All excellent advice! Having managed a large company at one time, I can attest to the fact that what really gets the attention of a prospective employer is when someone appears show a genuine interest in the company above their own immediate need of a job. "i'm interested in finding out what I could do and how I could fit in to help make this company more profitable!" instead of the usual signals which really say, "I need a job and blah,blah, blah" because that invariably falls on deaf ears. I suppose we could say it's the attitude that gets projected by the job seeker in the first few minutes that makes or breaks the deal.

I stopped counting the number of resumes I sent out when it hit 340.  Then, I found my ideal job and I sent them my resume seven times in the first couple weeks of the opening.   I got the interview and I got the job.

It will get better. I call it the al bundy theory

So you think I'm a loser? Just because I have a stinking job that I hate, a family that doesn't respect me, and a whole city that curses the day I was born? Well, that may mean loser to you, but let me tell you something. Every morning when I wake up, I know it's not going to get any better until I go back to sleep again. So I get up, have my watered-down Tang and my still-frozen Pop Tart. I get in my car with no upholstery, no gas, and six more payments. To fight traffic just for the privilege of putting cheap shoes onto the cloven hooves of people like you. I'll never play football like I thought I would. I'll never know the touch of a beautiful woman. And I'll never again know the joy of driving without a bag on my head. But I'm not a loser. Because, despite it all, me and every other guy who'll never be what he wanted to be, are still out there being what we don't want to be, forty hours a week, for life. And the fact that I haven't put a gun in my mouth, you pudding of a woman, makes me a winner!

LOI  i grew up with married with children....
    Miss that show sniffle sniffle

I agree with the others on the fact that you may need to distance yourself from, if not cut yourself out entirely, from your family. If you're not being supported by them, then I don't think that's what one would call an unconditional love. It sounds like your mother's constantly abusing you emotionally, and you should get yourself out as fast as you can.

I know it's easier said than done.

I was kicked out when I was 19 (I'll be 24 in September) because I finally stood up to my abusive father, so I know speaking up for yourself and being intense about how you're the one in the right can cause some serious backlash. I was lucky, though, and two of my close friends helped me and I had a job already, but I sent over 300 applications to get a second one to support myself and only heard back from 2 places. I understand it's difficult.

I was wondering if you could look for someone looking for roommates? If you were looking at graduate school - I'm not sure if your university does this - but usually grad students here have their housing and expenses taken care of through grants/scholarships, usually. Either way, University's usually have people in houses or apartments that need roommates as others graduate or leave, so that could be something you could look into; that's what I ended up doing. I know Delaware is a far cry from New York, but I managed to find a house with 3 bedrooms that was $1k and live with two wonderful people now who've been nothing but supportive (I mean, it's in the ghetto (which isn't the same as where you're from I'm sure), but you gotta do what you gotta do). You could be able to find something like that, maybe? A house/apartment with a bunch of students?

As for not being able to finance it/find a job in time...have you thought about getting a gofundme? That's what I was using when I had issues with my Financial Aid for school. You can use it to raise money for personal reasons (it's like Kickstarter but better imo), so perhaps find out how much rent/deposit would be for the first month in an apartment on your own and continue applying for jobs (my roommate and I have made it a tradition to have a small celebration every time her application mark hits 200...she's having trouble too, and she's a geneticist I promise it's not your fault you can't find anything) while you have the month to get settled in and settled down.

The environment you're in right now is toxic, and that's no good - you need fresh air. Perhaps they'll come around if they have time to mull it over. Especially if they get time to miss you. My family and I aren't on the best terms, but they wanted me to come back after I didn't talk to them for a year (I didn't, but I do occasionally for holidays- mostly because of my mom, so I understand that close bond you're worried about losing).

All the best. I hope things for you improve. Never hesitate to send a PM to me if you need to talk, either.

Quote from: Shantel on July 09, 2013, 05:38:51 PM
All excellent advice! Having managed a large company at one time, I can attest to the fact that what really gets the attention of a prospective employer is when someone appears show a genuine interest in the company above their own immediate need of a job. "i'm interested in finding out what I could do and how I could fit in to help make this company more profitable!" instead of the usual signals which really say, "I need a job and blah,blah, blah" because that invariably falls on deaf ears. I suppose we could say it's the attitude that gets projected by the job seeker in the first few minutes that makes or breaks the deal.

Precisely.

Let me preface this post by explaining that my mother is one of the best people I know.  You only see her in this one particular context.  Right now she is scared, worried and distraught over everything that is occurring.  She truly is a wonderful person, but she isn't showing her best side at this time.  We all have our moments and we can't judge an a persons entire character based on a few occurrences.  Believe me, she is one of the greatest people I know and even her current rejection will not destroy the amazing moments and the caring image I hold of her. 

Today my mom and I talked further about everything.  The past few days we have been silent with one another.  She goes to see her boyfriend and I'm off doing my own things.  Well I had therapy today, so my mom wanted to find out everything that happened.  It ended with me crying for 20 minutes while my mom explained that I won't ever pass.  She wasn't doing it to hurt me, she was very sad to see me cry, but she wanted me to face the reality that I will never pass as female.  I guess the hardest part about it is that she is probably right.  In any event, we talked further after I stopped crying and she told me that she wants me to leave the house once I start having noticeable changes.  She believes it will be better for the both of us emotionally to be separated.  Problem is I can't help but feel like I'm being tossed aside by my family.  Worst of all,  I have no ability to leave finacially.  I'm still trying to get out, but it isn't easy.  I will work hard to find a way to afford my own place, but I have no idea how I can do it.  I hate the idea of going on any temporary assistance as I don't want any handouts.  Yet, I feel like that might be the only way for me to get my start.  Worst comes to worst I could probably live in my car for a month or so.  Still, I probably have another 2 or 3 months before that happens.  So I do have time to turn it all around.  As of now, my mom's heart is destroyed and she doesn't know what to do.  I have stopped talking to her after that confrontation but know she is trying to talk to me and turn things around.  She even told me that she would never kick me with tears in her eyes, but that was a half an hour after she told me she wanted me to leave once I start physically changing.  I wish it were all more easy.

Again, my mom is a great person, so please don't be harsh on her.  If you knew her, you would know what an amazing woman she is.  It's just a tough time for all of us, so don't judge her solely on these events.  I just want and need to vent and unfortunately that doesn't show any of us in our best light. 

Quote from: JLT1 on July 09, 2013, 06:08:48 PM
I stopped counting the number of resumes I sent out when it hit 340.  Then, I found my ideal job and I sent them my resume seven times in the first couple weeks of the opening.   I got the interview and I got the job.

Thank you.  This gives me hope.

Quote from: Shantel on July 09, 2013, 05:38:51 PM
All excellent advice! Having managed a large company at one time, I can attest to the fact that what really gets the attention of a prospective employer is when someone appears show a genuine interest in the company above their own immediate need of a job. "i'm interested in finding out what I could do and how I could fit in to help make this company more profitable!" instead of the usual signals which really say, "I need a job and blah,blah, blah" because that invariably falls on deaf ears. I suppose we could say it's the attitude that gets projected by the job seeker in the first few minutes that makes or breaks the deal.

I agree.  I always do well on interviews.  The problem is getting the chance to be interviewed.  I would say 80% of my interviews have a success ratio.  Unfortunately, it's very rare for me to get the actual interview itself.

Quote from: Jen on July 09, 2013, 03:41:27 PM
Just also want to say about getting a job.  If you know people that make hiring decisions, you will get a job.  I think most people get their jobs this way.  If you don't know anybody like that, finding a job and standing out from all the other candidates becomes infinitely harder.  You should not blame yourself if you are having a hard time.  You seem like the sweetest and most caring person, and I know you would not turn anybody off from choosing you.  It is probably that you need to do more to turn them on to it, to stand out more.  But actually, if you don't know anybody that can help you get a job, your issue is probably more with your networking.

One thing a lot of people do that's kind of a way to network in a weird way is register with temp agencies and try to do a great job everywhere they go so they may stick on permanently somewhere.  There are drawbacks of course, but it's something.  Another idea is to look into a govt run employment service in your area.  I don't know much about them, but I know somebody that works in that field and she works really hard to help people get jobs and has very good success.

I think we can all agree that the primary thing you need right now is independence and you do need a job for that.

I know that networking has it's value.  Unfortunately, that hasn't worked to well for me.  I was told at my last job that they would be able to help me find something else after a particular period, as this was a temp position.  Let's just say once I served their purpose, they no longer were able to guarantee anything.  I have some great recommendations that many would love to have, but no one was able to really help me out.  I can't get into the particulars for privacy reasons, but it's the nature of the field that I have experience in.  Yet, I can't get mad at anyone as it is the nature of the game.

I'm so sorry your having to go through this. It sucks but sometimes the people we care about can react this way to you like this. You care about your mom and that makes you such a sweetheart so I won't touch that subject but consider maybe getting a student loan and going to like community college or university

If she truly is as an amazing of a person as you say (and I have no doubt that you are right), she will come around and love/accept you no matter what.

It's something every amazing person possesses: unconditional love for their children.

The term "unconditional love" keeps cropping up in this conversation. Unconditional love by a parent is only evident when the parent loves the child regardless of the things that they do contrary to their will. They accept that their child has a will and a life of their own and then releases that child to live their life as they wish. Unconditional love is the antithesis of control!

Quote from: Shantel on July 13, 2013, 08:59:36 PM
The term "unconditional love" keeps cropping up in this conversation. Unconditional love by a parent is only evident when the parent loves the child regardless of the things that they do contrary to their will. They accept that their child has a will and a life of their own and then releases that child to live their life as they wish. Unconditional love is the antithesis of control!

Exactly. If someone loves you unconditionally, then they accept you no matter what. Not if you do this but don't do that...Sorry, words have meaning. That being said. I don't think you should live on the street. No offens LTL but you don't seem the type.The street is unforgiving. Have you considered lowering your dose to stop any changes or stopping for now? I'm not saying you should but the thought must have crossed your mind. Retreat is not defeat. You're young. You have time. You have to do what is best.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on July 14, 2013, 01:23:34 AM
Exactly. If someone loves you unconditionally, then they accept you no matter what. Not if you do this but don't do that...Sorry, words have meaning. That being said. I don't think you should live on the street. No offens LTL but you don't seem the type.The street is unforgiving. Have you considered lowering your dose to stop any changes or stopping for now? I'm not saying you should but the thought must have crossed your mind. Retreat is not defeat. You're young. You have time. You have to do what is best.

She's right!

But I still contend, I think your mother will likely come around if you want it badly enough and if you use some loving ingenuity to speed things along by being careful and respectful towards her. You're probably doing everything exactly as you should. You know your mother better than any of us do. And, most importantly, you still care about her- so so much = the biggest takeaway from this thread for me.

And when it does finally happen and she finally accepts you, it will be beautiful in so many ways.

 

Quote from: Joanna Dark on July 14, 2013, 01:23:34 AM
Exactly. If someone loves you unconditionally, then they accept you no matter what. Not if you do this but don't do that...Sorry, words have meaning. That being said. I don't think you should live on the street. No offens LTL but you don't seem the type.The street is unforgiving. Have you considered lowering your dose to stop any changes or stopping for now? I'm not saying you should but the thought must have crossed your mind. Retreat is not defeat. You're young. You have time. You have to do what is best.

Quote from: Jennygirl on July 14, 2013, 01:33:21 AM
She's right!

But I still contend, I think your mother will likely come around if you want it badly enough and if you use some loving ingenuity to speed things along by being careful and respectful towards her. You're probably doing everything exactly as you should. You know your mother better than any of us do. And, most importantly, you still care about her- so so much = the biggest takeaway from this thread for me.

And when it does finally happen and she finally accepts you, it will be beautiful in so many ways.

I agree completely with Joanna and Jenny on all counts and based on all the comments I have seen on this thread and a few similar ones focused on relationships, I put my thoughts on the subject into a separate post:  https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,144676.0.html

LtL, I guess I was thinking very strongly of you when I suggested patience can be a great virtue to develop when you want to get true acceptance from those who are close to you. In any case, I can say without any doubt that it has served me well....

If you keep your wits and allow time to it's work, you'll get where you want to go.
Bises
Donna

Quote from: Tristan on July 11, 2013, 07:45:20 PM
I'm so sorry your having to go through this. It sucks but sometimes the people we care about can react this way to you like this. You care about your mom and that makes you such a sweetheart so I won't touch that subject but consider maybe getting a student loan and going to like community college or university

I already have my bachelor's.  Going to a community college isn't in my future.  I do plan on going to grad school, but that will be a year from now.  So getting a loan wouldn't be possible.  Plus, I don't really look forward to those 6.8% interest rates (thank you congress). 

Quote from: Jennygirl on July 13, 2013, 08:02:10 PM
If she truly is as an amazing of a person as you say (and I have no doubt that you are right), she will come around and love/accept you no matter what.

It's something every amazing person possesses: unconditional love for their children.

That's exactly what I'm hoping for. 

Quote from: Shantel on July 13, 2013, 08:59:36 PM
The term "unconditional love" keeps cropping up in this conversation. Unconditional love by a parent is only evident when the parent loves the child regardless of the things that they do contrary to their will. They accept that their child has a will and a life of their own and then releases that child to live their life as they wish. Unconditional love is the antithesis of control!

I know what you mean Shantel.  But if you knew my mom, you would excuse some of her actions.  She is just afraid I'm destroying my life.  She wants me to have an easy and happy life.  Now she fears I will have a really tough path to follow.  She was crying recently about how she wants to protect from all the horrible things that can occur and all the nasty people who may discriminate or abuse me, but she can't.  At the end of the day, she just wants me to have a good life and feels this will prevent me from having one.  Sometimes that leads her into trying to control what I do.  She does love me unconditionally, but she can't find a way to support this at this moment in time.  It's true that their is some selfish intent behind her actions as she doesn't want things to change; however, her main fear is about me having a very rough life.  Hopefully, she will come around. 

Quote from: Joanna Dark on July 14, 2013, 01:23:34 AM
Exactly. If someone loves you unconditionally, then they accept you no matter what. Not if you do this but don't do that...Sorry, words have meaning. That being said. I don't think you should live on the street. No offens LTL but you don't seem the type.The street is unforgiving. Have you considered lowering your dose to stop any changes or stopping for now? I'm not saying you should but the thought must have crossed your mind. Retreat is not defeat. You're young. You have time. You have to do what is best.

I can't imagine stopping anytime soon.  I really don't want to delay my transition again.  I've waited long enough for this.  Ideally, it's the perfect time to do it.  I don't know what I'll do if I can't live at home, but I'll find a way.  My mom has been more sensitive about things the past few days, so maybe it will be okay.  She told me she would never leave me out in the cold, but she doesn't want to be around to witness the daily changes.  Where that will take us?  I don't know.  And hey, I could live in the streets.  I'm tough like that.  Okay, not really,lol.

Quote from: Donna Elvira on July 14, 2013, 02:45:43 PM

I agree completely with Joanna and Jenny on all counts and based on all the comments I have seen on this thread and a few similar ones focused on relationships, I put my thoughts on the subject into a separate post:  https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,144676.0.html

LtL, I guess I was thinking very strongly of you when I suggested patience can be a great virtue to develop when you want to get true acceptance from those who are close to you. In any case, I can say without any doubt that it has served me well....

If you keep your wits and allow time to it's work, you'll get where you want to go.
Bises
Donna

This is what I'm counting on.  It's just been an emotional mess this past month.  I never know what my family will say or how they will choose to react on a particular day.  Like my sister who was initially accepting does things like call my therapist (who is a transwoman) he and him.  When I ask her not to do that, she corrects me and says that "he was a guy".  This upsets me because they met her and saw that she is living as a girl full time. They all have the mentality that I'm the one who needs to be educated and learn to come around on this issue, not them.  Sometimes there tactics to get their way on that is very difficult to handle.  However, I hope you are right about them coming around. 

Quote from: learningtolive on July 14, 2013, 03:26:19 PM

I can't imagine stopping anytime soon.  I really don't want to delay my transition again.  I've waited long enough for this.  Ideally, it's the perfect time to do it.  I don't know what I'll do if I can't live at home, but I'll find a way.  My mom has been more sensitive about things the past few days, so maybe it will be okay.  She told me she would never leave me out in the cold, but she doesn't want to be around to witness the daily changes.  Where that will take us?  I don't know.  And hey, I could live in the streets.  I'm tough like that.  Okay, not really,lol.

Like my sister who was initially accepting does things like call my therapist (who is a transwoman) he and him.  When I ask her not to do that, she corrects me and says that "he was a guy".   This upsets me because they met her and saw that she is living as a girl full time. They all have the mentality that I'm the one who needs to be educated and learn to come around on this issue, not them.  Sometimes there tactics to get their way on that is very difficult to handle.  However, I hope you are right about them coming around.

Hi again LtL,
Not sure I agree with you on a couple of the things you say here. To the extent that you are not financially independent and that those who support you materially are not OK for now with your transition, realistically, it can hardly be the "perfect time" to do it and by what standard can you say "you have waited long enough to do this?". To understand my question, what woud you say if HRT was not available at all as was the case when many of us were your age?

Also, it's hard to see what you would have to gain by going to live on the streets. Would that get you where you want to go any faster than what you are doing now? By the way, I ran away from home when I was eighteen and took years to recover from that so I am talking from experience...

The other thing that I personnally don't think is worth fighting over is pronouns, the only exception being when the wrong pronoun is used in public when I am presenting as a woman. Even my wife, who has been as supportive in all of this as I could have hoped for, still regularly refers to me as "he" when talking about me with third parties. I am sure this will stop when I am fully installed in my life as a woman but for now don't think it is worth making an issue of.

Maybe I'm too laid back about this sort of stuff but one thing life teaches you is to choose your battles. They are not all worth fighting!
Warm regards.
Donna

[quote author=Donna Elvira link=topic=143167.msg1181911#msg1181911 date=1373834987

The other thing that I personnally don't think is worth fighting over is pronouns, the only exception being when the wrong pronoun is used in public when I am presenting as a woman. Even my wife, who has been as supportive in all of this as I could have hoped for, still regularly refers to me as "he" when talking about me with third parties. I am sure this will stop when I am fully installed in my life as a woman but for now don't think it is worth making an issue of.

Maybe I'm too laid back about this sort of stuff but one thing life teaches you is to choose your battles. They are not all worth fighting!
Warm regards.
Donna
[/quote]

I agree 100 percent. I never fight over pronouns. It simply doesn't matter. My BF referred to me as he at the bank, it wasn't accidental and I am a he legally on my ID, so he pretty much had to. And if you pass, people will correct you. The bank teller corrected him and said "well SHE can cash her check at the ATM." I simply think it is not worth the hassle to fight that battle and people will come around when they do. At most, I simply go "you mean she." That's it. And I leave it at that.

That being said LTL it sounds like they are getting less accepting not more. I really feel for you but I think you need to seriously consider the implications of living on the streets. How will you shower? Where will you sleep? How will you get meds?

If you have $100 a week you can get a room. It won't be in the best part of town, but you will have shelter. Maybe your mom will pay for your apartment if she doesn't want you there or just a cheap room.

Quote from: Donna Elvira on July 14, 2013, 03:49:47 PM
Hi again LtL,
Not sure I agree with you on a couple of the things you say here. To the extent that you are not financially independent and that those who support you materially are not OK for now with your transition, realistically, it can hardly be the "perfect time" to do it and by what standard can you say "you have waited long enough to do this?". To understand my question, what woud you say if HRT was not available at all as was the case when many of us were your age?

Also, it's hard to see what you would have to gain by going to live on the streets. Would that get you where you want to go any faster than what you are doing now? By the way, I ran away from home when I was eighteen and took years to recover from that so I am talking from experience...

The other thing that I personnally don't think is worth fighting over is pronouns, the only exception being when the wrong pronoun is used in public when I am presenting as a woman. Even my wife, who has been as supportive in all of this as I could have hoped for, still regularly refers to me as "he" when talking about me with third parties. I am sure this will stop when I am fully installed in my life as a woman but for now don't think it is worth making an issue of.

Maybe I'm too laid back about this sort of stuff but one thing life teaches you is to choose your battles. They are not all worth fighting!
Warm regards.
Donna

I don't even bring up the pronouns for myself.  I realize that takes time.  I never asked for them to refer to me as anything different. My therapist, however, has fully transitioned as did all the other people they refer to as he or him.  I think that's very disrespectful no to try and respect the desires of others esspecially once they have fully transitioned.  They can say what they want about me, but have some respect for others. 

I have to transition now.  I can't tell you how depressed I am over this issue.  Some people have different ways to cope with GID.  In my case, I don't know if I can cope with it much longer.  I respect those who lived with it for years and decided they had to do it when they got older, but I don't see myself lasting like this much longer.  I'm not transitioning by choice or by will.  I honestly feel I have to do this.  Delaying it would be horrific for me.

I don't believe I will be on the streets.  Worse comes to worse I can live in my car for a temporary period and get assistance for initial period.  I could also find a shelter for a temporary period. But that's the very last resort. I am working really really hard to find employment so I don't think this will be a huge problem and probably can avoid that scenario.  I don't know how I can afford rent and everything all together but I will have to find some way of doing so come hell or high water.  Besides, while my mom wants me to leave the house soon, I probably have a few months before it gets to that point.  And that is still "if".  She never said she will never leave me in the cold.  She does believe she can't handle seeing the changes and will need to be away from me when it starts becoming noticeable, but she has said that she won't leave me in the cold.  I don't know where that will take us, but time will tell. And I don't know if that will lead us to a temporary family separation or a full time thing.  It's still too early for me to know where everyone stands as people say different things at different times. 

Nonetheless,  I have some time to turn around my fortune and I have been applying like crazy.  So I am not down and out yet. 

Quote from: Joanna Dark on July 14, 2013, 05:02:24 PM
[quote author=Donna Elvira link=topic=143167.msg1181911#msg1181911 date=1373834987

The other thing that I personnally don't think is worth fighting over is pronouns, the only exception being when the wrong pronoun is used in public when I am presenting as a woman. Even my wife, who has been as supportive in all of this as I could have hoped for, still regularly refers to me as "he" when talking about me with third parties. I am sure this will stop when I am fully installed in my life as a woman but for now don't think it is worth making an issue of.

Maybe I'm too laid back about this sort of stuff but one thing life teaches you is to choose your battles. They are not all worth fighting!
Warm regards.
Donna


I agree 100 percent. I never fight over pronouns. It simply doesn't matter. My BF referred to me as he at the bank, it wasn't accidental and I am a he legally on my ID, so he pretty much had to. And if you pass, people will correct you. The bank teller corrected him and said "well SHE can cash her check at the ATM." I simply think it is not worth the hassle to fight that battle and people will come around when they do. At most, I simply go "you mean she." That's it. And I leave it at that.

That being said LTL it sounds like they are getting less accepting not more. I really feel for you but I think you need to seriously consider the implications of living on the streets. How will you shower? Where will you sleep? How will you get meds?

If you have $100 a week you can get a room. It won't be in the best part of town, but you will have shelter. Maybe your mom will pay for your apartment if she doesn't want you there or just a cheap room.

I suppose there are places where rent can be that cheap, but not in the area where I live.  Though I could always relocate if need be.  I will probably look into getting a place with a roomate.  I feel awkward about transitioning with a roomate, but maybe I can find an lgbt community member to split rent with.  Chances are I will be safer with one of them.   I'm sure I will think of something and improvise when the time comes.  For now, I 'm just trying to find something that will allow me to sustain myself and pay for rent on my own.  If that can't work, well then it's time for plan b or c.  I have always worked hard and made many of my dreams come true.  While I am down now, I am not going to turn down my ultimate goal. 

Without a job tying you down, relocation is a lot easier.  I know moving somewhere where you don't have a support system can be very difficult, but maybe you wouldn't have to go too far to find a place that has a more reasonable cost of living?  If you would be willing to do that it would also expand your set of potential employers, which is another benefit potentially.

Having read things you have written here and elsewhere, I really feel like you understand your situation very well, all the risks you face, your own fragility, and the dynamics of your personal relationships, which is remarkable given your age and that you don't have the benefit of hindsight.  I don't have a ton of extra advice or anything, I know you will manage all the risks and your relationships the best way you can.  I just think you need a little luck and I'm pulling for you.

Well, a few minutes ago I got off the phone with one of my sisters.  She has her own place and I discussed if it would be possible for me to move in once I get kicked out provided I pay her some rent money that I'd be able to afford.  She didn't say no and said we would have to talk about it, but I could tell she wasn't happy about that prospect.  When I started talking about living in my car, she didn't say anything further about living with her.  She said you could probably do it for three months in the summer, but that she didn't advise me doing it at all.  Nonetheless, I wasn't getting the vibe that she would allow me to stay with her even if I paid rent.  So I don't really think that will be an avenue I could try.  Maybe I misread her, but I wouldn't feel right about staying at her place if it was a hassle for her.  So I think I will need to forget about that option.  I then talked to my other sister, the one who said she'd defend me if my mom threatened to kick me out, and she told me that she sees my mom's point of view about wanting me to leave.  She said she would say something on my behalf, but that she understands where my mom is coming from.  This really hurts because I feel like no support and only opposition.  If the situation where reversed, I would support my sister and fight for her.  I've always defended her when she needed it.  And if I had a place like my other sister did I would be willing to help her out for a short period if she was going to be kicked out.  Yeah, she didn't say no, but I would have said yes without hesitation.  How hard is it for people to be on my side just a little.  Honestly, I love my family and want to give it time, but I sometimes I really don't think I want to be around them anymore or even talk to them.  I feel like I am being pushed away to a point where I am done.  I feel sick by the lack of support and how they expect me to understand their opposition or lack of sympathy to how much I'm struggling both financially and emotionally.  I guess that is further incentive for me to get some independence. 

Quote from: Jen on July 14, 2013, 06:17:53 PM
Without a job tying you down, relocation is a lot easier.  I know moving somewhere where you don't have a support system can be very difficult, but maybe you wouldn't have to go too far to find a place that has a more reasonable cost of living?  If you would be willing to do that it would also expand your set of potential employers, which is another benefit potentially.

Having read things you have written here and elsewhere, I really feel like you understand your situation very well, all the risks you face, your own fragility, and the dynamics of your personal relationships, which is remarkable given your age and that you don't have the benefit of hindsight.  I don't have a ton of extra advice or anything, I know you will manage all the risks and your relationships the best way you can.  I just think you need a little luck and I'm pulling for you.

I could probably move into a cheap place in the city, but it depends.   I already have been applying for job within a two hour distance zone, so I would have to travel far if I want to widen my pool of potential employers.  I think I would have to move out of state and find something outside of NY.  I guess Jersey or the surrounding areas aren't too bad.  I wish I could move to Boston.  It's my dream to live there.  Sucks it's so expensive like my part of NY.

You are planning on going to graduate school.  What are your top 5 (or even 10) choices?  Perhaps you could open up your job search to include places like that.  Even if that were to be away from your family for a while....