Hi all
Those of you who have read my posts over the last few months should have at least picked up on the fact that I have given myself a lot of time to get through my transition. I guess it started formally with my first venture into HRT back in September 2008 and since then I have been moving forward, step by step, in a manner designed to insure that the cure was not worse than the disease. For me, this meant preserving my relationships and my professional career, an excellent level of "passability" probably being a prerequisite for both.

I have been living full time as a woman in all aspects of my private life for almost a year, an experience that has worked wonders for my confidence as I have come to realize that I now really am "passable" and that all the people who count in my life have adapted very well to the new situation.

On this particular subject, I was moved to tears yesterday by the content of a testimonial letter my eldest daughter provided to me to support my application for a civil identity change. Of my three children she was the one who had the most difficulty accepting my plans yet she wrote:

"These last two years, I have observed a huge change in my father, who, in parallel to extensive cosmetic surgeries,  has adopted female dress since coming out and explaining the situation to his (her) children. His (her) personality has also changed with the emergence of a far more gentle side and a shift in his(her) centers of interest towards far more feminine pursuits."

And

« Today, my father is no longer at all the man we used to know and it is becoming difficult to accept this ambiguous situation where everything about his appearance and personality is feminine while his (her) official identity remains masculine »

What moved me most was her straightforward recognition of what she has observed and I guess it was also very reassuring to me regarding the perceptions of someone who was not happy and is still not very happy about this change.

Transitioning at work was the last obstacle and this is also now happening, opening the door to completing my transition, including civil identity change, over the next few months.
Since my boss told me he would actively support my transition early July, things have really accelerated. Last week I came out individually to almost all of my colleagues on the company management team (a couple of people are on vacation), and the reactions went from benevolent neutrality to very supportive. I will be coming out to the whole company either after a vacation I'm talking late October or after the year-end holidays.

On the back of all of this, I will be going out to dinner this evening as Donna with two of these people, one man and one woman, both having said they saw no problem with this. I showed them photos last week just so they knew what to expect..

All of this is really positive but also has me thinking that this is finally it, I am burning my last bridges and there is no longer any going back.  It's the sort of moment that really does give pause for thought, especially as I am now putting together all the documents I need to make my civil identity change request too.

More than anything, this has me thinking that I will have to do GRS shortly as I have come to realize that I would be very, very uncomfortable having finally completely assumed my female identity in every dimension of my existence and still having my male parts. I can theorize all I like about my female brain, I simply cannot dissociate the physical from the mental and would always feel like a fraud while this is not resolved.  There are also simple practical issues like being able to everything a cis woman does without any discomfort to either me or others. Finally, it may be a requirement for my civil identity change but as the laws are not clear, I may be able to get this done without GRS as long as I can convince the court that the changes already made are sufficiently irreversible. I'll know before the end of the year.

So that's going to be another challenge and I would be very interested in hearing from anyone out there who is in a similar position to me  ie.  a   very demanding, high profile position  and who has successfully coped with doing GRS on the job.
Bises à toutes et à tous.
Donna

Should I conclude from the deafening silence that has greeted the question raised at the end of my post above  that I find myself in a totally new/unique situation compared to anyone else on this forum?
If true, that in itself is quite interesting as I would have imagined from a purely statistical point of view that there must be transgender people in every walk of life. For example, in France, up until recently the GM of the Lancôme beauty product brand, Youcef Nabi, was transgender (was because she recently resigned).  I never reached the same level in business but we did actually go to the same engineering school..
Maybe it is just that no one here has attempted to go through a full transition, including GRS, on the job???
Donna

They'll come, Donna, I'll sit here with you and kill some time. Hugs, Devlyn

Two things jump out at me, Donna ...

(1) You early on established a plan for your transition, and you have followed that plan at the pace you needed to go, and

(2) You are quite clearly a great parent   

... one of our moderators, Cindy, is transitioning on the job, in a high profile position.

Thanks Devlyn,
I'm off to bed now with cuddly teddy bear.....and wife for comfort...
Hugs
Donna

There is a Susan's member called JennX who is a business executive of some type who had SRS this year. She might respond to a PM.

Quote from: Donna Elvira on July 31, 2013, 05:30:13 PM
Thanks Devlyn,
I'm off to bed now with cuddly teddy bear.....and wife for comfort...
Hugs
Donna

I read over your post and sorry to say i am confussed in one aspect. Do not get me wrong i am so happy for you and how you worked through your Gender dysphoria. The confussion for me comes from the fact you say you are in the RLT but as i was told and did before my gatekeeper would give me my letter for GRS/SRS/GCS was live 100% in the gender role ie: Dress and present as female everyday at home or way from the house, at work etc. get my name changed (the state i live in will do name change on birth records) before i could pass the requirements of the RLT. She said that the reason for the 1 year RLT is it will or should weed out those who are not 1000% sure surgery is wright for them.
But anyway for me i did my job RLT with a new company, once i got my name changed and the state i moved to allowed me to change my drivers licence to f and i started a new job as only the new me, no one knew any wiser. Reason i did that was i worked in the construction (male domonet field) as a project manager and in that role you need 100% respect or your going to fail. All went well till i early retired a few years back. Now Izzy is all snipped, stiched and final dusted at almost the 4 month mark and every step, hope and part of the RLT was well worth the effort and tears.

Hugs and i wish you well on your up coming GCS, make it all heal with out issue
Izzy

ps i am glad your daughter has came around some to support your life. 

I'm another one who has continued my artistic career in the performing arts. A few have claimed that I'm probably the first transgendered female Fringe playwright/director in the UK but I'm not so sure and besides, I'd rather be recognized for my artistic work than for being trans.

Progress for me has been much slower as I suffered a downfall by coming out publicly plus have returned to the UK where I was never established but I am working with a stable of professional actors, have expanded into independent film making and am also working towards my first full season in the London Fringe.

Last April I completed major scenes for my first feature length film. I still have a couple of scenes to complete but editing has started. I'm in pre-production for a second film project at the moment and hope to begin filming in September.

Thanks to all of you who replied and just a few comments to clarify things.

My RLE is self administered and there was no way I was going to put myself in harm's way ie. take the risk of finding myself with out employment, by being forced to go full time, including on the job, to satisfy some psychiatrist that I was ready for GRS. As it happens, I will certainly be full time, including on the job, well before GRS which, for practical reasons I don't see happening before next summer at the earliest. With a pretty good support network, I will have no problem getting the necessary letters from the medical community.

Also, in France, name change, civil identity change  etc.. is far from simple and there is a bit of a Catch 22 situation where you have courts telling you that you must be already living full time as a woman for a significant period of time before they will accept your request  and on the other side, employers telling you that you can't transition on the job, especially one that involves considerable international travel, high level meetings  with clients etc.., unless your civil identity is changed...

I am aware of Cindy's situation but have not quite learned to "walk on water"  as she does and since I already lost my previous job as a very direct consequence of trying to transition, there are risks I am not prepared to take. For example, there was simply no way I could have just turned up on the job presenting as a woman as described by Cindy and get away with it. To be frank,  I seriously doubt many other people could either. Also, I have good reason to believe that Cindy has some of the same issues as I do regarding getting through  GRS on the job which is really my main issue now, in particular the amount of time required and dealing with the fact that everyone in the company must obviously put two and two together when you disappear for an unusually long amount of time.

Based on that, I will contact JennX and try to find out how she managed as I will be discussing all of this with my employers very shortly.

Thanks again
Donna

P.S. to Stella. I would have imagined that the performing arts would be almost a good a place to work as fashion or something like that for someone who is transgender. However I can also understand that  taking time out to do "stuff" could be just as much a problem for you as for me. Wishing you all the best!

Well, I can't give feedback on what you are looking for, but I do want to wish you lots of luck.

P.S.  Your daughter's comments were very touching.

Quote from: Donna Elvira on August 01, 2013, 12:01:49 PM, I have good reason to believe that Cindy has some of the same issues as I do regarding getting through  GRS on the job which is really my main issue now, in particular the amount of time required and dealing with the fact that everyone in the company must obviously put two and two together when you disappear for an unusually long amount of time.

I know so many who have did it thru work and the big D is the hardest to deal with. Depends on your schedule of D. As i said i have early retired and through all this process i wondered how i would had did what i needed to do the first 3 months after GCS. After 3 months for me would not be a issue being for me it went to 2x a day. I know a few who's company had a quiet area that they left the girls use in mid day to help keep them from trying to do it in the bathroom stall (not a great germ free enviroment). I know others who live close and run home for there lunch time break.
But looking now i think for me even i could have made the 3 x day work being i was told to keep atleast 4 hrs between my schedule and would have done them maybe like 7 am, 5 pm then 9 pm??

Lots of luck on things to come and hope all come soon on your name change stuff.

Hugs
Izzy