Hi guys. I used to post here a few years ago but left for a while and I guess my old username got purged. In any case, I chose a new username.

I have bipolar disorder. Had a pretty textbook manic break in my mid-20's and I've been on the up and down escalators ever since. I was diagnosed bipolar in 2007 and came out as trans in 2010. I started hormones on April 4th, 2011 and initially, my moods were calmer than they have ever been. My doctors were watching for mood swings but the more I transitioned, the more even I felt.

Until last September, when my endo cut my testosterone dose in half. All of the sudden I had a super crazy manic episode while being a full time music student at university (oh god I wrote some weird, weird music) and then got really depressed and my psychiatrist put me in the hospital. I was there 3 weeks, and afterwards I was still completely non-functional and everyone was advising me to drop out of school, so I did.

Somewhere around January I shook the depression, and I've been slowly rebuilding since then. I took a course during the spring session at my university and did extremely well so my brain still works. I'm all registered to return to school full time in September. I'm taking a full courseload, and have changed my Music major to a double major, Music/Theatre and Film. My only hope is that most of my classes are practical and not notetaking/lecture because I feel like I'd be able to handle a heavier load of courses if they're learning to play the drums and learning how to write a script through improvising.

The thing is, now I'm redoing my 3rd year of university and I'm about to turn 30. Thank the magic aging gods that most people think I'm in my early 20's.

I don't know what the point of this post is, I just wanted to say hi and rant about how hormones and mood disorders affect each other. I was pretty moody during first puberty too, but I think that's because I was turning into a girl against my will.

We have some things in common! I'm 28 and starting my first year of college this fall. I'm extremely nervous and slightly depressed over it.

Quote from: randomroads on August 05, 2013, 07:58:37 PM
We have some things in common! I'm 28 and starting my first year of college this fall. I'm extremely nervous and slightly depressed over it.

31 and starting my first year of college this Fall. I'm excited though. Why are you guys apprehensive?

Quote from: Si on August 06, 2013, 01:23:26 AM
31 and starting my first year of college this Fall. I'm excited though. Why are you guys apprehensive?

I'm 29 and going back to January. I am <this close> to degree completion, but I haven't been in school since I was 23. I am worried about feeling older than other students, about passing, and about having the time to work while going to class. I worry my voice will not have dropped enough in the 5 months I have before I go back.

It is actually incredibly reassuring to read that you guys are around the same age in college and also transitioning. I feel pretty behind where I am 'supposed' to be in life, and seeing others in the same spot makes me think I am not actually that far behind at all. I think people in our generation are just doing things a bit more spread out than in the past for the most part, which is fine.

At first I was apprehensive about passing, because I started T in April 2011 pretty much just as school was ending for the summer, then I had 4 months for the testosterone to do its work. For the first little while I passed as a much younger, highschool aged boy.

But now that I'm passing as a university aged man, I worry that when the younger students (who could be as much as 10 years younger than me) find out how much older I am, they will suddenly feel like we can't relate with each other and things will get awkward.

I'm apprehensive because I want to enjoy the college experience and I'm unsure how it's going to work for me since I'm much older than the typical freshman. I don't have a desire to behave like a teenager, but there are some aspects (lack of responsibility, summer break) that I want to enjoy. However, there's a societal pressure on people over college age to have heaps of responsibility sitting on their shoulders. It's also going to be difficult, since I'm used to a specific standard of living.

Quote from: spacerace on August 06, 2013, 06:53:41 AM
It is actually incredibly reassuring to read that you guys are around the same age in college and also transitioning. I feel pretty behind where I am 'supposed' to be in life, and seeing others in the same spot makes me think I am not actually that far behind at all.

I agree, it's nice to see other guys going back to school around the same age as I am. I honestly never thought I would attempt to go back.

Now I am curious what everyone else is going to major in? I'm going for an Associate's Degree in Applied Sciences: Histotechnology. I'll be dissecting tissue/tumors and preparing slides for the pathologists. Not something I ever envisioned myself doing but it's good money. Just a lot of biology and chemistry classes to do for the most part.

Quote from: Si on August 06, 2013, 03:14:08 PM
Now I am curious what everyone else is going to major in? I'm going for an Associate's Degree in Applied Sciences: Histotechnology. I'll be dissecting tissue/tumors and preparing slides for the pathologists. Not something I ever envisioned myself doing but it's good money. Just a lot of biology and chemistry classes to do for the most part.

That sounds like a good major -nice to train to do something specific geared towards a career.

I have to finish a foreign language requirement, transfer the credit back to the college in Texas where I went to school,  go through an approval process because it means part of my last 30 hrs will be off campus, and then I will have finished a political science B.A.

Honestly - I regret getting a generic liberal arts degree so much. I am finishing it now because it is so close to complete, but depending on how school works out I might take some other classes at the community college where I am doing the language requirement to see what else I can do before I pull the plug and actually graduate.

I'm 27 and I'm still in college. I'm attending my 3rd school now since I've been 19.

I'm majoring in Graphic Design. I've already gone to school for Photography and Audio Engineering.

heh this is cool to see, i was toying with the idea of going for some decent education - but thought i was too old - im 29 - guess its not too late to fix my ->-bleeped-<- pit thanks!

Never too late to go to school - my dad went back for another degree when he was in his 60's!

I'm glad there are other guys my age in school or thinking of school. Have you seen the documentary series Transgeneration?

Quote from: MrJ on August 07, 2013, 02:58:43 PM
Have you seen the documentary series Transgeneration?

Nope, can't say that I have. I'll look for it though.

I thought it was pretty good, it's a documentary that follows 4 transgender students at their universities (2 MTF, 2 FTM). One of the transguys is transitioning while at Smith, which is an all-female school. It's interesting. I watched it for the first time when I was just starting my transition and wasn't on T yet, and I just re-watched it recently and it felt weird because I've come so far in the past 3 years. It kind of reignited the "watch all the trans documentaries I can find" stage.

Hey - i just want to weigh in. i notice an absolute correlation between my testosterone and my mania. I am also diagosed as bipoloar. I become quite manic as it nears the day that i take my shot. Testosterone keeps me very stable. I would talk to you r doc about these changes.

My dream would be a biology degree with a minor in zoology, and then vet school. Realistically I'm just focusing on one thing at a time until it becomes clear if I'll ever be able to achieve the dream. My fall back is becoming a heavy equipment mechanic.

Quote from: randomroads on August 07, 2013, 11:14:25 PM
My dream would be a biology degree with a minor in zoology, and then vet school.

My dream was to major in Zoology. I was thisclose to doing it until I really looked at the job potential. It's really a labor of love because nobody is getting rich off of it. My academic adviser showed me a list of job options in the States for an entry level position as a Zoologist and someone would be doing well to pull in 15 to 20 grand a year. I can't live on that. I'm not money hungry by any means but I want a nice house, nice car, bottom surgery, and not struggling to pay back my student loans for the rest of my life.

Also, I'm not sure if this goes by state (I *think* it is nationwide) but starting this year in mine we were told the government has changed their requirements for grants/loans for students starting this fall. If you're a new student starting this fall you're eligible for 3 years of Pell grants/loans for a two year undergraduate degree. If you're going to a 4 year school you can get a Pell grant/loans for 6 years. After that you're cut off from funding. I think they're trying to cut out "career students" who are bogging down the system and then failing to repay their debts. Just something good to know going in. It's probably ok to change your major once while attending but too much and you might not get all your credits to graduate before having to pay out of pocket to finish.

First of all, congrats on getting back at your classes after experiencing a depression like that. It must feel really good to be "back on the horse" as it were, lol.

And don't worry about the age thing! I have taken classes with people of all ages, and I now teach people of all ages. The class material gives everyone a starting point for conversation, and oftentimes, people are just happy to meet someone nice in the class. Knowing people and having those you can say "hi" to and chat with gives extra reasons to come to class every time. I have never truly seen age be a barrier between people getting to know one another, and I've seen people who are 50+ taking classes and developing close friendships with those in their early 20s.

Quote from: caleb. on August 08, 2013, 05:41:39 AM
Knowing people and having those you can say "hi" to and chat with gives extra reasons to come to class every time.

Is it strange I have no idea how to do this without seeming awkward and forced? Do most people have no problem with this type of interaction? I easily avoided people before because my former university was quite large with auditorium sized classes for the most part. Any group work I had to do was fine because that is sort of structured interaction, but still -

does anyone else have trouble with this in class? I sorta feel it will be even harder now that I am a decade older than some of the people who will be in the class.

Quote from: chuck on August 07, 2013, 10:52:28 PM
Hey - i just want to weigh in. i notice an absolute correlation between my testosterone and my mania. I am also diagosed as bipoloar. I become quite manic as it nears the day that i take my shot. Testosterone keeps me very stable. I would talk to you r doc about these changes.

I definitely think the big change in dose had something to do with my mania, but it's not the only thing that can make me manic. My dose has been completely stable since last September and for most of May and half of June I was fighting against hypomania and mania, with no pattern that matched up with my shots. Both my psychiatrist and my endo are aware of what happened last year.

Quote from: caleb. on August 08, 2013, 05:41:39 AM
First of all, congrats on getting back at your classes after experiencing a depression like that. It must feel really good to be "back on the horse" as it were, lol.

Thanks! I'm not 100% back on the horse yet, the real test will be in September when I start classes, but I've seen my schedule and it's not that bad (have tuesdays off and only one class on Friday, in the morning) so I think I'm going to be fine.

this entire thread is sorta an insane cluster of coincidence of trans guys with bipolar disorder in the same age range going back to school

makes sense that this demographic exists, of course

I take lamictal, and I know that estrogen changes influence its effectiveness one way or the other - so I am worried, especially because it is really working for me right now

Did any of you have to change meds before starting T?  That doctor that prescribed me T was not really concerned about it, and I go in to my psychiatrist next week