I feel like the main reason my mind wants me to become a man is because of all the straight girls I've fallen for throughout my life. I feel like if I was a guy, most of those relationships would've worked out. Has anyone else ever felt like this?

Well, I did have a fleeting thought when I was first coming to terms with being trans where I told myself, "oh, you're not really trans, you just want to be a man so all of the gay men you've fallen for will date you," which isn't true at all.  I've actually gotten over any gay man I'd previously liked by the time I realized I was trans.  Dating has also been the last thing on my mind since my last break up (which was right around the time I was starting to question myself more). I know I was just trying to convince myself that I wasn't trans and my mind was grabbing at anything it could find.  I also thought maybe deep down I just wanted to be "special" and that maybe it was some deep misogyny that was manifesting itself by making me see myself as a guy because guys are better... which is also not true.  I'm not misogynistic and if I wanted to be special, there are much easier ways to go about that... I'm not a glutton for punishment, so I wouldn't make up in my mind that I'm trans. 

Maybe you do the same thing to yourself?  You're the only one who can really know if you feel like a guy or if you're just trying to get those girls.  Do you have dysphoria?  Would you still feel like you were supposed to be a man if the girls you'd fallen for had been lesbians?   

Quote from: RomulusBC on May 30, 2013, 11:46:26 PM
I feel like the main reason my mind wants me to become a man is because of all the straight girls I've fallen for throughout my life.

That's a wrong reason to consider transition.

Transition is the most life altering thing I can think of. The only reason to do it is for yourself because it's the only way you can see yourself feeling whole.

Quote from: Simon on May 31, 2013, 02:21:14 AM
That's a wrong reason to consider transition.

Transition is the most life altering thing I can think of. The only reason to do it is for yourself because it's the only way you can see yourself feeling whole.

Yes. I agree with this. I guess we all have our own reasons, but I would deeply concerned if your main reason is to chase sraight girls.

It can certainly play a part in your reasoning but you should NOT use that as your crutch to transition yourself. This isn't about other people, it's about you. Even if you were born a guy, those girls might have never had an interest in you or, in a twist of fate, turned out to be lesbians. I would not rely on that as my reason for transitioning.

I won't lie. A part of me DID wonder "what if I was born a guy" and how I might've dated more/dated crushes that were straight but I shake that off. It's wishful thinking because even if I was a guy, that does not guarantee I would've dated them. In fact, one of my crushes from HS actually went on a date with me. We were both girls but she insisted she wasn't a lesbian/bi. She turned into an a-hole over time but I think that would've happened even if I was a guy. She wasn't girlfriend material for me. People change.

Like many others have already pointed out, if this is your main reason, then you really need to think things through before you jump into any transition. It's perfectly okay to be gay, which is what you're describing by wanting to be with women. Feeling you're the wrong gender is entirely independent from sexual orientation so it's not even considered indicative of being transgender. Also, wanting to transition should not have ANYTHING to do with achieving social standing advantages. Basically you shouldn't want to be the opposite sex just to benefit from any perceived advantages they may have. What you're talking about is that: the wish to be with straight women. It just sounds like a wish for the unattainable right now and nothing to do with being transgender.

What if the perfect woman came along right now and was a lesbian? If you transitioned you might not get that shot. Love is love, regardless of gender.

Personally relationships are my last concern right now. That might not be the same for everyone else, but I think during a transition your main reason has to be self. For me my objective is to be happy and comfortable with myself. Everything else comes second, and that includes future partners.

Straight women can usually be persuaded with enough alcohol.

For real, though, that's definitely not enough reason to transition. I'm sure you've got more on your plate than you're letting on, but that reason by itself isn't enough. If you DON'T suffer from gender dysphoria and transition regardless, you will give yourself gender dysphoria.

I'm honestly transitioning even though I don't feel attracted to gay men. At first this was one of my main reasons for not transitioning. But this is something I need, so I'm just going for it and hoping I'm charming enough to bring straight guys around.

Also keep in mind, even if you decided you wanted this for legit reasons, the results will never be the same as a cis man, and some straight women are incredibly ignorant and wouldn't want to be with a TG man anyway. You'd just have to hope that the perfect woman would be willing to accept that you'd transitioned.

Quite the reverse for me.

I'm attracted to men, and I spent many years trying to convince myself that this must mean that I really am female after all, because everyone knows that chicks like doodz, right? So surely it'd be easier for me to just remain female so I can easily get all the guys I want, wouldn't it?

No. It turns out it wouldn't.

Sure, I could attract guys very easily whilst presenting as female - and there are a heck of a lot more straight guys to choose from than gay guys. But the problem is that I don't identify as female. I can't be a 'woman' for them; it was tearing me apart. That's why I'm transitioning. Because I'm a gay man, irrespective of what chromosomes I might have.

I'm still just as attracted to men as I ever was, but my male presentation + attraction to men = homosexual, not heterosexual. No matter how much easier I might have hoped being 'heterosexual' would be, trying to be something I'm not isn't worth the decades of pain it's caused me.

No im kinda opposite, I somethimes wish I where a lesbian because half of all my girlchrushes turn out as bi or lesbians and they look very cute together with other girls.

Quote from: D0LL on May 31, 2013, 10:45:11 AM
Straight women can usually be persuaded with enough alcohol.

LOL in general most people turn try-sexual after a few shots.

I'm the opposite.  One of the main reasons I'm hesitant to fully transition is that I'm attracted to guys and I feel like if I transition I'll never find anyone because there's no way a straight guy will want me and a gay guy probably still won't want me because I doubt I'm ever going to have bottom surgery.  Of course-- straight men don't want me now because I'm so masculine and gay guys don't want me because I'm still female-bodied, so...

Quote from: Simon on May 31, 2013, 02:21:14 AM

Quote from: RomulusBC on May 30, 2013, 11:46:26 PM
I feel like the main reason my mind wants me to become a man is because of all the straight girls I've fallen for throughout my life.

That's a wrong reason to consider transition.

Transition is the most life altering thing I can think of. The only reason to do it is for yourself because it's the only way you can see yourself feeling whole.

Not to mention that transitioning doesn't mean you'd get the girls. They might not date you anyways because you were trans. Transition just complicates dating.

Quote from: Nyri on May 31, 2013, 12:15:37 AM
Well, I did have a fleeting thought when I was first coming to terms with being trans where I told myself, "oh, you're not really trans, you just want to be a man so all of the gay men you've fallen for will date you," which isn't true at all.  I've actually gotten over any gay man I'd previously liked by the time I realized I was trans.  Dating has also been the last thing on my mind since my last break up (which was right around the time I was starting to question myself more). I know I was just trying to convince myself that I wasn't trans and my mind was grabbing at anything it could find.  I also thought maybe deep down I just wanted to be "special" and that maybe it was some deep misogyny that was manifesting itself by making me see myself as a guy because guys are better... which is also not true.  I'm not misogynistic and if I wanted to be special, there are much easier ways to go about that... I'm not a glutton for punishment, so I wouldn't make up in my mind that I'm trans. 

Maybe you do the same thing to yourself?  You're the only one who can really know if you feel like a guy or if you're just trying to get those girls.  Do you have dysphoria?  Would you still feel like you were supposed to be a man if the girls you'd fallen for had been lesbians?

I see what you mean, I have a lot of reasons of why I want to become a man, I may have mis wrote what I actually meant, the whole "I might get more girls" point is the thing that's most recently been in the back of my mind. I've always had strong feelings other than that though. That one's just a most recent one, I mean I've always kind of dressed like a guy, I've always been sirred a lot, and I act like a man most of the time. I just don't feel like my personality fits a girl. I hate dressing like a girl, I hate everything about being a woman. I love everything about men and I envy them. It's not even just the looks, it's the way you're treated and everything.

Of course, I have a lot of time to ponder over this since I will not be doing the transition any time soon, maybe mid 20's after I join the Navy, but I always make sure I really want something before I get it. The thing I can kind of relate it to I guess is a tattoo and how I act towards those. I have five. A tattoo is mostly permanent, but changing your sex is permanent so that's kind of a real big difference, but when I consider getting a tattoo, I don't get and get it that day. I consider, and reconsider for months at a time. I will be doing this for my possible sex change for many years. I will consider and reconsider and keep considering until I'm absolutely sure I know I want it. You know what I mean? I didn't mean to sound naive. :/

There are a lot of options besides actually transitioning to male... I hate saying options because that makes it sound like you can just pick any of them and it will work out, but that's not the way it is.  There are a lot of people who don't quite identify as men or women... there are females who are butch (for lack of a better word) and for some reason that is always associated with lesbians, but really... being butch doesn't mean you like women... I know of a couple people who identify as butch bois (one of them said they don't feel like their body is wrong, but their mind is that of a man) who are attracted to and date men.  There are genderqueer and androgynous people... so many things.  Make sure you find the right one for you before you transition.  Make sure you make yourself feel more comfortable in your body instead of more uncomfortable.  To me the way you talk it almost sounds like you're choosing to be ftm... whereas it's not a choice... it's who you are... and you don't have to know yet exactly who you are or what all of your feelings mean... but don't do anything until you do know who you are and what your feelings mean. 

Also... if you DO have any dysphoria, I would highly recommend staying away from the Navy.  I didn't even know what dysphoria was when I joined... I just thought it would be a manly thing to do (this is before I knew I was male, and was always trying to be as manly as possible... thankfully, I'm not that way any more) but there's a lot of segregation between males and females, you can't openly be trans, in boot camp they toss around dress bras a lot (I've always been uncomfortable with bras).  In some places you may be allowed to wear male dress blues, but in others you'll have to wear the female ones... in short, the Navy just made me feel really uncomfortable all of the time.  May be different for you. 

Quote from: Nyri on May 31, 2013, 07:49:05 PM
There are a lot of options besides actually transitioning to male... I hate saying options because that makes it sound like you can just pick any of them and it will work out, but that's not the way it is.  There are a lot of people who don't quite identify as men or women... there are females who are butch (for lack of a better word) and for some reason that is always associated with lesbians, but really... being butch doesn't mean you like women... I know of a couple people who identify as butch bois (one of them said they don't feel like their body is wrong, but their mind is that of a man) who are attracted to and date men.  There are genderqueer and androgynous people... so many things.  Make sure you find the right one for you before you transition.  Make sure you make yourself feel more comfortable in your body instead of more uncomfortable.  To me the way you talk it almost sounds like you're choosing to be ftm... whereas it's not a choice... it's who you are... and you don't have to know yet exactly who you are or what all of your feelings mean... but don't do anything until you do know who you are and what your feelings mean. 

Also... if you DO have any dysphoria, I would highly recommend staying away from the Navy.  I didn't even know what dysphoria was when I joined... I just thought it would be a manly thing to do (this is before I knew I was male, and was always trying to be as manly as possible... thankfully, I'm not that way any more) but there's a lot of segregation between males and females, you can't openly be trans, in boot camp they toss around dress bras a lot (I've always been uncomfortable with bras).  In some places you may be allowed to wear male dress blues, but in others you'll have to wear the female ones... in short, the Navy just made me feel really uncomfortable all of the time.  May be different for you.

Oh trust me, I've wanted to join the Navy for 4 years and I definitely am next year, that's why If I decide to do whatever, I will be out of the Navy by then. I hate having to hide who I want to be or who I am but I've had to do it my entire life but what's new in this generation.

Quote from: RomulusBC on May 31, 2013, 08:50:06 PM
I hate having to hide who I want to be or who I am but I've had to do it my entire life but what's new in this generation.

I think things for GLBT youth are a lot better now than they were a decade or so ago (I was class of 2000). Never let anyone for any reason make you feel like you are less than anyone else because of your sexuality or gender identity. Best of luck with your military career. I'm sure you'll make this Country proud. 

Quote from: Simon on May 31, 2013, 02:21:14 AM
That's a wrong reason to consider transition.

Transition is the most life altering thing I can think of. The only reason to do it is for yourself because it's the only way you can see yourself feeling whole.

This bothers me, and the wording.

Nobody here became a man. It doesn't matter where anyone is in their transition, we're men on the inside. Nobody became that way through surgery or hormones, it was already there. While we all have many different stories, that fact is the same, it's why we go through as much pain as we do.

Don't transition because you're masculine. Don't transition because you wear men's clothes, or walk like James Dean, or like straight girls. Transition only if you know that it's the right thing for you, that you are a, truly, male. Because going on testosterone, getting top and bottom surgery...it won't help if this whole thing is about gender expression.

Quote from: Sebb on June 01, 2013, 02:34:30 AM
This bothers me, and the wording.

You basically said the exact same thing I did. I stated the only reason to transition is because it's the only way you can see yourself feeling whole. Never said it would make someone whole or that they're not already a man inside.

So I'm not understanding what I said that rubbed you the wrong way.

Sorry, that was bad wording on my part. What I meant was that the thing you pointed out was something that I also noted and that bothered me about the OP's post. In other words, I agree with what you said.

Quote from: FTMDiaries on May 31, 2013, 11:26:41 AM
Quite the reverse for me.

I'm attracted to men, and I spent many years trying to convince myself that this must mean that I really am female after all, because everyone knows that chicks like doodz, right? So surely it'd be easier for me to just remain female so I can easily get all the guys I want, wouldn't it?

No. It turns out it wouldn't.

Sure, I could attract guys very easily whilst presenting as female - and there are a heck of a lot more straight guys to choose from than gay guys. But the problem is that I don't identify as female. I can't be a 'woman' for them; it was tearing me apart. That's why I'm transitioning. Because I'm a gay man, irrespective of what chromosomes I might have.

I'm still just as attracted to men as I ever was, but my male presentation + attraction to men = homosexual, not heterosexual. No matter how much easier I might have hoped being 'heterosexual' would be, trying to be something I'm not isn't worth the decades of pain it's caused me.

This.

And I find myself totally at home as a gay man, whereas being a straight woman was damn near disabling with clinical depression and self-loathing.


Jay

Quote from: Sebb on June 01, 2013, 04:29:26 AM
Sorry, that was bad wording on my part. What I meant was that the thing you pointed out was something that I also noted and that bothered me about the OP's post. In other words, I agree with what you said.

No worries, a simple misunderstanding on my behalf.