FTMDiaries

Oh yes... This sounds like the situation i am in. I HATE it when people think i am a lesbian and i HATE it even more when guys think that i am a lesbian! Because i am into guys. I have never been into girls. I think that my own body is disgusting so how could i like a body of another girl?? For me, this is impossible. I have never liked a girl, they are non-existent to me.

I knew i was a guy from a very young age and i wish i could be a man 24/7. But i just don't know what to do... The thing is, i can't have a relationship in this body. My body is too disgusting to me. But if i transition i will only have gay guys to choose from... Which is not that bad but a bit limited in my opinion... So i don't know what to do... (((

Quote from: dean1229 on June 07, 2013, 03:31:00 PM
FTMDiaries

Oh yes... This sounds like the situation i am in. I HATE it when people think i am a lesbian and i HATE it even more when guys think that i am a lesbian! Because i am into guys. I have never been into girls. I think that my own body is disgusting so how could i like a body of another girl?? For me, this is impossible. I have never liked a girl, they are non-existent to me.

I knew i was a guy from a very young age and i wish i could be a man 24/7. But i just don't know what to do... The thing is, i can't have a relationship in this body. My body is too disgusting to me. But if i transition i will only have gay guys to choose from... Which is not that bad but a bit limited in my opinion... So i don't know what to do... (((

Ah yes, the gay, pre-T, FtM's big conundrum: straight guys who are interested in you are interested because they want want to take advantage of all the things about you that you detest and want to get rid of. On the other hand, the gay guys that you're interested in don't even notice you because they aren't interested in what you currently have. 

As my Gender Therapist pointed out to me recently, there are some guys who quite like the idea of a guy who has non-standard equipment. Some of them are bisexual; some are just open-minded. But you have to be so, so careful, because some of those guys might like you for all the wrong reasons.

The only solution, in my humble opinion, is to transition and start dating once you get to a point where your body is more to your (and their!) liking. That time hasn't yet arrived for me, but I'll know it when I see it.

Quote from: FTMDiaries on June 07, 2013, 03:15:06 PM

I'm not into girls either, but until T starts to work its magic on me people are going to presume me to be a butch lesbian, particularly in queer spaces. In fact, I've found that people are more likely to 'madam' me under those circumstances because they presume me to be a militant feminist lesbian (or whatever) who might be expected to take great offense at being addressed as 'sir'.

This will be the most off-topic post on this thread but you mentioned it so I have to ask. I was raised and learned (though it was a while ago) that you are ALWAYS to address a female in the military as "Sir" unless they tell you otherwise, as it shows equality (aka you're not calling them something different just because they are of the female variety of human) and overall more respect (than ma'am). I've often time's even corrected others who might be talking about such things in our day to day conversations, "No it's correct for him to refer to her as Sir." have I been wrong all this time? My partner, whose read every journal and tactical book of war and military that ever existed, agrees with me that Sir is correct regardless of gender (unless otherwise instructed). Sorry to go so off topic but now i'm worried i've been an ass to people in correcting them o_O. Is it proper to refer to a militant female as 'Sir' unless otherwise instructed? Though I don't really understand why "Yes [title]" was never really used, that would clear up any accidental 'sexism' "Yes Colonel!" is much more gender neutral.... aaaanyways.

More related to the current direction of the conversation, i've also experienced the problem of "he likes me but for the wrong reasons..." and I agree the safest way to avoid that is to pass as male with that person (up until the point you tell them of course) because then they are seeing, and becoming attracted to you as a man. I haven't really had this happen, though i haven't really put myself into situations where it would happen.

Quote from: Bastian on June 08, 2013, 01:11:21 AM
This will be the most off-topic post on this thread but you mentioned it so I have to ask. I was raised and learned (though it was a while ago) that you are ALWAYS to address a female in the military as "Sir" unless they tell you otherwise, as it shows equality (aka you're not calling them something different just because they are of the female variety of human) and overall more respect (than ma'am). I've often time's even corrected others who might be talking about such things in our day to day conversations, "No it's correct for him to refer to her as Sir." have I been wrong all this time? My partner, whose read every journal and tactical book of war and military that ever existed, agrees with me that Sir is correct regardless of gender (unless otherwise instructed). Sorry to go so off topic but now i'm worried i've been an ass to people in correcting them o_O. Is it proper to refer to a militant female as 'Sir' unless otherwise instructed? Though I don't really understand why "Yes [title]" was never really used, that would clear up any accidental 'sexism' "Yes Colonel!" is much more gender neutral.... aaaanyways.

More related to the current direction of the conversation, i've also experienced the problem of "he likes me but for the wrong reasons..." and I agree the safest way to avoid that is to pass as male with that person (up until the point you tell them of course) because then they are seeing, and becoming attracted to you as a man. I haven't really had this happen, though i haven't really put myself into situations where it would happen.

I think my "militant lesbian feminists" he was taking about angry serious feminists rather than feminists in the military.

On the off topic topic though, here in the UK I was always told to use "yes [title]" up until sergeant (which was shortened to sarnt). Anything above colour sergeant was sir or ma'am, some places call colour sergeants "colour" though. I could be wrong, it's a long while since I called anyone anything.

QuoteAh yes, the gay, pre-T, FtM's big conundrum: straight guys who are interested in you are interested because they want want to take advantage of all the things about you that you detest and want to get rid of. On the other hand, the gay guys that you're interested in don't even notice you because they aren't interested in what you currently have. 

Wow, that pretty much summarizes my thoughts about this issue and is the reason I have been single all my life, even though I am 26 years old. Well said. And about the gay guys who are cool about my current equipment...I still wouldn't be able to do anything with them because I am not cool with my equipment. I guess in a way, I will be pretty much a-sexual in actions (not in thoughts...Oh nooo) until the downstairs issue gets fixed. And finding a guy who is cool with that is an even bigger issue

Quote from: AlexanderC on June 08, 2013, 06:25:46 AM
I think my "militant lesbian feminists" he was taking about angry serious feminists rather than feminists in the military.

Yes, that is what I meant: pretty much an activist with strong political views, and how they would react negatively to being addressed as 'Sir' in everyday civilian encounters such as in banks, shops etc.

But it was fascinating to learn that 'Sir' is used in certain military circles for both genders. As Alexander says, I don't believe this is traditional in the UK, so perhaps it's a North American thing? I do know that South African usage is similar to British usage: it's 'yes [rank]' up to certain ranks.

So.... what was our topic here again?

Quote from: Mr.X on June 08, 2013, 06:38:37 AM
And about the gay guys who are cool about my current equipment...I still wouldn't be able to do anything with them because I am not cool with my equipment. I guess in a way, I will be pretty much a-sexual in actions (not in thoughts...Oh nooo) until the downstairs issue gets fixed. And finding a guy who is cool with that is an even bigger issue

This is something that has been foremost in my mind lately, because I went into denial when I was 19 and decided to try to live my life as a 'female' but I was so uncomfortable with my body that I didn't have my first sexual encounter until I was 23.

I've been married to a straight guy for 16 years now but the only way I could get through intimacy was via fantasy. When I reached crisis point last year and realised I had no choice but to transition, I'd realised that intimacy had become increasingly disturbing for me over the years, particularly because he's so fond of the chest area.

So no more intimacy for me until I can find a guy who doesn't obsess over my chest.

I've had the experience, twice recently, of being in a social situation and overhearing an acquaintance recount an anecdote that led me to believe they'd acted in a similar way as the two girls the OP dealt with.  In both situations I was able to pretty much make the speaker feel like an ass, but it was sort of shocker and a little exhausting to have to deal with in the uber-liberal, "accepting" (ugh) crowds I was hanging around.  I know it's ignorance, yadda yadda yadda, but still, it definitely make me think the worst about someone to think that they need to make others feel smaller than they must.