Sorry to spam the boards with my anxieties and concerns, but I wanted to get feedback.  Am I the only person that worried about passing before hrt?  Or did everyone else have the same fears about passing?  I have been crying a lot today and feeling very depressed about my appearance, but I'm realizing I'm probably being unfair to myself.  I won't start hrt until June-July, so maybe things will improve once I start hrt and begin laser.  Also, I'm under 25 so I think the hormones might be beneficial to me.  But I don't know for sure.  Right now, I'm just shaving galore and growing out my hair.  My hair getting long so that is improving things, but still I'm unsure.  I can't really tell if their will be a light at the end of the tunnel.  no matter what I'm transitioning because I'm a girl and life as a boy equals misery and no life.  So, I wanted to see how it worked out for others.  Did things drastically improve with hormones and laser or did you always feel like you passed without those things?  Do you think those who worry about passing beforehand like myself are hopeless? 

Again, sorry for my multiple posts and all my concerns. I'm sure I have driven everyone insane with my fears.  I feel bad for everyone that reads my posts,lol.

I think it is the most common thing for a trans person to worry about. Passing basically means a way easier time transitioning. Though certainly not without problems I dislike when people think you don't have problems cause you pass. If you pass well and pass soon in all liklihood you were prob pretty femme or andro beforehand and harassed and beat up as a result. People do not like femme males and I'm speaking from experience. Well women do not men. And if you have been harrassed most of your life, you are going to have emotional problems. I know I do.

But anyhoo yeah don't worry that you're worried it's natural. No worries lol

I should qualify this: you obviously don't have to have been an femme male to pass well or quickly.

I was quite worried about my passing potential for most of 2012. I'm sure the same is true for everyone - except maybe the supermodels who also started that way.

I'm over 6' so didn't expect to pass ever.

If people don't accept me as female, then there's little basis for a friendship as far as I am concerned.

Starting hormones will help.

There is always light at the end of a tunnel. Unfortunately whilst in the tunnel it is hard to tell how long the tunnel is.

My life improved only after srs.

Completely normal, LTL.

I'd say you've got the right method though: Keepin' on keepin' on trying to find what will work for you.

You're going to be fine.  It's a long road but I believe in you!

I think its something you do start out worrying about, but as you start to move on with your life you seem to move past it.

I think, from speaking with a lot of others about passing issues is you start to work out most people don't care.

I can see why one might be scared of not passing. But really, after all is said and done, you're going to transition no matter what; try your best not to focus on passing or not passing, because you have to do this for yourself even if you don't pass. Right? You're going to transition no matter who gets in your way aren't you? Then you can't let the fear of not passing paralyze you or upset you, it'll just make you miserable. If you're going to get the same result whether or not you worry, then just don't worry, because what's to come will come, and stressing about it won't make it any easier or change the outcome in any way.

I know it's not so easy to see things that way... But if you can take a little bit of that with you... You'll be freer to enjoy the months and years of your life that are spent in transition.

I think that passing was the first thing I worried about when I started to consider transitioning.  I wanted (well, still want) to blend in with a crowd and not have everybody aware of my male past, but I didn't let my fears stop me from working out my gender issues and starting HRT.

Thanks everyone.  I am glad to know I'm not the only one who faces or faced these fears.  I feel a little better.   I guess we can all use a downer day where we cry about not being pretty and accepted for who we are?  I just don't like waiting for the changes.  It takes too long.  But I think I have potential to pass and even look pretty in the future.  I've been dressing and playing with my hair tonight and feel better.  I should doll myself up more often.  I think I'll be okay, but I know there is work to be done.  And I need to stop comparing myself to others who have fully transitioned and cisgender females.  It's a bit unfair to do to myself when I am just starting transitioning.  Of course I won't look the same.  But  how I would love to wake up as a super model.  Well, maybe on day.

I worry, yes i may be average height here in the US, maybe an inch or three taller then most girls my age, but i have a very masculine face and several masculine tattoos.

I was worried about it as well. My first four months of laser I went in as boy mode. Treated coming out to my laser technician like any other person I had to come out to told her and she's been super supportive. If your comfortable just flat out tell her if you feel you can. It will take away gitters. The feeling of OMG am I passing? Will she know? Laser is uncomfortable already as it is no need to make it any more being mentally uncomfortable.

From what I've seen, worrying about passing doesn't seem to be unusual. Especially since HRT's changes aren't easily reversible, so you'd want to have at least some idea of your chances of success before starting. I know I certainly think about it.

As far as spamming the boards with your anxieties goes, it hasn't bothered me. That's what the boards are for. In fact I appreciate it, because if nothing else, I share many of your concerns, so it's saved me the trouble of asking.  What can I say? I'm shy, and I have trouble writing. 

The fear of not passing put me off transition for over 10 years.I looked like Lemmy from Motorhead as a guy and I'm over 6'.

I've seen your pics and you are the most passable person pre-HRT that I've ever seen. I can only imagine how amazing you will look after 6 months of HRT!!!  Also, watch for good deals on Gorupon or living social, I know they have some good deals in your area on a regular basis.

I am sure no-one feels that you are spamming the boards.

There is always going to be a fear of passing, whether it's pre-everything, or while on HRT and laser. It's always been YMMV for everyone. When I first started HRT, I had shaved my head completely due to the depression I was going through. And I looked like miniature male wrestler.  There might be days where we don't pass either because of some small thing that gives us away or even the obvious stuff, but things get better with time.

You would need to decide what course of action is best suited to you and your situation. Am sure things would be ok - just hang in there.

Hugs,
Ally.

Quote from: learningtolive on May 27, 2013, 09:08:29 PM
Sorry to spam the boards with my anxieties and concerns, but I wanted to get feedback.  Am I the only person that worried about passing before hrt?  Or did everyone else have the same fears about passing?  I have been crying a lot today and feeling very depressed about my appearance, but I'm realizing I'm probably being unfair to myself.  I won't start hrt until June-July, so maybe things will improve once I start hrt and begin laser.  Also, I'm under 25 so I think the hormones might be beneficial to me.  But I don't know for sure.  Right now, I'm just shaving galore and growing out my hair.  My hair getting long so that is improving things, but still I'm unsure.  I can't really tell if their will be a light at the end of the tunnel.  no matter what I'm transitioning because I'm a girl and life as a boy equals misery and no life.  So, I wanted to see how it worked out for others.  Did things drastically improve with hormones and laser or did you always feel like you passed without those things?  Do you think those who worry about passing beforehand like myself are hopeless? 

Again, sorry for my multiple posts and all my concerns. I'm sure I have driven everyone insane with my fears.  I feel bad for everyone that reads my posts,lol.

It used to be, and may be still in some areas, that you had to have your RLE before hormones.  Personally, I think that is extremely cruel, and effectively stopped (and probably killed) many of our sisters.

At the same time, there are some MtF women who pass exceedingly well before HRT, or FFS, but I think they are likely in the minority.

Thanks everyone.  I was just having a bad day yesterday.  I actually think I do think I have a lot of potential and will pass in time.  I'm just overly self critical.  I look at other girls my age and it makes me cry that I  don't look like them.  But I do have  potential and will be able to pass in time.  I will just stop comparing myself to female celebrities and mtf's who have fully transitioned for now.  That's for the future,lol. We all start somewhere and there is room for improvement.  So, anyone reading this and worrying about the same thing, don't worry so much.  Just do what you have to do and be happy.  Passing will come in time.  We'll all get there someday.

Uh, oh yeah I was worried lol. Have you seen my before pictures? They were pretty masculine. BTW, I started after 25 so... yeah.

Well about 4 month in on hrt and i can honestly say I still worry about it, once i feel confident to dress more(getting there) I am constantly worried my face will give me away, I find while not terribly masculine it is far from androgynous. When i picture myself dressed the way i want I try to avoid picturing my face so i do not get upset. So I'd say it is common for both before and during to worry about passing.

LTL, I have alot of the same fears and worries as you. I am in the same boat too. I can't start Therapy until June ,because that is when I should be getting insurance. So then I am hoping to be on HRT by end of July. Perhaps You and I can watch out for each other and work together on these issues. Since we should be going through them at same time. HRT buddies