I'll think I like something, then go home and realize I only liked it because my sister said it was great, or even for some unexplainable reason. Or go into a store and be completely blocked by the ingrained belief that all female clothes are off-limits and unconsciously brand all of them "not for me", thinking I've made an actual reasonable judgement. Or go into a store and find all sorts of things beautiful, but on other people, thinking it looks weird on me, be it true or not.

Just like I started liking ketchup because Pikachu liked ketchup, I just can't seem to freely access what -I- like, what -I- want. And I have no idea where the key to that box is.

As for sizes... I have some idea of what sizes I need. Thing is, even knowing that, it's not a very reliable thing. Be it named ("small", etc.) or numbered sizes, it varies greatly depending on the manufacturer and even between the models they make. As an indication, I have a pair of jeans that's pretty tight, at size 11. Another I literally fit twice in, at size 6. And another that fit great (before my hips grew) at size 6. Same for tops. A top slightly too small at Large, another definitely too big at Medium. All women's, mind you.

And even if the basic measurement is okay (for pants, the waist), then what of the rest? The hips could be too narrow or too loose, the leg could be too short, the knees might be too tight... That's why I think online shopping is probably not for me; not until I learn more, at least. Because honestly, sizes seem to be an unorganized jungle. Maybe with experience I'll be able to better predict how something would suit me from just a picture, but for now, nope.

Even my mother, with a good 35 years of experience in choosing clothes, seems relatively lost. When I shop with her, she almost always needs to try on several sizes and models, sometimes not getting the right size; often figuring out that a particular model isn't made for her body no matter the size. (Ya know, like, when one part of the article is way too big but another part is too small.)

Maybe we genetically have a weird body. Or maybe we genetically lack the ability to learn our sizes. :p

Maybe a pixie cut like Emma Watson and Rihanna? Also try this website http://www.polyvore.com/ you create collages of outfits maybe you could play around on there and find your style.

Eh, I've been growing my hair out for years because I'm sick of short hair. :p I've been forced and convinced into short cuts by my mother so many times I'm literally traumatized. I don't think I'll ever want short hair again. Well, not "again", because I never decided to get a short cut.

Not to mention I've read somewhere that most women can't look good in a pixie cut. Imagine a trans woman. Probably less than 1%, of which I doubt I am. I sincerely think what makes me pass is having long hair. Cut it and I'm back to totally looking like a guy. Maybe a slightly girly-faced one; not even sure.

Quote from: A on May 23, 2013, 07:44:04 PM
Eh, I've been growing my hair out for years because I'm sick of short hair. :p I've been forced and convinced into short cuts by my mother so many times I'm literally traumatized. I don't think I'll ever want short hair again. Well, not "again", because I never decided to get a short cut.

Not to mention I've read somewhere that most women can't look good in a pixie cut. Imagine a trans woman. Probably less than 1%, of which I doubt I am. I sincerely think what makes me pass is having long hair. Cut it and I'm back to totally looking like a guy. Maybe a slightly girly-faced one; not even sure.

I used to have long hair, but was forced to cut it because everyone judged me harshly.   Now, I'm going insane that it's taking so long to grow out again.  I haven't cut my hair since August and it's still only mid range.  So, I can totally relate to what you mean by traumatizing.

Having said that, some women can really pull off the pixie cut.  It really depends on your facial features and how you style your hair overall.  Still, I think most women in our position are better off with long hair.  If you are still looking for a style, you could try to digitally place a hair style over a picture of yourself.  While it's not flawless, it will give you some insight as to what might look good.  I know there are some sites out there for this.