Good morning,

Special thanks to all for this very thoughtful and helpful discussion.  Ativan has been especially comprehensive in her posts; +1 from me-however that little score card works
I am definitely a non binary although happy to acknowledge the journey rather than some changing and illusive goal is what feels so wonderful right now.  I have my "letter" although not required, and expect to start HRT in two days.  I am so excited!  I have been out full-time for about two months and thoroughly enjoying most changes.  Not being passable and not planning to go to the other binary end does seem to make it a bit harder for conventional folks to understand.  Some of my boyfriends and family do feel some loss about the old Jim.  I am also not bothered much by the name or pronoun issues.  I am well known in my rural community and many friends are making a big effort to call me Tessa.  My conviction stems from how absolutely different I now feel after accepting myself as TG and allowing myself to transition.  It really has been like lightning striking over and over again.  A profound, gentle but illuminating lightning!  When I finally allowed myself to CD in public the certainty was astonishing.  Going back is no longer a consideration.  I thought I might shock people but instead I shocked myself with how very good this feels.  Buying and wearing what I like is wonderful.  Of course all kinds of well meaning folks are now the fashionistas!  For them I share this poem:

"Warning"

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.
Jenny Joseph

I once read that poem to a Bishop - luckily he found it funny.

A good thread to read and vote if you so wish to...
Ativan

I'm considering a breast reduction, after I've had kids so I don't have to worry about breastfeeding.  They're small already but I'd like them to be really small, probably AA, like when I was a teenager.  I like having recognizably female breasts sometimes, but other times I don't, so I want to be able to pack them away without the discomfort of the heavier binders.

I don't plan to go on T - I have a feminine waist and hips, but it doesn't bother me in the least.  I've learned which styles of men's clothes help me appear more masculine in public when I want to, and that's all I really need to feel comfortable.

Quote from: Faun on February 09, 2013, 02:11:59 PM
I wish I could, but I live in norway. So unless I lie my ass off, I will never get any surgeries or hormones.

there's no need to lie if you can find a good sexologist who doesn't work in public health care. they aren't too expensive either, usually. someone who studied under Esben E. P. Benestad, and knows more about non-binaries should not be as hellbent on either or in terms of gender.

the SOC has provisions in it for non binary identities
When Sevan (my spouse) transitioned the old SOC had nothing in it for non binary identites, but due to the pioneering work of a number of androgyns/genderqueers and their therapists the newest SOC has taken into consideration folks like you.

If the first person refuses to help you then move on and look for one who will.
You can get help.

Quote from: cynthialee on April 12, 2013, 11:27:09 AM
the SOC has provisions in it for non binary identities
When Sevan (my spouse) transitioned the old SOC had nothing in it for non binary identites, but due to the pioneering work of a number of androgyns/genderqueers and their therapists the newest SOC has taken into consideration folks like you.

If the first person refuses to help you then move on and look for one who will.
You can get help.

http://www.wpath.org/documents/Standards%20of%20Care%20V7%20-%202011%20WPATH.pdf

This is the pdf for WPATH's SOC.

At the time it was written, I was under the care of Dr Walter Bockting.
He is referenced 8x in papers he wrote or co-authored.
Look in the glossary under Genderqueer. There's Walter again.
He was my Psychologist from 2010 until Dec 2012, when he went to Columbia U in NY.
I really miss working with Dr Bockting, he is missed at PHS. But life goes on there.
I feel good just walking through the door. The people at the front desk know me on sight.
Which makes me feel good. Walter did more for me than I think he will ever know.
More than anyone else. He even had a nickname for me. *Ativan tears up a little...

My medical care is still being done by Dr Jamie Feldman. She is referenced 4x for papers she wrote or co-authored.
She is so very cool to work with. I wish she was my regular med Dr.
When it came time to start HRT, I was pretty nervous about it. Jamie stopped that in the first meeting.

Both are writing contributors to the SOC.

Eli Coleman and Bean Robinson are also at the center where I go.
PHS at the UofM in MN USA

Walter was the president of WPATH for a couple years 2010-2011.
Eli Coleman was at one time also. I think from 1999-2003.
He's the Director for PHS now.

So this is my relationship with version 7 of the SOC.

I just got really lucky Having Dr Bockting as my Psychologist and Dr Feldman as my Medical Dr.
I still have a Psycologist there that I see. We're getting there, it takes time. But I'm happy about working with him.
He's way different than Dr Bockting, so I think it's a really good opportunity to learn a new perspective, along with his own expertise.

Read through the pdf if you haven't already. There are a lot of Dr's out there that go by the old versions. Run away!
Version 7 is not perfect, not for everyone, but it is a much better standard, that any Dr you use should be aware of.
The right Dr's and therapists are out there and are worth the extra effort it takes sometimes, to find them.
And if they need any info, they can contact PHS. They do a lot of research work and have current info or can direct them to others if they need additional.
Even if you have to help educate a therapist or Dr, so be it. Do it, you'll be helping those who come after you.
If it wasn't for the people who were there before me, things would not be as good. We can help make it better.
Ativan

Thinking about it. I'd like a more androgynous body. Softer, traditionally feminine features. That sort of thing.

Quote from: Reedling on June 11, 2013, 12:42:28 AM
I've begun and abandoned weight training so many times in the past because I couldn't handle growing the bigger guns, though some part of me comes alive in the gym and loves to lift.

Similar here! Weight training may make you less passable, but it will make you healthier. And damn it feels good.

Quote from: Andro(id) on June 19, 2013, 11:43:43 PM
Thinking about it. I'd like a more androgynous body. Softer, traditionally feminine features. That sort of thing.

Similar here! Weight training may make you less passable, but it will make you healthier. And damn it feels good.

Thanks for your comment. I had a gender flipout over the weekend when I couldn't fit my upper arm into a woman's jacket that was
otherwise my size. But the exercise helps put back together mind and body, helps me feel my body as
capacity and not just something to look at. I am trying to build tolerance for this kind of
dysphoria, I think it's about challenging an internalized taboo ("don't look masculine whatever you do"), feels like hell
when it happens.

Quote from: Reedling on June 20, 2013, 06:02:11 AM
Thanks for your comment. I had a gender flipout over the weekend when I couldn't fit my upper arm into a woman's jacket that was
otherwise my size. But the exercise helps put back together mind and body, helps me feel my body as
capacity and not just something to look at. I am trying to build tolerance for this kind of
dysphoria, I think it's about challenging an internalized taboo ("don't look masculine whatever you do"), feels like hell
when it happens.

Ugh, yeah. That sounds frustrating. And those slim jacket arms look amazing, don't they? Was it a blazer? Wonder how much you'd lose in the delts/ triceps/ biceps on HRT. At any rate, the shoulder fit is tough regardless of gender. Guys always wear it too baggy; even a tailor can only do so much. You can look into some made-to-measure options online. Great value for what you get: nearly bespoke clothing. You always look your best in clothing that fits your body.

For me, gender is a social construct; health is biology. Health is about keeping this fragile substrate of blood and flesh alive, no matter how i present myself. First comes sleep, eating well, decent muscle mass and low body fat. Then everything else. Thinking about it, you could probably still work out on HRT. With less testosterone it will be harder to gain significant muscle mass.

The only thing keeping me at "might get estrogen" right now is the fact that I don't know how it'll impact me sexually. I do want to have kids and I do appreciate my reproductive masculinity...

If I can ensure full functionality, I'll go for it headlong.