Drinking to numb oneself continuously isn't an alternative to suicide; it is suicide.  Nothing wrong with moderation, but this sounds dangerous.  I'll let the wisdom of Ozzy (well, really Bob Daisely) do the talking. 

"Wine is fine but whiskey's quicker
Suicide is slow with liquor
Take a bottle, drown your sorrows
Then it floods away tomorrows
Away tomorrows

Evil thoughts and evil doings
Cold, alone; you hang in ruins
Thought that you'd escape the reaper
You can't escape the master keeper

'Cause you feel life's unreal
And you're living a lie
Such a shame, who's to blame
And you're wondering why
Then you ask from your cask
Is there life after birth
What you sow can mean hell on this earth
Hell on this earth

Now you live inside that bottle
The reaper's travelling at full throttle
It's catching you but you don't see
The reaper's you and the reaper is me

Breaking laws, knocking doors
But there's no one at home
Made your bed, rest your head
But you lie there and moan
Where to hide, suicide is the only way out
Don't you know what it's really about

Wine is fine but whiskey's quicker
Suicide is slow with liquor
Take a bottle, drown your sorrows
Then it floods away tomorrows"

Quote from: girl you look fierce on June 11, 2013, 10:09:11 AM
It goes both ways for me while drinking. The most suicidal I felt in a long time was just recently when drinking.

Though I also sometimes will just feel happier... so idk.

Well I'm glad you didn't follow through with that feeling girl you look fierce.

I think alcohol is one of the more dangerous drugs even though I partake of the spirits myself and spent my fair share of time in bar rooms.

Quote from: Isabelle on June 11, 2013, 04:51:33 AM
Like the title says. Thoughts?
Personally, it works for me.

If it's one or the other then probably best to turn to the drink and get help for both. At least you will be alive to get help.

Here's a short, relevant story:
About a month ago I was pretty suicidal. I hate my job and where I'm at in life. I work 60 hours a week and since I'm in the military I cannot quit for another 3+ years. The only thing that changed was that I had long since put all of my eggs in one basket (professional life) because of my trans feelings and I had nothing to fall back on when my professional life derailed. I started looking for other areas of my life where I could find enjoyment and couldn't come up with anything. I was a mess and couldn't function at work. I was depressed and saving up to buy a gun to shoot myself with. I finally asked myself what is so wrong?! The problem was that I felt that life wasn't fair because my gender was set in stone and that it couldn't be changed. I had wanted to be a woman. I decided I was tired of hiding my feelings of having disliked being a male for nearly my whole life and that I needed to do some research. Sure enough, most transgender people live normal lives and they pass for who they want to be seen as with ease after some surgery and hormones.
The bottom line is that you have to find the root of your problem(s) and at the very least be honest with yourself about them. Don't worry about the long, road ahead. Do what you can today so that you can be where you want to be tomorrow. I hope I've helped you

 what ever it takes. I took up smoking .

Quote from: girl you look fierce on June 11, 2013, 01:56:52 PM
Yes luckily my bf was with me to talk me through it I would never drink alone.

Definitely can be really dangerous even if it doesn't make you do stupid things. It's better just to drink with a meal for a slight feeling of relaxation

Alcohol has different effects on different people and even different effects on the same person depending on their mood. Usually I drink just enough to get that relaxed feeling and lower the inhibitions a little bit and then just enough to keep it going. I avoid those two day hangovers like that.

i used alcohol and drugs while i was at high school it started when i was walking home one day feeling really bad after a usual day at school for me which was being beaten and verbally abused and teachers finding this funny, when i just fount my self buying my next pack of cigarettes from the off license i always used but i had more money than usual so i picked up six pack as well. then it went to having a bottle of whisky in my school locker then the next step was bunking off lessons to have a joint or two.
i finally stopped smoking weed about January time i still drink now but i control how much i drink now more than 6 drinks a week.

drugs are better than suicide but seriously any who has these problems please get some help its not a good way to live and im now wishing id of done something earlier

Dare I suggest visiting a doctor and getting SSRIs instead of drinking? Tends to be more effective in curing those deep, dark feelings for the long term.

Also don't forget that anything HRT related usually takes ill to stuff that bludgeons the liver, so it's something to watch out for from that perspective too.

Ok, four years and eight months after I gave up on committing suicide by booze (a little diabetes and some other things helping the booze along, not to mention prescription drugs) because it was taking too long, the score stands about 1x10²³ against either booze or suicide. 

I was brought into a program that treated my addiction first, then looked for why I used my drug of choice, and found out it was my GD.  Coming out TS to a bunch of recovering addicts is not your usual way of getting a therapist to send me over for HRT, but in the weeks after I came out, others in the group found their courage to face things even I considered worse than GD, and to truly begin their recovery.  Thus my second letter from a psychiatrist to clinch my SRS.

Now there are three groups of people who accept me for exactly who I am and value me as a person.  My AA, NA, and CODA support systems. (I am a co dependent too)  For AA, I have a Trans group I am part of on line too. IRL, I have a wonderful group of GLBT alcoholics, where reality of the joy that being out and being sober makes you higher than booze ever could.  Even if you do not drink heavily, still, all you have to do is want to stop using it as a way to avoid our real life.  Sobriety solves the problems and gives your options you can only feebly imagine. 

I pretty much drank heavily since I could afford to do it, like 16 onwards, and I finally gave up on binge drinking this year.
Like Jamie said at the top of the post, it is self-medicating, and I've seen a lot of people do it too.
Neither is a good option.
It is hard to see the forest from the tree's but when you do stop and not just for a short while, you do get a bit of perspective. It took me over a decade to figure that part out and to stop.
GL

I drank pretty heavily in younger days, particularly when I was playing gigs in bars the free drinks were plentiful    Jack Daniels and I had quite the on going relationship

Well I gave up on Jack years ago and switched to beer but that eventually got a bit out of hand as well     I knew I had to do something so I cut back quite a bit and now just sip a few beers in moderation

Now I'm starting to trim down and lose the 'beer gut' that I had developed and starting to feel better about my figure and about myself in general

Drinking yourself to death or any other form of suicide is not the answer

Hugs

V M

I wasn't talking about drinking myself to death. I use alcohol a lot because it makes me able
To exist in my own skin. I transitioned about 2 years ago and to be honest, the lack of bottom surgery upsets me more and more. If I don't drink then I tend to so stupider things. Are there any good drugs for dealing with type of thing? I already take fluox, I'm not allowed clonezapam anymore after I accidentally ate them all at once... Suggestions for something I can't abuse but, will help me cope with unfortunate state of my genitals?

Quote from: JulieR on June 11, 2013, 10:02:39 AM
Been there, done that.  On again, off again for many years now, I slip into periods of heavy drinking.  I was close to half gallon of vodka per day until 1.5 weeks ago.  My drinking got heavy while quitting nicotine.  1.5 weeks ago, my gender therapist said she would recommend me for HRT.  I quit drinking right then, I want to live, I want to transition!!!!!

That sounds like a great plan to me!

Quote from: Isabelle on June 11, 2013, 07:44:19 PM
I wasn't talking about drinking myself to death. I use alcohol a lot because it makes me able
To exist in my own skin. I transitioned about 2 years ago and to be honest, the lack of bottom surgery upsets me more and more. If I don't drink then I tend to so stupider things. Are there any good drugs for dealing with type of thing? I already take fluox, I'm not allowed clonezapam anymore after I accidentally ate them all at once... Suggestions for something I can't abuse but, will help me cope with unfortunate state of my genitals?

Xanax, perhaps? Xanax is barbiturate so it is quite hard to overdose it, unless You make a point to do that and even then You have to mix it with "strong" alcohol. And do not ask me why I know this...

.

I'm taking note, just in case I want to pop my clogs DIY style, not. Do we really need to discuss details of how to actually suicide? Sigh.

Quote from: Nicolette on June 12, 2013, 04:06:38 AM
I'm taking note, just in case I want to pop my clogs DIY style, not. Do we really need to discuss details of how to actually suicide? Sigh.

Well, this info can be easily found on internet anyway (dont ask me how I know ).
Besides, my GP told me that Xanax does not cause addiction if Your daily dosage is less than 1 mg.  I was randomly taking 0,5 mg when I felt like I need to and I did not get addicted to it.
And yeah, I checked it out - it is benzo not barbiturate.

Quote from: V M on June 11, 2013, 07:29:55 PM
I drank pretty heavily in younger days, particularly when I was playing gigs in bars the free drinks were plentiful    Jack Daniels and I had quite the on going relationship

Well I gave up on Jack years ago and switched to beer but that eventually got a bit out of hand as well     I knew I had to do something so I cut back quite a bit and now just sip a few beers in moderation

Now I'm starting to trim down and lose the 'beer gut' that I had developed and starting to feel better about my figure and about myself in general

Drinking yourself to death or any other form of suicide is not the answer

Hugs

V M

I have never been able to play and drink V M. I have to wait until after a gig is finished or I sound like a beginner and I've been playing for 32 years. Oh, I can drink two before but anymore than that I get uncordinated like slipping on the bends, speed drops, wrong positions and so on. But I have known people that could be stumbling down drunk and never miss a beat instrumentally.

Be carful with any benzo drug when it comes to your profession. If you are part the FAA and fly a plane you can't use them. Whatever bueracracy controls the rail corporations it is also a big NO NO. If you drive a vehicle that requires a CDL, it's better not to take them. According to the FMCSA, benzos are on a list as a habit forming subsatnce that you can drive as long as you aren't under the sedative effects but you have to have a letter from the prescribing doctor to the doctor that does the DOT physical. Even with a letter, it is up to the examining doctor as to whether you pass the physical or not. In case of an accident occuring, even if its not your fault, there can be negative repurcussions.

Quote from: Isabelle on June 11, 2013, 07:44:19 PM
I wasn't talking about drinking myself to death. I use alcohol a lot because it makes me able
To exist in my own skin. I transitioned about 2 years ago and to be honest, the lack of bottom surgery upsets me more and more. If I don't drink then I tend to so stupider things. Are there any good drugs for dealing with type of thing? I already take fluox, I'm not allowed clonezapam anymore after I accidentally ate them all at once... Suggestions for something I can't abuse but, will help me cope with unfortunate state of my genitals?

I understand.  However, drinking to control ones emotional stability will only lead to problems in the future.  I'm not a judgemental person and believe everyone is free to do what they want, but I have seen "emotional drinking" take people to terrible places.  Using it as social lubricant or to let loose is okay.  Using it to exist in your own skin is really risky. 

For anxiety, the only non addictive medication is Buspar.  It doesn't work similar to benzos like xanax or klonopin, but it does work for some.  Of course, there are your typical SSRIs and SNRIs that work on both anxiety and depression. If you are feeling down and out, please seek out your doctor.  Self medicating can be very risky.

Pre-HRT and while I was off HRT, I had an issue with drinking.

I hated myself and just couldn't tolerate having to deal with the body I had.

After going back on HRT, I have no interest in drinking and have stopped completely unless it's medical.

I've read somewhere that alcohol prevents HRT meds from being processed by the liver, since the body and the liver would normally need to prioritize getting rid of the toxins in alcohol first before moving on to anything else. Don't know if it's true but I don't want to find out the hard way.