So for the past couple weeks I have really been dressing as a girl and been happy about it. But last on Wednesday at the mall I was just trying on some clothes, a GnR shirt with a denim jacket and was told I couldn't use the changing room since it was a womens clothing store. Here I was dressed in just jeans and a shirt, might I emphasize that these were womens clothes, and was told "sir you can't change here." Honestly this really upset me and caused me to almost break down, I didn't because I didn't want to make a scene.

It made me feel extremely self conscious about this body which I am desperately trying to make more comfortable, left me feeling horribly embarrassed and just in general upset at the situation. This isn't the first time things like this has happened, it hurts every time it happens. I feel like people just perceive me as a man in womens clothing and not a person becoming a woman. I know I shouldn't be embarrassed about it but society looks down upon it and I'm afraid that some people could react badly.

I just hate being reminded that I was born as a male, I'm trying to undue some years worth of testosterone damage to this body of mine. I don't need to be reminded of it every time I go out whether it is verbal or just people staring at me like I'm some sort of freak. In an ideal world people would be asking about preferred pronouns but it isn't. In reality we are such a small community that people in general are just ignorant of our issues at best and just plain malicious at worst. Being ten months and a few weeks into my transition, and just over eight months on hormones I am just realizing how hard it can be to be transgender. People are uncomfortable with what they don't know and only a few are willing to become knowledgeable.

Hon, these days will be behind you before you know it.  You're well on your way to the destination. As they say, it will get better. Hugs, Devlyn

I know how you feel. I work in a somewhat masculine environment, despite being clearly not masculine people will still adress me as Sir. At times. Its becoming much less common, but my angst is nearly at the edge and I basically won't respond when they do. Only way I can manage to keep my job. At times, I have misgendered people at a glance. I won't refer to anyone as sir for the most part. I hate gendered titles, but I think most employees feel the need to over compensate because of some illusion of being respectful. We have a culture that at times is heavily focused on the division of genders, so I think it stems from this.

I know this all sucks for us but it's just the way it really is 😕


I've even been reffered to as a troubled gender by one customer. I shot that guy a glare so bad that he slinked away from his wife.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on August 09, 2013, 12:06:55 PM
Hon, these days will be behind you before you know it.  You're well on your way to the destination. As they say, it will get better. Hugs, Devlyn

Doubling down on what Devlyn said. I suspect that there is some kind of transitioners equivalent of the "uncanny valley" (Google may be your friend if that means nothing to you) whereby when you appear like a man wearing women's clothing no-one really notices or if they do they don't feel uncomforted by t to say anything. Once you are in the area where there is significant uncertainty people become more uneasy and more forceful in their assertions.

I reckon it is only a couple more tiny steps to t'other side of the valley at that point and then the most important thing about passing is remembering not to worry about whether you pass or not.

Of course, that could all be nonsense.

Rosie.

Aww hun! *hugs* I really hope things work out for you. Transition is a whole process that is life long, and step by step you will feel more and more confident in yourself. In my own personal experience, it is and it was so difficult in the beginning of my transition, and the hormones made me extremely moody. Eventually I settled, and I am not so bad anymore.

For me, it took me a good year before I felt comfortable being myself. The year of transition is always the first and hardest of them all, but as soon as I got over that slope, things just got better in the long run! I still have much to do, like laser hair removal, etc. but things are not SO bad.  🙂

How hard are you trying to pass? I know some trans women don't want to think about makeup or presentation and it makes them feel fake or something (which i totally don't get) but maybe try to femme up your wardrobe. What kind of jeans are shirt are you wearing? Are they skinny jeans or jeggings, or bootcut or straight leg jeans. What kind of tops? BTW, women say tops. Don't say shirts. Women don't. They will say tee (if it is in fact a tee shirt) but mainly top. But start wearing cuter, form fitting tops in brighter colors or even better, stripes!

A lot of passing has to do with presentation. Well until you get to the point where you don't pass as male anymore but I imagine not everyone gets there. I would try to do your hiar different, I know it's short. Get a woman's hat or a hairband. I do that and I use the women's room, buy cloths and other stuff and no one says anything ever or looks at me weird. I think it is presentation and mannerisms. Maybe I am a little lucky in the androgyny department but it's mostly presentation.

Quote from: Miss Bungle on August 09, 2013, 11:37:15 PM
I think that may be a regional thing. I have never, ever heard any of the adult women that I know say "Top" instead of shirt. The only adult woman in my circle that said "Top" was me.

Really? IDK, I am from the Northeast and that's what women say. Every women I have met. I mean I am not saying women never say shirt but I think it is a good idea for trans girls to try and get rid of some habits. Whether it's actually true or not doesn;'t matter as much as getting the details right for many things not just this one thing. Eventually, it will all add up if you don't change at all. But if someone doesn't want to that's their decision.

Well I was wearing skinny jeans and a form fitting shirt, something androgynous really but it wasn't the first time it happened. I unfortunately don't know how to do my make up yet, I definitely have to ask my girl friends how to do it. I think I have an androgynous body and act somewhat femininely but honestly I don't know. My friends who I see the most haven't been the greatest of help partly because I don't think they know how to help coach me and partly I think they're scared to criticize me to so I'm in the dark. I know I will have to be assertive but to be honest it's a little hard as I'm terrified about my transition and that I'm rather meek 🙁

Quote from: JulieVB on August 10, 2013, 12:09:39 AM
Well I was wearing skinny jeans and a form fitting shirt, something androgynous really but it wasn't the first time it happened. I unfortunately don't know how to do my make up yet, I definitely have to ask my girl friends how to do it. I think I have an androgynous body and act somewhat femininely but honestly I don't know. My friends who I see the most haven't been the greatest of help partly because I don't think they know how to help coach me and partly I think they're scared to criticize me to so I'm in the dark. I know I will have to be assertive but to be honest it's a little hard as I'm terrified about my transition and that I'm rather meek

For makeup - YouTube and many other sites on the internet have tutorials.  Also, practice, lots of practice

If you want people to see you as female, looking and acting androgynous isn't likely going to do that. 

Tell your friends you want their criticism, because it will only help you (that is if you actually do want the criticism and can stay positive about it)

What Casey said.

I've been wearing makeup (mainly foundation) since forever. And though I never wore eyeliner outside I have primped enough by myself that I may as well have. A lot of makeup is about practice and if you can't use your mom's or whatever you're going to have to buy it. Which I guess can be scary. But if you practice that's the key to it. How do you think most girls learn?

I can understand the whole being Me thing but there are certain behaviors that become engrained and the fact is I have changed. And I expect I will change a lot more. Really I don't think there is anyway to not change when you replace your hormones like this. But also I wouldn't mistake changing with becoming a different person. I think of it as becoming the person I have always wanted to be and felt like rather then allowing others to dictate who I am, which is what I did before.

Quote from: JulieVB on August 10, 2013, 12:09:39 AM
Well I was wearing skinny jeans and a form fitting shirt, something androgynous really but it wasn't the first time it happened. I unfortunately don't know how to do my make up yet,

As someone once told me about getting a promotion. "If you want the job you got to look the part" If you want to be seen as a woman your going to have to dress like one. Yes makeup can be difficult for beginners. But it is a must if you want to pass especially if you want to look like a woman in her twenties appearance is very important. 

Quote from: JulieVB on August 10, 2013, 12:09:39 AM
I think I have an androgynous body and act somewhat femininely but honestly I don't know.

This is another thing that involves looking the part. Acting femininely and looking androgynous combined with your outfit will get you seen as a effeminate male not as a woman. We can't just expect cis people to automatically correctly gender us unless we are fully presenting as a woman. I really hope I'm not sounding to harsh I'm just trying to help just don't give up and work on your makeup and finding a style that will go well with you.   

Well I'm going to have to have a sit down with my friends and just have an honest open discussion about my transition and ways that I can improve upon it. I think I'm struggling with it but no one is giving me any feedback or anything because I think they're a bit scared to give me criticism. I feel a bit foolish just wandering around in the dark with no guidance. I have a feeling that I'll need to do a lot of this largely on my own if I want to get my transition down well. Also my problem is I don't exactly know how to act like a woman nor do I know really how to act like a man, so it's hard for me to differentiate. I'm going to see if one of my friends who can help a lot with my transition is free today so that we can have a good talk about it and such.

 dressing is a great outlet. cathartic. maybe you could join a tg group.
you cant let that stuff eat away at you  are not alone it's happened to all of us.  I don't want to seem patronizing but Don't  hate your body and the so called testosterone damage.
as TG we have to accept everything including being male and being trans. I personally hate being TS it is a nightmare. ruined many a good life. don't hate anything about yourself.