How did you handle being with someone who can't even mutter the word transgender??  I love my wife to death but I know in my heart that she is not, can not,  and will never be ok with me even attempting to transition or even partially transitioning.  She has some of her own issues but I know she just would never accept it which is heavily oppressing my actions to bring me closer to myself physically.

Hi Matthieu, I hate seeing a post that no one has replied to . . . I am in a similar situation with my wife, I finally mustered enough courage (after a few drinks) to mutter the words transgender and even after that I still have ALOT of trouble talking about it with her. She is trying to deal with it. We are still in the stages of coming to grips with our issues. Anyway, my take is that most wives cannot handle the shock of news such as this, you have to remember that it is a long road ahead and that it will be tough on both of you. I can only wish you both luck and hope it all works out for you. Believe me when I tell you that we all have faced telling the significant others, it's hard but it needs to be done at some point.

Kristen

I too feel for you. I have a thread going about my experience.  I love my wife more than anything, but this may be something we cannot overcome. Only time will tell.  Here is my experience:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,143622.0.html

Sorry I have no idea what to say to this one. I have never really had a spouse that I went through this with

I'm the last person to comment on this topic, but here goes...

I firmly believe that you can still love her even if she doesn't love you anymore. And you can - no matter what happens - treat her kindly and as a friend (if she'll have you), and always be willing to accept her back if she leaves.  Love doesn't have to be all-or-nothing.  It doesn't have to be a mirror image.

And the same goes for acceptance.  She might still love you, but be unable to accept you.  But that doesn't mean you can't accept her.  On the one hand, it might seem very difficult to accept someone who truly has issues with who you really are, but on the other hand, see it as an opportunity to show (over time - it might take years) another person that transgendered individuals are not something to be frightened of or ashamed of.  Then she can pass that on to her friends, her family, and you'll have done something amazing to break the cycle of exclusion that hurts so many TG individuals.

I'm right there behind you, waiting for my turn on the "oh f**k, did I just make the worst decision of my life?" rollercoaster.

 Thanks so much everyone for the replies.  I was beginning to think I was the only one who has a wife who is so defiant and vehemently opposed to even muttering the term transgender. 

When I first told her she went on a tirade about finally finding the perfect man who would love and respect her and be such a great role model for her daughter,  and I'm sure her daughter ( who is now almost 14)  is a huge reason for her complete denial and rejection for me telling her about my gender issues.  Either way,  as soon as I told her she lashed out and said it was like her telling me guess what,  I'm going to have a penis and become a man so deal with it.   That's actually a very valid and relevant argument so what exactly do you say to a response like that??   Honestly if she were to instantly grow a penis I too would be freaked out and completely turned off.

Anyway, I guess the seed has been planted in her mind so I'm just going to wait and see how things go before I bring it  up again.  I'd love to just totally gloss over it as a phase but from what I've read these feelings will only grow and become stronger with time so that's a big concern to me =/

You try and be patient with her. when we transition, its not just us alone. the whole family transitions with you. And its an event that will either make a family stronger, or break it apart. Unfortunately, I've seen too many marriages fail when a partner transitions. I wish you all the best of luck.