Sisters,

I don't mean to freak anyone out - I am not having a panic attack here...but I am stricken with an anxiety/sadness/fear that comes sometimes when I realize that I do not have a vagina yet and that I do not know when I will have my surgery. Usually its fine whats down there, but sometimes when I think about it or research surgery etc. I start panicking in a way where I get really upset and just need to be at the operating table NOW. I know thats not how it works, and I just have to keep working toward my goals, but I am so sick of this appendage. I need SRS. That surgery will open the gateway to my true self...I have struggled with knowing who I am and with accepting what must be done to realize who I am, but now that I know...I am so happy to know it and just have lost tolerance for the old me. I love my body more every day, but the more I become the woman I am inside on my outside, the less acceptable my male features are...anyway I am planning a fundraiser for surgery and my job is being really supportive trying to see if insurance will cover it...I am in a good situation I just needed to vent with some people who might understand this pain...It will pass and I am grateful...thanks for reading

I had that feeling a few times about HRT before I started.  The best I could do was sulk for a little bit and then find something else to occupy my mid.  *hug* you can get through it.

I have all but given up ever getting SRS.  Sometimes I get very depressed, especially when I hear about someone else going in for surgery.  But if I never get there, then I will have to go on.

yup it definitely involves opening up your gateway...

Quote from: PrincessDi on May 05, 2013, 08:58:57 PM
Sisters,

I don't mean to freak anyone out - I am not having a panic attack here...but I am stricken with an anxiety/sadness/fear that comes sometimes when I realize that I do not have a vagina yet and that I do not know when I will have my surgery. Usually its fine whats down there, but sometimes when I think about it or research surgery etc. I start panicking in a way where I get really upset and just need to be at the operating table NOW. I know thats not how it works, and I just have to keep working toward my goals, but I am so sick of this appendage. I need SRS. That surgery will open the gateway to my true self...I have struggled with knowing who I am and with accepting what must be done to realize who I am, but now that I know...I am so happy to know it and just have lost tolerance for the old me. I love my body more every day, but the more I become the woman I am inside on my outside, the less acceptable my male features are...anyway I am planning a fundraiser for surgery and my job is being really supportive trying to see if insurance will cover it...I am in a good situation I just needed to vent with some people who might understand this pain...It will pass and I am grateful...thanks for reading

I can so relate to what you wrote, my GID got to an almost fatal level right before I got the srs. Hang in there, you will get there soon, and untill then ya got us!

Quote from: calico on May 06, 2013, 03:14:42 AM
I can so relate to what you wrote, my GID got to an almost fatal level right before I got the srs. Hang in there, you will get there soon, and untill then ya got us!

This +1.

Like the month before my level of anxiousness jumped to level 10. Get it over with NOW! I'm usually a very calm, emotionless, level headed person... But the anticipation, logistics, outcome, etc was doing a number on my brain. It's normal. Just do your best to stay calm and focused.

I was really scared for my FFS. With FFS things can go terribly wrong and I was really scared. Once I got to the clinic the panic was over. For the SRS I was very scared about not making the right choice especially that I got non inversion vaginoplasty which is a new technique with perhaps uncertain results on a long run. I was also afraid of fistulas. I guess it is just you. You can't help it. In most of the cases SRS is success if you choose a reputable doctor. Once you wake up from anesthesia the fear is over. So in order to prevent the stress get the surgery soon 🙂

Quote from: swan on May 22, 2013, 03:19:16 PM
I was really scared for my FFS. With FFS things can go terribly wrong and I was really scared. Once I got to the clinic the panic was over. For the SRS I was very scared about not making the right choice especially that I got non inversion vaginoplasty which is a new technique with perhaps uncertain results on a long run. I was also afraid of fistulas. I guess it is just you. You can't help it. In most of the cases SRS is success if you choose a reputable doctor. Once you wake up from anesthesia the fear is over. So in order to prevent the stress get the surgery soon

With srs when you wake up the fear has just began...that's when you got to face complications and pain.

Quote from: milktea on May 23, 2013, 04:58:43 AM
With srs when you wake up the fear has just began...that's when you got to face complications and pain.

True , for some ,the possibilities of complication, and pain are a given. For some more than others, it depends on the persons, health ,susceptibility, and several other unaccountable and unknown factors.
Dilation is a pain in the beginning than becomes more of a nuisance. again not everybody is not the same. Dilation has recently quit hurting for me an I am now on the biggest dilator! , but milktea has not had the same outcome   🙁 we are just 2 of the possibilities that can happen among several possibilities. but imo what pain there is, is still better than the one before.

Quote from: milktea on May 23, 2013, 04:58:43 AM
With srs when you wake up the fear has just began...that's when you got to face complications and pain.

come on in most cases there are not complications and with the epidurals the pain is minimal. Nothing to be scared really...

Yes I guess everyone's different...there are people who recover from srs with minimal complication. the truth is there are so many factors: pain tolerance, age, ethnicity, surgeon, etc. that nobody really knows for sure what is going to happen. Speaking from personal experience, dilation hurts like hell and takes a huge toll mentally and physically. I am bleeding every day and walking around even in my own home is not easy. In fact, the past four months postop is the most painful ordeal I have endured in life. And it feels so hopeless knowing that the suffering may continue for another 8 mths.
But then again everyone's different and you may have better luck than me...my point is having srs is a personal choice and it is good to keep optimistic, but be mentally prepared for a rough time ahead...at least a year of chronic and self-inflicted pain.
Btw I don't know any post-ops who honestly think that recovery entails minimal pain...anyone going in for srs thinking things are happily over once the surgery is over is seriously deluding themselves.

Milktea, I'm so sorry about your crappy recuperation. Things will eventually settle.

My gender specialist is steering me away from scrotal inversion. Scrotal inversion does tend to have a longer recuperation time with more potential for problems. This is one reason why I'm tending away from this method to the penile inversion and going for a surgeon that is local. I'm not quite sure what benefits I'd be losing apart from a little depth.

I had a non inversion done and my SRS was a smooth process. Most of Dr Chettawut patients have a very smooth recovery. Who was your doctor?

@ Nocolette, the non inversion  also gives better cosmetic outcome.

Quote from: swan on May 24, 2013, 12:17:46 PM
@ Nocolette, the non inversion  also gives better cosmetic outcome.

What kind of better cosmetic outcome are we talking about? My gender specialist, who has examined a few girls, cannot see any benefits going the non-inversion route. If there are benefits, I'd like to know what these are.

personally IMO I have seen great results both ways, and I went to chettawut, the benefit I believe would be better depth, and perhaps being able to save more nerves, and scrotal skin tend to be very elasticey. Again Jmo oh and in 2 months I was able to go to the largest dilator, have had very little pain, and almost no blood what-so-ever, and my healing is very fast, but I do not believe all of this to be normal, I think my faster than norm healing is because of my anemia, IDK I'm not a dr so...  and Also I started with a candle for m dilation, which at that time had thought that it would mean extended dilation time to get to he larger size... so I have been pleasantly suprised 🙂

Having anemia doesn't help the healing, it compromises it.
With non inversion the labia minora is constructed from the penile skin and the cosmetic outcome is way better.

Quote from: swan on May 25, 2013, 02:47:58 AM
Having anemia doesn't help the healing, it compromises it.
With non inversion the labia minora is constructed from the penile skin and the cosmetic outcome is way better.

interesting, than I guess I blame it all on the vitamins I take, and my faith in god  🙂

the faith. It causes miricles. The faith and determination to get something. Keep on doing it 🙂

There must be some difference in the technique used. All of the Dr Chettawut patients I have talked to have more of a discomfort then real pain. Of course I was on painkillers but nothing that I couldn't bear without painkillers. It is a major surgery but it was not that painful. If I had the choice of having it again knowing everything first hand I would do it again without a second thought.

Quote from: swan on May 27, 2013, 03:50:57 PM
There must be some difference in the technique used. All of the Dr Chettawut patients I have talked to have more of a discomfort then real pain. Of course I was on painkillers but nothing that I couldn't bear without painkillers. It is a major surgery but it was not that painful. If I had the choice of having it again knowing everything first hand I would do it again without a second thought.

for sake of clarity the pain from surgery is not that unbearable. i wasn't in any real pain for the first week postop...and yes discomfort would be a better way to describe...but then the packing comes out and i need to dilate. this is when the pain comes in, the pain of dilation! and which for me only got worse with time.