I have been in therapy for 4 years. It seems that I have going real slow and gradually transitioning even though I haven't told myself that I was.  Last month my therapist and I decided that I should just ask my primary care if my health conditions would prevent me from being eligible for hormones.  I go to the VA for healthcare and all the doctors are under one roof. 

Today I found out that my therapist is preparing a letter to my pcp who in turn will refer me to endocrinology.  This fact has made me feel different, both excited and scared at the same time.  Since I have been going so slow I wonder if I have been avoiding the fact that I was slowly transitioning?  It's as if I have entered into a new faze of my life.  Is it normal to feel this way?  I am older 65 widow with 3 adult daughters.

Samantha

Hey Samantha,

I sure can't comment on "normal" but it certainly seems typical to have some apprehension, anxiety and excitement about making progress and facing another big step.  I do agree that you are, in a very real sense, transitioning by acquiring and absorbing knowledge about yourself and the trans experience.  One of my great ah ha and lightning bolt moments had nothing to do with hormones or what I wore.  It was the clear acceptance of who I really am, as transgender, beneath the decades (i'm a senior too) of repression and denial.
Yes, a new faze of life and a fabulous opportunity awaits......... 

Tessa,

I think you are right on.  Accepting yourself is the most important part in transitioning.  Maybe I haven't accepted my self yet?

Thanks, Samantha

I think it's normal to be scared.  There are a lot of changes that come with hormones.  It's reasonable that you would feel both emotions at once. 

Fear is a normal. Hormones work slow so nothing will happen over night. Good luck.

Quote from: Samantha.Stone on August 07, 2013, 02:42:03 PM
Tessa,

I think you are right on.  Accepting yourself is the most important part in transitioning.  Maybe I haven't accepted my self yet?

Thanks, Samantha

It seems to me that self acceptance can be by degrees, in stages, about some things and with plenty of humility for what we have yet to know or feel.
How are you doing with your daughters?   I have an adult son and daughter and it is getting better but still a challenge for us.  My daughter is OK most of the time about her "TransDad" when we are together but I think she get's a bit embarrassed when trying to explain me to others.  She is not so sure about the term Dad anymore so we play with nicknames and somtimes it's Tessa.  I feel fortunate that we can remain close and work this stuff out.

My daughters know how I am.  When my middle daughter found out she cried.  We don't talk about but maintain a father daughter relationship.  The other two seem ok with it.  I don't know if I'm avoiding confronting the obvious but I need to just take it a little at a time.  Not even sure what will happen if and when I start HRT?

Samantha

Samantha I think it is actually, in one sense, a positive relationship in which your daughter is willing to share her tears with you.  Far better than just being shut out?
It seems that most of us are not seeking confrontations.  It is challenging enough for some just to be having a conversation about being transgender.
In my humble opinion, we are better off being open to the possibilities vs having definite expectations of what will happen.  A transition as dramatic and consequential as ours deserves to be savored and your "real slow and gradual" pace suggests a thoughtful and mindful personal process.  There is no speed limit for us and no one size fits all?

Hugs